Yes! Always give cash or buy from the registry! If it's not on the registry, they don't need or want one.

Also, giving art or other decorative items that they didn't pick out is a bad idea. Those things become an imposition.

I also feel like saying to anyone who might benefit that the "make it yourself" wedding gift where you put two glasses, some candles, and a bottle of wine in a basket has been done to death. I feel like I am forever running into people who think this is a novel and imaginative gift. No. It screams "I got this idea by asking the Internet for cheap gift ideas and then bought these items at TJ Maxx for $20." They'd rather have a gift card to a store on their registry.

I don't know. I would prefer getting the honey pot.

The registry is certainly the safer answer. You'll never be the butt of the bride and grooms private joke by sticking with the registry. But, the home made honey pot might be something that really touches them. There's no possible way to know without giving it. A lot depends on how well you know the couple as well. The better you know them, the better sense you'd have as to whether or not they'd like it. Plus, if you only casually know the couple, the honey pot won't mean much to them.

Go with your gut. Who knows? It might be something that is bitterly fought over during their upcoming divorce. That's when you'll know you made a real splash.

If you want a honey pot, register for one.

I like hommade gufts

Now I am nervous though. Im making a Family history book at Shutterfly using family stories, ancestry.com research etc for my brothers wedding and dads 70th. Maybe i should just buy them a plate or something

I was the butt of jokes, on purpose, for my wedding gift. As soon as a friend of mine registered, and asked for a high end food processor/blender, I bought the couple a blender, because he and I were the mixologists of the house when we were room mates.

I always go for the personalized gift + a registry gift (usually split with some friends so that we can each chip in $40 and get something more pricey).

For example, I made my best friend a photo album of all our embarrassing childhood pictures, but also went in with four other friends to get her that fancy tent she registered for at REI.

My sister got my Mom's photographs when she passed away. For my 50th birthday she went into mom's stash and produced: "This Is Your Life, Lamont Cranston."

It was awesome, and WAY better than anything else I got.

I'm 33/66 on this. I've known some people who loved crafts, and to them it could be a great gift. Frankly one friends couples house looks like the Adams family with unique items, to them it would be highly desired a unique gift. But here, I doubt it.
Some things to consider:
1. Is her friend really a craft liking person, (if they are friends, she probably would know)
2. Is the Spouse a craft liking person (less likely and less likely she would know. Remember it's a gift to two people.)
3. A part of the registry thing, is so that everything matches. So having a honey pot that looks nothing like the sugar bowl, plates, other things in the Kitchen could be bad.
4. Are you actually good enough that it would be a good thing. (LW recently got into pottery, so I'd say no)

Since she is talking about saving shipping cost and price tag, I'm thinking in this case it is less the couple would want a unique item, and more she wants to do one. SO I'd say don't.

Everything I give for any occasion is handmade. BUT that is because A) my "social circle" are all very much into the arts and artisans lifestyle (Dad's a musician, mom's a crocheter, we've got writers and media editors and a trombone player too) and B) it's what I do for a living. I actually make practical, functional things and the friends I have generally make requests of me that translate into the gift.
As far as LW goes, "Besides displaying our creativity more, it'd be cheaper, and there would be no shipping charges." She sounds more like she wants to show off her new found skills and be cheap, not because she feels this will make the recipients happy or would truly enjoy the fruits of her labor. Knock it off LW, you make the rest of us look bad when you shove your "creative energy" into other people's faces uninvited.

I think for a wedding gift, you'd probably want to go with the registry. It's there for a reason. While some folks love to give and receive personalized gifts, as some comments here have indicated, there's a time and place for them. If LW really wants to make a ceramic honey pot for her friends, maybe she could plan it as a Christmas gift.

I think the photo books are a different category than pottery and other handmade gifts. Presumably, if you have enough photos of the recipient to make a book, you know them well enough to be sure they will enjoy it.

Cash. I always put cash in a card. That way, the couple can put it together with OTHER cash, and get what they want off the registry, or maybe it will enhance their fun on their honeymoon. Who knows? When I'm flush I get something from the registry and I put cash in a card. Because I can.

I'd at least look at the items on the registry to see if a homemade ceramic honeypot would fit in their home. If their taste is rustic or kitschy, a homemade pot might be fine. But if their registry is full of fancy dishes or chrome nick-nacks or stuff that looks like it belongs in a museum of modern art or on a spaceship, forget it.

@NicoleK: your gift sounds very sweet. Genealogy is a hobby of mine, and this past Christmas my bf's elderly aunts seemed to enjoy the documents I retrieved for them.

