Wheels Of Desire
From an interview in the January Esquire with my old Noho, NYC, neighbor, Chuck Close, who became paralyzed all of a sudden after a spinal artery collapse:
Quadriplegics envy paraplegics. You think, Man, they've got it made. There's always somebody worse off than you are.
In the same Esquire issue, Rodney Dangerfield plays on the theme:
It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
Personally, I've always gone for confidence in men. I don't like guys with two big, Grandpa Munster peaks (or, horrors! some Donald Trump combover), but I find it sexy when men have the guts to totally shave their heads. At least cut the hair really close, guys. You're bald. You don't make up for it by having a lot of hair coming out of two little desert islands.
On men, I'm with Joan Rivers, same issue of Esquire, who says:
Men look great when they're a little used. They've done it, and they know about it.
Jerry Lewis, same issue:
Everybody is nine years old. Starting with me.
Amy, you say that you find it sexy, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your boyfriend probably has some pretty bitchin' hair. If he doesn't, mea culpa...but I bet he does.
I don't like it, but hair = more sexy, for most women. Yeah, I appreciate the woman who says "Shave it off! That's confidence!" But look at a men's magazine fashion ads, TV and movie stars. Sex sells, and hair is sexier.
Meh. I'll be inclined to shave mine all off in when it finally goes, but I don't harbor any fantasies that that's going to lead to lots of digits from women.
I certainly don't blame women for finding hair on men's heads sexier than baldness; it seems to be such a prevalent sentiment that I would say it's almost natural to be attracted to full heads of hair.
Ayn_Randian at January 9, 2008 6:19 AM
A_R: I don't know where you find your women, but I don't know any straight women that didn't find Avery Brooks drop-dead sexy when he had no hair.
And even after you tell them that Yul Brynner was gay, they STILL get all a-flutter when they look upon his image.
Hair is a binary thing to the ladies. You either need to have good hair, or no hair. The paved road up the middle with shrubs on the side doesn't cut it.
brian at January 9, 2008 6:52 AM
Jerry Lewis: "Everybody is nine years old. Starting with me."
Yeah, there's a lot of truth in this, but it applies mostly to guys; we always have a boy inside even when we get wrinkled and bald. The wife of one of my hunting buddies is especially aware of this (in a good way). When we come back from a gun show or some other display of toys, she asks, "Well, did the boys have fun?" We always tell her yes, with enthusiastic details.
Women are more mature. I suspect humor writer Pat McManus was onto something when he pointed out that, deep inside, a woman of any age still harbors a girl who is sweet sixteen. At least I hope so.
Axman at January 9, 2008 6:57 AM
dude, brian, props for the Star Trek nerdery, but Avery Brooks and Yul Brenner? Come on man.
Fact is that bald men struggle to find like-headed sex symbols. Ever notice how it's always the same list? (Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel). You can reel off TEN 'haired' sex symbols for every bald one.
Hair is sexier. Thems the breaks and we all gotta deal.
Ayn_Randian at January 9, 2008 7:08 AM
The reason for that is simple - most bald guys have one or more other major defects: fat, ugly, short.
I think a small part of that is that society spends a lot of time telling guys "If you don't have hair, you suck. Buy Rogaine!", and so they just let themselves go when the hair starts to fade.
The other thing is that maintaining a chrome-dome is awfully difficult. You think it sucks when you nick your face in the morning? Try nicking the scalp. That shit bleeds for like, a week.
brian at January 9, 2008 7:27 AM
Dudes, I'd rather hang with a chrome-dome than a guy headed that way with a bad comb-over any day. Of course, if he's got hair a la Mel Gibson in 'Braveheart', my panties be gone fashizzle, y'all! (Oooooo yes, the 16-year-old-hippie-chick in me is still alive and well! But please, spare me the patchouli, that shit is nasty.) o_O
Flynne at January 9, 2008 7:43 AM
As my hair got thinner, I cut it shorter. A year and a half ago, my wife suggested shaving and we both love it. It's a pain in the ass to shave every two days and I only get two shaves from a Fusion blade that costs about $4, but it's worth it every time I walk out freshly shaved and she runs her hand over the top of my head and ...
Steamer at January 9, 2008 7:55 AM
Only some guys look hot w/o hair some guys look ridiculous. But, for those who have the scalp to pull it off they, in my book at least, always look 10x hotter shaved. It's just a "GRR THROW ME DOWN" factor. There's something bad ass about it.
...it's kind of like how some women look great w/ a spikie bob and others can pull off butt-length hair. I can do neither. Mine varies from shoulder length to mid-back (it's just so time consuming!).
The Fifth Element and XXX are by not means high quality movies (I like bad movies, though)...but Bruce and Vin are SO hot in them...other guys just can't pull it off and look hot.
Gretchen at January 9, 2008 9:02 AM
I am slowly but surely losing my hair. Another ten years and I will probably be a dome top. I will not, however be shaving my head. Rather more concerned with embarrassing my kids, than with impressing the ladies, I will allow that which remains to get even longer and gather it in a ponytail.
