All Is Not Flossed
I've gone out several times with a girl I really like, but her breath bothers me enough that I don't want to kiss her until it improves. (It smells like pepper and socks.) She doesn't smoke, eat stinky foods, or have an odd diet (beyond not eating red meat), so I'm not sure where this is coming from. I think her feelings might be hurt if I were to say something. What's the best approach?
--Holding My Breath
When you read a book about the horrible chemical weapons used in World War I, you shouldn't think, "Hey, that reminds me of kissing my girlfriend."
People will tell you that you can just give the girl a hinty-poo in the form of gum or a mint. And sure, Altoids can eliminate persistently bad breath -- if the person who has it gets killed in an avalanche of them. But terrible breath that isn't caused by something a person ate or eats regularly could point to dental problems -- issues even "curiously strong mints" can't fix, not even when combined with a really strong mouthwash, like Lysol Basin, Tub & Tile Cleaner.
There's a common misconception -- held even by many doctors and dentists -- that serious bad breath originates in the stomach, notes the health care research-vetting group the Cochrane Collaboration. In fact, only 9 percent of the cases at an "oral malodor" clinic were caused by things such as gastric imbalances, diet, and sinus infections. But 86 percent of the cases originated orally -- most caused by gross microscopic critters relaxing and playing poker on a person's tongue.
Studies find that these microbe meetups can be shut down with tongue scraping, at least for a while, but you can't just present this girl with a Tiffany's box with a silver tongue scraper. ("Thinking of you...") Sure, you may lose her if you say something, but if you don't, you'll almost definitely have to ditch her or have your sinuses filled with cement.
To break the news, start positive: "I find you totally hot and an amazing person, but I have to tell you: There's a sort of ongoing issue with your breath, and I've read that this can point to dental issues or a need for tongue scraping." Assuming she isn't so mortified that she dumps you, this news is likely to send her to the dentist and/or to the drugstore for a tongue scraper. This, in turn, should get you longing to kiss her -- a far more enjoyable act once you're no longer dating a woman who maybe looks like Xena the warrior princess but tastes like Xena's horse after it's licked the break room refrigerator.
My friend is the pitch guy for Orabrush. He says it's pretty effective, and in this case it's probably worth a shot.
Lance Meibos at July 1, 2014 6:21 PM
My mom looks like Xena!
Ppen at July 1, 2014 7:51 PM
That is kind of a delicate subject, isn't it? I guess the best you can do is tell her, as nicely as possible, in private. Hopefully, once she gets past the initial embarassment, she'll do something about it. Who knows, maybe she'll even be grateful someone finally told her.
The thing is, LW can't be the only one who noticed this. I wonder if any of the girl's friends ever mentioned it?
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"My mom looks like Xena!"
Damn, PPen, I'm a married man!
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at July 2, 2014 7:22 AM
Ppen, why does that not surprise me? ;)
Cousin Dave at July 2, 2014 11:11 AM
Sound advice, Amy. Bad breath, while it might sound superficial, can be a deal-breaker. I kissed a guy once not knowing that he smoked generic. Add that to the American beer he was drinking (as Monty Python says, American beer is like making love in a canoe: you're fucking close to water), and he's lucky I didn't throw up in his mouth.
Patrick at July 2, 2014 3:30 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2014/07/all-is-not-flos.html#comment-4813632">comment from PatrickThank you so much, Patrick!
Amy Alkon
at July 2, 2014 4:30 PM
I'll bet green money she ALREADY knows her breath is like low tide with garlic and onions. Why not just ASK her what's going on? She'll prolly appreciate the question.
BTW-- Mustard Gas used in WW-1 smelled like garlic.
jefe at July 2, 2014 6:13 PM
jefe: BTW-- Mustard Gas used in WW-1 smelled like garlic.
When I was in the army, I knew a guy who survived pepper spray and mustard gas.
He's a highly-seasoned veteran!
Patrick at July 2, 2014 7:50 PM
Get out. Now.
So will her next boyfriend.
If the LW tells her, he's out. The embarrassment and discomfort will be too much.
He needs one of her girlfriends to tell her without bringing him into it. Maybe as advice on how to keep him and not have him leave like her last few boyfriends (whom I'm sure left because of this).
Conan the Grammarian at July 3, 2014 12:10 PM
I had the same issue with my now husband. I was driving, so I had to look straight ahead. I said, "X, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it; your breath could be better. It smells okay when you exhale through your nose, which leads me to believe that it's something in your mouth."
It was uncomfortable for me, but he was very mature, and said, "I'll make an appointment with the dentist right away." And he did.
It seemed he picked at his teeth with a sharp plastic point of a flosser while he drove, which made his gums recede, which allowed bacteria to crawl up under his gums.
He got a lecture from the dentist, got a cavity fixed, and then I was able to get up close and personal. Both his unthreatened response, and his proactive behavior made my day.
pbjammin at July 3, 2014 4:14 PM
It could also be her tonsils. Food can get trapped in pockets around/under tonsils for some people. Worth seeing a doctor about. Voice of experience, I had my tonsils removed and it really helped.
And when I brush my teeth I also brush my tongue. The rough surface of the tongue is a catch-all.
DFrey at July 5, 2014 8:12 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2014/07/all-is-not-flos.html#comment-4821102">comment from DFreyAgain, medical causes are rare. It could also be an infestation from sex with a space alien, but visiting a dentist will likely lead to either a diagnosis of the cause or a recommendation to see a medical doctor.
Amy Alkon
at July 5, 2014 8:54 AM
A year or so ago you had a letter from a guy whose fiancee had, among other unattractive attributes, some personal odor problems. I posted a comment suggesting that he tell her about this so she could do something about it, and you responded that that was a terrible idea.
Lucy B at July 9, 2014 3:25 AM
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