To Leech According To Her Needs
My roommate's girlfriend is unemployed and just hangs around our place all week, even when he's at work. (She has her own place but is never there.) She's very wasteful with our utilities. Yesterday, after work, I found her in the living room watching TV with the air conditioning on full blast -- even though she also had all the windows open and, for some reason, had turned on our gas fireplace! When I muttered something to my roommate about her kicking in for utilities, he retorted that my girlfriend isn't paying any extra. Well, she is here a night or two a week, has a job, and doesn't run up our electric bill.
--Feeling Scammed
You need to establish a new house rule: "Residents and their guests can experience only one climate at a time."
Your problem started with going into a roommate situation without rules -- without a written document spelling out how things would work between you and how they'd work if something weren't working. Signing a roommate contract (like this example from Nolo's "Every Tenant's Legal Guide": bit.ly/roommatecontract) might sound unnecessarily formal. However, it's wise to do whenever you're rooming with anything more animated than a cactus. Remember, to be human is to be annoying -- like, for example, by letting another human move in and cause climate change in your living room.
The fair thing is to get Jackie Brownout to start forking over for the utilities -- before it occurs to her to run the dryer all night because the white noise helps her sleep. But the fair thing isn't always the smartest thing. Consider what this is costing you -- and what it could cost you. Compare bills from the previous year to get an idea of how much she's actually sending the bill up. No, putting every power source in the house on full blast isn't free, but her usage probably doesn't add more than $10 or $20 to your monthly bill. And no, it isn't fair that you're paying half of that. However, getting into this with your roommate might lead to your putting the $10 or so you'd be saving on moocher energy charges toward doughnuts for the movers you'd be paying hundreds of dollars to haul your stuff to storage until you could find your next apartment.
If you decide it would eat away at you too much to be paying for her, say something to your roommate, but in a mellow way, over a beer. Tell him you really like his girlfriend (because diplomacy, not truth, is life's little lubricant). As far as you're concerned, she's welcome to stay over as much as she wants, but you'd like a new house policy: Girlfriends who stay over four or more days a week need to kick in for utilities. Stress that this applies to your girlfriend, as well, and add that the particular roommate, not the girlfriend, should be responsible for the payment. The last thing you need is to be going all collection agent on this woman -- preferable as it might be to asking her to cut to the chase and heat the house by burning stacks of your money on the coffee table.
A prenup agreement should start out the same as a roommate agreement! To most people, a prenup is merely a plan to divvy up the wreckage of a failed marriage. If they'd start with a roommate agreement, add in some short and long-term goals, maybe there'd be fewer failures.
jefe at October 14, 2014 6:22 PM
"Look dude, I'm just saying, if you expect me to pay for the gas, and the electricity, and the bug guy cause she wants to run the AC, the fire place, and have the windows open all at the same time, then I should get to fuck her too, just so I can if her pussy is really so good that you actually expect me to pay for your girlfriends waste of my utilities"
lujlp at October 14, 2014 8:52 PM
I love it lujlp! Fair is fair!
I've lived with two different women like this, one right after the other. I am a frugal person (meaning summer we use fans and winter we use blankets, the thermostat sits at 70, period). I understood when I had roommates that I didn't get to set unilateral cheapness on them, but both of these fools wanted the heater at 85, constantly on. One kept burning the wood I had ordered to keep my work stove going because "watching America's Next Top Model by firelight is soooo unique! All my FB friends say so!" Lights were always on in every room for no reason, windows open, and every item of clothing in one of their walk-in closets had to be washed on Friday night "because otherwise they'll get dusty and moths will come!". Neither of these relationships lasted longer than a couple months because paying three times the amount of rent on the utilities was insane.
Now I have a list of "rules" for anyone who wants to live with me (since everything is in my name) and it works out so much better.
bellflower at October 15, 2014 12:16 AM
My brother's relationship with roommate was ruined in a way similiar to this. Brother's girlfriend didn't run up the utility bills, but she'd hang out at the apartment all day while he was at work, watching TV and taking rips off the bong.
Even without the increase in the power bill, I wouldn't want someone taking up space in my house all the time who didn't actually live there.
ahw at October 15, 2014 1:58 PM
Amy's spot on when she points out that the fair thing isn't always the smartest thing. After all, the only option the LW really has if his roommate wants to dig in his heels, or merely begins to take offense, is to move out.
The roommate contract might work well in practice, provided that your roommate doesn't force you to into litigation for its enforcement. Maybe the moral suasion of the written agreement will be sufficient for all but the most stubborn of co-lessees. But when Amy brought it up, all I could think of at first was:
intercom: "Dr. Cooper? Dr. Sheldon Cooper, please contact your office."
Ricky Nebbula at October 15, 2014 5:32 PM
Why is she there, even when her boyfriend is not? I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect that if you're guest is home, you're at home. She shouldn't be there at all while he's at work. I could understand leaving her there alone for a quick run to the grocery store, but while he's at work? That's completely out of the question, and no roommate should have to put up with that.
Patrick at October 17, 2014 1:04 PM
"she'd hang out at the apartment all day while he was at work, watching TV and taking rips off the bong."
Using electricity is one thing but if she's smoking all your weed, she has to go.
I-dated-a-whore at October 17, 2014 2:49 PM
To Leech According To Her Needs
Meet Jackie Brownout
Love your wordplay! We'd never get along politically, I don't meet the taller-than-you requirement and, of course, you're involved with someone but when it comes to wordplay, you're my dream woman.
JD at October 18, 2014 10:20 AM
Why is she there, even when her boyfriend is not? I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect that if you're guest is home, you're at home.
Agreed. I think the only exception is if someone is visiting you from out of town. Said guest might prefer to sleep in rather than leave with you at 7 am when you go to work. Such an arrangement (and the length of it) must be arranged with the room mate, however.
But guests who live in town? They shouldn't be hanging out if you're not home. The last time I had roomies, we had a strict "no giving house keys to significant others" rule, which cut down on boyfriends coming and going as they pleased.
sofar at October 20, 2014 3:13 PM
sofar: I think the only exception is if someone is visiting you from out of town.
I hadn't thought about that, and yes, I would make an exception for out-of-town guests.
Patrick at October 21, 2014 5:58 AM
It's not always practical, I know, but I have one answer to this sort of question.
Get. Your. Own. Place.
I don't care if it's a shoebox studio apartment. You'll still be happier.
Ltw at October 22, 2014 6:35 PM
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