Weirding Bells Are Ringing
I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in four months and haven't been able to think of a guy to be my date. I recently met a guy at a party. He is the friend of a friend and is cute and funny and seemed really nice. He lives two hours away, so it isn't easy to meet for coffee or something, but I thought I could ask him to be my date for this wedding and see where things go from there.
--Single Bridesmaid
Taking a guy to a wedding on the first date is like taking a cow sightseeing at a slaughterhouse.
On a first date, the only person asking "So, are you two next?" should be a counterperson at Starbucks. The commitment-ganza first date also goes against the three things I always say first dates should be: cheap, short, and local. That way, even if you and a guy hit it off like the Israelis and the Palestinians, you can probably stick it out for a polite 59 minutes of happy-hour drinks and then bail -- in a way you can't if you've signed up for a wedding ceremony, a four-course sit-down dinner, and people you don't know crying on your sleeve and throwing up on your shoes.
Beyond this being the wrong venue for a first date, inviting a near stranger four months in advance has to come off weird and desperate. This far ahead, a guy has to wonder why there isn't another male soul in your life you could ask -- and wonder who's next on your list if he says no, the wino living under the bus shelter? (On a positive note, that guy would especially appreciate the open bar.) Also consider that there's a reason this guy hasn't asked you out, and it's probably that he isn't interested or isn't interested enough to date a woman he has to travel two hours to see. (A guy who'd date the 7 who lives around the block would probably need her to be a sexually gifted 11.5 to make up for the two-hour drive.)
But there is an upside in the rubble of all these downsides. If you can accept that you won't have a date for the wedding, you might find a date at the wedding by turning it into an opportunity to strike up conversations with interesting and possibly handsome strangers. Who knows, you might even meet a really great guy for you -- one who gets that glimmer in his eye, realizing there's no better woman to invite on a first date to either his nephew's circumcision or his grandma's funeral.
"Taking a guy to a wedding on the first date is like taking a cow sightseeing at a slaughterhouse." HAHAHAHAHA! Nice one.
I couldn't agree more. A wedding is a perfect place to meet new people that you wouldn't otherwise run across. It's crazy to bring a date to one, even if you knew him quite well and had been casually dating for a while. A date would only keep you from properly mingling with all those interesting people. One of them might happen to be a handsome single fella.
One thing to keep in mind as you're enjoying the party sans date is to just enjoy celebrating the wedding and don't go in looking to meet someone. Talk to everybody. Have fun. Don't drink too much. Dance. Do that and you probably will meet some interesting man there. Other people's weddings are fun as hell. Don't bugger it up by bringing a date.
whistleDick at February 11, 2014 6:01 PM
I have read once that you met your mate:
30% at the office (in France, not possible in the US)
30% in a common club
30% in a wedding
the rest is not statically significant.
So do your math, and take the appropriate steps.
nico@HOU at February 11, 2014 7:54 PM
You know what my ideal first date is? Anyplace where my "date" is standing or sitting across the room 90% of the time, and the people I'm actually with are complete strangers.
kf at February 12, 2014 6:41 AM
This reminds me of the line in "Wedding Crashers," I think it was: "Bringing a date to a wedding is like bringing a corpse to a funeral."
Besides, I've never understood the idea of bringing a date to a wedding. Why would you want to spend a whole day dressing up, sitting through a ceremony for two complete strangers, and hang out while your date visits with *their* friends and family or ignores them to pay attention to you?
Lori at February 12, 2014 9:10 AM
"Taking a guy to a wedding on the first date is like taking a cow sightseeing at a slaughterhouse."
Very true.
Joe j at February 12, 2014 9:32 AM
I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in four months and haven't been able to think of a guy to be my date.
Echoing everybody else, I haven't been able to think of a reason why she should have to have one.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at February 12, 2014 10:41 AM
No WAY would I impose on a guy I DO know something as heinous as that! LW, go by yourself and have FUN. You never know who you'll meet, and how awkward would it be if you meet someone totally cooler than the guy you brought with you, and not be able to party with him? Because, you know, you had to bring a date?
Nah. Don't do it.
Flynne at February 12, 2014 11:16 AM
"Because, you know, you had to bring a date?"
Posted by: Flynne at February 12, 2014 11:16 AM
Good point.
Whatever it is that compels you to bring a date so strongly that you want to lock one in four months in advance
- identify that. Spend the next four months learning how to meet that need.
Michelle at February 12, 2014 4:51 PM
Ugh. Weddings are chick flicks in real life. The only time I've been to one was when my sister got married, and that was enough for the rest of my life. Weddings are really expensive parties planned by women, starring women, and exclusively for women. If the LW never wants to see a particular man ever again in her life, then she should definitely invite him.
She should just go to the wedding and enjoy herself with the understanding that this is basically a girl's night out.
Grizzly at February 12, 2014 7:33 PM
Never bring a date unless you are already engaged. I've noticed it freaks the guys out.
You're just standing there, happy for your friends.
And he's looking at you thinking "omg, she thinks we're going to be next"
You - thinking "aww, don't my friends look lovely, I'm so happy for them, these two were meant for each other"
He mentally has the next 40 years with you flashing through his head, and you're thinking how if the bridesmaid dresses were empire waist, it would have looked better
Then, he acts all strange during the rest of the festivities, especially if he doesn't really know anyone. All you are thinking is "open bar not good enough for you?" But he's freaking out because you did that funny face that makes your godchild smile. "Omg, she wants this and an instant family too?"
Even if this is not your goal, and not even in your thought process. please reconsider. It never ends well.
Rhedd at February 14, 2014 12:27 AM
Why would you want to bring someone you need to babysit? It's bad enough when it's your spouse or fiancee or good friend who doesn't know anyone, but someone -you- don't even know well? Sounds really dull.
You're going to have a lot of friends with you're going to want to reconnect with, revisit inside jokes, etc. Weddings are often de facto high school or college reunions. Your new friend will be SO BORED, and you'll feel responsible and feel like you have to sit and chat with him instead of just hanging out with your buddies. Don't do it.
NicoleK at February 15, 2014 8:06 AM
Three types of single women take a new guy to a wedding.
1. Morons with no social skills
2. Someone looking for a guaranteed lay
3. Someone looking to stick it to an ex
lujlp at February 15, 2014 7:36 PM
Nico, I know a lot of people who met their spouse at the office, and not in France. It is pretty common; unfortunately I work in an office that is 85% male.
jenga at February 16, 2014 10:23 PM
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