Guns Don't Kill People
Gun replica jewelry kills people. Well, that is, if the terrorist seated behind you on the plane garrotes you with your gun replica necklace for good luck before he storms the cockpit.
Of course, he will be doing no such thing if you're a woman wearing a 1.75-inch sterling silver gun pendant around your neck while passing through Canadian airport security, and not just because the terrorists all have to be laughing their primitive asses off at how they've ruined airline travel in the Western world. (Does anybody with a brain think they're going to pick airplanes for their next attack? Then again...maybe just to show what idiots we have running security at the airports. Sorry, I mean "security." Security theater.)
J.P. Squire writes for the Kelowna Daily Courier in British Colombia of a 39-year-old Toronto woman, Marnina Norys, wearing a pendant in the shape of an antique Colt 45, who was "caught by alert Kelowna airport security." (Alert to what, eccentric fashion choices?):
"That's a replica," an unidentified security agent told the harried traveller as if she would understand that replica weapons, even miniaturized pieces of jewelry, are not allowed.Her jewelry posed no threat, responded Norys, and could hardly be used to hijack an airplane. "It's what it represents," said the agent.
..."How do you know it wasn't a real gun?" asked Guy, a security agent with the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority, who also declined to provide his last name.
"Who knows if there is a gun that small that can shoot bullets? You don't know that. They followed the rules."
Anyone who tries to get through airport security with a piece of jewelry that looks like a miniature knife, spear or any other weapon would be told the same thing, he said.
The ban on replica weapons is explained on the website www.catsa.ca, he said. Its 13-page list of permitted and non-permitted items does contain the wording "replica weapons," but isn't specific on size.
"You'd think they'd have better things to do than harass a middle-aged woman over a quirky piece of jewellery," said Norys, adding the pen she took through security could have done more damage than her necklace.
"Sounds like a Kids in the Hall sketch," said Margaret Resin, Norys' mother. "Were they afraid you were going to attack some Lilliputians?"
You have to find ruler and look at it to fully understand how ridiculous this is. Or line up a quarter and a nickel. The length of the two coins side-by-side is just a shade over 1.75 inches on my wooden schoolgirl ruler.
By the way, I read the other day on travel writer Chris Elliott's site about the TSA's "widely misunderstood 3-1-1 rule," about the 3 oz. bottles of liquid we're limited to in a small baggy. Except...we're not?
Here's the deal from the TSA site:
3-1-1 for carry-ons = 3 ounce bottle or less (by volume) ; 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. One-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring. 3 oz. container size is a security measure.
And then, there's this, four lines below the statement above:
Declare larger liquids. Medications, baby formula and food, breast milk, and juice are allowed in reasonable quantities exceeding three ounces and are not required to be in the zip-top bag. Declare these items for inspection at the checkpoint.
So...are we or are we not allowed a big jug of freshly squeezed lemonade? Or Mommy-ade? How much is a "reasonable quantity"? Maybe you're a sipper. I go through a big bottle of Pellegrino in no time, especially when I'm writing.
Wait, there's more. These are the exceptions in detail:
Baby formula, breast milk, and juice for infants and toddlers.All prescription and over-the-counter medications (liquids, gels, and aerosols) including KY jelly, eye drops, and saline solution for medical purposes;
Liquids including water, juice, or liquid nutrition or gels for passengers with a disability or medical condition;
They've never heard of a diabetic terrorist?
And KY jelly? KY jelly? Who says flying is no fun these days?
I found the above TSA link on a blog item by Elliott (also linked just above) about how U.S. Air is going to start charging $2 for soft drinks on its flights, including bottled water. Not a problem for me, as I bring two empty water bottles and fill them from the drinking fountains at the airport. Well, except in France, where Air France recently made me throw both empty bottles in the trash before boarding. TSA rules, they said.
Elliott's take on the $2 bev fee?
