Birthday Soot
I just posted another one of my Advice Goddess columns -- my take on birthday presents, in response to this question from a woman:
My boyfriend’s generally pretty sweet, and we’re enjoying it all. On his birthdays, I buy him a present and dinner. Both years we’ve been together he’s bought me nothing for mine, saying he didn’t know what to get. The second year, I waited in vain all weekend, hoping we’d do something special (he did make me breakfast in bed on Sunday, and woke me with kisses and “Happy birthday”). My birthday was that Monday, and he only took me out as an afterthought. As I was leaving for work, he said, “I’ll wait up.” (I work late.) Hurt, I said, “I can’t believe you aren’t even taking me to dinner!” He then lost his temper. Maybe this seems silly, but I’m actually still hurt. Part of me wants to rise above this, and part wants to give him a lump of coal for his upcoming birthday.
An excerpt from my response:
For a lot of women, it’s the thought that counts -- as long as the guy thinks of something a little more, well, pawnable, than a plate of eggs.Personally, because I’m no longer 6, I mainly think of my birthday as a day to apologize to my mother. (I won some pickle company’s contest for being the biggest baby born in Detroit the week of March 8.) Also, I prefer to celebrate actual accomplishments. Of course, being a year older is an accomplishment for some, but I try to set goals a bit beyond “Well, well, well, another year, and I’m still not dead from meth!”
Perhaps I’m an anomaly, because there seems to be something girly about commemorating birthdays. Sure, there are guys who acknowledge each other’s, but at some point after seventh grade, birthdays seem to split off in importance along gender lines. For example, guys don’t have a version of the Sweet Sixteen, with their mom wiping away tears as she gushes, “Look, my little Adam’s grown an apple!” And consider how common it is for women to send their friends little cards and Hallmark desk bunnies, but when’s the last time you saw Rocco down at the garage buy a card with frolicking baby raccoons on it and get all sweet about Fred’s special day?
That said, your birthday’s important to you, and if you’re important to a guy, he’ll find a way to remember it. But, wait, there’s this: “He did make me breakfast in bed on Sunday, and woke me with kisses and ‘Happy birthday.’” So, your boyfriend did remember your birthday -- just not in the style to which you’d like to become accustomed. Assuming he isn’t a jerk the other 364 days a year, how could he not know what’s expected of him? After all, you bought him presents and dinner. All he had to do was the exact same thing, kind of like a chimp imitating somebody shaving.
Unfortunately, the male brain isn’t an exact replica of the female brain, just less, I dunno, lavender. Because men generally don’t operate on 13 levels of intuition, if you need something from a man, you probably have to say so. >>cont'd>>
The rest of my response, plus comments, is here.
And thanks to all who pitched in with your take on birthdays, why so many guys forget them, and what it all means.
I believe it was Ben Franklin who once said: "If you will please someone, you must please them in their own way." I feel that way when it comes to birthdays. If I wish to please someone for whom birthdays are important, I try my best to celebrate the day with them.
Norm at January 9, 2008 5:44 AM
"For a lot of women, it’s the thought that counts"
The first year my wife and I were together, I took a picture of her from her trip to Austrailia where she was sitting on a ledge over King's Canyon and had the pic put on a T-shirt with a caption. I also got her diamond earrings and a diamond pendant. She opened the T-shirt and got really excited. I told her to keep looking and she found the diamonds. After a quick look she went back to the T-shirt. I think she liked it because it it took some thought and effort. I could have saved a lot of money if I had just had another shirt made. ;)
Steamer at January 9, 2008 8:03 AM
Steamer, I'm with your wife. That t-shirt sounds great and was very thoughtful. Things like that mean much more to me too.
Beautiful quote, Norm. If you're trying to show someone you love them, do what makes them happy. If birthdays are a big deal to them, celebrate. It'll go far. If you can't do that, move on. Find someone who feels the same way about them as you do. If they're important enough to be with, they're important enough to respect what's important to them.
Donna at January 9, 2008 9:19 AM
My comment is that they have been dating for two years, and have now been living together for some time, and where is the commitment? You complain that he isn't perfect on your b-day, well, shouldn't you be working on remembering wedding anniversaries?
Not to sound like Dr. Laura, but he is doing you daily w/out marriage and all you want is a card and a teddy bear? Cheap.
