The Latest Man-Avoiding Dumbass Vagina Trend
It's the "yoni massage," getting your vagina a massage, reports Samantha Allen at The Daily Beast:
Why pay someone $300 to touch your vagina when you can touch it yourself? That's the question that San Francisco Bay Area OB/GYN and writer Dr. Jennifer Gunter would ask anyone who is thinking about dropping a few Benjamins on a tantric "yoni massage."...yoni massages do involve the same exact kind of sensual touching that most women find necessary to have an orgasm. Sarah Ratchford, who tried getting one for Cosmo, described having her labia majora rubbed, then her clitoris, and ultimately, the inside of her vagina, G-spot included. It's not unheard-of for women to climax during these sessions, as one masseuse named Isis Phoenix confirmed to Women's Health. But if that's true, then good sex or masturbation should also do the trick.
"Yes, massaging the lower genital tract is pleasurable," said Dr. Gunter. "Physical stimulation in that area is how most women achieve orgasm. However, most women do this with a partner or--if they don't have a partner or don't care to have one at the moment--they use their hands or a vibrator."
I loved this:
Phoenix told Women's Health a tantric yoni massage can "cleanse" you and help you release emotions that are "stuck" in your vagina.
I just get a unattached garden hose, get it in position, and give a yell or two: "Anger, you little bitch. Get the fuck out of there right now!"
How cool that it's that easy to save $300!
P.S. What this really is is "Let's pretend this isn't sex work!"
I'm massage the hell out of a nice vagina for 1/3 that price.
OK, maybe for free.
Abe at May 28, 2016 10:49 PM
I'd comment on this approach but I'd have to reveal some of my secret techniques -- like the time I came in when she was in the tub taking a bubblebath and I... oh, nevermind.
Lastango at May 28, 2016 11:32 PM
"Hysteria"
charles at May 29, 2016 4:07 AM
I'm not cheating on my husband - I'm just having a therapeutic yoni massage!
Brett Caton at May 29, 2016 6:35 AM
This is a test comment using the answer cars
Brett Caton at May 29, 2016 7:15 AM
I'm changing my career. Is a license required? Do you have to pass a test? Where do I sign?
Jim Simon at May 29, 2016 8:20 AM
"I'm changing my career. Is a license required? Do you have to pass a test? Where do I sign?"
Dude, think. What kind of condition do you think you're going to find in one of those whose owner has to pay somebody to rub it?
Fleeing The Room at May 29, 2016 8:54 AM
I thought you were a writer, Amy.
Everything you blog is a quote from another website.
Dee at May 29, 2016 9:39 AM
Dee,
Amy hosts this blog to start discussions. Her orginal content, what she actually gets paid for, is available on Amazon.com. Her column is also available in any number of newspapers throughout the country. She is not required to entertain you, for free, with 3 or more pieces of original content daily. That would leave her unable to do her real job, which is to write books and her column. I love that she aggregates interesting pieces her on her site. I come for the links and to watch the discussions play out. I don't always agree with her take on a situation, but it is always interesting.
Sheep mom at May 29, 2016 9:57 AM
Ideally some enterprising person will figure out how to charge the masseurs and the clients. Maybe that's already the case in states where it's legal to charge masseurs for the rooms in which they work. Nice work for a guy who can get it?
Maybe this phenomenon is like Grindr or Tindr, but with boundaries and security?
Michelle at May 29, 2016 10:18 AM
The "girls" in the trailer park usually get paid to allow this to be done to them.
It's a shame so many finishing schools ladies have wasted their education.
Bob in Texas at May 29, 2016 11:59 AM
I think this is just another example of customers saying "I have more money than I know what to do with and I want others to know it."
(Or maybe so-and-so is in credit card debt but wants to APPEAR rich enough to burn money. You know, like so many teenagers who think their parents are horrible for making them pay their own bills.)
lenona at May 29, 2016 12:08 PM
It's not unheard-of for women to climax during these sessions, as one masseuse named Isis Phoenix confirmed to Women's Health.
If your yoni converts to Islam, Isis will massage it for only fifty bucks.
JD at May 29, 2016 12:35 PM
So basically this is a rub and tug, for ladies.
That's fine, but if the authorities are going to allow this, shouldn't they allow erotic messages for men as well?
maurice at May 29, 2016 12:51 PM
Yes, but why the hell would any woman pay money for this. One of the many benefits of being a woman is you can almost always find someone to "massage" you for free. Just see above.
Insufficient Poison at May 29, 2016 1:28 PM
allow erotic messages for men as well
Taiwan Sexiest GameShow Ever (Handjob Competition)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj0_GpHfig8
Stinky the Clown at May 29, 2016 4:47 PM
Remember Gwynnie and the steam clean idea? Ick.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/30/sorry-gwyneth-paltrow-but-steaming-your-vagina-is-a-bad-idea
KateC at May 29, 2016 6:07 PM
KateC, thanks for mentioning Gwynnie first so I don't sound quite so mean-spirited when I say she is the perfect storm of entitlement and stupidity. She reportedly goes to saunas to "sweat out" microbes she (thinks she) picked up on airplane flights.
I would hardly be surprised if evidence showed airplane interiors to be petri dishes, but I'm quite comfortable assuming facts and evidence have nothing to do with her habits.
DaveG at May 29, 2016 6:51 PM
"Why pay someone $300 to touch your vagina when you can touch it yourself? "
Come on we know this will be covered by Obamacare, no cost to her.
Joe J at May 29, 2016 9:47 PM
"I'm changing my career. Is a license required? Do you have to pass a test? Where do I sign?"
Dude, think. What kind of condition do you think you're going to find in one of those whose owner has to pay somebody to rub it?
Hmmm. Good point. Never mind.
Jim Simon at May 30, 2016 7:43 PM
As a long-time amateur yoni masseuse myself, I decry this blatant professionalization of my craft.
Kim Dutoit at May 30, 2016 8:28 PM
wasn't this one of the therapies the ladies at Dr Kellogg's spa partook in, in "The Road to Wellville"?
NicoleK at May 31, 2016 11:27 AM
Close, Nicole. It was actually a toni* massage.
* the tiger
JD at June 1, 2016 7:49 PM
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