In fact, over the long term, depriving passengers of basic necessities like drinkable water could cost the carrier more than the revenue it will generate.We can't bring bottled water through a TSA screening area under the agency's ineffective and widely misunderstood 3-1-1 rule. So you basically have to buy the airline's water at $2 a bottle, which is a steep markup from the grocery store price.
If you're a budget traveler, you could find yourself strapped in an economy class seat on a long flight with nothing to drink and no money to pay for essential water.
Oh, come on. I find that a bit hysterical. You can afford hundreds of dollars for a flight, but you'd rather chance passing out and maybe dying to save two bucks on a bottle of water? Or even four?
And they say natural selection is over.
gun link via reason
I got a good laugh at this. Recently I had a can of shaving cream confiscated at the airport. Apparently it was over the size limit. When I ask why size matters (the joke was lost on the self-important security lady) she advised me sternly that a larger can can be used to bring toxins or explosives onto the plane. Does this mean that 1 ounce of plastique or anthrax is an acceptable level for personal use? (Common sense precluded me from asking that question aloud.)
How paranoid a culture have we become?
steveda at June 19, 2008 6:35 AM
It's all totally retarded. If you want to bring down a plane, you'll find a way. The TSA are frequently found to miss everything but water bottles anyway, when they're tested. Oh, and somebody in Mantova, Italy, has a lovely pair of cuticle clippers from Sephora. Very sharp, had them in my carry-on bag for a year. Nobody in the USA ever spotted them. The inspectora lady in Mantova took them away from me.
Amy Alkon at June 19, 2008 6:39 AM
It sounds hysterical but you need to know the other side of the story. I have two friends who used to work as custom officers at the Montreal international airport. They had at least five agencies (Federal and provincial) behind them and breathing on their necks to insure them they are doing their jobs. This explain the level of zeal at the CATSA.
This being said, I have heard stories of things travelers can carry into their bags and I am not that impressed by the story of this pendant.
Toubrouk at June 19, 2008 6:44 AM
That's Kelowna Daily Courier. JP will be happy to know his story's quoted.
Kelowna is in Canada's westernmost province, British Columbia, and situated in the Okanagan valley. Beautiful scenery, great wine country. You should go, but make sure you check our airport security regulations first, I think they're more strict than in the U.S.
RS at June 19, 2008 7:13 AM
Thanks, corrected. Blogging late-night has its drawbacks!
Amy Alkon at June 19, 2008 7:16 AM
"Who knows if there is a gun that small that can shoot bullets? You don't know that. They followed the rules."
...what would such a gun shoot? Rabbit pellets?
I really feel for the TSA agents...the stupid stuff they have to enforce. They're pretty much not allowed to use common sense.
Amy, I saw your post on Elliott's blog yesterday! I read that blog and his troubleshooter column religiously.
sofar at June 19, 2008 7:21 AM
The KY allowance is for the elbow-deep searches the TSA is allowed to perform on anyone they find personally attractive.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at June 19, 2008 8:02 AM
Lesson -
Ship all your stuff to the hotel via FedEx, show up to the airport in boxers, a t-shirt, and flip-flops, bearing nothing but your passport, your boarding pass, your AMEX, and a $20 bill.
Or, just don't fly, and let the airlines go out of business, which would make CATSA and TSA go away for lack of anything to do.
brian at June 19, 2008 8:30 AM
I suspect I'm much more likely to be "victimized" by people sporting other flavors of jewelry...
Payl Hrissikopoulos at June 19, 2008 8:30 AM
I was looking through the www.catsa.gc.ca link, and things like the gun pendant are explicitly allowed.
http://www.catsa.gc.ca/english/travel_voyage/list.shtml
Small objects shaped like guns or handcuffs (e.g., pendants, charms) Yes Yes
That is yes to carry on and yes to checked bags.
This is contradicted by another entry later in the document
Items that look like weapons but are not weapons (e.g., perfume bottles shaped like a grenade) No Yes
No to carry on, Yes to checked.
This isn't a TSA issue as it was a Canadian airport, though most of the rules are the same.
