Irreconcilable Indifferences
My girlfriend of two years seems to be gradually moving me out of her life. Seeing her two or three times a week has dwindled into maybe once -- and no overnights. She'll meet me at the movies and then ditch me afterward, saying she's got a bunch of things to do. She denies anything's wrong, claiming she's just "very busy." I think there's more to it.
--Left Hanging
It seems you're right; she's really looking forward to your dates -- the way a cow looks forward to a personal tour of the slaughterhouse.
People talk about what a high falling in love is, and they aren't wrong, because their body's basically in the throes of a biochemical drug binge. University of Pisa psychiatrist Donatella Marazziti looked at blood samples of people who'd been madly in love for less than six months and found that they had serotonin levels comparable to people diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Luckily, obsessively having sex is more fun than obsessively washing your hands.
Falling in love also alters testosterone levels -- though differently in men and women. Men's drops -- making them more cuddlywuddly -- and women's goes up, increasing their interest in sex. Unfortunately, this increased interest is temporary. Marazziti found that T levels went back to normal between the one- and two-year mark -- which is when the feeling "We're perfect for each other!" can start to be replaced by "We're perfect for other people."
This may be how she's been feeling. To get an answer -- beyond knee-jerk denials that anything's wrong -- email her. Ask her whether you two have a problem, and tell her to take a couple of days to think about it. Upon reflection, she should either decide to try to fix things or break up with you -- and not in a way that mimics continental drift.
If she still denies anything is wrong after you email her, then she's too cowardly to end things. So, do this: Stop being the first to contact her and make plans. See how long it takes *her* to reach out to you. If you hear crickets, that's your answer.
sofar at June 28, 2016 8:44 PM
What Sofar said. It sounds like she's not that into you anymore, but she can't pull the trigger. (That or she wants to keep you as an on-the-shelf option.) Pose the question to her (not while on a date!). If she denies that anything is wrong, it's time to break it off.
Cousin Dave at June 29, 2016 6:39 AM
Not much more to it, LW, she's over you, dude. If she were still attracted she would be making excuses to others to be with you. But she doesn't have the ovaries to tell you straight up, she's waiting for you to do the deed. Now, if you've got a bit of a mean streak you could have some fun with it, mess with her a little before breaking it off. If not, then like pulling a bandaid, just git-r-dun.
bkmale at June 29, 2016 7:01 AM
This.
Rex Little at June 29, 2016 9:00 AM
Lw must be a feminist. I mean how much more obvious does the lady need to be?
(She could always leave the used condoms in the trash can.)
Bob in Texas at June 29, 2016 4:52 PM
She'll meet me at the movies and then ditch me afterward, saying she's got a bunch of things to do. She denies anything's wrong, claiming she's just "very busy." I think there's more to it.
You think there's more to it? Um, have you totally ignored the HUGE red flag raised by her joining that We-Love-To-Fuck-Other-Guys-Girlfriends all-male softball team?
JD at June 29, 2016 10:42 PM
Its over dude, but if you want to possibly sleep with her one last time meet her in public
BEFORE noon. Dont let her interrupt you, tell her its over, that you understand thing like busy schedules but that you deserve more than what she is apparently willing to give you and you deserve better than her
Odds are, unless she is already in a relationship with someone else this speech will trigger her jealousy and possessiveness and push her to try and seduce you into staying, even though she really doesn't want you
lujlp at June 30, 2016 3:30 PM
Step 1: Measure your 'nads.
Step 2: Call and get a date, somewhere you arrive and leave separately.
Step 3: Don't show up. Instead, go out with the guys, preferably to a strip club, and laugh at the money you're spending on hotter women who will actually pretend to be into you instead of this ... person.
Step 3: Don't ever speak to her again.
(Step 3A: If she calls, let it go to voicemail, and laugh if she's upset or angry or especially if she "dumps" you - because you have now taken back your life. If your friends have been dogging you for putting up with this crap, play them the recording.)
Step 4: Measure your 'nads. If you don't see a 20% size increase, treat yourself to a hot hooker every week until you do.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at July 1, 2016 6:20 PM
This sounds like monkey bar theory. She won't let get of the bar she currently has until she has a grasp of the next one. That is, she will dump the OP was she has found her next guy.
The Former Banker at July 3, 2016 10:27 AM
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