Are you including genealogical information for your brother's partner as well, and if not, are you able to include something? Since it's a wedding gift, it might appear exclusive if only your family is represented.

Old RPM Daddy for the win!
1st runner up: Bellflower

Show me the money!

Gotta go with Flynne on this one, give cash, everybody's happy and you get to be lazy!

The Goddess writes: Lo and behold, they learned that gift recipients actually preferred the gifts they'd registered for, appreciating them more...

You don't say? People actually prefer gifts that they picked out themselves and probably priced into the upper atmosphere. Color me shocked.

and finding them more thoughtful and even more personal.

Bullshit. There is nothing thoughtful or personal in choosing a gift from a select list that the nearly-weds, in their infinite avarice, chose for themselves. They conned their friends and relatives into purchasing for them. Of course they're going to call it "thoughtful" and "personal." They'll call it anything you want them to call it; they got what they liked.

"Oh, how very thoughtful and personal. You chose item 17 on our 58-item wishlist to give us. Oh, how did you know we liked it so much?"

And gift registries are the tackiest thing in existence. "Please come and join us at our wedding, and pick an item from the following list and bring it to us so you don't show up empty-handed."

But to answer the LW's question. There's no law that says you can't give both an item from the registry and the ceramic honey pot.

There is one thing I noted also. She writes: "... I recently got into handmade pottery..."

The operative word being recently. Anyone else know a beginning artist who's just determined to gift everyone he knows with his novice-level creations. Let's wait until we can actually produce viable ceramics before we start inflicting them on our helpless friends.

Cash is always great, but the idea with gift registries from places like Bed Bath and Beyond is that the young couple, short on money, would need those items to set up their household.

Sometimes boring is a whole lot better than creative. For example, when my great-grandmother was alive the only gifts she would ever give for weddings and Christmas were dish towels because that was all she could afford. But guess what? Everybody thought those were always the best gifts because it was something they could actually use day in and day out, and it wasn't some useless knick-knack (like a ceramic honey pot) that sat around taking up space. When Nonna died, the one thing everybody remembered was the dish towels, and everybody was disappointed that they would have to start buying them on their own.

Go boring. The recipients will appreciate it a whole lot more.

What I usually do with registries is ask the store clerk to tell me what's on the registry that no one else is signing up for. And then, if the cost isn't too outrageous, I'll buy that.

I would never give someone anything handmade unless I knew them well. (Besides which, other than music, I have little artistic talent. On the other hand, if the happy couple needs someone to fix that light switch in the den that doesn't work, I'm their guy.)

People who "recently got into" a craft generally have a higher opinion of their skill level than the more objective rest of the world does.

Weddings have a gift registry so the happy couple gets things they can use or things they want ... rather than crappy homemade honey pots from a guest's hobby room.

Buy off the registry. Later, if the happy couple remark how lovely your pottery is, then you can give ("give" not "gift") them a pot or two.

My mom's grandmother gave my mom and dad a big bunch of green onions when they got married. That's the gift they loved the most, and a story that has spanned generations and years.

But that was family. Pick some dumb thing on their registry because that's what they want.

"Besides displaying our creativity more..."

This line has been bothering me. She's the newly minted ceramics girl, not her boyfriend. So how does her hobby represent their collective creativity? Unless he's going to chip in, a la Patrick Swayze in Ghost.

My hair stylist is getting married this month. She's spent the past year using pronouns such as "we" and "our", when rationalizing her spending, and why it's for "their" mutual benefit. In her case, "we" usually means the royal "We".

I like homemade gifts, but agree with the consensus that this isn't the best venue.

So, I'm split on this.

I got married right out of college, and at that time, getting things like matching dishes was really great. Cash was also great because... I was just out of college and heading to graduate school (i.e. poor).

My aunt is getting married next month and she is getting something hand-made. Not by me - I don't have an artistic bone in my body - but off an Etsy store I have previously ordered from.

That said, my aunt is obviously not a 20-something, has dishes/etc and I think I know her well enough to pick something that will be meaningful as well as useful. I know what her home looks like, and am choosing something that, while hand-made, will fit in with many different kinds of decor.

So, to me, it all depends. If you have known somebody well for years and years (childhood best friend, for instance), or have seen them comment positively on something similar, then it's very sweet. Otherwise, stick to the registry and/or cash.

BTW, I was once given a gift of something I had wanted at a store but couldn't get. Somebody I was with noted that I wanted it and later went back and got it. I was about seven and I still remember it.

Besides displaying our creativity more...

