Word.

In the days before mobile phones, I found I could make others twitchy by ignoring my phone when it rang. People are very conditioned to run and pick it up. I suggest you try this at home. It takes a little practice. Say something like "Oh, I can't be bothered!" or "It's probably not important," and carry on with whatever you're doing.

I'd also add "shop assistants who stop serving me, after I've stood in line for 5 minutes, to answer the phone" to your list for who to deal with first, come the revolution. Of course, if the phone rings, you'd have to put the firing squad on hold. "Be right with you! I gotta take this!"

I'd have no qualms. If someone does this to me, I walk away.

I was having a problem with my daughter doing this in the evening hanging out with T and me until after the previous blog on this rude behavior. I did, as I said I would, pick up the cue and make a comment. When she didn't hear T ask her something (very, very bad, kid comes before phone, no wonder he's asking to sleep over Grammy's by mid-week), I said Mommy's busy talking to her phone, rude very rude. She snapped that she was actually on the internet but she's minded it since then.

I take a bus that is routinely dangerously crowded without this but it is made even more so for the standees hovering over you trying to balance while texting, talking and playing video games.

Amy,

This reminds me of your most recent column where you say "Addicts are adult babies who refuse to endure boredom, disappointment, and life's struggles, grabbing for short-term gratification".

When I read that I immediately thought that it applied to many people's need for constant stimulation from technology.

I'm 24 and many of my peers keep their phones and ipods attached to them like it's their third hand. I see these people as never being comfortable with silence or even their own thoughts. It's unrealistic to expect entertainment all the time.

It's exactly the adult baby thing. I have my cell phone set to vibrate and a message on it saying, "This phone is rarely answered, and messages are sometimes returned three weeks later." It's not really true -- if I see it's my editor calling, my little sister calling, or Gregg calling, I'll probably take the call. But, I want to lead a life where I'm present when I'm around my friends. If I really like you, I'm going to go out with you, sit face to face with you, and pay attention to you.

Some simple rules:

If you are not in a professional position which requires you to be on call and immediately available almost every hour of the day or night...LEAVE THE PHONE AT HOME

If you are traveling somewhere you may need emergency services (such as a highway), turn your phone OFF....DO NOT TALK WHILE DRIVING

If you are with friends and you have your cell phone in a public place, turn it on vibrate if you're expecting an important call (blood test, etc) warn them something may come up, and EXCUSE YOURSELF IF IT DOES. Don't leave them standing awkwardly waiting for your call to end.

If you are in a restaurant, cafe, bookstore, or public service place, stay off the damn thing. You are talking louder than you think, we don't care about your favorite f'ing ringtone, you're disturbing US.

How hard are these things?

Adult babies...Damned accurate description.

Unfortunately, I have to have the phone for work. Mine vibrates first, so I can answer it before it rings. When I retire, I'm smashing mine. I loathe cell phones.

What's even worse are the rude jerks who will be having a conversation on their cell phones, while at the customer service center in the grocery store where my wife works. I wouldn't last a day, because I'd be fired for REFUSING to do anything for a moron who wouldn't give me the courtesy of his or her undivided attention.

Strangely, me and my friends are on the other end of the spectrum. We are professionals with cell phones who needs to be answered. Some of our jobs enquire that we can be reached 24-7 and the loss of one call can account to serious consequences. For us, cell phones are tools of the trade, not fashion accessories.

The greatest "offender" of my friends is a guy partly responsible for the IT system of a fast-food chain for the entire province. If a server goes down or a particular restaurant's digital upgrade goes wrong, he will receive a call. Even if he's gracious about it (vibrating phone, excuses and him leaving the room to answer) we need some understanding of his situation even if it can happen 2-3 times in an evening.

We have accepted our lifestyle; we need to answer to the phone. Our livelihood is asking for it. So we cut him slack. On the other side, we don't start a personal discussion with a caller when we are in company of others. A simple "I will call you back" is sufficient of an excuse for us. We don't have fancy ringtones and we are not keen to use this "texting" thing. It is a cell phone, speak in it!

What I would like to ask here is a little understanding; there's people out there who need to answer to the bloody thing. We try to be courteous about it but sometimes, it can overtake us. In these cases, some tolerance is needed. Thank you.

I think it's completely possible to use a cell phone in public without being obnoxious. I won't leave my cell at home because, besides defeating the point of having a cell, it is my only phone, and I frequently don't get home until after 10 pm. If I didn't use my cell during the day, I would never talk to anyone. And there are a few people, like my boyfriend and my mother, who I want to be able to reach me at any time in case of emergency.

That said, you can avoid annoying people by remembering that the people around you are at least as important as the person on the other end of the phone. It's not that hard to take a call or make one when you have a moment alone. Texting is rarely an emergency, so that can be safely put aside until a better time.

