I'm a sucker for Englishmen with nice teeth--and I am happily married to a Very Nice American. You deserve better. Don't settle.

> I'm a sucker for Englishmen with nice teeth

Fortunately, they are a rare breed, particularly in England.

When a MAN hears "I have a boyfriend", it's often not a rejection, it's a signal to begin negotiating.
The first time I heard that from a woman, it was accompanied by an expression that seemed to ask "What's going to make this worthwhile for me?"

"I'm not ready to cheat on my girlfriend but plz let me jizz on your chest"

I love human psychology and the naïveté of young women. A morally reprehensible man will never represent himself as such otherwise he wouldn't be morally reprehensible. Honest salt of the earth people don't tell you what is morally acceptable to them they live it.

Every man that has tried to make me his jumpoff (and there have been alot) has given me the same line: "I don't cheat"

If there's any risk of you falling in love, run.

But if you just want some fun sex and nice dinners, go for it. Just know you will have a hard time finding someone to date for real while you're enjoying your fuck buddy. Also, it's good practice to date guys who are marriageable material, if marriage is a life milestone you hope to meet... getting into too many trysts can kinda skew things. Still, though, could be fun for a little while.

Interesting Jefe, I always used "I have a boyfriend" as a let-him-down-easy...whether I had one or not.

Interesting Jefe, I always used "I have a boyfriend" as a let-him-down-easy...whether I had one or not.

Me too, NicoleK, but some guys (like Jefe) see it as a challenge, as in "Hmmmm, what can I do to get you to break up with him?"

Some guys just don't get it.

As far as the LW goes, she's young and a little naive, so I say to her, how would you feel if that were your boyfriend, hitting up other girls? If you wouldn't like it, don't do it to someone else.

It depends a lot on when it's said. If it's said in response to a request for a date, then yeah, that's a turn-down. You move on. If it's said in the middle of dinner, then that's more complicated. It could mean, "I have a boyfriend, but we aren't getting along and I'm thinking about breaking up." That could be a backhanded sort of invitation. (Whether or not you want to be someone's rebound is another matter.)

If she says it right after you've paid the check, call a cab and send her ass home.

"If there's a French national sport, it's probably seduction." No my dear that's their hobby. Their national sport is running from battle with their hands held high. Or flag twerling

Quite honestly go for it but know if he's willing to cheat with he will be cheating on you. She has no fealty to the frog's girlfriend, assuming there is one. His whole I have a girlfriend could have just been a ploy to get you to lower your guard. It'll be a fun time assuming that he hold to the stereo type. But if you are in the falling in love phase you will get your heart ripped out and shit on by him.

At 18 she will get her heart ripped out even if she doesn't fall in love.

Not sure why anyone would advise her to go for it when it is apparent when she is already having trouble putting up boundries with the man. She can't even say "no" before things get too far for her liking, believes him when he says he doesn't want to cheat, and "really likes him".

None of those things are a good recepie for FWB, especially when at 18 you tend to idolize 34 years simply because they are 34 year olds.

She has so many better options at her age to learn the hard lessons of relationships I'd go elsewhere. Never would advise a woman in her prime to waste her time with a man already in a relationship even if it is just for sex.

@"When a MAN hears "I have a boyfriend", it's often not a rejection, it's a signal to begin negotiating"
...
@"most men seem to see "I have a boyfriend" as reason to go away"

The first time I 'fell hard in love', I was young (19 or so) and the girl - amazing girl - had a serious boyfriend ... like jefe said I behaved exactly as if it was a 'signal to begin negotiating', I don't know why, I just somehow assumed I could 'win'. We saw each other for a while and some mutual affection grew, but I came off the worse for it - one day she told me that though she had feelings for me, she has to break it off and stick with her boyfriend. She's still married to that guy today. But I had fallen headlong in love and it took me a long time to really get over her.

So I won't make that mistake again ... if a woman says she's unavailable, I move on - life's too short to spend barking up wrong trees.

Of course if I'm just looking to fool around, that's something else.

She was really 'the complete package' though - in hindsight, I guess I'd still say it was worth a try.

If you KNOW you can *just* have fun with him and not get emotionally attached, and IF the idea that he's cheating on his girlfriend doesn't squick you out, go for it.

But the people who tend to be fine with these situations also tend to be the types who just do it. They don't write advice columnists about it.

"(Note that nobody calls making out "North Korean kissing.")"

Thanks Amy. This line just made my day.

The reality is though, North Korean birth rate (14.4 per 1,000) is higher than the French (12.6 per 1,000).

Ahhh,,,, the irony....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependent_territories_by_birth_rate

Seduction has nothing to do with birth rates.

I wish I had stories like this. Oh wait, I do. I went to a 21st party when I was about 36ish and ended up making out with a 16 year old friend of hers, somehow or another (her being willing and eager probably had something to do with it). I did send her a message next day, never heard back. Sensible decision. As was mine to drop it at that.

Point being, I'm hardly a player and I was even single at the time. Still, such a bad idea but I would have gone for it without blinking given any encouragement. The head in charge was the little one!

I hate to use the phrase "led him on" but he probably expected that, if you didn't walk from the girlfriend story, you were a guaranteed lay. Dodged a bullet there LW. Well done.

"When a MAN hears "I have a boyfriend", it's often not a rejection, it's a signal to begin negotiating."

Helpful hints for surviving in an armed society like America:

(1) Don't mess with another man's woman.
(2) Don't mess with another man's money.
(3) Don't mess with another man's ego.

"Why did you shoot him in the back?!!"

*He was on top of my girl.*

"Seduction has nothing to do with birth rates."

Really?

Why do you seduce then? Let me ask you in another way. Why do you eat?

I think we eat because we are hungry and the food tastes good. But it is clever way for Nature to keep us stay alive by taking nutrition.

Me think we seduce because we are horny and the seduction feels good. But it is clever way for Nature to keep us popping out babies.

@"Me think we seduce because we are horny and the seduction feels good. But it is clever way for Nature to keep us popping out babies."

Yes, but we invented contraception. So now we can treat seduction as a form of entertainment, or an ego game where we count bedpost notches, or to seek validation, or to hopelessly try briefly distract ourselves from the emptiness of our lives, or as a transient psychological band-aid for that empty hole inside us, and so on.

" or as a transient psychological band-aid for that empty hole inside us"

Phrasing!

If I'm hitting on a girl and she says shes involved I'll ask "Happily?"

1 in 10 it gets me past the husband/fiance/boyfriend excuse. I dont push past that one question though

"If I'm hitting on a girl and she says shes involved I'll ask "Happily?""

Not me. I have too much respect for my fellow men.

What if she doesnt have a ring on and claims to be married or engaged?

Just because a woman isn't wearing a ring, doesn't mean she isn't engaged or married.

Just because she says she is doenst mean she actually is.

When I tell a man I'm unavailable, and he persists, it tells me a lot about his character.

There is a line between persistence and verification.

Its like when you are in a relationship and a woman is pissed at you for some insane reason and you ask her whats wrong and she says "Nothing, I'm fine" in that tone of voice

You take her at her word and let it go shes going to be pissed that you dont care enough to "really ask." You ask to often and she'll be pissed that you wont let it go.

So you have to find the line where shes just pissed at you for what ever the original thing is and not the original PLUS failing to inquire enough/inquiring too much.