The wedding's not about her creativity (not their creativity as Mel points out) - or anything else she wants to showcase on that day. It's about the bride and groom (mostly the bride) and only about them. Don't try to upstage the bride on her own wedding day.

The LW sounds like the biggest problem she has is that she doesn't want to spend money on a gift. Complaining about shipping costs? Really?

I understand being poor and wanting to get a friend a gift, but the amateur ceramics aren't suitable for a wedding gift. If you can't afford *anything* from the registry and you don't want to look cheap putting a twenty in a card, don't be afraid to ask your friend if there's something else you can get. If she's your friend then she already knows that you're poor (or cheap). There will certainly be something the new couple will need that wasn't available to be put on the registry. Just ask!

When I got married almost 20 years ago, the only stores that had gift registries were the expensive ones; now you can do them on Walmart and Amazon! Take a look at the registry and then spend a little time with Google Shopping. You just might find a different store selling the same item on the registry for much less than the store they registered at.

Oh, and a lot of those places have free shipping. :p

I agree with Patrick: If she "recently" got into pottery, she's probably not good enough yet to be making gifts. She should give one if she feels like it, but also give something from the registry. Beginner artisans can feel free to give their creations to their mothers and spouses, who will love them for the thought.

Okay, I agree that LW should take a long hard look at her pottery efforts. Are people begging her for pots? If no, giving one seems like cheaping out and clearing out her basement at the same time.

That being said, I'm gobstopped at what I'm reading. IRL too. A recent bride remarked to us, "I'm SO disappointed in our guests. They gave us GIFTS! I specifically told everyone to put money in our Paypal account."

The same cast-iron sense of entitlement is evident in the responses to LW. Holy smokes. You keep using word "gift." I do not think it means what you think it means.

I'm too old. What this looks like is debt-collection. It's invoiced: "I gave you a precisely measured amount for your wedding. Plus I spent another precisely-measured amount on you for the wedding and dinners. Here's your bill. We accept cash or credit cards. We do not accept livestock, household items,or any items other than those listed on our gift registry, if any. Please pay immediately. Non-payment or under=payment will affect on your social credit score."

Wow. An invoice. That's a sentimental memory of your special day.

I know, I'm old. I don't understand. I'll understand better if you make a point of losing my invitation. And skip the invoice. If I want to deal with stuff like this, I'll go to the bank and take out a loan. Less paperwork. Nicer attitude.

Giving gifts isn't about keeping score, but if we want to be GOOD at giving gifts, we need to keep the other person in mind. Amy's advice is spot on: We need to ask what the other person would want. If you don't know, pick something in your price range from the registry. If all the gifts are outside your price range, then use the registry as a guide for something you can afford.

Being good at receiving gifts means appearing to be ecstatic no matter how many crappy honey pots you get.

Pottery Will Get You Nowhere

Nice one, Amy!

I agree with Amy's advice, and would add that let's not forget that the bride and groom will get many gifts, not just this one. In my experience (having gotten married myself and being present at tons of day-after-wedding gift-opening sessions of friends), the majority of gift-givers appreciate guidance and will use the registry. The happy couple will survive if they get the occasional odd gift they never asked for. Whether they'll love it or not isn't something to lose sleep over; you're giving them something and that's all you have to do really. You can't force people to cooperate with etiquette

So when you're giving someone a gift, you're supposed to think about what the recipient wants, not what you would want? I'll put that in the "No fucking shit, Sherlock" folder, which is in the file cabinet drawer labeled, "Does the word DUH mean anything to you?"

Speaking of being good at receiving gifts, I am reminded of a strange reaction to a gift I gave once:

I had dutifully gone to the store with the registry and selected an item marked as not yet bought by anyone else. Done.

...yet someone else HAD bought that item, possibly independent of the store/registry, and their gift was received first. So I looked like I did it wrong when it was either the store or the other gift-giver who had erred, but that wasn't the weird part: the bride, in her faux gratitude, thought it necessary to point out in person it was an "extra" silver serving tray, and mentioned it AGAIN in her thank-you note.

I'm still baffled by her need to do so.

But honey comes in jars. They'd have to scrape the honey from the jar into the ceramic honey pot. How could anyone even think of doing that?

The problem I have with registries is that you're giving you guests a shopping list. On top of that, it encourages the 'trade up' mentality.

People are getting married later - I got married in my ealry forties and we didn't need household stuff. I was actually advised to do that 'trading up' - as if I should milk the people I cared about most for all I could.

I do understand that guests might want guidance. We told my in-laws (who are heavily into registries) that when asked we would like 'experience gifts'. We had some wonderful dinners out, theatre we never would have seen and movies.