Because It Doesn't Cost Them Much Doesn't Mean You Get To Steal It
I'm working on a question from a guy who had a tiff with his wife because he'd order a drink -- say, coffee in a diner where there are free refills -- and she'd order water and then take sips from his coffee cup. The waitress and manager both asked if she wanted coffee a couple of times, and she said no, but they knew better than to call her on the carpet on her rudeness (the restaurant can't win in that situation).
Apparently, she did this in fast food places when the guy got a cola or some cold drink. He'd drink his drink and get a refill, and she'd drink out of the refill. He didn't complain there -- maybe because he just wasn't irked enough, perhaps because of the price point of the restaurant or the fact that it isn't a service place (which doesn't change your ethical obligations an iota).
At the diner, when she did it, he finally said something -- that it wasn't "proper" to not order a drink and use his free refills to get something for nothing. (And note that she didn't just finish his one cup of coffee...there were refills involved.)
The woman's argument: there was no sign posted. Well, must there be signs for EVERYTHING? "Look, all you ethically bankrupt assholes out there, refills are per person, per cup...you have to actually buy a cup of something to get the refill."
And it matters not a whit that the coke or coffee might costs the restaurant three cents or some ridiculously low price. They have overhead and insurance and plenty of costs to pay, especially with the rising costs of food lately, often due to the increase in the price of gas.
There's a guy out there -- and I won't mention his book and thus promote it -- who talks about how he bought one $7 bag of popcorn at the movies and took it back for three months for free refills. First of all, he was doing this on dates. I've had some poor boyfriends, and some rich boyfriends, and I'm a girl who, if you're poor, will encourage you to take me on a date to a park bench overlooking the ocean, and I'll buy the wine or the lemonade. What I will not abide is an unethical boyfriend. Any woman who does is an idiot. If he's unethical to them, sooner or later, he'll be unethical to you, and don't believe otherwise for a minute.
The same, of course, goes for you guys out there. Except, in your case, an unethical girlfriend is especially dangerous. Unethical guys don't call their girlfriends and say, "Whoops, the little blue strip says pregnant!"
How about one adult eating from another adult's plate at a buffet restaurant? I had this happen to me when I was a waitress. The first time was when I had a table of four with one person saying they weren't eating. When I came around to refill their coffees the "not eating" person was eating off his buddy's plate! Had his own fork and everything! I called them on it and they argued with me: "But I only ate a little bit..." I charged him for a full buffet. They were right pissed and left exact change for three people on the table and left. My boss banned them from his restaurant after that. Apparently they had done it before.
PS as servers we were even busier during buffet night than other nights - making sure the buffet was stocked, making sure tables were cleared, refilling people's water, coffee, etc. yet so many people didn't tip because we weren't "serving" them directly. A-holes!
RS at August 3, 2008 10:19 AM
And this is the time to mention: if you go on a date with someone, and he/she is nice and sweet to you, but a dick to the waiter/ess, then that's not a nice person. That is a charming person, who knows who to charm, and who doesn't matter, to get what he/she wants.
an unethical girlfriend is especially dangerous. Unethical guys don't call their girlfriends and say, "Whoops, the little blue strip says pregnant!"
Like: http://www.nationalenquirer.com/george_clooney_sarah_larson_baby/mikewalker/64122
Quizzical at August 3, 2008 12:03 PM
These are the sort of people who'd use the Slydial.
catspajamas at August 3, 2008 12:57 PM
These people shouldn't be surprised when their dumpee takes advantage of another bit of technology: those review your boyfriend/girlfriend or date websites.
Amy Alkon at August 3, 2008 1:23 PM
There seems to be a general degradation of respect for property rights. Stealing artist's music is common. I've recently had to discipline some student programmers for stealing code. Plagiarism is rampant.
I know it's just a cup of coffee, but stealing a cup of coffee is still stealing. At best, it indicates an unattractive moral exceptionalism, an unearned sense of entitlement to other people's wealth. At worst, it indicates the morals of a common thief.
Jeff at August 3, 2008 2:28 PM
It's one thing to be frugal; it's another to be cheap. Honestly, it's fine if she wants to save a couple of bucks by having the water, but if she really wants coffee she should just order the damn coffee. Really, how tacky.
