If There Were A God, Maybe He Would've Equipped You With A Brain
I just love the way people attribute their survival in the face of idiocy to god watching over them. This guy had his arm eaten off by an alligator, but hey, god was there to keep him alive. From a Mike Celizic story on MSBNC:
Kasey Edwards had grown up around alligators -- so he knew that when he had a 600-pound bull gator clamped on his left arm and a buoy rope gripped desperately in his right hand, he was in a tug-of-war he couldn't win."I don't care who you are: If an 11½-foot alligator tries to pull you under the water and you hang on, there's something else holding you on out there," the 18-year-old told TODAY's Matt Lauer in an exclusive interview Wednesday, three days after losing his left arm to the gator, but winning the war to survive. "I definitely felt that God was with me that day to keep me on that rope."
Edwards' life-and-death battle with one of nature's deadliest predators played out at 2:30 Sunday morning in a canal that fed into Lake Okeechobee, the giant freshwater lake between Miami and Orlando in Florida. After an afternoon spent swimming and drinking beer at Vero Beach, Edwards and some male and female friends had gone to Lake Okeechobee to hang out along the canal.
The group had stopped drinking beer before they left Vero Beach around 6 p.m. with a designated driver, Edwards said, denying allegations that they were intoxicated at the lake. "It was 2 o'clock Sunday morning at this time. Nobody was intoxicated at all," he said.
They had seen alligators, and when Edwards stripped off his shirt and announced he was going to take a swim in the canal, his friends tried to dissuade him, but he dove in anyway and swam across the canal and then parallel to a row of buoys that lined the far bank.
'More aggressive'
"I'd grown up around alligators as a little boy, swimming in the canals and the lakes," the crew-cut 18-year-old said in explaining why he jumped in the water. "They never really bothered me."
Genius.
And god was there to keep the guy alive...why? Because the world is so short on people lacking in common sense? If you can see how this guy fits into what's supposedly god's plan, do let us all know.
And I have to say, I am always amused by the rather pathetic notion that god is sitting in a wing chair up there in "heaven" peering down and caring about miniscule daily doings of the individual numbnut's life: "Whoops! Jimmy just got the wrong change! Better rectify that!" How can anybody with an I.Q. over the speed limit believe in this stuff?
I saw this interview on the Today show this morning. The God stuff is standard dreck that everyone in this type of interview says, but something else amused me.
The kid made a very aggressive point about how they had "4 or 5 beers" (hello underage?) earlier in the day, but had quit drinking long before he jumped in the canal with the alligators. In essence, he was stridently declaring that he was in fact that stupid sober.
He also blamed animal rights activists for buying up the hunting permits that Florida sells to thin the alligator population thus keeping the animals alive and causing "overcrowding", which, according to him, makes them overly aggressive.
No sense of personal responsibility whatsoever.
Jen G. at June 25, 2008 9:58 AM
It's sad how these people think. Reminds me of plane crashes where 178 people die and a few survive. The survivors always say "God was watching out for me, for sure!". So, why exactly did God do sweet fuck-all for the other people? I figure if this "God" was actually watching out, everyone would have survived.
Of course, not being brainwashed, I wouldn't accept "He works in mysterious ways" as the catch-all answer.
Tina at June 25, 2008 10:23 AM
He's a nice boy, but about as bright as a pound of wet leather. o_O
Flynne at June 25, 2008 10:39 AM
Okay, seriously? here's George Carlin's take on the "guy in the sky":
The first thing they teach kids is that there's a God -- an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. There's no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want.
Flynne at June 25, 2008 10:48 AM
The TV dramatization of the Stolpa's survival had the power of prayer that saved them. I just watched it and counted off the mistakes they made. I just wanted to scream at them "You are a couple of idiots."
I hear it all the time and it just makes me want to gag.
Jim P. at June 25, 2008 10:57 AM
I saw the interview too and I thought of how much money an insurance company (or the state if he's uninsured) will have to pay over his lifetime for these injuries. His immediate hospital care, physical therapy, prosthetics, etc. are all going to be very expensive for someone who willingly jumped into a lake full of alligators and (un)surprisingly was attacked. In this case I hope the insurance company denies his claims but that's unlikely, so those costs will be passed on to the rest of us who are smart enough not to swim with alligators! Be an idiot if you must, but don't expect me to pay for it!
Shannon at June 25, 2008 10:57 AM
Jeez, if it makes the kid feel better to believe that God saved his life, then let him believe it. Belief in a higher power is, in my opinion, often an emotional response to trauma in one's life, something for them to hold onto (no pun intended) when things spiral out of control.
Regardless of what he said in some "feel good" interview, I doubt that he will be swimming with the gators again anytime soon.
Basically, I look at it as a way of saying that "Holy shit, I was so stupid that I cannot believe that I survived, ergo, God helped me out, cause I should logically be chopped meat by now." It doesn't mean he is going to start picketing schools that teach evolution.
liz at June 25, 2008 11:12 AM
You might know you're a redneck when...
(Sorry. I just couldn't resist and I'm no Jeff Foxworthy fan.)
Gimme a break liz on humoring that kind of moronic reasoning.
Donna at June 25, 2008 11:51 AM
I think you're looking at this wrong. It turns out that that Alligator, has an abcess, and yet was one of God's favorite creatures. Needing a way to feed his friend, God looked around and saw this guy....
jerry at June 25, 2008 12:09 PM
"If you can see how this guy fits into what's supposedly god's plan, do let us all know."
God was feeding the alligators that day.
Pirate Jo at June 25, 2008 1:17 PM
"That boy's about a sharp as a sack of wet mice." - Foghorn Leghorn
Conan the Grammarian at June 25, 2008 4:38 PM
Alligator (to his friends):
I must be livin' right. God sent me a nice juicy idiot for lunch!
brian at June 25, 2008 9:17 PM
You suppose this will get an honerable mention in the Darwin Awards?
http://www.darwinawards.com/
lujlp at June 25, 2008 10:18 PM
There but for the grace of god goes, um, any other drunk gator wrestlers.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at June 26, 2008 12:35 AM
Now, he's blaming the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not controlling the alligator population more:
Personal responsibility?
Quizzical at June 26, 2008 10:40 AM
Never put yourself next to something with a hundred razor sharp teeth, it is NOT a vegetarian, and you ARE made of steak.
On the God thing though, its not that hard to believe in God and still be a rational person.
Even if God didn't exist, the idea by itself has a good deal of use.
There are two sayings I'm fond of:
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks."
"Live justly, if there are gods and they are just, they will judge you by your virtues, if there are no gods, then you will have left at least a good example for those after you to follow."
Robert at June 28, 2008 7:49 PM
Wow you are an ugly red haired bitch! I hope doing things like this makes up for hot guys like Kasey calling you firecrotch in high school and never sleeping with you. Get a life and a real job.
Kathy at April 6, 2010 8:28 PM
Who's Kasey?
Kathy, I think you have me confused with some other "ugly red haired bitch."
(Actually, I think you're just not smart enough to formulate a rational argument.)
Amy Alkon at April 6, 2010 9:44 PM
P.S. Hi, there Denise!
Not many people with a Bedminster NJ IP address going nutbaggy on me in one day.
Amy Alkon at April 6, 2010 9:45 PM
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