Dim And Her
I'm having a whirlwind romance with a man I met online on Thanksgiving. I moved across the country to live with him on December 20, and we're now building a life together. The problem is I have a high IQ (137), and he's very unintelligent and illogical. It's hard to have a good conversation unless we talk about sex. It's too late to leave now, so...any advice on how to keep our IQ difference from ripping us apart when things are less new and exciting? I really love him, as he's pure of heart. And boy, is he sexy and great in bed! So far, I've held back from telling him when he's gullible or irrational, but I worry that I'll eventually call him something nasty -- like "idiot." I don't want to hurt him. I crave his company and love him for who he is, not what he knows.
--The Smarter One
Is there a chance you cheated on your IQ test? You seem to pride yourself on your intelligence, yet you spent a few weeks chitchatting on the Internet with some dull blade, dropped everything and moved across the country to live with him. Now, you two lovebirds are "building a life together" -- that is, whenever you aren't too busy grumbling about needing your intellectual equal and not the coffee table's.
You might "love him for who he is," but you also despise him for who he isn't. Oops. Marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman found that expressions of contempt are the greatest predictor that a couple will go kaput. Of course, anybody you get involved with will have some annoying habits or flaws that challenge the relationship. Relatively benign bad habits are things like snoring, and for that, you can get those little strips to put on your partner's nose. What's the answer here, strapping a piece of duct tape across his mouth?
Check out your completely lame excuse for staying: "It's too late to leave now." Now check your feet. Bolted to the floorboards? If not, what's keeping you there is probably irrational thinking that economists call the "sunk cost fallacy" -- deciding to keep investing in some endeavor based on what you've already invested (an unrecoverable cost) rather than assessing how your investment will pay off (if at all) in the future. People are especially prone to overvalue prior investment when their ego is also invested -- like when sticking around helps them continue the fiction that they've behaved wisely in going all-in with a guy whose intellectual "spirit animal" is probably the amoeba.
Fools rush in, but the real fools find themselves facedown in a pool of "boy, was I dumb" and get busy coming up with reasons why staying there is a wise idea. In "The Folly of Fools" (and on my radio show) anthropologist Dr. Robert Trivers explains self-deceptions like yours, noting the difference between intelligence and consciousness: "You can be very bright but unconscious." When you realize you've been unconscious, you can choose to wake up and cut your losses -- before you start saying cutting things to your goodhearted sexy simpleton. To live less sleepwalkingly in the future, reflect on what got you into this -- what void you tried to fill by telling your rationality to shut up and go sit in the corner so you could congratulate yourself on the great love you found. And goody for you on what you actually found -- some really great sex -- but let's call a cabana boy a cabana boy, lest you turn a story that should be "My Hunky Winter Vacation" into a move-in special.
It's definitely not too late to leave, smartypants. If you want to leave, do so - now.
You sound a bit like me. I had the sweetest boyfriend that made my life incredibly fun. I had to break up with him. I realized that he just wasn't very intelligent. I felt that I could never respect him. I saw a future where he would have done anything to please me, but that would just make me lose (even more) respect for him.
I found someone who was an intellectual match. I have paid for it ever since. We have come to a compromise, but our relationship has never been easy. Besides, I found that we don't really have intellectual debates on a daily basis. However, we do have to work together and compromise every day.
Perhaps that old boyfriend was not the guy for me - with my lack of respect for the great qualities that he has, I definitely was not the right person.
I wish that I could have appreciated the great things about him: his consideration, his positive nature, and his hard work. He certainly knew more than I did about great relationships. I'm glad that he has a family that adores him. Perhaps you can give your boyfriend the same gift.
Jen at March 6, 2012 7:58 PM
Funny how all those delusional grandiosity types can suddenly pack up and move, to start a new life. Almost like...no one at the old location gives much of a care to whether the talented genius hefting such huge intellectual guns leaves town.
No one cares what your IQ tests out at after the SAT is over. Beyond that point, you need to produce, otherwise you are just another annoying cocktail party chatterbox mistaking IQ for talent. There is overlap, but they are not the same thing. One Mensa meeting with prove that to you.
Spartee at March 6, 2012 7:59 PM
Great advice, Amy! Spot on re the sunk cost fallacy and the difference between intelligence and consciousness. The LW bemoans her boyfriend's illogical mind and yet commits several illogical fallacies herself, which you pointed out. I hope she seriously looks at her decision making abilities and starts making changes. IQ doesn't mean jacksh*t unless you know how to practically apply it.
