I'm a 33-year-old woman with a male partner in his late 30s. We eventually want children, and I've been considering having my eggs frozen. My doctor suggested my boyfriend should consider freezing his sperm. He is a "manly man" type, and his masculinity is a strong part of his identity. How can I keep him from being insulted and angry if I suggest he look into sperm freezing?

--Aspiring Mom

Unfortunately, the men with the healthiest sperm are the 20-somethings who have trouble sustaining adult relationships -- but no problem, because they'll just have their mom call to tell you it's over.

We tend to have a weirdly one-sided view of fertility issues, as if a man's only role in babymaking is the fun part, and never mind whether Daddy's 27 or 70 at the time of conception. Meanwhile, women in their late 30s and their 40s get treated like they have dinosaur eggs. Having a bun in the oven at age 35 or older is referred to as a "geriatric pregnancy" or, less mortifyingly, being of "advanced maternal age." It's associated with increased risk of miscarriage and birth defects, as well as diabetes and high blood pressure in a woman during her pregnancy.

There's little understanding that aging sperm can be a problem, too. Researchers are still squabbling about when men hit "advanced paternal age," but there's general agreement that after age 40, sperm exhibit damage that can make it more difficult for a man to get a woman pregnant and are associated with greater miscarriage rates. There's also an increased risk of having children who develop schizophrenia and autism spectrum disorders. OB-GYN researcher Dr. Nancy A. Phillips and her colleagues suggest that men "bank sperm before their 35th or, at least, their 45th birthday" to limit the risks to the mother, fetus, and child from aging sperm.

In presenting this to your boyfriend, consider that how you frame a story changes the story that gets told. Make this a story not of elderly sperm but of the very manly act of protecting the woman he loves from harm (along with any baby who might enter the picture). Chances are he'll see looking into sperm-freezing as a positive thing: a way he can preserve his he-man-liest sperm -- instead of waiting till his varsity swimmers are more like old dudes floating on water wings in the condo pool.

For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.