This is sort of the converse of when a man uses a woman only for sex and offers nothing emotional in return. LW is using this man for her emotional validation, without offering anything physical to him. It's the definition of a man who is an "Intellectualwh0re".
LW, you need to invest in a REAL girlfriend, not a man who is a substitute girlfriend/girlfriend-with-a-d!ck/intellectualwh0re. BTW, "platonic" friendship is a myth, probably created by women to make a dry, sterile relationship seem somehow noble and pure. In fact, it is an insult to the man.

Well now hold on a sec jefe.

I too have no respect for women who dangle the prospect of sex to get whatever, but it doesnt sound like that is the case here.

Granted the LW might have failed to mention it but Amy corresponds a bit before editing and publishing these

As long as the guy is aware that its just platonic, its his choice and he may be perfectly happy.

Your best friend is the person whose actually there when you do all your stupid shit in life and still likes you in spite of it.

Your partner is there to hear the condensed slightly censored version.

Wow, if jefe is right, I'd better alert my husband that those guys he likes to go have a beer with and watch the game are actually just waiting to fling him to the living room floor next to the Cheet-os and have their way with him. Because apparently people only pretend to be friends with each other, waiting for the chance to get it on. This makes me see his friend Jim's upcoming Super Bowl party in a whole new light. Guess I'd better wax before next Sunday.

@Anathema:

I think it's apparent that Jefe was speaking about friendships between males and females.

Anyone that observes male-female "friendships", sans the lenses of wishful, naive beliefs over their eyes, can correctly conclude that the existence of platonic relationships between adult, heterosexual males and females are a myth. And as Jefe might have been implying, they normally only serve women, so it is women that propagate the narrative...

I have had male, "friends" all my life and it has lead to complications. One such friend even commented to me that men and women can't be just friends, one always wants to boink the other. Well, I wasn't gunning for a boink with this man, so maybe he was. At any rate..we are still friends, close friends and still boink free. It is possible but it's not an easy road.

I don't believe what jefe is spouting. How does anyone know if LW's friend is even attracted to her?

Surely it's possible for a guy to like a woman without wanting to go all the way with her. Granted, as a gay man, I can't really speak to this. But I have friendships with males that I wouldn't want to have sex with. Some of those friends are even gay.

Surely it's possible for a guy to like a woman without wanting to go all the way with her. Granted, as a gay man, I can't really speak to this. But I have friendships with males that I wouldn't want to have sex with. Some of those friends are even gay.

It is possible. Certain commenters are just projecting.

I have many such friendships. Both parties benefit. I get more dance partners on salsa night, and they have a friendly galpal to help them lure in the ladies they are interested in. I spent hours at a male friend's house the other night. We cooked. He helped me with my wedding playlist, I listened to him blabbing about the girl he's in love with. Identical to an evening with my female friends.

From:
http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/30/intergender-friendship/

Men and women cannot be friends in the way or to the degree that most people perceive same sex friendship to be. Now the natural resoponse to this is “I have lots of female friends” or “what are you trying to say, I can’t have female friends, they all haffta be enemies?” Which of course is the standard binary (black or white, all or nothing) retort and the trained AFC thinks anyone suggesting that men and women’s relations as friends could be anything less than equitable and fulfilling is just a neanderthal chauvinist thinking. However, they are incorrect – not because you wouldn’t want to actually be a woman’s friend. There are fundamental differences in the ways men and women view friendship within the framework of their own sex and the ways this transfers to the concept of intergender-friendship.

Quite simply there are limitations on the degree to which a friendship can develop between men and women. The easy illustration of this is that at some point your female “friend” will become intimately involved with another male; at which point the quality of what you perceived as a legitimate friendship will decay. It must decay for her intimate relationship to mature. For instance, I’ve been married for 15 years now; were I to entertain a deep friendship with another female (particularly an attractive female) other than my wife, my interest in this woman automatically becomes suspect of infidelity – and of course the same holds true for women with man-friends. This dynamic simply doesn’t exist for same sex friendships because the sexual aspect is inconsequential.

