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So...anybody have any idea who "The Woz" is?

Since we can put him in the category of the self-serving jerks, I believe it means "THE Wizard of OZ".

You're awesome! I look forward to the update.

May I quibble?
The title line is lacking agreement between subject and verb. If it were "Your proctologist's office called. They found your head." I wouldn't have bothered you with such nit-pickery.

I'm just that way.

Luckily, I'm not so insecure as a writer that I feel compelled to write "properly." I'll refer you to Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing:

"If proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go."

What you suggest above isn't funny. And isn't the line, anyway, which isn't mine, but something I heard once.

My pet peeve is Anyone with a Car. The list grows by leaps & bounds each day.

People who tailgate until they are the first car & then they go the same speed, they're just a-holes, not really in a rush to be anywhere.

People who cut off a tractor trailer in traffic, because you know, they stop so well. This includes people who tailgate a motorsickle, when they can stop faster than a car.

People who change lanes without looking, without blinkers, who cross more than one lane without stopping. I've seen them cross 5 lanes without a blinker in sight. It gives away their next move!

People who can't do alternate merge, or wait to the very last second to merge. Or the ones that think the giant line of traffic doesn't apply to them, & can just merge in at the top of the line. Because we were waiting for you, the rest of us don't have anywhere to be.

People who think that because I left a car sized space between me & the other car in front, that they should get in there. Even better, is when there is also 100 ft of space behind me.

I used to like driving around.

Megan you listed every driving peeve of mine too! I especially hate the ones that smile at you as they're cutting in line in front of you. One guy tried to do that to me this morning, going into the parking garage. As I was getting out of my car he started yelling at me and I said, "You better put on a condom - if you're going to act like a dick, you need to dress like one." Shut him right up!

LOVE the comment Flynne. May have to borrow it. As I drive a motorcycle on days warm & dry enough to do so here, those non-signalling lane changers and tail gaters really piss me off. Had to dodge a fellow who jumped into my lane this morning. I could tell he hadn't seen me the way he kept glancing back into his mirrors to see if I was giving him the evil eye. The awareness developed by riding a motorcyle in traffic would be a good lesson for every driver. Not just to be more aware of bike's, but to be more aware of everything. Unless you're on an open road, there's no auto-pilot while on a bike!

Not sure its worth it, but apparently you can obtain the vehicle registration of anyone in California by mailing the form plus $5.00 to:
Department of Motor Vehicles
Office of Information Services
Public Operations, Unit G199
P.O. Box 944247
Sacramento CA 94244-2470

This is the form: http://www.dmv.ca.gov/forms/inf/inf70.pdf

I guess the DMV sends a copy of the request to whoever's vehicle it is, but not sure what grounds they have to refuse. It will only show name, not address and it would probably take a while, but thought I'd pass the info along.

Good job Flynne! Also, I agree with Moreta, every driver having a motorcycle first.

If every 17 yo had to get a motorcycle first, instead of an suv. That you can't get an actual car with doors until 21. I know I never truly appreciated the "privlage" of driving back then.

I don't understand the way people treat motorcyclists. Like they are being punished for choosing to ride around without doors.

I'll add one - the people farting along at the speed limit in the passing lane. (Usually blue-hairs.) I have heard these people on morning radio shows, and they are so smug and sanctimonious, it makes me want to unplug their pacemakers. They think they are making us all better people and improving society by doing it, since after all, "it IS the speed limit!"

Or maybe they honestly think it's called the passing lane because that's where you drive if you want everyone to pass you.

Hi Amy,

in case you haven't found this yet: Steven Wozniak received a speeding ticket (104 mph) last August. But not in a Range Rover. He was flying a Prius!

He pleaded guilty, but explained that he'd been to Europe so often that he had gotten used to kilometer speeds. Won't try that one if I visit the U.S. again, as the fine was $700. Here's the full story:

http://blogs.siliconvalley.com/gmsv/2007/08/woz_qualifies_for_prius_racing_team.html

"(Usually blue-hairs.)"

I think you mean Q-Tips.

And they're teaching you a lesson. Patience is a VIRTUE, dammit!!

...went on my first motorcycle ride last weekend. It's a crotch rocket so it's 1) wicked uncomfortable 2) not meant for cruising. It's meant for speed. I'd rather cruise while seated firmly on my ass, and not in "projectile position" as the crotch rocket would have you. If BF took it up to 50 I'd pinch his nipple (probably more dangerous than speeding on a Kawasaki Ninja bike).

Just not my style. If I'm going 90 I want to be surrounded by a reinforced steel cage w/ a seatbelt on and 10 airbags. I'll say it I fucking love my Passat.