MensaI'mNot at March 7, 2012 4:58 AM
Looks like everyone picked up on the IQ thing pretty quickly. Yep, smartness is more properly measured through people's actions; the IQ number doesn't reveal much without it. The sentence "I'm having a whirlwind romance with a man I met online on Thanksgiving. I moved across the country to live with him on December 20, and we're now building a life together," just doesn't go together with the sentence that follows.
By the way, I remember being run through the IQ test in grade school. My parents told me they knew the result, but would not tell me what my IQ was. I gathered my score read about like the number on a tight end's jersey.
Old RPM Daddy at March 7, 2012 5:17 AM
People are attracted to what they're attracted to. If you're not attracted to dumb, well, you've got a problem.
If you can't have a stimulating conversation with him, he's probably not the man for you. I'm guessing there is something about you that makes it hard to meet men, or you wouldn't have gotten swept up in this. If so, consider working on that to have more options to attract a higher caliber mate.
Funny how the folks on this board insulting the LW would have no problem if the roles were reversed and it was some guy wanting to dump a fat chick, but when it's a woman who isn't satisfied...
NicoleK at March 7, 2012 5:21 AM
"I found someone who was an intellectual match. I have paid for it ever since."
That was well said, Jen. LW needs to be certain that what she is considering "dumb" is not just less intensity/drama than she imagines (or has experienced) with those she deems "intellectually equal".
When I first met my husband, I wondered if we were intellectually equal. He doesn't like to debate or express his opinions (endlessly) on current events, like my ex did, which was the very thing that often led us into fights. Yet, I thought that was the just the price of living with my "equal".
Now, I understand that my husband is extremely intelligent in a variety of ways that I am not, and that daily debates are quite overrated, especially when compared to being treated with love, kindness, and enjoying a life of emotional stability.
Whenever I get the need to have a knock-down, drag-out debate, I just come here. Then, statisfied, I can go have great sex with my sweet, adoring hubby. :)
LS at March 7, 2012 5:57 AM
"Funny how the folks on this board insulting the LW would have no problem if the roles were reversed and it was some guy wanting to dump a fat chick, but when it's a woman who isn't satisfied..."
What would we be saying?
Old RPM Daddy at March 7, 2012 6:03 AM
"Funny how the folks on this board insulting the LW would have no problem if the roles were reversed and it was some guy wanting to dump a fat chick, but when it's a woman who isn't satisfied..."
No, that's not reversing the roles. Reversing the roles would be some guy with a high IQ moving across the country to be with a sweet, cute, hot babe with a simple mind, building a life with her and then feeling like he was locked into an increasingly frustrating relationship and that it was too late. I would have the same thing to say about him.
People who think they are smart mainly because they scored high on an IQ test have been misinformed by society and the expectations we put on intellectual strength. Emotional and social intelligence is still far underrated for its importance in the larger scheme of things.
MensaI'mNot at March 7, 2012 7:43 AM
Intelligence is a single dimension. Would you buy a house because it cost $250,000? Marry someone because they were 6 foot tall?
MensaI'mNot is correct, and this is from someone who would probably qualify for that organization. If you doubt me, ponder Jimmy Carter. His IQ was not the reason his presidency was a catastrophic failure.
MarkD at March 7, 2012 8:10 AM
Everyone I know who has taken an IQ test claims to have an IQ of at least 140. An IQ of 137 would be scraping the barrel with those folks. Maybe the sub-genius types just don't say anything about their scores.
I once debated politics with a guy whose entire justification for why he was right and I was wrong was because he was in Mensa and I was not.
MonicaP at March 7, 2012 8:14 AM
Ever notice that people who know their IQ scores are always the ones who claim to have a 'high IQ?' Notice also how those people always seem to act like condescending tools with a serious lack of respect for other people's intelligence?
When was it popular to get an IQ test? I've never had one offered to me, although I was surely an above average student. The only people I know who've had the test done are the ones who claim to be 'geniuses.'
Hmmm...highly suspect, IMHO.
LW ain't no genius. I think the whole 'High IQ' debacle has given her a false sense of security in her decision making abilities.
MensaI'mNot nailed it:
"People who think they are smart mainly because they scored high on an IQ test have been misinformed by society..."
