Lesbo Genius And The Straight Boy
Just posted another Advice Goddess column, a lesbian who finds sex with men repellant, but contemplates getting into a relationship with a guy. Here's her question:
I've been an out lesbian for several years and am only attracted to women. A close male friend recently confessed his feelings for me. I've known him for years, and we connect in a way I've never connected with anybody. If he were a woman, I'd consider him my soul mate. If only I could somehow make myself bisexual. I love him, but have no desire for mutual pants-less-ness. In fact, the idea of sleeping with him grosses me out. Does no sex have to mean no relationship? Lots of hetero women have low sex drives, and lots are married! Should I give a relationship a try, but mandate that pants must be worn at all times?--Dream Or Disaster Waiting To Happen?
An excerpt from my answer:
Picture your situation as an episode of "Fear Factor." Host Joe Rogan turns to you and says, "Okay, missy, it's time...strip down to your bra and panties and lie in bed with your soul mate!" You freeze and whisper to Rogan, "Is it too late to take the night in the body bag with giant hissing cockroaches, flesh-eating worms, crickets and stink beetles?"It seems you're a lesbian, not a "lesbian" who takes vacations -- hopping the ferry from the Isle of Lesbos to the mainland for the occasional hetero holiday. But, hey, why let that stop you from getting into a relationship with a straight guy? After all, as you point out, lots of hetero women have low sex drives, and lots of them are married (ideally, to men who also have low sex drives). The question is, do YOU have a low sex drive? Or, better yet, a nonexistent one? Does he? If not, you can announce that there will be none of that "mutual pants-less-ness," and he could be nodding like a bobblehead, but consciously or subconsciously, he'll be thinking, "Nah, I'll get there. Just a matter of time." It isn't a malevolent thing, just how guys are wired. Little by little, he'll work on wearing you down: "We'll just watch a movie on the couch." "Just take off your shirt." "Just take off your sports bra"...
Full question and comments here.