I don't see anything inherantly rude about texting or playing games on a phone on the train. Disturbing other passengers is one thing: If you are falling all over people because you can't balance while texting, then you're rude. But people who choose to tune out the world by submerging themselves in tech for the duration of their commute don't bother me. They're just scenery, and clearly, they like it that way.

Oh, and did I mention that people should turn off the goddamn sound on their texting? Nobody wants to hear the electronic click-click-click as you type every letter.

I have a hard time understanding the whole texting thing on a cell phone. I can understand the server sending the IT guy a "/me broken" message but it ends there for me. If there's real respect for the receiver, why not calling? I do sometimes calls lasting 5-10 seconds with friends only to tell them that i will be there shortly or if they need something at the convenience store. No need for ferocious typing to do that.

For the rest, the "Golden Rule" applies; Don't be a bloody jerk, it annoys people. This includes stupid ringtones ("who let the dogs out?" anyone?) and the typewriter sound when you dial. A cell phone is not a gadget, it's a tool. Use it as such.

I am one of the ones who has to be reachable 24/7 for work. I'm on call for the IT department at two hospitals, so I carry two pagers. I can't have the phone turned on while in the hospital, so most of the time I leave it off and only turn it on when I get a page.

I put the pagers on vibrate if I'm in a situation where the noise will be disruptive, such as a movie theatre.

I don't hear well, so I have to find a quiet place to call in, so I likely don't disturb anyone.

It is unrealistic to stay home since I am on call about 60% of the time, but I dislike hearing other people's conversations, so I try not to impose mine on them.

As Norman said, it bothers me when I am at a cashier to have them stop serving me to take a call. I have asked them to put the caller on hold until after they have finished with me and they seem very surprised at the thought that the phone call doesn't take precedence.

I text more than I talk. I can text on my phone without looking at it, much like typing on a computer. I can read and respond to a text and have a verbal conversation without interuption on either ends. I keep my phone on vibrate, and I don't carry on conversations in inappropriate places.

I have five kids, and my phone stays on all the time. I will answer when a kid calls pretty much 100% of the time, no matter where I am because if one of my kids is calling and not texting, it's probably important.

My phone helps me keep from having face to face contacts with people I really don't want to talk to. I like to go to restaurants alone and do work while I have a beer or two. Often times, people see me (small town) and assume I must be lonely if I am by myself. Having my phone nearby while working and texting lets people know I want to be alone. Plus, if I see someone coming toward me who I know wants to anchor themselves in my booth, I can pretend to get a call and act like I am having a conversation so I can stay in my solitude- Just my phone, my work, and me!

But people who choose to tune out the world by submerging themselves in tech for the duration of their commute don't bother me.

Anything people do wordlessly in public -- save for stuff like masturbating, spitting, or nosepicking -- is none of anyone's business. Reading a book is a form of tuning out, too. Nobody would object to that. It's important to divide antipathy to technology -- which I don't have -- from hatred of rudeness.

Norman

I work at a front desk. I deal with people all the time in front of me, and the phone calls.

I am not allowed to let it ring. The "goal" is to answer in 3 rings or less. i am REQUIRED to stop my face to face interaction and answer the phone, do the intro spiel, and listen to the qustion/caller. If it is a guest already checked in, I am also RQUIRED to continue helping the phone person before the one in front of me.

That said, if it is an involved question requiring lots of time (rates, dates, # of rooms, discounts etc) I explain I am helping someone check in and if they give me a number and name I will call them back as soon as I am done. Most sound incredibly surprised but they do leave the number. and yes, i do call back hahaha.

The looks from the people waiting in front of me range from calm acceptance, to surprise that I would hang up as soon as possible, to enraged that I would actually interrupt the transaction. I explain to those that it is a rquirement of my job, and think silently hey i like/need my paycheck bub, and move on.

Sometimes it is out of the clerks hands.

I would love to take my little machine out in public w/ me, but it's illegal. :(

That being said, both my husband and I have cell phones. Mine is for my online business. I do have to take/give orders over the phone and of course, provide customer service. My habit is to let all calls go to voice mail, which I check when I able to do so and then I call the customer/supplier back.

I do NOT answer my phone, esp. when I am out with friends or when I have company over. That real live person has my complete, undivided attention.

My husband, on the other hand, must answer his phone every time. He works in IT. His primary client is the government. It goes w/o saying he needs to be available 24/7. He doesn't ever get a vacation, time off, or sick days. (He recently had whooping cough and was ordered to stay home by his Dr. He worked from home until 2-3 am and got back up @ 5am to work.)

