Better Sherlock Holmes And Gardens
I had to leave town when prospective buyers were coming to see a used water pump I was selling. My wonderful wife cheerfully agreed to sell it for me. I showed her exactly the parts that went with it. A guy bought the pump, but I saw that an extra box of parts, worth about $100, was also gone. Do I ask my wife where it went? Can I forgive her without an apology?
--Annoyed
Prepare to get laughed out of marriage counseling after you grumble to the therapist that what's missing from your marriage is $100 worth of junk from the garage. Tempting as it must be to spend the weekend waterboarding your wife for answers, a wiser approach when somebody tries to do something nice for you is to reward their intentions, even when the outcome is less than ideal. Your wife's intention -- to help you by standing in for you -- tells you she's a loving partner. The outcome -- an extra box of parts apparently growing legs and sneaking off into the buyer's car -- tells you she may not be the shrewdest salesperson and maybe takes too kindly a view of human nature. Sadly, all relationships come with trade-offs. You have a decision to make -- whether to settle for cheery wonderfulness or dump your wife for a woman who can help you open a used-car lot or get rich swindling the elderly by telephone.
The parts went with the guy who bought the pump genius.
Whataya think, she's hiding them from you, waiting for the collapse of civilization when she's cash out on pump parts!?!
milo at April 22, 2014 5:53 PM
You invited some Craigslist stranger to your home for your wife to deal with alone while you were out of town? And she's the bad guy in your story? What were you going to do with those parts anyway? Don't they belong to the water pump? Wouldn't it be reasonable of your wife to figure they went along with the sale? Why should they be junking up the garage? You seriously think that she owes you an apology? You're actually struggling with how difficult it would be to forgive her for this?
That's a lot of question marks, I know. That's all I have for this letter writer: a big 'ol WTF?
Oh, and if forgiveness comes this hard for you, you're going to have a rough time of it when she gets tired of your shit and fucks your neighbor. You'll need to brace yourself for that one. Use this as an opportunity to practice the forgiveness that you'll need when that happens.
whistleDick at April 22, 2014 9:30 PM
Forgive her, for making a simple error while trying to help you out? No, you can't forgive her; there's nothing to forgive. I you even have to consider "forgiving" the woman you love and who loves you for something of so little importance, you are SO in the wrong.
Jesper at April 23, 2014 12:01 AM
You got all the help you paid for.
MarkD at April 23, 2014 7:30 AM
Let it go dude. $100 is not worth it, not even close.
Cousin Dave at April 23, 2014 8:03 AM
Ask sure on the off chance that she moved them for what ever reason. Getting butt hurt and demanding an apology no. Either you are really really broke or this is way deeper than just a box of parts.
The only reason you might have a legit reason to gripe is that those parts were for an aquarium that she wasn't thrilled about and she knew it. As a tank addict I know many a spouse/significant other that has sabotaged a fellow junkies tank build. Then you might want to sit down and figure out if her gripe is legit. If it's just a random box of parts then really need to let it go.
Vlad at April 23, 2014 8:37 AM
"wonderful wife" Right there is your answer, pal. You mention the box of parts in passing, if she remembers letting them go with the pump, you got what you deserved. Do NOT even dare ask for an apology! You should be apologizing to her for bailing on your sale.
Flynne at April 23, 2014 9:18 AM
WhistleDick>/b> I laughed until I cried over that comment. You said everything I was thinking.
As for you LW: You're an idiot. You could've postponed the sale until you got home but you didn't. You showed your wife everything, she did what you asked. Maybe she made a simple mistake...
Or maybe the craigslister swiped it when she wasn't looking or fast-talked her. It happens. I had to deal with that during a craigslist transaction at my storage unit. The guy kept trying to bully me into giving him everything I owned and then started outright swiping boxes when my back was turned. Long story short, he tried to attack me and found out that a woman with a 45 pound toolbox can do a lot to your face. He escaped before the cops got there with a bunch of my stuff.
The moral here is: there are crazies on craigslist, it probably wasn't her fault, and you need to get over it or get bent.
bellflower at April 23, 2014 10:25 AM
If you're only $100 out in your marriage, count your blessings. Agree with Amy, it sounds like her heart was in the right place. And $100 is nothing in the grand scheme of a marriage, if that's eating at you so much, I'm guessing maybe you are currently very stressed over money in general? I know I've been through times when things were tight and I lost my temper over smaller amounts than that, but in hindsight I know it was only because I felt very stressed about money in general, at the time.
Lobster at April 26, 2014 6:17 AM
How much does a divorce cost these days?
Laurie at April 30, 2014 11:35 AM
Anyone see a problem in a guy having to ask an advice columnist if he can ask his wife a simple question? Grow a set.
Mr. Teflon at May 7, 2014 9:52 PM
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