Smarty at January 9, 2008 10:12 AM
Only three birthdays mean anything to guys over the age of 10:
- When you turn 16 and can get a driver's license
- When you turn 18 and are legally an adult
- When you turn 21 and can legally buy beer
Other than that, most birthdays are just another day in the life to us.
For some guys the 40th birthday is also important. It's the one after which you can buy a Porsche and date twenty-somethings.
Conan the Grammarian at January 9, 2008 10:27 AM
I posted a comment in the other column, but here's my take on the whole birthday thing.
Despite the whole feminist women's movement, the deep-down desire to be "owned" hasn't gone away. Women want men to want them. Women want to be treasured, claimed, valued, and taken care of. That's why we dress up like shiny baubles, and why we buy so much into the 'forever' thing. Gift giving reinforces "you are valuable to me" to the woman because the man went out of his way for her, something he presumably wouldn't do for other women.
This is why women go gaga when a man shows up with flowers on just a normal day, and why many woman will get mad when he doesn't get things on "required" days (especially Valentine's day, Christmas, and Birthday), because he didn't even make an effort on the days that he's pretty much required to.
Now, some gift giving tips for guys:
1) This is by far the most important tip. Women usually have a "theme". This theme can be an animal, a fashion brand, a color, a bit of scenery, a hobby, or a fad (beanie babies, route 66, etc.) For example, my mom's theme is Angels. Pretty much anything you buy with her theme featured in/on it will be a big hit.
To figure out a woman's theme, go take a look at the knicknacks in her living room and the pictures on the wall. Or during a date, ask her what her favorite color/clothing brand/animal/hobby/place/band/etc. is. If she says "Oh, I just LOVE (this particular thing)", that's what her theme is.
2) Women are not guys. They will probably not appreciate a new power saw, a swiffer, a new frying pan, vacuum, or pretty much anything that's entirely practical.
3) IF she's a computer nerd you can buy her something that beeps, otherwise stay away from neato gadgets.
4) It's very risky to buy clothing. You may either get "This isn't my style at all!" or "I haven't worn a six 6 in years! Do you want me to lose weight??" or worse, "OMG you think I'm a size ten? YOU THINK I'M FAT WAAH". The safe way to buy clothing is when you see her cooing over that exact shirt or dress in the store, and it's completely safe when she TRIES IT ON and says "I love this so much" then puts it back for no explicable reason. Get her distracted with something else, sneak back into store, and buy it right then. (This tip isn't necessarily restricted to clothing either)
4) Jewelry is also very risky to buy unless you see her gaze linger on it or you see it circled in a catalog. This is because you may end up spending hundreds of dollars on jewelry that she doesn't like, and you'll have tanked that gift. Even if she returns the gift and uses the money on jewelry she DOES like, she'll only remember "he should KNOW by now that I never ever wear white gold jewelry" and not that you spent several hundred dollars on her.
5) Flowers and/or chocolate are pretty much required on Valentine's day for most women, and are good for any other day of the year, but aren't a good present by themselves. Just flowers on Valentine's Day = Meh he's only putting in the minimum effort. Flowers + gift = OMG YAY!
6) Anything from Bath and Body Works is considered a "safe but boring" gift. The woman will probably use it, but she won't remember it. Stuffed animals are also safe but usually boring too unless they're really really really cute or you've done a build-a-bear to look exactly like her.
7) Anything from Victoria's secret usually makes the woman think "This guy just bought wrapping paper for his own present." This is why girls can buy each other underwear but it's risky for a guy to do so.
These tips mostly come from watching my dad fail time and time again at buying my mom good presents year after year.
Bad Kitty at January 9, 2008 10:30 AM
Smarty - There can be plenty of committment without a marriage. I've officially been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I've known him for 11. If we get married it'd be purely for insurance reasons and other legal benefits. Also, I'd be getting married in jeans at the local magistrate, instead of in a big poofy white dress in front of a pastor. This is because I am agnostic and I hate weddings.
Bad Kitty at January 9, 2008 10:46 AM
Don't know about all those rules Bad Kitty...I was kinda disappointed I didn't get the compound mitre saw I was oogling this past holiday, but I guess its coming for valentine's day -- probably closer to when we'll need it.
moreta at January 9, 2008 10:56 AM
Thanks, Bad Kitty. I wear plastic and glass jewelry. My boyfriend buys me techno-bling. He's a geek (he has a whole closet in his place just devoted to cables), so he enjoys buying tech stuff for me as much as I enjoy using it. Pretty much every piece of technology I own, aside from my cell phone, my photocopy machine, and my power surge protectors was either a gift from him (brand new) or a piece of his technology that migrated over here when he decided I needed it.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 11:10 AM
You should see my place, it's overloaded with technology... we have 4 computers, 3 TVs (one hdtv), a PS3, an xbox 360, a wii, two gamecubes, two PS2s, a PSP, a DS, and several hundred games. And I'm probably leaving out a bunch.