The demands of his job don't allow him the luxury of turning his phone off or leaving it home.

However, he does try to be courteous. He'll take his phone call to the car if we're out and to his office if we're entertaining. All of our friends know the nature of his work, so they don't get upset.

So there are cases where the people cannot be away from their cells, but there is never an excuse for rude behaviour. A quick word to your company about needing to take this call and then taking the call outside is all it takes. Most people are understanding.

Sorry for the double post but I realized after I hit submit that I was a bit unclear. In the second paragraph I should have added someone not yet a guest but is asking an involved question.

Sorry
thanks

Oh man, that kind of behavior is one of my greatest pet peeves. If I forget to turn my ringer off when I'm with someone and it rings, I'll hit "ignore"--very often the person I'm with is surprised, but I think it's the polite thing to do. Relatedly, I don't let my kids use their electronic devices in public because I think it encourages the very kind of rude behavior I see in adults with their cell phones and constant texting. I think it's pathetic to watch a family at a restaurant and the kids can't get their faces out of their Gameboys long enough to place an order and make eye contact with the servers, much less their own parents.

God, that makes me feel old to say that.

"Sometimes it is out of the clerks hands."

In that case, if it was explained to me, I would ask to talk to the manager and ask them why they are mandating that their clerks treat me rudely.

I understand that management sets the rules, but customers have to speak up if there is something they don't like. I don't like the clerk calling me by my first name to "create a more intimate customer experience". I don't like being asked, "Would you like to donate a dollar to the 'cause of the week' " so that the store can brag about how much their customers contribute. I say I will if I can have a tax receipt.

I talk to customer service if there is something I don't like. Businesses usually don't want to piss off customers and a good business would rather hear what is bothering me than to have me just walk out and patronize a competitor.

I work at a front desk, too, and I would NEVER interrupt a person in front of me to take a call. The person who is in front of you always takes precedent. I mostly just screen calls for my bosses, though, so it's a different deal. Plus, if the phone rings 3 times, we have an auto-answer directory (which is my voice) to get the person to where they want to go.

In both the restaurant and retail jobs I've had in the past, the person who is actually there ALWAYS comes first.

If my husband's restaurant employees are screwing around on their cell phones, they get sent home. (Same thing with having personal conversations in front of customers. They don't need to hear about the chick you hooked up with last night.)

I actually like texting vs. short conversations, because I feel like whoever I send the text to can just get to it when they have time. "What do you want for dinner?" and stuff like that doesn't need an answer right this second. I'm not the type to respond to a text right away, though. I guess some people do.

This isn't really that hard, be present to the person you are with.

For those of us 24/7 on-call types that means excusing yourself, and calling people back, and so forth. I think that many of us do that, depending on our age group. I have noticed that those who have had a cell phone in their hand since youth, have a much harder time with this, and it is getting worse, as who are now teens get older. The gadget is just an extension to them.

This leads to our problem going forward. If you observe a pack of teens now, you will note that they are in a group and all texting/calling as well. This is normal to them, and probably represents a sociallogical shift in our civilization. It will just take a while for people's brains to catch up with their technology.
That's what we need to address, at some level.

Another potential outcome of this is that, in a few generations, nobody will see anything wrong with this.

I'll be on the porch telling those kids to get off my damn lawn.

" ... many of my peers keep their phones and ipods attached to them like it's their third hand. I see these people as never being comfortable with silence or even their own thoughts."

You've just illustrated the reason it took me so long to ever get a cell phone. Maybe I don't WANT to be reached at all times! I *like* peace and quiet. However it's a good thing I got one now that I am in a job where I am on call sometimes.

Steamer, it's out of the manager's hands, at least at my wife's store.

She gets to be customer service, telephone operator and bookkeeper at the same time, and sell lottery tickets and do Western Union money transfers - by herself.

If you want to complain about policies, do it to the folks in charge of store operations or consumer relations. You know, the folks who actually make the rules. Well, at least as long as they stay in business, which is probably not going to be all that long, judging by the money they are losing and the stores they are selling or closing.

"If you want to complain about policies, do it to the folks in charge of store operations or consumer relations."

That's a good point and I don't jump all over the clerk who is doing what they are told to do.

In the two examples, it was a large grocery store. This was done at various locations, so I know that it is corporate policy. I spoke to the clerk at the customer relations desk knowing that she can't change it, but hoping that she would pass on the message.

My previous career was in hotel management and we took those comment cards seriously. We also listened to staff who reported customer comments.

AHW glad you have the auto answer. It certainly helps. We dont have one. There is nowhere and no-one to transfer calls to. Desk is it.(I work at a motel)If a caller wants a room an auto answer/ transfer system would violate privacy laws.