Lori M at March 7, 2012 8:21 AM
MonicaP put her finger right on it, while I was proofreading my post! Hahaha if I was in Mensa maybe I wouldn't have had this problem :)
Lori M at March 7, 2012 8:23 AM
Well, my husband and I are both members of Mensa. (Or rather were - dropped out for awhile and may rejoin.) I don't put down people with high IQ's because 1. I'm one of them. and 2. Some are the loveliest, funniest, most sparkling people I've ever met. But a high IQ is not the same as wisdom, common sense and/or logic. And it's no substitue for the really important qualities like kindness and integrity.
LW, if you don't respect this man, for whatever reason, do both of you a favor and move on. And before you complain about how dumb *he is, look to your own behavior. It doesn't match your belief in how smart you are.
rm at March 7, 2012 8:53 AM
IQ testing became more prevalent once gifted programs were introduced into schools, but, in our district, an IQ of 137 wouldn't qualify. 140 or above is considered "gifted".
137 a well above average IQ, but it also depends on how often she was tested, who did the testing, and what test was used. I've known parents who had their kids tested over and over again and they take the highest score, so if 137 was her best out of 5 tests, and/or her parents shopped around for a lenient tester, that may not even be an accurate number.
Once you know a lot about genius level intelligence, you rarely wish to have it or want it for your kids. The children who do exceptionally well in school, and often the best in life, tend to fall in the 120s or 130s. They have good social skills, and are compliant/obedient enough to do well in school.
LW may be confusing getting good grades with being exceptionally smart.
LS at March 7, 2012 9:10 AM
I wonder whether she'd be OK with him pointing out when she is being irrational or gullible. Because no amount of intelligence erases those things.
MonicaP at March 7, 2012 9:21 AM
The LW's real problem is that her friends and family probably told her she would regret her hasty decision and she laid that "I'm smart enough to know what I am doing so butt out" line on them. If she goes back now, she must concede that they were right. I think the only question left to ask LW is, "Do you want some fries to go with that crow?"
sheepmommy at March 7, 2012 10:01 AM
Last IQ test I was given clocked me over 150, but I also nearly died half a dozen times before I was 20 so I work a job that pays just enough to cover my bills and gives me more free time to indulge my hobbies then anything else short of being unemplyoed ever has.
I'm far too smart for my own good, but at least was forced to confront my own mortality early enough to realize that life is way to short to waste it on anything other then having as much fun and contenetment as possible.
Everyday I meet people who hate their line of work, or retired people who hated their line of work and spent so much time being miserable they no longer know who to experience happiness.
Yes the LW need someone she can respect, you also need someone you love, who makes you happy, but until you respect, love and are happy with who you are alone, your never going to recognise that person
lujlp at March 7, 2012 11:08 AM
The part of her letter that caught my eye was that she categorized her bf as stupid, because they can't have a decent conversation, and he can be gullible and irrational. The former is more an indication that they have little in common. I've generally heard the latter from people of one political stripe disparaging another, and often the disparager was no more intelligent in my eyes than the disparaged. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if she is really bright and he isn't, the reverse, both are bright in ways the other doesn't perceive, or neither could light up a shoebox. She doesn't respect him, and our goddess is right, that will kill a relationship.
If the lw wants to save the relationship, she should consider ways he might be the more intelligent of them. My wife and our kids would both say that I am more intelligent than my wife. There are things I do very, very well. But, I'm the one that can't remember names, phone numbers, remember what we need at the grocery store, or organize my way out of a closet. No one ever thinks that orginzational skills are a form of genius, but just ask a military history buff about the importance of logistics. (There is a reason Napolean was the "little Corporal".)
So, lw, rather than think your bf is stupid because he believes something Santorum or an ifomercial said, consider the ways in which he is more intelligent. Can he find his way back from anywhere? Can he fix things? Pick out a good surfing wave immediately, or spot a buck a quarter a mile away? Anything? Examine what he does well. Perhaps you need to determine if you can learn to value those things.
SlowMind at March 7, 2012 12:09 PM
Great advice, SlowMind! (heh, heh, not slow at all.) A practical and compassionate exercise for the LW or anyone in a relationship feeling frustrated by the seeming incompetence/stupidity/lack of their partner: take the time to find ways in which he or she excels. Where do they shine? If you don't value those abilities, why not? There may be some hidden gold here which the LW subconsciously has responded to that needs to be consciously excavated and acknowledged to both herself and her boyfriend.