Amy - sometimes I wish I drove around a beat up Crown Vic or 15 year old Suburban so I could "accidentally" slam on my breaks REALLY HARD when an asshole like that is on my ass.

"Ooops...was your Range Rover...EXPENSIVE?!?! I didn't want to hit that squirrel!!"

P.S: Pirate Jo, I didn't mean to imply you fucked up the phrase. I was just adding my own into the mix albeit in a shittily phrased way. Blue-hairs, Q-Tips...our gripe is the same!

trying again. I think it's this guy from Riverside. He goes by 'the Woz'. He was probably in Venice Beach either trying to drum up business for his repair shop. Or maybe looking for transvestite hookers....
http://www.colorbywoz.com/

No prob, Gretchen - I have used the phrase 'Q-tips' to describe them before, too, but wasn't sure how many people would be familiar with it. I imagine them as grumpy old busybodies who have nothing better to do than spy on their neighbors all day and call 911 for parking violations. Actually, an old guy on my condo association board kind of resembles that remark.

Amy,
I cordoned off the pedant section my thinkin' jelly and reconsidered. And I was wrong. You are right. If it's grammatically correct, it's just not funny. And funny is the point.
But wait, couldn't the second sentence be "He found your head?"

Damn! Another cordon broken in less than two minutes.

Thanks, Sterling...just talked to him. He was very nice, has Woz license plates but not this one, and swears that he doesn't have a silver Range Rover. He'd heard of somebody with this plate, however (I think he said he'd tried to get it, but it wasn't available).

I also heard back from Steve Wozniak - not him either. Not that I thought it was. He's a guy who talks about how he can't fire people. He's not going to be menacing them in traffic.

For personal reasons, I'm really glad that your stunt driver wasn't the real Woz. I always admired him as the guy who did the actual inventions that got Apple started. It's really a shame that he didn't even get half the popularity of Steve Jobs.

Are you sure you learned to drive in Detroit? Because here, the Woz would be guilty of, like, maaaaybe a third-degree misdemeanor. Last Friday, I had three motorcycles flying in tight formation shoot a miniscule gap between me and a truck, this the crowning move of the usual four-lane high-speed lane change. Yes, on the freeway.

Last spring I got nicked by a pickup truck in a howling thunderstorm on I-94. Guy didn't stop, so I chased him. Got the license number before he sped off again, which I took proudly to the highway patrol the next day, only to hear it came back to a blue Honda Civic. "But the car that hit me was a late-model Dodge pickup," I said. "Yeah, those are really getting stolen a lot lately," they said.

Living around here recalibrates a lot of your measurements of proper behavior.

I love people who speed up to me (while I'm in the right lane approaching an exit I don't intend to use), pass me on the left, then swerve dangerously to the right before they miss the exit.

Speed up in order to slow down! Dee dee dee!

There is nothing quite like the terror of a tailgater when you're on a motorcycle. I mean, it's not like you can bump me and I'll bounce. Your bumper hits my tire, and I FUCKING DIE.

There's been a few near-stomp incidents around here where people have either been inattentive, or deliberately been dicks to me when I'm on the bike. I particularly enjoy the needledick in the big truck trying to impress his seat-cover by running me off the road a few times.

There's assholes everywhere. I'm glad this one in particular wasn't the REAL Woz. I'm insanely jealous that you even got to talk to him. Meeting him would be the ultimate geek-out. This is the man that invented Apple. In his garage.

Blogdog,
If it was "He found your head", it wouldn't be as funny. "They" leaves it open, like maybe his head had been lost for a while and there was a search team. It's just funnier.

You might be ok at pedantics, but you're not funny. And yeah, I checked out your blog.

But did you see all my LOLdogs at Rachel Lucas's site?
I'm funny. When the English teacher part of me doesn't get in the way. My parsing of this joke however - just wrong and not funny. On that I concede most readily.

I got smashed into in late December by someone riding my tail like that, because the car in front of me braked to avoid a dog. As I always leave ample space between me and whoever is in front of me, I was able to stop without hitting the guy (and he didn't hit the dog), but Mr.Antsy-pants in back of me took off the whole right rear of my vehicle(I'm in Japan, we drive on the left)...seems he had just accelerated to pass me as Car Number One hit the brakes. Unbelievable damage. I had my husband's 82-year-old mother in the car with me, too. No injuries, but what a mess. Driving like that is really dangerous. It's too bad a cop didn't see it, Amy.

It's no fun to be behind tailgaters either. They have to keep hitting their brakes, and you don't know if all the traffic is slowing down ahead, or just that one dimwit. What's the matter with these people? Do they have no depth perception?