One of the sweetest things my guy's done for me was build me a new computer when mine was dying.
All those rules are from observing guys and listening to girls talk about presents, just so you know.
Bad Kitty at January 9, 2008 11:21 AM
Gregg just spent five days moving my website to a new server, and he was in my neighborhood this morning and dropped over with breakfast! Find a good guy and just be sweet to him, and the world is your oyster.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 11:26 AM
Holidays are so artificial, all of ‘em. Why not appreciate every day and do something special just because. That’s how I try to live it. And that’s probably why I living alone again.
Roger at January 9, 2008 11:26 AM
Long ago I was with a man who became a drug addict - and I morphed into Detective Columbo. Let me tell you, it is exhausting. I decided (after I let the loser) that I would never, and would never force one of my partners to, be a private eye again.
I thought it would be much easier to teach my partner (and not a bark orders teacher, but a very compassionate, demonstrative teacher) what I like. I have yet to get a wrapped present from my DH, but he did stand out in front of my office building with our daughter holding a giant poster board sign that read 'Happy Birthday Mommy - We love you!' He is a very apt pupil ;)
Dena at January 9, 2008 12:15 PM
but there you go badkitty, you gave me a list of what I CAN'T give, and it's pretty much everything there is... after giving a few things from the theme [my ex-s was cows or angels] that seems too pat too... once you are in a relationship for a while it becomes far more difficult to come up with the new and meaningful, esp. if you are just a regular guy, and not that prone to bouts of poetry, procuring exotic chocolates and the like.
So you gave a list of negatives, rather than a list of tips. It just doesn't help.
For some guys it is a big cop-out to say "I dunno what to get you..." but not all of them. What is worse, her being hurt that you didn't get anything, or looking completely crestfallen because you didn't get the "right" thing? Naturally once you've been around the block a few times like me, you get the fact that the nothing is worse, but depending on the lady, not by much. We don't know how hard the guy in question has been trying, but for most guys making breakfast in bed is a big deal, unless they feel skilled as a cook. This is due to the "I don't know if this turned out right" factor. If a guy makes eggs, he's going to eat them, however they came out. If you are making them for someone else? There is the fear factor that they won't like them. [and will never forget.]
eh? Like a lot of advice like this, the variability of people probably doesn't allow for a simple list. Sometimes making an effort is enough, sometimes you have to be a mind reader, and even then they aren't happy.
Interestingly, and my evidence is just friends and my self over the years... men are not allowed to be upset with what they get as gifts... we are told it's ungrateful, and rude, and it is likely to start a firestorm for us to say anything. So we smile about it, and shove those unfortunate ugly sweaters, the silk boxers we can't stand, and the t-shirt that says 'hands off, he's taken' in the farthest corner of the dresser.
The best advice I can give a guy is 2 things:
1]Listen.
2]Never forget the important dates even if she does. NEVER. There is plenty of modern tech to help you remember dates that are important to her. Try to do something even if it's clumsy. She may forgive you for being a goof, but forgetting? This will cause problems.
If you are lucky, perhaps she will even listen, someday.
SwissArmyD at January 9, 2008 12:27 PM
Ha ha ha. I can totally one up this girl.
Last valentine's with my ex, I planned a great homemade dinner (appetizers, drinks, dinner and dessert) plus a gift I knew he would like. I asked him to contribute to the evening in some way, thinking flowers, wine maybe, or hell, vaccuming even would have made me happy. I know, I know, not specific enough. He "didn't know what I meant", so of course instead of asking, he just didn't do anything at all. Oh, and he really wanted a new iPod but he didn't have enough money, so he returned my gift to buy it. He did, however, run me a bath, which would have been fantastic if I had gotten to take it rather than being pulled out of it 3 minutes after I got in so we could have sex. Because I like sex, my annoyance was overcome and I was well on my way to happy, until it was over in five minutes.