For instance, I’ve been married for 15 years now; were I to entertain a deep friendship with another female (particularly an attractive female) other than my wife, my interest in this woman automatically becomes suspect of infidelity – and of course the same holds true for women with man-friends. This dynamic simply doesn’t exist for same sex friendships because the sexual aspect is inconsequential.

That's not been my experience (currently in a six-year relationship). My friendships (with men and women) did not change when I entered this relationship, and they continue to flourish.

I think this is one of those situations for which "YMMV" was invented.

I recently had a little fun with one of the more strident feminists in my circle of acquaintance, who claimed to have a bunch of male "friends" who weren't sexually interested in her. (My point was that Your Male Friends Want to F* You.)

I suggested she offer one or more of them sex. Not in a way that can be laughed off as a joke. But invite one over for dinner alone. Wear something nice (but not slutty). Have a bottle of wine (loose up but don't get drunk).

Make it clear from the get-go that this is a DATE, not friends hanging out, then offer him sex.

How many of them would turn it down.

To her credit, she didn't lie to my face. She struggled with it for a few minutes and then ceded my point.

In a worst-case scenario, LW could be using her manfriend as her go-to crying towel, aka "Emotional Tampon" every time she has a falling out at work or with the jerk she's REALLY boinking. Manfriend's emotional support is sincere enough, but he mistakenly believes he's looking at a chance to replace her Jerk. It never happens, though, and when he actually suggests it, she sounds horrified. "That would just ruin our FRIENDSHIP", she sobs. In fact, it would be the same feeling of betrayal as if man's best bud approached him for gay sex... because, she doesn't see him as a man at all. This sort of "friendship" is strictly one-sided. A man might fear losing this friendship, but the truth is, he's better off without. Ladder Theory describes this as a 'Ladder Jump', from her Friends Ladder, to her Real Ladder. Below, there is only The Abyss. Getting kicked into The Abyss isn't so bad, in fact it's liberating to be rid of a person who contributes nothing to his life.

Sure men and women can be friends, depends on the social norms of the folks you hang out with, generally it works best if you're both married to other people who are friends too.

As for attraction... imagine him naked when you erm, spend time with yourself. Give it a try, see if works

> As for attraction... imagine him naked when you
> erm, spend time with yourself. Give it a try, see
> if works

I think it would work the other way around though... imagine her naked...

I have a few attractive female friends. They're friends because there are other considerations that would make a romantic thing a problem not worth having. Perhaps we work together, etc.

Make no mistake, they're in the "spank bank". I wouldn't do it. It's a friend, after all. And I have legitimate respect for her and all that. I like her. But, from time to time, I'm jerking off in the shower thinking about them.

That's how that works.

I have a male best friend of 20 years. Neither of us has ever had the faintest interest in the other. Our SO's are completely comfortable with us spending hours on the phone together, or getting blind stinking drunk together,
because they know we are simply platonic, very close friends. And they trust us. No question of infidelity ever comes up. At least with his latest SO. The last one made a damn fool over herself over our friendship, and was quickly turfed for lack of trust. (Here's where I mention I've been happily married for 20 years to a guy he set me up with)

And EEWWW. If we ever tried to take it there, I promise you there would be a mutual gag. And as for spending time with myself, picturing him naked would be a non starter. A) We were room mates for five years, I've walked in on him on the shutter, B) Giggles Giggles Giggles!!!

Sorry Nummy, but then you knew that.

All of these comments assume it's the man who wants a sexual relationship and the woman who wants to be just friends. My situation is the opposite. I am in love with my male best friend and he has no sexual or romantic interest in me. We made out a few times years ago, but evidently I don't make his heart beat faster. (I should add that I'm not hideous.) I've chosen to maintain the friendship because I enjoy his company so much, and he seems to enjoy mine. But the fact that it will probably never go beyond that is the greatest sorrow of my life.

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