Well, I just offered her mine ... Who cares?

Well, according to evolutionary psychologists, you care. Even if she called you, you would view her as Trampy McTramperson, unworthy of you since you didn't have to hunt her down and sink your manly fangs of love into her.

I mean, if a gazelle walked up to a pride of lions, they would just wave it on by with their big lion paws, rather than ripping it to shreds with their big feline claws, because they would view it as tainted and unworthy. And a wolf would rather see its pups go hungry than kill a bison calf that was too easily caught. Animals who are carnivores don't hunt because they have to. They hunt because they love to.

And primitive man was the same way. He hunted animals because it gave him a Rocky Mount Kilimanjaro high, not because animals weren't keen on being killed and eaten by him so they were wary and fleet and hunting was the only way he could put food on the stone slab. And those genes have been passed down to modern man. Modern man is as repulsed by a woman who would take his phone number and call him as he is by a steak at Bart's Butcher Shop.

Telling a girl, "here's my number, give me a call" is like saying "here's my number, you do the work if you want to see me again". And we're like, "um, no, you want to see me again, YOU call. Do you know how many OTHER guys want my number?" (Not that we'd actually even say this to you, but, seriously? You give your number to a bar buddy, not a girl you want to get to know. She gets to give you her number, at her discretion.)

But a lot of women these days don't want to give out their number, because they're afraid of getting harassing phone calls. What now?

"But a lot of women these days don't want to give out their number, because they're afraid of getting harassing phone calls."

No. Women don't give out their number to guys they aren't attracted to. And some women are nutbags, afraid of everything. They are to be avoided.

I understand the psychology behind the need for the man to ask for the woman's number, but I don't get why it would be a dealbreaker. And that's another issue: The LW doesn't say the woman stormed off in a huff, just that she appeared offended. Did she enter his number into her phone anyway? It would have been nice if he finished the story with something like, "We had sex later, so I guess it really didn't matter."

Generally I just read the columns and comments, but thought I'd chime in here.

"I understand the psychology behind the need for the man to ask for the woman's number, but I don't get why it would be a dealbreaker."

I won't speak for other women here, but, personally, it is/was (I'm engaged) a dealbreaker for me. I like a man who is unafraid to go after what he wants. If it's too much work for you to pursue me (go after what you want), then you will never be my mental match. Or you aren't that interested in me, which means I won't waste my time on you.
As attracted as I was to you initially, I will instantly lose attraction and respect if you put the onus on me to complete what you started. There are enough men out there who will do what you weren't willing or able to complete. I see you as a wimp or lazy. Players also take that tactic.

"But a lot of women these days don't want to give out their number, because they're afraid of getting harassing phone calls."

Like Amy said, we give our number to the men we are attracted to. When I've told guys that I don't give me number out, I'm trying to let you down gently. I'm not going to call you.
(and for those who say just be honest and let us know you aren't interested, sorry, but not interested in (1) having an argument about how I misjudged your or didn't give you a chance, or (2) being insulted by you because I'm not interested. Yes, this happens and it's not worth it for someone I'm not laying eyes on again.)

totally agree with everyone here, especially kjm. and i do understand the other points made, but ultimately this LW is asking whether he should not be doing this, and I agree that he should not. if for no other reason, it probably isn't going to get him a lot of phone calls. maybe deep down he realizes that, and wants that to be the case, b/c he's afraid to take it to the next level?

Huh? If the reason he gave her his number, instead of asking for hers, was "because she had her phone with her," did he expect her to use said phone and call him right then? If so, why not go ahead and make face-to-face arrangements for that drink instead of either one calling the other?

The women in MY life are never afraid to call me. It's because we have developed a genuine friendship dynamic, which LW and his gymrat have not, even though it APPEARED they had, to him, anyway. Her reluctance to follow through betrays that sad fact.
They now should spend more time interacting and see if they can begin anew.

She had her phone, he didnt.

He should have asked her to call/text his phone really quick then and there and say that way he could call her

Just another perspective, Amy. And this is not to say that I disagree with your perspective on the whole male-pursues-female thingy.

A cellphone in a gym is a serious breach of etiquette. There are two types of people who carry cellphones in a gym: douchebags and women. Douchebags carry them because they like to take selfies. Women carry them, because, traditionally, they don't tend to understand gym etiquette, and most women would no sooner enter a gym without their phone that they would without their clothes.

Phones are not welcome for two reasons. One is that people are sweaty, hot, hyperventilating in bad clothing, self-conscious, in varying degrees of fitness and not keen on being photographed. They're generally not interested in being even in the background of someone else's selfie.

The other is the fact that people with phones tend to rest on machines and start chatting away or texting. You do not rest on machines. Ever.

A gym is a space of shared equipment, if you're using a machine and taking a break between sets, someone else may want to use that machine while you're resting.

If you'd rather this other person wait until you've completed your last set before they do theirs, that's just your tough luck. A gym is not a restaurant. You do not make reservations for a set time, reserving your machines during those times and no one but you and your party uses your equipment during those times. You have to let people work in. If you don't believe me, the next time you're in a gym and someone doesn't let you do this, go right to management. They will, I guarantee you, speak to that member about his manners.

The point being is that phones give people an excuse to rest on machines and probably rest longer than they would otherwise.

And I don't need to tell you also how one-sided conversations are distracting to other people.

Personally, if I met someone at the gym, them taking out a cell phone would actually be a deal breaker. I don't why he wants to get with this girl's rude or ignorant ass, but that's on him.

But that aside, I agree he should have gotten her number, not offered his.

That's a distinct possibility, Amy. Another reason I think it unwise is because you risk losing or damaging your cellphone.

What? No response from Rachel Flax demanding to know why I hate women, even though I don't?

I'll have to try harder next time.

I'm with lujlp. Ask her to text it to you. Then you both know you have her number. Running off to find pen and paper or get your phone probably won't work. She'll be gone by the time you get back.

I have done this for decades. It works. Especially if your an Alpha male. If they call great - if they don't ...not a prob. I love this approach and it has worked very, very well for me over the last 40 years.