Breakfast in bed, right this way please.
christina at January 9, 2008 1:08 PM
SwissArmyD - I'm not really sure where you got a list of things you CAN'T give except for 2 and 7. I specifically said HOW to buy clothes and jewelry without offending her - the main stickler is that it will require a few trips to the mall with her. (that'll win brownie points too, going shopping with her) I suppose the simplest word of advice I can give is to watch her like a hawk when she's shopping and buy stuff she coos over but doesn't buy herself.
This is the dumb little game that girls play, and a lot of them will force you to play it. Is it hard? Yeah, it can be. Is it fair to guys, who aren't mind readers? No, it's not. But it's how many girls think, especially the touchy flighty ones. Not all do this, but many will automatically look first for the negative in the gift well before the positive.
Girls are wired to look for reinforcement that her guy cares for and about her, but they're also wired to look for signs that her guy is going to leave her. Unfortunately that doesn't really work in today's society, but it still happens.
It's easier for some guys to play the gift game than girls. If you simply can't do it, it's best to be up front about that from the beginning.
Bad Kitty at January 9, 2008 1:29 PM
When married I was pretty good about birthdays, anniverseries, valentine's day, etc; I think I hit them all over a 13 year marriage. But I found, after I left the marriage, that I really missed the mark on what she loves the most, my money. By the way guys, she might find it offensive, but if you are going to be the bread-winner, do a pre-nup (with a 50% divorce rate the odds of you getting screwed without one are pretty good).
gordo at January 9, 2008 1:35 PM
out of curiosity Christina, what do think is the difference between what you wanted to do for valentines' and what he wanted? You bought him a gift that you thought you knew he would like, but since he returned it, I guess that wasn't true. He wanted an iPod. You asked him to 'contribute' and what he did was based on getting intimate with you, but you didn't notice that. You did mention that you liked that, it just didn't last. So, did you not think that was a contribution because it benefitted him as well?
Since he's an ex, there probably were tons of problems, and perhaps he was a jerk, and so on... But imagine that you are speaking a different language than him, because it is obvious that you were. You don't have to care about him now, but take a good hard look between the lines, so the next time you have a guy maybe you can hear more of his language. So that maybe you can ask better questions. We don't get this stuff through osmosis. It helps if you lead. Perhpas the ex didn't care one whit about valentines's day... it may not mean the same to you as it does to him. You cut him loose so maybe he wasn't worth teaching, but there is the next time... If valentines is hyper important to you, you need to say it or at least hint more at what you want. And realize, that it may not be what he wants at all. He may be happy to make you happy if he knows that it's important, just don't assume that he should just know it's important. At least it kinda looks that way from the side... YMMV
SwissArmyD at January 9, 2008 1:53 PM
heh, bad kitty, how about if I show you the way a guy might look:
3]STAY AWAY from neato gadgets, UNLESS she is a computer nerd.
4] It's very risky to buy clothing. Jewelry is also very risky. RISKY means your chances of failure are too high, which means don't do it
5]AREN'T a good present by themselves.
6]she won't remember it.
So you see... These are all don't do's... from a guys perspective.
SwissArmyD at January 9, 2008 2:07 PM
No, actually, he was engrossed in the gift that I gave him the entire time I was making dinner. What he returned for his iPod was the gift he got FOR me. As in, he bought a gift for me and then discovered he wanted an iPod so he took it back and bought the iPod.
Perhaps I wasn't clear when I said contribute to the dinner. My bad. I did learn that the right thing to say was "Please buy flowers". However, he didn't draw a bath to contribute to dinner. When I asked, he said he didn't understand what I meant by 'contribute' so he didn't do anything. My point was that usually one asks for clarification if one wants to understand.
I did appreciate the bath. I would have appreciated it more if I was allowed to enjoy it for say, 15 minutes? The concept being missed here is delayed gratification. She enjoys her bath, I wait a little, and she emerges relaxed and grateful and I get a fantastic blowjob. Or that's the way it would have worked out. I actually am very clear about my desires. I requested a bit longer in the tub but what he wanted was more important.
He asked me to prepare a dinner in and for the gift I gave him. I listen very well actually. He was very pleased. What was missing from the evening was the slightest hint of any desire to fulfill my needs. No present, fine. No flowers, also fine. 15 minutes of uninterrupted bath time is free, and would have made me happy, despite him returning my gift (don't tell me about that!) and failing to contribute.
I am not the girl expecting flowers or candy for any occasion. I usually have to be reminded of anniversaries. I don't need a bed of roses to want sex, and a poke in the back in the middle of the night is usually enough to get me interested. We mutually agreed to do something special for v-day. I could care less usually. My issue was that we agreed, and he failed.