MensaI'mNot at March 7, 2012 12:50 PM
My first take was like SlowMind's. She might think he is stupid and gullible because he watches Fox News and listens to Rush Limbaugh. Being stupid and gullible is what most progressives think about conservatives—unless they’re rich of course, then they are evil.
ken at March 7, 2012 1:44 PM
Okay, maybe the bf doesn't have a high IQ. Maybe he doesn't like reading Dickens. Take time to see what he does have. Maybe he's really good building and/or fixing stuff. Maybe he knows how to knit really well or is really good coaching.
My ex-wife wasn't very intelligent and was kind of crazy, but she's good with little kids, was excellent in dealing with teachers and helping our kids get through school, is a great girl scout leader, very good with some crafts and made the most awesome cookies on the planet (I really do miss that.) In the end, the crazy part really got in the way (though there were times she complained that I didn't talk with her like my brothers or best friend. I'd try but she'd end up staring off into space. So I do have some sympathy for the LW.)
joe at March 7, 2012 1:50 PM
The LW is an intellectual snob. There is no reason that you have to be dating an intellectual equal. If you want intellectual stimulation, go somewhere else for it. He doesn't have to be your everything, contrary to what Andy Gibb would have had us believe.
Patrick at March 7, 2012 2:21 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2012/03/dim-and-her.html#comment-3044517">comment from PatrickThere is no reason that you have to be dating an intellectual equal
As a woman, I can say that a man doesn't have to know what I know exactly (about science, for example), but if I don't respect him intellectually, I can't be with him, no matter how sweet he is.
Amy Alkon at March 7, 2012 3:08 PM
Maybe he doesn't like reading Dickens.
Does anyone really like Dickens?
lujlp at March 7, 2012 3:53 PM
I had something really snarky to say, but I'm not feeling particularly mean right now... LW, it does appear at this point that you have two choices: (1) either learn to appreciate your SO for who he is, or (2) do both him and you a favor and get out of the relationship now. Yes, doing the latter will be a big awkward production. I have a theory that everyone is entitled to make one really big whopper mistake in their lives, and maybe this is yours. Nothing for it now but to clean up the mess and move on.
Once you've done that, think for a while about the type of men you are attracted to, and the type of relationship it usually leads to. I'm not going to say more because I would be trying to plot a trend based on one data point. But possibly you need to do something different, in terms of how and where you look for potential mates.
Cousin Dave at March 7, 2012 4:38 PM
Does anyone really like Dickens?
No, and Thomas Hardy sucks Bilgewater thru a Crazystraw.
The way I see this, the most gullible thing in this scenario was moving across the country without numerous weekend booty calls and vacations to make sure they were compatible, followed by a hiatus to see if they really missed each other. Then and only then would I even consider such a life-changing event. I've been the long-distance romance route, and I'm one of the lucky ones who has made it work, so I am speaking from personal experience. In my case, my now-husband and I started as online friends, introduced by real-life friends. I had a little bit of an edge there.
Bottom line is, if she's so smart, why is she writing this letter?
btw, I grew up in a family that would have treated her as the slow child based on that IQ, so yeah, that and $5 will get her a cup of starbucks.
Kat at March 7, 2012 6:05 PM
Maybe the boyfriend is smarter than the Dickens.
A saying my grandmother often used.
I scored 25 on an IQ test...I wrote my name on the dateline and the date below that.
The Former Banker at March 7, 2012 7:16 PM
First off, someone who was tested 20 years ago and got a 137 wouldn't get it today. IQ drops with age, because of the way the number is calculated. So, if her IQ testing was done while she was during primary school (as many of them are), her carrying that number around with her like a badge of honor means precisely dick.
Secondly, she dropped her whole life, moved across the country to be with this guy and HE'S the idiot? Really?
Thirdly, if you already think he's an idiot, then walk away.
The Original Kit at March 7, 2012 7:47 PM
OK - I admit to enjoying Dickens. And when I was studying for the GREs, I discovered he must be the source of all those vocabulary words I never encountered in any of my other reading sources - so extra bonus!
But back to the topic at hand:
MensaI'mNot totally nailed it with:
People who think they are smart mainly because they scored high on an IQ test have been misinformed by society and the expectations we put on intellectual strength. Emotional and social intelligence is still far underrated for its importance in the larger scheme of things.
I would explicitly mention kindness, decency, and love(the verb) too, even though they can be inferred from the previous list.
When you're young and healthy and immortal, these traits may not seem as important as impressive IQ scores, wealth, material possessions, and high-powered respectable careers etc, but when you eventually find yourself truly vulnerable, you will come to appreciate the power of kindness, decency, and love.
