Junior High And Mighty
I'm a 23-year-old guy dating a beautiful and exciting 33-year-old woman. Because she's older than everybody in my circle, my buddies have taken to calling her "Mom" (though not to her face) and ripping on me for dating her. She really is fantastic, but I have to admit this is having an impact on me -- making me both angry at my friends and embarrassed that she and I stick out for the age difference.
--Peer-Pressured
Ten years seems like a big deal now, but when you're 139, she won't even be 150 yet.
It's understandable that you're feeling all woundy from these razzings, but being male is about being a competitor -- ultimately for women -- down to the smallest scale. As one sperm taunted the other, "You swim like you expect to end up in an old tube sock."
The power of your buddies' mockery isn't surprising, considering the finding by UCLA's Matthew Lieberman and Naomi Eisenberger that our brains react to social pain in much the same way they do to physical pain. This makes sense, as we are a social species and, early on, our survival may have depended on what other people thought of us. But there's being aware of people's remarks and there's letting them drive you like a joystick. Also, the way to pretty much ensure that guys keep ripping on you is showing that you're vulnerable to it, like by dumping your hot mama girlfriend so you don't stick out from the pack. Remember, "age is just a number" -- like zero, the amount of sex many of them are having and would probably like to see you having, too.
Sounds like your buddies are jealllllousss. I've been in the older woman role. Those little piranhas are just waiting for you to screw it up.
Pricklypear at June 17, 2014 6:18 PM
embarrassed that she and I stick out for the age difference.
If you find her beautiful and exciting, I'm sure you're the one who's sticking out.
JD at June 17, 2014 7:53 PM
Your friends sound very childish. Time for new friends?
Lobster at June 18, 2014 1:15 AM
Part of being male is expecting a good ribbing. I work with 98% men and their lunch time conversations crack me the hell up. They bust each others balls all day.
One guy was getting his radio presets changed everyday. He loves jazz much to the chagrin of others. Who was the culprit? The one deaf guy.
Ppen at June 18, 2014 3:24 AM
LW, your "buddies" are WAY jealous. Childish and jealous. Every one of them wishes he was YOU. They just can't let you know it, because then you would see how weak they really are. Don't let them be shitty to you for being better than them.
Are you gonna let THEM make your decisions for you?
I wouldn't.
Flynne at June 18, 2014 5:32 AM
lw, when I was 21, I started dating a women who turned out to be 28. The ensuing 32 years haven't been pure bliss, but it seems to be working out ok.
No one teases either of us anymore.
SlowMindThinking at June 18, 2014 7:13 AM
And don't forget, she might very well dump you. I enjoyed the adulation of young men when I left my first husband and came back home. It was very flattering. But after awhile the brain needs to be fed, too. At least mine did.
So enjoy it while it lasts.
Pricklypear at June 18, 2014 7:16 AM
Jealousy. It burns.
Cousin Dave at June 18, 2014 7:22 AM
As I read LW's letter, I get the impression that his buddies are jealous. I could be wrong, of course. Perhaps something was lost in his text or in Amy's ultimate revision.
But at 33, she's hardly going to fall to age-induced unattractiveness any time soon, and she's probably got the benefit of experience in the sack that your buddies' girlfriends lack. To say nothing of the emotional maturity. I'd say you're likely having a much better time than your buddies. So, enjoy it! And gloat a little.
Patrick at June 18, 2014 3:23 PM
Plus she probably has a real job and doesn't live with her parents.
Pirate Jo at June 19, 2014 6:46 AM
The proper response would be "Dude your mom got pregnant at 10 and you're giving me shit." Well unless she actually did, yeah stepped in something similar.
So they are ribbing you for getting busy with a hot older women that probably does things their prudish GF won't even consider. At that age their drive so much higher and they have gotten over all the stupid shit of young adults. What I'm not seeing is why you are taking it so personally? Unless that age difference bother you. If you feel you have to justify your relationship you might want to check your hangups. If you weren't getting so butt hurt they'd have stopped.
vlad at June 19, 2014 7:19 AM
Guy's buddy "Dude, why you fucking the grandma?"
Guy dating the older woman "Cause your sister just laid there like a dead fish"
or "Cause you mom said I needed more practice before I could join her gang bang parties"
Go for the jugular man.
lujlp at June 20, 2014 12:16 PM
The fact that he's with this woman alone suggests he's probably a bit more mature than the peers of his age. Add to that that they seem to be stuck at a mental age of 12 (which would also explain why think of this woman as 'mom' and even think it's an issue - do they also giggle still when they joke about it?), and I think he's just outgrowing his friends. Some people mature, some don't.
Lobster at June 22, 2014 5:47 AM
Add my vote to the "Your buddies are jealous" group.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at June 23, 2014 10:38 AM
If a guy isn't ripping on another guy, they don't like each other. Men do that, it doesn't mean anything, and we, as a rule, don't rip on each other about things that will actually do any damage.
If this is starting to be a sore spot for him, then that is one of those things you speak up about.
"Dude, don't rip on my girlfriend, not cool bro." That should be all it takes. If they're not total dicks, if they ARE total dicks then yes, time for new friends.
Robert at June 27, 2014 3:48 AM
LW, the correct response is a smirk and telling your buddies that THEIR Moms couldn't keep up with her when you banged them!
Hellebore at June 23, 2018 10:23 PM
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