Right, PJ? And you know what else gets me? Those people in the fast lane, doing the speed limit, stubbornly refusing to pull over to let the ones on their asses pass, and creating a friggin' bottleneck, because they start keeping pace with the car next to them in the travel lane! And then the tailgaters are screeching all the way over to the right lane, passing cars on the right, cutting other people off, and then getting ahead of the guy who was originally creating the bottleneck, and jamming on their brakes in front of them! Yeah! That'll teach 'em! Sheesh. o_O

Lately, I've been cycling into work (7 miles each way) 2-3 days a week. You think it's bad when people tailgate and such when you're on a motorcycle or in a Honda Insight? Try it when you're on a bike/trike.

Funny thing is, it's not the cars that bother me as much as the other cyclists.
Common stupid things cyclists do...
Roll right through stop lights/signs, because they don't want to lose momentum.
Change lanes without signaling, sometimes not even bothering to look behind them or use mirrors.
Ride down the WRONG side of the street.
Ride on the sidewalk at normal speed (in most cities, this is illegal unless it's part of a designated bike route).
Pass cars when they're stopped a light to go up to the front (some cities allow for that) when they're supposed to stop in traffic the same as any motorcycle.

The worst example was when I saw an idiot ride up the sidewalk, enter the crosswalk, then veer from the crosswalk into the parallel traffic lane. One car veered and barely avoided him, another slammed on their brakes to not flatten him. He never looked back once and just kept pedaling, oblivious. Future Darwin Award winner.

The rule of thumb, is that if you're riding in the road with cars, you have to obey the same rules they do (except you can't go as fast as they do). If you're on the sidewalk, you're sharing with pedestrians, and thus shouldn't go any faster than a jogger.

Hey Nance-

Was on I-94 today, coming back to northern IL from Ann Arbor, MI- people act as if they are the Center of the Universe on I-94, but wait until you hit Gary, IN all the way through to the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago. It doesn't let up until past Elgin; my theory is that there's some sort of radioactive contamination in Chi-Town that disables everyone's inhibitory center, like a stroke victim. Two years ago I downgraded from a Suburban to a PT Cruiser (with 3 kids, but it can be done) but there are so many luxury SUV's barreling through like I'm just an ancillary satellite to their magnificence. PUKE.

Woz update: It's now a black range rover. Saw it today in a 2nd street parking structure in SM. Since today was the ipocalypse, I thought Steve Wozniak himself might have come down to the promenade for some time at the Apple store--but I guess it wasn't him. Seeing that plate got my heartrate up, though, Wozniak is an old hero of mine, too. Cheers, A

Wow...I wish I could've been there and waited around to see who it belonged to. Thanks for posting this.

Fast forward to 2012.

I was driving down Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills, today. A fire truck approached, lights and sirens blaring, coming the other way. Everyone, of course, pulled over or stopped (as is the law) to give the fire truck a wide berth. Everyone, that is, except for an asshole in a black sports car convertible. He took the opportunity to continue forward, swerving between all the rest of us who were stopped. After the fire truck passed, I tried to catch up to this jerk, so I could, I don't know, yell at him, but traffic prevented me from getting next to him.

I did get a look at his license plate, though: THE WOZ.

(Googling "The Woz license plate" brought me here.)

I googled THE WOZ as well after an experience with this guy. We were driving away from Redondo Beach Pier on Torrance Blvd. He is now driving a black convertible Camero. He swerved around our car and in and out of traffic about six more times just to get to the front at a traffic light. He had long black wavy greasy hair and looks kind of like Gene Simmons. He was belting out some country western tunes. What a pain in the neck.

Update for anyone still interested. He now drives a yellow convertible Camaro SS. I actually live near him in Redondo Beach, and know where he parks. I have seen him driving exactly as described on several occasions. Just this morning he cut off some joggers who had the right of way, swerved in and out of traffic, and then revved his engine at the car in front of him to turn right on red faster. I wish I had a dash cam...

Saw corvette with "the woz " license plate parked in a parking lot. So from a Range Rover to a corvette -- I'd say not Steve Wozniak.

I took a picture. Wish there was a way to upload it here.

Blue corvette convertible with "THE WOZ" California license plate was cutting people off without signaling, veering across multiple lanes, and driving like an entitled prick all over the 405N in LA this morning. The guy driving was not Steve Wozniak (best I could tell, it was a white guy, I'm guessing in his 40s-50s, wearing a douchey telephone headset). He's definitely a jerk though. ;)

Omg- new spotting: he has blue corvette and brown curly hair. But he was still belting out country music and cutting people off like crazy! He is now in Atlanta- but had his Cali plates still!