Sadly, some folks only figure this out on their deathbeds, although opportunities exist all through our lives. This situation seems like it could be one of them, but only the LW can decide for herself.
AliceInBoulderland at March 7, 2012 9:30 PM
I've never taken an IQ test and I don't even know what constitutes a high score on such a test. Apparently, 137 is not an impressive score.
Maybe the test should include a question that says, "would you chat with someone on the Internet a few times, somehow miss the fact that they are an idiot based on what they say during these chats, and disrupt your entire life to hitch your wagon to this person's star based on these conversations?"
If the answer is no, you should be awarded a baseline score of 138.
whistleDick at March 7, 2012 9:30 PM
"Unconsciousness" is a good term for something I read awhile back: some people use their intelligence defending dumb ideas.
As for IQ(LW)>IQ(BF), who moved across the country for whom? Remember Columbo--dumb like a fox?
Lori at March 8, 2012 9:08 AM
Once again, Game explains it all for you.
This is post-hoc rationalization at its finest. Once she got there, her biology informed her that his SMV is lower than hers, and she's not interested in him any more, so the rationalization hamster jumps on its wheel and it's off to the races.
She doesn't want to be there, but she doesn't want to admit she fucked up. So she is looking for an out - in this case "he's dumb". If he was a certified genius, she'd be complaining that he snores, or that his feet stink.
IQ is pretty irrelevant. Humans are not rational beings, they are rationalizing beings.
brian at March 8, 2012 12:12 PM
Not everybody who scores well on IQ tests is as smart as they think. I had a good score too - and I'm pretty sure it's mostly because I have a knack for standardized tests. Intelligent is as intelligent does. I've done a lot of stupid things, so I'm exhibit two for high IQ ≠ actual intelligence. (In case you're wondering, your own behavior is exhibit one.)
If you're looking down on your partner, you need to get out of there, for both your sakes. Don't hang around hoping he'll suddenly start spouting Proust or studying Sanskrit. The sunk-cost fallacy is indeed very applicable here. It's like gambling - just because you keep throwing more money at it doesn't mean you'll get a big pay-off in the end.
Then again, maybe he'll find out how you feel and dump you first. No one mentally healthy wants to be with someone who looks down on them.
Kelly at March 8, 2012 2:36 PM
"Does anyone really like Dickens?"
"...the rationalization hamster..."
Boy, does this stuff blow the sad away!
Frasier Crane loves Dickens. And without him, no one could be Pecksniffian!
Radwaste at March 8, 2012 6:03 PM
As a rule of thumb, when someone feels the need to tell you how smart they are (or funny, or interesting, or popular, or successful), odds are they're probably not. I get that this is the internet which makes it hard to see things for yourself, but you'd think LW could come up with some more recent proof than an IQ test that she probably took in preschool. At least let's see some SAT scores!
Also, my understanding of the IQ test is that it's based on age-related standards. A 3 year who tests like a 5 year old is smart; a 3 year old who tests like a 10 year old is really, really smart; a 38 year old who tests like a 56 year old is...well, who knows, because after a certain age there's no longer a correlation between age and intelligence. It's useful for parents to make sure their kids are getting the education they need but beyond childhood not so much, just like your SAT scores aren't relevant once you've gotten accepted to college.
Shannon at March 8, 2012 8:40 PM
"I've never taken an IQ test and I don't even know what constitutes a high score on such a test. Apparently, 137 is not an impressive score."
If you attended school in America, you surely have.
To get a sense of how a 137 rates, the distribution curve for the Stanford Binet scale will explain it for the statistically-minded. It makes her about a top 2% (1 in 50 person). So out of 100 random people in a crowd, she would be one of the two smartest. In a crowd of 1000, she would be one of 20 smartest, with many of those 20 smarter than her.
1 in 50 is not that big a deal, to be honest with you. Some Nobel Prize winners clock in around there, yes, but so do a lot of public school librarians. In short, 137 is just not a big deal. If you have a collegee graduate degree, you are almost certaily top 5%, and if you attended and elite school at some point, you are in the top 1%. Harvard? still narrower.
http://www.assessmentpsychology.com/bellcurve.htm
Spartee at March 9, 2012 11:04 AM
Several years ago, I took an IQ test and not only scored something like 180, I misread the instructions (so much for IQ) and finished in a quarter the time I was supposed to.