It's funny you should blog about this today. I was in the gym this morning and overheard a guy mushing embarrassingly intimate details into his cellphone. How terrible he felt about some girl, how ashamed of himself he was. But how he supported her, was there for her, clothed her, fed her put a roof over her head...because he loved her.

I think I'll just carry a small recorder with me from now on. So, when anyone gushes stupid stuff into a cell phone, I'll just hit record, then start a website to post my collection on.

By the way, this is not a difficult question. When someone is with you, and then takes a cellphone out and starts talking or texting, you walk away. The only time I ever took a phone call when I was with someone else was when I cleared it first. Don wanted to take me out, and I told him I wanted to, but I was waiting on a call from my mother and I didn't want to be rude because the call was important. He said that was fine. I could take the call. So, in the middle of our date, the phone rang, I excused myself from the table, went outside away from the entrance, took my mother's call, made it under three minutes, returned, pointedly shut the cell phone off. Haven't done it since.

Recently I was pleasantly surprised when out to dinner with a college-age couple who were staying with me on their spring break. The young man got a call that he let go to voice mail, then politely asked if I minded if he excused himself to retrieve the message. It was an important matter about an appointment he had.

Somebody in that young man's life taught him manners. Yes the technology is new and it might be tempting (or just easy) to say the rules of polite behavior need to be relaxed to reflect the times, but manners are timeless. It is all about respect for the people you are with.

Oh, and don't get me started about the idiots at the gym who sit on machines talking or texting while others are waiting to use the equipment. They're just jerks.

If that happened to me, I would get up and leave. I think people are losing their social skills, so hide behind texting to avoid face to face interactions. If you're with someone, pay attention to them. I was on a date where the guy got up every 5 minutes to chat with anyone he happened to recognize, and actually left the table where we were having dinner to do this (Greek/Canadian guy in the Danforth/Greek neighbourhood in Toronto). I finished dinner mostly on my own, thanked him for the date, and never saw him again. He wanted to go out again and was shocked! that I wasn't interested.

To me, a person who frequently does this to people is simply saying, "I am better than you. You are simply a commodity for me to use." Most of them are narcissistic. They don't tend to pull that crap on people they deem to be "important". They only value other people in so much as how much they think they can get out of them. You have to be firm and direct with these people or they will walk all over you.

Great timing, Amy. I was just talking about this with a friend over lunch today!

I often watch people who are cel phone talking addicts or texting addicts. If they're by themselves, they often can't go more than 20 seconds before they need to inform someone else of their great wisdom.

The thing is though, I think deep down they intuitively know that they're shallow, mindless oxygen breathers. But they can't give themselves a moment's break to actually ... wait for it ... *think* for a change.

To me, these mobile devices have become the modern equivalent of sticking a TV on a rolling stand and keeping it in front of the the person's face 24/7.

"Are You A Boor?"

No, im just a pig.

It's hilarious to me that people think a person who uses a phone regularly is somehow emotionally shallow or insecure. Some people multi-task, which in my case, helps me complete work more efficiently. I also prefer solitude to company.

Maybe the teenagers in the mall, with all of their "horrific" manners (that seem to bother no one in the group) and apparently adept technological capabilities, not to mention mulit-tasking skills, are an example of the new-age of perfect etiquette to come.

Maybe the teenagers in the mall, with all of their "horrific" manners (that seem to bother no one in the group) and apparently adept technological capabilities, not to mention mulit-tasking skills, are an example of the new-age of perfect etiquette to come.

I have no issue with anybody talking on the phone in some open space. Why would I? What's rude is inflicting your conversation on a captive audience.

Oh, and here in Los Angeles, this has recently included people marching down the sidewalk at a very early hour in the morning while shouting into their cell phones.

What I would say to the shouters if I were there: "See those houses and apartments just set back from the curb? My boyfriend lives in one of them, and when he needs to be awakened at 6:45 a.m. by loud sounds, he sets his alarm clock."

I totally agree with you, Amy, about those examples, which are all situations of incredible rudeness. What I don't agree with is the laughable opinion that people who use phones a lot, and have for many years, and know all of the features, and appreciate them are insecure or shallow....or both.

Sometimes I think people get on their high-horses about an issue and actually minimize their point by over-analyzing and over-dramatizing. And then, some people just like having something to snub others about....which is precisely why I tend to stay to myself.

"Some people multi-task, which in my case, helps me complete work more efficiently."

Multi-tasking is impossible. Your brain cannot process two thoughts simultaneously. You might switch rapidly back and forth between tasks, but you are not performing multiple tasks simultaneously.

I am not my career. When I work, I work. When I eat, I eat. I would not diddle a Blackberry or cell phone at the table any more than I would play with a greasy set of socket wrenches.