JMoczy at August 3, 2008 2:30 PM
It's not frugal, it's plain dishonest. No signs? I bet there's no signs saying not to crap in the corner, or not to lift the tips left on other tables, either.
If I were the guy I'd sort this out with my girlfriend, and it would be a make or break issue. It might start with free refills, but where would it end?
Norman at August 3, 2008 2:42 PM
None of us should be surprised at this. After all, it's "OK" to make copies of music for your friends because "they have enough money already" - "they" being the bands, labels, etc.
And that's not even in the same league with those who behave horribly and then justify themselves with some religious nonsense. I have examples in mind, but they're too big and too far off-topic.
Radwaste at August 3, 2008 7:59 PM
It sounds to me like this is some sort of test to see how far she can push him - just exactly how much is he willing to put up with? If it were me and she reached over and started drinking my coffee I would have said "oh, sorry, didn't realize you wanted a cup," and had the waitress bring over another (same with the buffet).
The "there's no sign" argument is ridiculus and I don't think for a second even she belives it. There's no sign saying "don't walk behind the counter and rob us blind" either, but somehow she's managed to restrain herself.
Kristyle at August 3, 2008 8:58 PM
You know rad, only being at 10 posts so far, it might not be a bad idea to go big and off topic - might be fun
lujlp at August 3, 2008 10:05 PM
Radwaste.
Go ahead, tell us about those nasty religious hypocrites. How dare they say one thing and do another, unlike the rest of us 'perfect people' who never do that.
(or if we do, we at least have the grace to admit to it)
Darwin at August 3, 2008 11:11 PM
This is also like people in the office who help themselves to office supplies for their kids going back to school, or just because they "need" the things for their home "office". We had one woman who was taking the stupid plastic spoons, and I caught her, and she was all, "well my son is only 3 and he can't handle silverware yet" and I said "then you go and BUY your OWN plastic spoons, they don't cost much" and she said "well then the company won't miss them, I only took a few." And I said, "well if everyone only took a few, soon there'd be none left, and I'd have to buy more." She just stood there like she had no comprehension of why it was a problem! And that's just one example. I could go on...
Flynne at August 4, 2008 6:42 AM
It's a puzzle to me how the hell they can really justify this kind of theviery. The nearest conclusion is do-it-yourself socialism. It doesn't cost much so the "man" won't miss it, won't feel it. But the cheap stuff anyone can afford is even sillier to steal than the big items. If stealing the big items is wrong (and it is), what the hell is it that makes stealing something you could afford okay? This is what pisses me off about the Robin Hood legend, steal from the rich to give to the poor mentality, making a common thief look like a hero.
If I ever went to the movies with someone and he pulled out some nasty old popcorn bag to save a few bucks on popcorn, never mind the morals of it, I'd be so freaking disgusted that I'd be out of there real quick. Honestly, what exactly would remain desireable about this dude? A prospective lifetime of having to save balls of twine, rewash plastic baggies? Reuse stuff, like popcorn bags, that you can't really clean? Until when? There's maggots crawling them. I just about puked on that one. That's not just tightwad, that's nasty as hell. Dude's got a real problem. As in mental. Run for your life.
T's Grammy at August 4, 2008 7:31 AM
OK, Darwin. Two wrongs do make a right, and no religious person ever excused his/her sorry behavior in Sunday Morning Theater in order to go after the choirboys the rest of the week.
If you're going to downgrade the requirements for good conduct on the part of religious people, just hand 'em a bottle of MD20-20 and a pistol and point 'em downtown.
Oh, yeah... here's a good one.
Radwaste at August 4, 2008 3:37 PM
Raddy, that is one sick bastard, thanks for sharing! o_O
Flynne at August 5, 2008 5:54 AM
It would be perfect if she sued them for getting burned on that hot coffee she was stealing... and then the press could put it on the front page... and we could talk about it on radio and tv shows... and make a reality tv show about it...
Yeah - that argument of there being no sign just kind of makes me sad about the state of ethics out there... but things kind of seem out of wack lately
("wife"... well this can't be something new / but good that he is raising it.)
@Jeff - When I was in school, the teachers promoted re-using code to save re-inventing the wheel. Of course there are limits...
MyThoughts at August 6, 2008 10:05 AM
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