Thing is, over 95% of the test happened to be the exactly type of questions I'm extremely good at--things like spacial reasoning and the ones that weren't I just clicked with. I doubt my general IQ is 180, but aspects of it are (and other aspects are at the other end of the bell curve.)
My youngest daughter just took a pre-ACT. She's truly brilliant, but figured she did poorly on one section because she "couldn't remember geometry." By her standards, poorly is still probably in the upper 20s, but had the math had a different emphasis, she would have scored much better.
Then there's my oldest sister who is unbelievably book smart and the opposite in almost every practical sense. Only half joking, she can recite a recipe book, but can't follow the simplest recipe within it.
Joe at March 9, 2012 1:41 PM
This kind of thing is why I like Howard Gardner's multiple intelligence theory/paradigm/whatever. The basic idea is that while we generally accept, test, and recognize two forms (logical and linguistic), there are six more that are just as important. Social, physical, musical, spatial, body, and self-awareness. I'm not getting all the names right, but Google could probably hook you up.
We started trying to be aware of other forms of intelligence in education because we tended to discount the kids who were exceptional at sports, or leadership, or even music unless those kids were also good at language or math. I've seen a lot of kids get written off as stupid because we don't recognize all the different ways you can be smart.
The Original Kit at March 9, 2012 3:13 PM
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Thank you, Mr. Einstein.
Lori at March 9, 2012 5:08 PM
I worked a horrible data entry job when I was in my early 20's. The leader of the group was a super high IQ type of guy. He won multiple awards at the company doing nothing more than checking for erros in legal documents. And I'm not talking about legal errors but typing errors. This guy had no life, or career. He understood science very well (as we discussed it). But there was nothing charming about him, and nothing of excellence to speak of. He was just super smart and was using those smarts to work in data entry getting $500 reward gift cards from Target by the company.
I quit that bloody job rather quickly. I also met another guy there with multiple degrees, but um...again nothing to speak of.
Like Spartee said you can't mistake IQ for talent or drive or anything.
Purplepen at March 10, 2012 4:02 AM
Re Spartee's useful explanation of IQ testing and what it means: I scored a 138 on the Stanford-Binet, a 125 on the WAIS, which is less weighted to verbal intelligence. I also flunked out of college, and spent years smoking way too much dope and bumming around from just-a-job to just-a-job.
I long since started making some use of my intellectual ability, but I certainly haven't become some brilliant shooting star. Smart is as smart does.
I did, however, marry a man who, if anything, is smarter than me. Nicer, too. :-D
Dana at March 14, 2012 2:03 PM
Whaaat? So you are smarter than him, big deal, if you want intelligent conversations/debates hang out with your frineds, thats what friends are for.
A relationship with the opposite is for love, trust, happiness, security.
BTW, how many of these Mensa types would defend your honour? Fight to the death to protect you?
I can promise you, that this 'stupid' man would
BobbyCanuck at March 19, 2012 8:43 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2012/03/dim-and-her.html#comment-3082384">comment from BobbyCanuckSorry, but I couldn't have a relationship with a man I didn't respect intellectually. Gregg really doesn't have a clue about (or interest in) ev psych, behavioral econ, etc., but he's very bright and curious and interesting -- and highly intelligent. That's a must for me, I know that, and because of that, I've never looked twice at handsome idiots.
Amy Alkon at March 19, 2012 8:48 AM
I eventually 'gave up' looking for a woman who was intellectually comparable and am happier since. If I want intelligent conversation I can find it in particular places online and in real life. But each to his own.
Lobster at April 1, 2012 3:47 PM
"I scored a 138 on the Stanford-Binet, a 125 on the WAIS, which is less weighted to verbal intelligence."
Ha. You used the term, "verbal intelligence".
Then, they wouldn't tell me what my Voight-Kampff score was. But I'm still here.
Radwaste at April 7, 2012 1:48 PM
I used to game with the MENSA crowd (and I probably qualify for membership), and they were the biggest bunch of socially-inept bumblers I've ever seen. Of course, gamers and geniuses is sort of a double-whammy of geekhood, but still.
My wife of 23 years and I can talk for hours about things. I'm a different sort of thinker than she is, and we enjoy seeing things from the other's perspective. And it's still good in bed - but that becomes less important over time. It doesn't sound as if this lady is ever going to get that kind of give and take with her cabana boy, and she's starting to realize that a long-term relationship isn't all spent in the sack. I'd advise her to cut her losses.
Grey Ghost at April 20, 2012 6:05 AM
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