Replica Weapons would be full size guns that look real, like the guns used by the incompetent robbers in Snatch
Darryl at June 19, 2008 8:36 AM
I'm not buying into the argument against charging for beverages. I'm with you, Amy...if you can afford a damn airline ticket, you can scratch together a couple of bucks for a drink.
Most food and drink provided on domestic flights are unnecessary anyway...it's just something to entertain the passengers. That's what books, PSPs, ipods...hell, even pencil and paper are for.
The security measures are ridiculous, reactive (instead of proactive), and not too successfully enforced. I had some shampoo confiscated even though it was only about 2 or 3 oz., and even though it was in a clear bottle. The reason? The bottle was a 5 or 6 oz. bottle, which is apparently too big, even if only the bottom bit contains any shampoo. Perhaps they thought I was going to fill the remaining space with liquid explosive on my way to the gate?
Karen at June 19, 2008 8:56 AM
Too funny:
"...what would such a gun shoot? Rabbit pellets?"
"The KY allowance is for the elbow-deep searches the TSA is allowed to perform on anyone they find personally attractive."
Haha!
You know, a Christian cross could be a weapon. I am sure there are pendants with pointed tips and could be used to stab someone in the jugular. Who'd ever suspect a CHRISTIAN anyway?!
Gretchen at June 19, 2008 9:14 AM
I have flown once since 9/11. 2 years ago when my grandpa passed I flew to Palm Springs via Portland Oregon, and LA. I had a carry on that contained a 6 inch buck knife in a side pocket...I didn't know it was there, I hadn't flown prior to that in 10 years and we don't pay attention to what we pack in when we drive...I made it to Palm Springs and found it at my grandparents house...how the hell did I get through 2 security check points where I was forced to remove my shoes and jacket, but I could carry a big knife in my bag? Scary. Grandma mailed it back to me.
Kimberly M at June 19, 2008 9:14 AM
I can't wait for the first female jihadi to have plastique breast implants (My cup size? C4.) Detonator earrings (dangles of course) and the battery from her cell phone. Boom. But she'll have only had 3 oz. of shampoo in her carry-on.
This will always be a game of catch-up and the traveling public will be the losers.
BlogDog at June 19, 2008 9:28 AM
sofar sez:
I really feel for the TSA agents...the stupid stuff they have to enforce. They're pretty much not allowed to use common sense.
There's a reason they're not allowed to use "common sense". A story, if I may:
My sister worked about a decade in an agency of the City of New Orleans. She used to bring us incredibly detailed lists of procedures that employees were required to comply with in all cases. I asked her why the people there were not allowed to use any judgment. She cringed and replied, "With the caliber of person they have working there, that's the last thing you'd ever want. Most of the people who work with me have no independent thinking ability at all." I suspect it's much the same with the TSA (and tell me, have they completed all the background checks on their personnel yet?).
The other reason no subjectivity is allowed to those in authority is for legal reasons. If someone exercises judgment, even good judgment, he/she or his/her organization can be hauled into court on charges ranging from harrassment to racial/gender discrimination, not to mention a variety of lawsuits by "aggrieved" parties. So zero tolerance, and all the other ridiculous by-products of one-size-fits-all policies, are at their core a valid legal defense against such charges. Unfortunate, but that's where we are as a society.
cpabroker at June 19, 2008 9:41 AM
I wonder if these other countries were always this paranoid and stupid, or if they caught it from us after 9/11.
DaveG at June 19, 2008 9:49 AM
Several years ago I was at a McDonalds drive-thru window and asked to speak to the manager because the teenager who served me could not comply with my request without firing a few neurons. The manager look harried and was very polite to me, but defended his employees' right to be mediocre.
DaveG at June 19, 2008 9:55 AM
I am a soldier. I was flying home for Christmas of '06. I was in full Class A uniform (I was going to home to get married). Going through security "theatre" as Amy so aptly describes it,jumping through the hoops like a darned chimp or something, it occurred to me - the terrorists have already won.
