Please, please, please tell us that this idiot doesn't have any children! If he does, I can't imagine the number he is doing on them.

I know it was a hard lesson for me to learn, but being resentful and holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.

Life's too short, LW. She has no idea (and if she does, she doesn't care) how 'hurt' you are. Time to pull up the big boy pants and move on.

Something I told to an acquaintance who was bemoaning the ex got all the friends/ why did everyone take his side.

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time, but I've seen either of you twice in two years. SO the idea of taking sides is laughable. The thing is, everyone has some shit going on in their lives, they care more about that shit than taking sides on your divorce. So no people aren't taking his side or your side, they are trying to give you some support, have no idea what can help, and have their own lives and shit to deal with.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn too Flynne.

But the title of a book helped me, which was "Forgiveness is a Choice"

I don't know that I necessarily agree with this advice based on the excerpt presented here. I think it depends on the situation. If it was a friend that you had known a long time before you met your now ex-wife, and if it was really the wife's fault the marriage ended (e.g. she cheated), I think it is okay to be miffed that your longtime friend would still be in active contact with the ex-wife.

I don't know that I necessarily agree with this advice based on the excerpt presented here. I think it depends on the situation. If it was a friend that you had known a long time before you met your now ex-wife, and if it was really the wife's fault the marriage ended (e.g. she cheated), I think it is okay to be miffed that your longtime friend would still be in active contact with the ex-wife.

Posted by: Amazed_476 at January 15, 2014 12:31 PM

Junior High was a wonderful time for you wasn't it?

With his control issues, I find myself seriously wondering whether the divorce was truly her fault.

"She didn't ask 'How high?' when I barked at her to "Jump!'"

Sometimes things just don't work out. Other times, one person craps all over the other person.

I've been crapped on, and yes it hurt to see my friends buddy-buddying up to the person who crapped on me, like I had deserved it, or my feelings simply didn't matter.

But I would never, EVER, in a million years ask ANYONE to stop being friends with an ex, whatever the circumstances were. I'm too proud, and don't want to sound like I'm 12 years old.

That said, if someone craps all over one of MY friends? I cut the jerk out of my life, too. Because I'm loyal, and because I'd want my friends to do it for me. WITHOUT having to be asked.

I'm dealing with a similar situation with my ex of three years. I've remained friends with her step-sister and her husband since the D. we have things in common like motorcycles/ sports teams and so forth so it was natural. My ex doesn't do any of these things but gets pissy when we hang out and gives the step-sister crap, or me when she's on a tirade.

LW doesn't say whether these are communal friends or friends he had before he met his wife, so I'm going to guess and say pre-wife.

Even tho they were your friends "first" that doesn't stop them from continuing to make new friends. Same with your Ex. You sound like the Mean Girl in 1st grade telling her Bestie that she can't play with anyone else.

So, take a deep breath, resist the urge to scream, let it out slowly and think about moving on with your life, instead of pouting and making yourself miserable.

"since the marriage ending was pretty much her fault." Well that's a bit damn murky. If you are so angry that you want everyone to stop speaking to her you wouldn't use the qualifier "pretty much". That tells me that you know damn well you had a hand in this.

As far as your friends supposed betrayal get over it, you really are being a child. Plus the best way to get even with the ex is have one of your mutual friends tell her about the sports car and the 20 yo swim suite model. It's gonna hurt way more if casually mentioned by a friend then you waving it in her face.