The Power Of Mirth In Keeping A Relationship Alive
I never thought I'd be with anybody for more than about two years. (I'm easily bored.) But to my surprise (and delight), Gregg and I have been together for almost 13, and I can't imagine not wanting to be with him.

One thing that makes a huge difference is the humor and another is the surprise -- which happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues find is essential.

Here's a bit of surprise and mirth -- Gregg's additions to the boiled-down copy of Tinbergen's Four Questions that I have pinned to my bathroom wall. The facial hair came first; the party hat got added last night. (Just noticed it this morning.)

Here's an idea from my column (referencing and inspired by Lyubomirsky's research) on adding surprise to your relationship -- taking turns planning date night each week so one of you will always be surprised:

The good news is, about 40 percent of your happiness is within your control, through how you think and activities you can do (like date night). The bad news on the good news is something called "the hedonic treadmill," which is not a new form of torture at the gym. It's researchers' cute name for how we quickly adapt to both positive and negative changes in our lives and pop right back to our baseline level of happiness or mopeyness. This means it might not be enough to drag your weary, bleary parental cabooses out to dinner every Wednesday night. Sure, that's better than sitting home fretting that your kid won't get early admission to Harvard, but research by positive psychologists Dr. Kennon M. Sheldon and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky finds that variety -- "a continual stream of fresh, positive experiences" -- is key in increasing and sustaining happiness.

So, you need to go out on a variety of date nights -- changing up your activity every week and taking turns planning it so one of you will always be surprised. Lyubomirsky talked on my radio show about having Grandma babysit her toddler overnight and taking off with her husband to a hotel just a few miles from their house. (If you can't afford babysitters, or Grandma's six states away, trade babysitting with friends with a kid around the same age.) You don't have to do anything elaborate or expensive. You can borrow a Wii and ski the Swiss Alps from your living room rug, have a picnic dinner and then ride the Ferris wheel, or just go get hot dogs and make out in the car.