But then, I have the fashion sense of someone who did way, way too much acid, back in the day.
DuWayne at January 9, 2008 9:11 AM
Yul Brynner definitely does not have me a-flutter. You kidding me? I confess Avery Brook's name didn't ring a bell but a quick google image (his face did) search elicted one response: yuck! My boss -- also a bald, black man though no 'tache -- is better looking.
That said, though I love hair "gimme a beautiful head with hair, long, beautiful hair" (yep, my 16 year hippy is alive and well and well, because I'm ballsy, not hiding inside but rather out there, pun intended), I have to agree that when it goes, much as male pattern baldness sucks, accept reality and cut it. The Ben Franklin looks is not sexy; it is ugly. I have always suspected -- and AR and Steamer have just confirmed those suspicions -- that the bald head fashion rage became and remains popular because it hides male pattern baldness so aptly. More power to that because it beats the hell out of both the fringe and the horrible, horrible combover. Guys, there is no such thing as a decent-looking combover.
I do wonder -- and I'm not quite ballsy enough to ask -- if my boss also had an afro in the 70's.
Donna at January 9, 2008 9:13 AM
Actually, thanks for wondering, my boyfriend has amazing hair. He's 56, and he has just the tiniest flecks of gray, and his hair is short, straight and chestnut brown, and very thick. It's really pretty unbelievable as hair for a guy his age would go. That said, I don't have a problem with bald men, and I always find men with shaved heads or very short hair sexy. Even men who don't have handsome faces. There's something about a guy who's just so cool with himself that he can just be, well, bare bones. And for me, handsome is good, but guys really just have to be tall, and bigger than I am (ie, not skinnier).
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 9:17 AM
Women are more mature.
Not me.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 9:18 AM
Avery Brooks is hot!
kg at January 9, 2008 9:32 AM
Personally, I like shaggy long blonde hair on guys. Pair that up with a neatly-trimmed blonde goatee. Now that's sexy. Bald isn't bad either, though. Honestly, it's more about what's between the ears than what's on top.
Bad Kitty at January 9, 2008 10:54 AM
Amy said: There's something about a guy who's just so cool with himself that he can just be, well, bare bones.
It's also very cool when the guys go out on the limb to be individually fabulous in other styles. My guitar teacher has wavy waist-length rock-n-roll hair. The drum teacher across the hall is a young guy with his naturally blonde hair in long, pencil thick dreads. One of my graphic arts professors will ocassionally wear his shoulder-length hair in a samurai topknot. It's a riot and so like his free-wheelin' hippy self. My guy wears it military short. I love the feel of his stubbly old noggin after a fresh clipping.
Merry Q. Contrary at January 9, 2008 11:07 AM
seems like the bottom line is that reality is the music, and you have to dance to that tune. If hair is going away? Let it, because you will have a hard time stopping it without serious cash. Much of this depends on age, and insecurity. Same with going gray.
Are you going to own the life you have lived? Long/Short/Gray/Bald some things can change and some can't, but who are you trying to impress?
SwissArmyD at January 9, 2008 12:39 PM
Well I may be bald, unconfident and somewhat lacking "between the ears" but I can still be a god on the Internet.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 9, 2008 1:03 PM
For the record, from the scalp down, Paul could be mistaken for Sasquatch.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 2:22 PM
Um. It's nice to read women saying nice things about their men and just men in general. I must admit it's a bit jarring because I almost always encounter women trashing their men, even where perfect strangers can hear.
It says something very positive about your men --- and about you ladies here.
Now me, I've been called "sasquatch." I reject this, I'm much more exotic. Think Abominable Showman. ;-) I'm thinning on top. Soon, perhaps in a year, I will shave it high and tight on the head.
Jeff at January 9, 2008 3:16 PM
Women who trash the men they're with are women who are idiots and/or women who chose badly or not at all. Randomly end up with somebody and, well, you're lucky if you get a nice guy. I waited for one. Looked high and low for him, and after spending the better part of my 30s alone, finally found him at the iPod display one December 12.
Amy Alkon at January 9, 2008 3:49 PM
I still grow my hair long, it's what I grew up with. When my hair is short, it turns frizzy and doesn't train, its a mess and it's too fine to do anything with it so I usually have a choice, shave it or go long. I usually wear it in a 18" ponytail.
You folks talk about Yul Brenner. He was one of the very few bald actors back then and a lot of women found that sexy. It never hurt his career in a world of Cary Grants.
Someone sent me a good hair joke: This old man was sitting in a food court in a mall and he was staring at this teenage boy sitting close to him with a huge multi-colored mohawk. The teenager said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man said,"Yeah, I got drunk and had sex with a peacock once, I was thinking you might be my son."
Bikerken at January 9, 2008 4:17 PM
I must admit it's a bit jarring because I almost always encounter women trashing their men, even where perfect strangers can hear.
