My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

This morning when I put on my underwear. I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

Hello- is this microphone on?

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

I tell ya what, kids are having sex too early nowadays... They got birth control pills shaped like Fred Flintstone!

(Man, that was so funny during Reagan's first term)

Sorry I looked! o_O