What, you don't want to spend your life saying "No, I love YOU more!" back and forth, ad nauseam, ad infinitum? What's wrong with you?

Next time, just say "Yeah, probably." There's a chance she'll either stop it, or go away and let you get on with your life.

"No, you look like a cow landing with the world's largest parachute" hahahahahaha aahahahaha

You're the best, Amy

Re the "do I look fat in this dress?" question: much depends on how she phrases it. If it's "does this dress make me look fat?" you are in luck!! You can answer truthfully without risking your life.

Good answer and good advice. However, I'm not sure there is all that much to it. In her head, it's probably akin to saying, "I love you so much that you can't possibly imagine." Or, "words can't describe how much I love you." That kind of thing. It's probably just a ham-handed version of these other ridiculous things to say.

You could just let her know that it annoys you and let her know why. But, I like Amy's advice better. It accomplishes the first thing and another one, too. "You know, when you say that, it makes me feel like there's something you need that I'm not giving you."

Alternatively, you could exploit the hell out of it. "Well, do you love me enough to ... " If she wants to turn it into a competition, let her compete! Then, when you're done with her, break up by goading her into doing some really crazy sexual stuff to prove her love. When she has completed her task, say, "Jesus. I can't believe you let me do that. I don't know that I can be with someone that would allow me to do such a disgusting and degrading thing to her. Get out of here, you filthy whore."

That'd be fun.

P.S. -- I'm not nearly the deviant chauvinist and woman-hater that my sense of humor would lead one to believe.

whistleDick: P.S. -- I'm not nearly the deviant chauvinist and woman-hater that my sense of humor would lead one to believe.

Good disclaimer, wD. And very wise of you. Rachel Flax is lurking, you know. And she may just come out of lurker mode to hit you with a loaded question: "whistleDick, why do you love to hate women so much?"

(Though given the rather telling nature of her previous comments, I suspect that her problems are with gay men, so you're safe.)

She can go pirate a wet telephone pole and milk it.

My bride will occasionally ask me how much I love her. Which is an idiotic question. No matter how you answer it, the response will be "that's all?"

So I've started answering six hogsheads, four hectares and a cubits worth."

I've found that mixing volume, area, and linear measurements causes sufficient mathematical dissonance that the subject is dropped.

The correct answer, incidentally, to "does this dress make me look fat?" is "Hmmm . . . tough call. Let me see the ass WITHOUT the dress for comparison."

pirate a wet telephone pole and milk it from your car

My husband said his former girlfriend was always doing that, or variations on it like "I guess nobody loves me." and also the ever-popular "What are you thinking about?"

My answer to that one was always something like, "I was just wondering what you were thinking about." Or the snarkier, "I was wondering when you would ask me what I was thinking about."

Lamont, when your bride asks you that question again, just quote Shakespeare (from Anthony and Cleopatra I believe).

When Cleopatra asks Anthony how much he loves her, he simply says 'there's beggary in love that can be reckon'd'.

Patrick, that actually made me laugh :) Thanks. And not that you'll believe me, but I'm not anti-gay. Far from it...I'm just anti-bitchiness about women. You are the bitchiest man I've ever seen, and I don't give a damn what your sexual orientation is.

That's a given. We're living here and she's speaking English.

Let's see if milk comes from cars.

Rachel, you haven't "seen" me, and you never will. It's rather funny that you would judge me based upon my comments, as if you knew me, but you object to the same thing done to you.

As I recall, the anonymous poster, whoever he was, said that my post was both clear and pleasant to read, and said that that was more than can be said for the response to my post (meaning yours).

Sounds like someone thinks you're a bit of bitch yourself. Or perhaps more than a bit.

And your comment about gay men being so unfeeling that they can discard their friends with complete indifference goes quite a way toward confirming something. You have a huge ax to grind about what (you perceive) to be bitchiness about women. But you don't seem to have a problem about bitchiness toward gay men. Three people, counting myself, told you that you completely misunderstood the intent of my post when you responded with your bitchy comment about gay men. It wasn't about me personally; it was about gay men.

And you didn't seem to feel any need to apologize for maligning me.

Perhaps, if you're so vigilant about exposing bitchiness, your most-oft used tool should be your mirror, not your computer screen.

In short, hearing you bitch about bitchiness is hearing Michael Moore bitch about a lack of journalistic integrity.

And yes, you are a homophobe. Your protests to the contrary rings like denial.

So, kindly go to hell. I have no use for you or anyone like you. When you're ready to grow up and admit that you have a huge problem with gay men (and you wouldn't be the only one on this forum, by the way), you know where to find me.

Jesus, I'm gone for two weeks and I miss an I-have-no-evidence-on-which-to-base-my-comments-about-your-personality-and-also-those-of-everyone-who-could-be-considered-part-of-your-group-but-that-won't-stop-me-from-opining-anyway throwdown? No fair.

Patrick, I find you snarky toward everyone, not just women, and I think it's fucking delightful.

Swinging back to our regularly scheduled programming, it's incredibly manipulative for her to say that she loves him more, regardless of whether she's doing it purposefully. Likely Amy and everyone are right and she's insecure, but the expected outcome of that statement is either LW saying or doing something to "prove" he loves her just as much as she loves him. Not cool.

Hmm. Wonder if I can milk a telephone pole.

Nope.

A useful answer - thank you, Harry - to the question of whether they look fat in this dress, is "At least you don't have too much back fat."

My family has a game that is fairly similar. First person says "I love you" and then the next person can say "I love you more, I win!" Sometimes we skip the first I love you and it's just a race to say I love you more, and then you win for the day. Each day resets and a different person can win for the day. For us it's fun, not manipulative or annoying

Challenging one's partner to measure his/her love can be dangerous! The original Greek story of Narcissus was nothing like the one we learned in grade school. In it, he challenged his male lover to show his love for Narcissus by throwing himself on his own sword... what a guy! This is what "narcissism" is really about-- manipulating others in order to make ourselves appear *better* than they are.

I'm having issues with the phrase "milk a telephone pole." It reinforces certain feelings of, shall we say, inadequacy. Unfounded ones, but nonetheless common to most males.

If I were the LW, I would probably ignore that comment until my girlfriend developed a new shtick. That one would get old quickly, and I'd want to avoid encouraging her to continue it. That said, he's probably reading too much into it.

"I love you more!"

"Okay."

Problem solved?

*insert milking a telephone pole joke*

"So I've started answering six hogsheads, four hectares and a cubits worth."

I borrow a line from Fred Lasswell, who writes the comic strip Snuffy Smith: "cuter'n five spotted pigs in a honeysuckle patch!"