I don't think I'll ever understand why men or women get upset when their SO looks at, glances at, or openly gazes at someone of whatever sex they're attracted to. For crying out loud, it's not that big of a deal. Most of the time, I'm pointing women out to my SO, and have even commented on the women's assets. I, too, can appreciate and enjoy a nice ass or breasts.

He sounds like a real prize. The LW should hang in there just in case he changes.

This is reflected in research by anthropologist John Marshall Townsend. He showed men and women photos of hotties and homelies of the opposite sex, dressed in either a Burger King uniform or biz exec-wear and a Rolex. When he asked which they'd go for, men were indifferent to how the woman was dressed -- picking the hottie no matter what she was wearing. Women, on the other hand, went for the homely business dude, and tended to nix even a hookup with the hot hamburger helper.

That may have been the case in Townsend's research but, a year or so ago, I read about a study which found that women did prefer the hot guy if it was for a short-term thing, preferring the higher-status-looking guy for a long-term relationship/marriage.

It may be that there's a "floor" for women's preference for the hot guy, depending on his status. Perhaps women do prefer a hot guy who looks like a poor musician or artist, but are turned off by a hot guy if he's in a Taco Bell uniform.

Like the "g" in "gnarly-ass dickhead," the "Whoa...wouldya look at the Humpty Dumplings on her!" is supposed to be silent.

P.S. nice one, Amy.

LW: My boyfriend "loves women." When we're out, he'll check out and comment on every hot girl. I get that he's just "appreciating their beauty," but it makes me feel really bad -- angry and insecure. How can I get him to stop? Why does he need to do this?

As as a guy who also "loves women", I can confirm that it's hard to not look at very attractive women, so I cut your boyfriend some slack for that. But there's no need to comment on them. I've never done that when I've been a woman. Your boyfriend -- in this respect anyway -- sounds like an inconsiderate ass.

Also, there's looking and there's LOOKING. You can look, and appreciate, female beauty without making it screamingly obvious to the woman you're with that you're doing it. Your boyfriend sounds like an inconsiderate ass in this regard too.

It makes me curious how he treats you in other ways? Does he treat you courtesy and respect and this is the sole exception, or is he thoughtless and inconsiderate in other ways too?

"Perhaps women do prefer a hot guy who looks like a poor musician or artist, but are turned off by a hot guy if he's in a Taco Bell uniform.'

I think something that doesn't happen enough is breaking down poor women, vs middle class, vs wealthy women. I remember seeing alot of poor women financially supporting and fighting for guys or at least putting up with guys who worked inconsistently. It is interesting that I saw two female friends do exactly this (financially support men) and they come from poor backgrounds. The guys were sometimes "hot" but often times were just regular looking guys with addiction issues.

I didn't see the same holding true for middle class women. The men had to pull more income than the women consistently or they'd generally be tossed.

I've read that wealthy women tend to be more careful with their money (they tend to ask for prenups) while wealthy men tend to want to marry less wealthy women than themselves.

Sounds like he has some sort of self esteem issues. In playing this little game he gets some sort of a jealous reaction from her which reassures him of his worthiness. His way of saying "Better hold on to me or I'll run off with someone else" I wouldn't be surprised if she's very pretty and he's afraid of losing her. She should turn the tables on him and start commenting on every good looking guy that passes and flirt with all his friends...see how he likes it.

She should turn the tables on him and start commenting on every good looking guy that passes and flirt with all his friends...see how he likes it.

Sounds like a great way to lose him.

And while that may not be the worst thing that can happen to her, she sounds like she happens to value what she has and wants a tweak, not an 'abort sequence'.

So what Amy said, hmm?

"As for how you'd like things to change, let your boyfriend know that you just don't want to see him gaping or hear about it."

As usual Amy nails it.

There's a difference between "this is an example of how he treats me" and "other than this he's quite sensitive and caring".

Even then many of us have seen or experienced situations where one person has decided he/she is "the one" and nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to change their mind. Sad.

JD writes:

"It makes me curious how he treats you in other ways? Does he treat you courtesy and respect and this is the sole exception, or is he thoughtless and inconsiderate in other ways too?"

Maybe not yet, but he will be doing so in due time. Huge red flag.

Yeah, guys who go around openly ogling and loudly commenting on every attractive woman they see are generally not good mating material. I also observe that such guys usually have superficial standards for what constitutes attractiveness; any woman who doesn't resemble the latest hot supermodel or porn star gets dumped into the "fat chick" category. And some such guys will make it a point to comment on a woman that they find unattractive, and do it within her earshot.

And to Ppen, I've observed what you are talking about, and I've often wondered how that happens. I think that in most cases, it falls into the category of what-you're-used-to; the woman grows up in that type of environment, and then she repeats that behavior pattern because it's familiar. It's an insidious trap.

Cousin Dave, in my ignorant youth I thought "the sins of the fathers shall be visited on the children even unto the third and fourth generation" was just... evil.

What an arrogant little snot I was! After paying attention for a few years, it turns out to be just an observation of How Things Work.

It's not that the poorly parented are doomed, but statistically speaking, it matters. And the intergenerational correlation is important.

What are you doing? Dump this guy.

Most men check out hotties, but to gawk, drool, or make comments in the presence of your date is juvenile,rude,inconsiderate and unacceptable behavior. If he does it again, after being asked not to...shame on the woman who stays with him.

"Sounds like he has some sort of self esteem issues. In playing this little game he gets some sort of a jealous reaction from her which reassures him of his worthiness."

I'll assume you are a woman Jan because that jives with how most women would react. In this case I think he just doesn't have a filter between his mouth and his eyes. Most guys have a part of themselves doing this. We just learn to not say it out loud.

Ppen, it isn't about money per say. It is about relative status, a messy concept. Having lots of money is one way to signal high status. But there are plenty of others. When a guy gets a girlfriend he often finds other women flirting with him who wouldn't have given him the time of day before the relationship.

My ex did this and when I protested about the comments and comments and comments, he basically tried to say that you're my only real friend, who else am I gonna talk to? I just feel so comfortable around you!

Fast forward 15 years and my teenagers are now skeeved to the moon and back because their father still has no filter on his mouth. No teenager wants to hear their dad talking about another teenager - period.

Dump his ass.

DTMFA.

He is rude.

Rude to you and rude to them.

FIDO: she sounds like she happens to value what she has and wants a tweak, not an 'abort sequence'.

So what Amy said, hmm?

She may value him -- perhaps greatly -- but she doesn't say anything of the kind in her letter (or at least in the part that Amy published.)

As I asked above, I'd be interested to know from the LW how he treats her in other ways. If he treats her with courtesy and respect and this is the sole exception, that's one thing. Then I'd say perhaps he's worth it. Perhaps**. But if this is an example of how he treats her in other ways then she definitely needs to dump him and move on.

** Railmeat said that even if he treats her with courtesy and respect in other ways right now, he will likely be treating her with disrespect "in due time", that this is a "huge red flag", a preview of coming attractions. I tend to agree.