WolfmanMac at June 19, 2008 10:39 AM
Hey, thanks WolfmanMac (for soldiering on behalf of the rest of us).
Amy Alkon at June 19, 2008 10:40 AM
Did you know you could ground every airplane in america with a couple of Etch-a-setches and a handful of old rust nails?
And if you have the most basic grasp of chemistry you could fill all your 3oz bottles witht the right chemicals and casue a plane to crash rather than just force it into an emergency langing
lujlp at June 19, 2008 10:50 AM
I remember I was flying out to visit my familly after my lung operation, the Army had me on the godawful liquid medication. Worst stuff I ever tasted.
I was going thru security at the louiville airport and they wanted to throw it away. Luckilly this was jan of 03 just before the TSA was transfered to the dept of homland security.
So there I am standing in my class As with about 50 people behind me being told to throw away my medication.
I cant tell you how happy I was to make a scene.
But WolfmanMac is right the terrorist did win
lujlp at June 19, 2008 11:00 AM
My pleasure, Amy. Good people are worth it.
Lujlp, I can't imagine that. I'm not a patient type when I feel good, but Jesus - just had surgery, trying to get home, IN UNIFORM... Military Bearing, my ass.
Did you hear about the Special Forces guy, back when the war in Afghanistan was underway but Iraq had not begun? He had been shot through the jaw and it was wired shut. He was flying home on convalescent leave, and they had given him a special screwdriver to loosen the screws in case his tongue began to swell up. Well, Airport security wouldn't let him on the plane with it. I know this happened, it was all over the news, but its been so long I can't remember what outlet.
Booger eating morons, the lot of them.
WolfmanMac at June 19, 2008 11:09 AM
Did you hear about the Special Forces guy...?
Then there's the story of Joe Foss. He was a Marine fighter pilot in World War II.
On the afternoon in question Foss was wearing a medal - awarded for his World War II service - because he had given a speech at one of the service academies earlier that day.
When he tried to get past airport security wearing his medal, he was told he would have to give it up because the points were sharp and it could be used as a weapon.
He declined to give it up (saying he had worked too hard to get it) and asked to speak to a supervisor. The manager came over and Foss explained about the medal. It took a while, but Foss was finally allowed to board the plane wearing his Congressional Medal of Honor.
Conan the Grammarian at June 19, 2008 2:23 PM
Unbelievable! Yet...all too believable.
Amy Alkon at June 19, 2008 2:29 PM
My god man, I do remember hearing something about that, but Im in a school right now and a little out of touch. (Im on a training break for the next couple of weeks which is why Im haunting the forum so much).
For the benefit of nonmilitary folks out there, most people know the Congressional Medal of Honor is the nations highest award for bravery. Most people who aren't military don't realize 1. Most awards of the CMH are posthumous - more often than not, they give it to your next of kin. 2. No matter your rank, if you are a private E-1 (the lowest military rank), if you are wearing the medal, you are saluted.
To treat a recipient of the CMH like that is mind boggling.
WolfmanMac at June 19, 2008 2:33 PM
I phrased that badly - I meant to say that whatever your rank, even if it is the lowest rank in the military, all other service members, even if they are the highest rank, are required to salute if you are wearing the medal.
WolfmanMac at June 19, 2008 2:35 PM
WolfmanMac, that actually is not in the regulations.
And the CMH recipient I knew in the Navy never wore the ribbon or the medal. He didn't want the attention, for a variety of reasons.
Radwaste at June 19, 2008 4:40 PM
WolfmanMac,
I had the good fortune of meeting Joe Foss at an air show many (many many many) years ago. I was left with the distinct impression he was a very quiet and soft spoken man, not the kind of man to go 'throwing his weight around'.
But I also suspect part of that was TSAs arrogance. Personally I refuse to fly anymore, not because I'm concerned about terrorism in the skies... but rather because I refuse to subject myself to the gross stupidity of those airport security workers.
Gunner Retired
Gunner Retired at June 21, 2008 10:34 AM
Leave a comment