Even the most cynical of men can probably agree that returning your girls gift to get yourself something is a bad move, made even worse by letting me know that fact.
christina at January 9, 2008 2:45 PM
I'm glad you decided to share the more of the story Christina... 'cuz context is enlightening. On the other hand, my bad for not just letting the story be, originally. I usually remember THAT part after trying to fix something that doesn't need it...
SwissArmyD at January 9, 2008 3:27 PM
Moretta -
I was kinda disappointed I didn't get the compound mitre saw I was oogling this past holiday...
I think I'm in lust. Sorry, women are just so much sexier when they're using power tools - or driving a big, beat up work truck. Occasionally, when my partner is really feeling like treating me, she gets undressed and puts on my tool belt. Of course it's partly selfish, because she knows when she does that, I'm going to bang the living daylights out of her. It's almost the only scenario in which I like her in slutty make-up and fuck-me heels.
On birthdays, this last one, I was the total winner. First time I have gotten a really positive response from a less than practical gift (though given she was six months pregnant, not entirely impractical). I got her three trips to a day spa that specializes in pregnant women. The first one included a dye job (for some reason she didn't take me up on my offer to color her hair myself). Oddly enough, she was filled with glee at seeing the supportive preggers underwear that were on top of the passes in the box.
DuWayne at January 9, 2008 4:37 PM
Addition to the above advice: Do not get your female SO a purse for a gift UNLESS she has shown you the exact purse she wants and said, "Please get this for me." I and the other women I know have very specific, individual requirements for our purses. I would rather have a $20 functional purse that is exactly what I need then a fabulously expensive designer handbag without enough pockets. (Has it got enough pocketses?) Think of it as your totally non-techno girlfriend trying to buy you a computer that you haven't specified, or your totally non-car-knowledgeable girlfriend getting you a car that you haven't specified. The magnitude of the gift would make a return seem like ingratitude, but you'd have to use it every day thinking "THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED." Sorry if this sounds bitchy.
What can you get women? For those who like traditional romantic gestures, flowers are always safe as a romantic element of a larger gift, if an occasion calls for such a gift. Otherwise...I'm the worst person to ask, because I love boyfriends who give me gadgets and am perfectly happy to offer several gift options when asked. I also think that women who expect men to be mindreaders about every aspect of a gift are dump-worthy. A little creativity doesn't hurt, but if you're *trying* and your SO gives you no credit for that, I'd look around for someone else. Gift-giving should not be a major source for arguments, except maybe, "Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!" "arguments."
(Women: The number of men who have never received flowers is amazing. Don't send dozens of red roses to the guy you just had a blind date with, but if your SO gets a promotion or something similar happens, flowers may be just the ticket, especially non-pastel-y flowers. I've found it to be an excellent birthday commemoration, too.)
marion at January 9, 2008 6:04 PM
Women are greedy trolls.
First, "push presents." Now, complaining that he remembered your birthday. Whatever happened to, "it's the thought that counts?" All women are whores.
Repeal the 19th Amendment!
El Chauvinisto at January 9, 2008 7:55 PM
All women are whores.
Spoken like a man who 1. Isn't that smart, 2. Leaps before he looks and blames the result on others.
If you think all women are so awful, why not just write them off and jerk off or just trade sex for cash for the rest of your life? I mean, I find NASCAR not hateful, but pretty pointless, but I don't have a whole blog about how pointless I find it. I guess you only hate what you're desperate to have but find impossible to get. Women probably smell your angry desperation from five miles off.
The thing is, I've been out with less than wonderful guys in my lifetime. I didn't blame men in general for my bad times; I blamed myself for being idiotic enough to go out with them, and learned to look a little more closely at who I went out with.
Exercising personal responsibility for what you let into your life isn't quite as immediately satisfying as spewing hate, but in the long run, it should have you fucking more and masturbating less.
Lemme guess...last time you had sex...George HW Bush was president?
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 8:35 PM
The best thing you can do is remember a date that she does not. In my case it was our anniversary (happened twice). Nothing I buy or do is wrong :-) I don't give her a hard time about forgetting though because she puts up with me the other 365 days of the year. Related to Amy's words, find a good woman, be sweet to her, and the world is your oyster. It's not tough.
