It's The Precious-cizing That's Racist
Letter to Dear Prudence from a wife in a couple thinking of going to a swingers' resort with another couple. The problem:
We took a look at the resort's website and were considering it--until I got to the part about the theme nights where people dress in costume and act according to the theme. One theme night in particular: Jamaican night. I can only imagine lots of drunk white people with fake dreadlocks speaking in a Jamaican accent. The cultural tone-deafness and naked--literally in some cases--exploitation of people of color appalled me.Our new friend's explanation seemed the height of white privilege. He claimed the staff, all of whom are people of color, really enjoy the night too! My husband agrees with me that the themed evening is in exceptionally poor taste but does not think it's a deal-breaker. I really don't think I could stomach it, and I see it as a reason not to go. My husband's position is that we should go and skip that night. Am I being too sensitive and overreacting?
Is dressing up as a French person (or the cartoon of one...beret, twisty mustache, striped shirt, blazer) seen as racist? No, as being French is not a race -- but neither is being Jamaican.
Is it seen as culturally terrible? No. How ridiculous. At best, it's a little goofy and dumb.
I'm reminded of the late quadriplegic cartoonist, John Callahan, who was a friend of mine. He hated the way people treated people with disabilities with kid gloves, instead of joking around the way we do with everybody else.
I call that "precious-cizing" people, and it leaves them on the outside, not quite one of the rest of us.
My guess: Ask people who are Jamaican if they care about non-Jamaicans dressing up like people do on the Island, and they will either not care or find it somewhere on the spectrum from boring to amusing.
Is it seen as culturally terrible? No. How ridiculous. At best, it's a little goofy and dumb.
More important, given the couple's swinging imperative: it's completely non-erotic. Dreadlocks in general aren't my idea of a seduction device, but fake dreadlocks on Judy and Justin from Mundane, Montana would be a hard-off for even the most randy of holiday-makers.
Kevin at May 10, 2020 1:01 AM
Are those Jamaicans before or after taking a grievance studies major?
I R A Darth Aggie at May 10, 2020 7:13 AM
Yeah I read that article. The idea of a vacation where you and your spouse are intent on having group sex with strangers is just so depressing. But it's the "racism" that's the real problem? This woman is concerned about the lack of compatibility she would have with someone who is cool with Jamaican night--yet by definition she wants to share intimacy and vulnerability with people she doesn't really know at all. I see a big logical gap there.
RigelDog at May 10, 2020 8:35 AM
First World Problems: Whether you - or your husband - should have sex with a stranger (and making an essential condition of your choice whether the stranger is wearing fake dreadlocks and/or clothing you consider culturally appropriating).
(There’s probably a reason your husband wants to have sex with a stranger and you expect that a stranger will have to be frat-house drunk to want to have sex with you).
Wfjag at May 10, 2020 9:23 AM
The best response to racist concerns such as those in the quoted letter is simply to laugh at the person who raises them. Taking them seriously only encourages them.
jdgalt at May 10, 2020 11:45 AM
Anyone tacky enough to go a “swingers resort” is tacky enough to hop into a wig and black face.
Sharon at May 10, 2020 5:55 PM
✓ RigelDog at May 10, 2020 8:35 AM
Well, also-
✓ Sharon at May 10, 2020 5:55 PM
It ain't even that it's 'tacky,' it's just difficult to imagine an interpersonally-attuned human being who's emotionally equipped for swinging, but who'd reach out to others for guidance on the political correctness of a commercial venue for it.
Daresay the author of the piece is kidding.
Crid at May 10, 2020 8:51 PM
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