The ironic thing is that, at least in my experience, genuinely abused women - and men - typically DON'T trash their significant others, because abusers are very, very good at convincing their romantic partners that the abuse is *their* fault. When I hear someone *seriously* trashing a partner, I tend to think, "Look, either find a counselor, leave, or shut the hell up." The ones to show concern for are those who defend nasty behavior by their partners and seem to be taking the blame for everything onto themselves all of the time.
Bald fat men typically aren't sexy...and when I say "fat," I mean "overweight/out of shape" as opposed to "stocky." Otherwise? Avery Brooks is far hotter in his Hawk mode - bald head, goatee - than in his original Capt. Sisko mode - full head of hair, clean-shaven. The bald-with-beard look can work well. In my experience, the hair/no hair thing typically isn't a dealbreaker for women. There is a small minority of the male population that will look horrible with no hair no matter what. There is a much larger percentage that will look fine with no hair assuming that some care is taken with the rest of the appearance. There is a percentage who look better with no hair because baldness goes with an overall sleek image - Michael Jordan, for example. And there are the Evan Handlers of the world who are (yes, IMHO) adorable. But the combover looks good on exactly 0% of the male population. That's right, 0%. While you're in the men's room fiddling with your strands, Patrick Stewart is at the bar suavely stealing your date.
Also, remember...baldness is linked to testosterone. There is a correlation between high testosterone and high confidence. A decently attired man who takes some care with his appearance and weight who is *confident* will typically do better than one who is not, hair or no hair. This isn't to say there aren't women who want hair or nothing. There are. But confidence is still the #1 asset that a guy can have on the dating scene. Assuming certain basic hygeine and care taken with one's appearance, hair - and everything else - are far, far behind in terms of being important factors.
marion at January 9, 2008 5:48 PM
Hygiene? Picky, picky. You know some of us are too busy terrorizing drunken, palsy-paw campers with super-8 movie cameras to primp and preen in front of a mirror all day. And by the way, Avery Brooks is hot because he commands a space station, and Yul Brenner is hot because he's the King of Siam. Or a faceless robot, if you're into that sort of thing -- you know who you are, you pervy Sorayama freaks. And Vin Diesel is but a reflecting moon of Asia Argento's scorching solar succulence in xXx.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 9, 2008 8:00 PM
Ok Paul, you made that last name up, didn't you?
Bikerken at January 9, 2008 10:07 PM
> you know who you are
Yo.
Crid at January 9, 2008 10:27 PM
"Ok, Paul..."
What can I say? "Smith" was just so bourgeois.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 10, 2008 8:06 AM
And by the way, Avery Brooks is hot because he commands a space station, and Yul Brenner is hot because he's the King of Siam.
That's an interesting comment. I think part of the reason these guys are hot is not only because they command a space station or are the King of Siam. It's that they have the personality type that you know that if they get knocked down to beggar level or even lower, in six months or a year they'll be back at the same status that they were originally. Some guys just seem to be meant to have power.
Bad Kitty at January 10, 2008 9:04 AM
Nietzsche and R. Crumb couldn't have said it better.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 10, 2008 11:08 AM
And shame on my brain for misspelling Brynner.
Paul Hrissikopoulos at January 10, 2008 1:12 PM
It's cool. He'd almost certainly have mispelled Hrissikopoulos.
Crid at January 10, 2008 2:52 PM
And by the way, Avery Brooks is hot because he commands a space station, and Yul Brenner is hot because he's the King of Siam.
Avery Brooks wasn't hot when he started out on DS9. Oh, he was handsome - one doesn't get to be the lead star of a U.S. TV show if one isn't handsome. But he wasn't *hot*. It was only when he shaved his head and grew a beard - i.e. returned to the Hawk look - that he became *hot*. Michael Rosenbaum of "Smallville" is also quite hot bald. Both seem more...menacing without hair, but not in a bad way, if that makes sense. If you come across as someone who's ashamed to be hairless, that's bad. If you come across as someone who moves faster without the burden of hair, that's good.
marion at January 10, 2008 3:10 PM
The reason for that is simple - most bald guys have one or more other major defects: fat, ugly, short.
Wow, being short automatically qualifies as a major defect? My man is 5'7", shaved head, and totally hot. You really are a ridiculous shallow bitch!
Jody at January 16, 2008 2:25 PM
Women typically want men who are taller than they are. This is an easier task say, for Selene Luna, my tiny Hollywood bombshell friend who stacks (and she is stacked) up to 3'10"...than for girls like me who are 5'9" height queens.
In other words, "taller" is relative. But, to say that "most" bald guys are fat, ugly or short is ridiculous.
Also, I do have to add that having what you are attracted to in a person, physically and otherwise, isn't "shallow," but smart. I'm not attracted to men who are shorter than I am, but a guy can be chunky and not that handsome, and if he's tall and strong-looking and looks smart, I'll probably think he's hot.
And I just love men with shaved heads.
PS My sister's husband is bald, with a shaved head, quite slim, very attractive, and you could bounce coins off his abs.
Amy Alkon at January 16, 2008 2:55 PM
|Very good website you have here.
http://silk-flowers-wedding-bouquet.chemtox.org
Musshoste at March 21, 2008 7:36 AM
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