Me at January 9, 2008 8:41 PM
Naw Amy, I'm guessing it was under the Carter administration
lujlp at January 9, 2008 11:47 PM
I followed the link to El Chauvinisto's site, but never read a whole paragraph or fired up any of his youtubes. It wasn't necessary. There's a whole "darkness" thing at work there. We're looking at a full Nicholson in Carnal Knowledge persona, without a Rita Moreno for relief.
Crid at January 10, 2008 12:52 AM
Just this little snippet of video explains everything:
http://marriageresourcecenter.org/videogallery/4/med/VideoWidget8.htm
O_O
Flynne at January 10, 2008 6:36 AM
OK, um, I think that I've established that guys think completely differently from girls, regarding gifts... especially the "don't" factor. Yikes. So here's a few "not risky" gifts to help those people with women that are really tough to buy for. These are generic enough to fit most women.
1) A framed print that will match the other pictures in her house/apartment/room
2) A classic board game she doesn't have yet
Note: For 3 and 4 it may be wise to enlist help from one of her girlfriends
3) Home decoration items that sparkle, glimmer, or are pretty. A good example is those fiberoptic flowers, or crystal knicknacks.
4) A lamp or minor piece of furniture that will complement what she already has
5) A book of poems
6) A $25-30 dollar of wine
7) A DVD of the first season of one of her favorite shows
8) An accessory that will supplement her favorite hobby. For example, seeds or bulbs if she's a gardener, a new doll if she collects them, a new mat if she does yoga, etc.
9) Take her to a photo session with the two of you(give her time to primp) and get a bunch of pictures taken. Get a decent sized picture of the two of you and frame it.
10) Fancy stationary in her favorite color.
11) A basket of gourmet fruits, candies, cheeses, and nuts.
12) With her permission, take her car to get serviced/oil changed/check fluids/tuneup/etc. Many girls hate to do this themselves.
Girls also like being buttered up. They like shameless flattery. Even if she calls you on it, she secretly loves it. One thing you can do to help score brownie points for the gift is the "because". Tell her "I got this for you BECAUSE (insert shameless flattery)". A "because" can actually turn a good gift into a bad one.
Examples: "I got this stationary for you because it matches your eyes" or "I got this bottle of wine because its sweet scent reminds me of you" or "I got this board game for you because I always have so much fun playing board games with you" Etc. You can never be too sweet, syrupy, or saccherine with a girl to whom a "good" present is so important. Even Victoria's Secret underwear can be given if you say "I got this because only you have the body to pull off that look."
Bad Kitty at January 10, 2008 10:18 AM
I meant turn a bad gift into a good one. Bah. Need more coffee. Mmm. Coffee is a good gift too.
Bad Kitty at January 10, 2008 10:20 AM
Bad Kitty, I beg to disagree. Chocolate is a great gift all by itself. Flowers make me sneeze and die in a few days and gifts are a crap shoot. Chocolate is my trank of choice. Just skip the flowers and present and buy more of it.
Also, I saw a sitcom once (I forget which one) when they made a joke out of the neighbor's husband buying her steaks as a present. I was salivating and sputtering "But that's the perfect gift!"
(Sheepish expression and confession) The way to this girl's heart is definitely through her stomach. There is nothing -- repeat nothing -- sexier than a guy who cooks.
Donna at January 10, 2008 11:01 AM
Flynne, thanks but I no sooner got that going and saw him going on in that preacher lilt than I had enough and didn't even listen for five seconds let alone five minutes.
Donna at January 10, 2008 11:31 AM
Bad Kitty's second list was great! I'd only quibble with #6 but that's only because I don't drink. No guy's idiot enough to buy wine for a tea totaller.
I have to agree on the purse thing. Don't buy. You will get it wrong. This even goes for other women. They really are an individual thing.
Donna at January 10, 2008 11:36 AM
Fiberoptic flowers? Fancy stationary? Fruit and nut baskets? Maybe if you're buying for Great Aunt Susie, or an older female coworker/boss, but I don't know anyone who would think these are appropriate for a girlfriend/fiancee/spouse.
However, BadKitty's #8 listed above (An accessory that will supplement her favorite hobby. For example, seeds or bulbs if she's a gardener, a new doll if she collects them, a new mat if she does yoga, etc.) is the best advice here. Think about the activities she enjoys the most and find her something that can either supplement or compliment that. It not only shows that you care enough to buy her something, it shows you think she's interesting and cool. And who doesn't want their partner to think that about them?
Emily at January 10, 2008 11:37 AM
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