The Audi Dude
He was going way too fast through my neighborhood in his Audi sports car as I was getting into my car.
I made a "slow down" gesture, and he did, momentarily, right by me. He looked like an advertising creative dude, 40ish, with unruly shoulder-length brown hair.
I said something -- very politely, about kids and dogs in the vicinity. He claimed he was "only going 20." (Yeah? Try that plus another 30.)
"Hopeless cunt!" he snarled, and sped away...
...too fast to hear my reply: "I'm not hopeless!"
You know those MPH signs around schools? The ones with the sign showing the limit and the display showing what your driving.
Thsoe should be deployd in every residential neighborhood. Go more then two miles over the limit and road skies should pop up to puncture your tires
lujlp at September 17, 2009 8:15 AM
If that'd been Bubba Ann and some no 'count disrespected her, she'da give him a shot of her skunk spray. She's a lady, but if riled, she will clean your plow.
Arvin at September 17, 2009 8:24 AM
What kind of Audi?
Steve Daniels at September 17, 2009 8:48 AM
I got yelled at once when I was driving my Audi!
And I was actually only going 25 MPH. I make a point of going really slowly in neighborhoods and keep an eye on my speedometer. It also helps to keep the car in a low gear. So here I am, consciously aware of my speed and taking it really slow and watching all the kids in their yards (quick - I was looking at kids, call the cops!!) to make sure no one darted out in front of me. And some stupid bitch with a blonde bob starts screaming at me. Since I'm going 25 and have my windows down I can hear her yelling SLOW DOWN.
The posted speed limit is 25. I was doing 25. If that's not good for her she can put up a wall and keep her brats behind it. THAT is what I'd label a "hopeless cunt". I'd bet Amy is slightly more capable of assessing speed than that woman.
Gretchen at September 17, 2009 9:21 AM
There are times one wants the ray-gun, that will vaporize the stupids. This time, I confess, I am on Amy's side. Driving fast in urban environments is stupid--and often only gets you the next red light more quickly.
i-holier-than-thou at September 17, 2009 9:41 AM
I-holier-than-thou,
Feeling okay?
But I'm in complete agreement with you and Amy on this one.
And Amy, you certainly aren't hopeless. Oh and I don't really think you are the other part of that either. You can be if needed, but that's everyone.
E. Steven Berkimer at September 17, 2009 10:04 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668137">comment from E. Steven BerkimerThanks, E. Steven -- but I'm proud to be one on an as-needed basis. Of course, I know that's just what people call you when you call them on their bad behavior. I'm quite friendly and pleasant (even smile and say hello to strangers) if people aren't shouting into cell phones in public, littering, or turning the streets of my neighborhood into their NASCAR practice stretch.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 10:16 AM
I wonder if it was the same Audi driver who passed me at about 50 in a school zone here, over a double line no less. Was it a blue A4?
I haven't seen him recently. I wonder if the car, his license, or he is gone.
MarkD at September 17, 2009 11:22 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668162">comment from MarkDI think it was black, but it could've been dark blue. Sunroof, I think. The guy had pretty white skin and his hair was sort of bushy but not frizzy with some curly bits on the end. Think he had a few freckles.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 11:28 AM
Audi "sports car" would either be a TT or an R8.
Dogs that are illegally running loose off the owner's property create a hazard for drivers and a liability situation for the dog's owner. Children are at risk from loose dogs as well as cars, so you should be mad at the loose dog owners in your neighborhood and yell at them too. The owners of loose children in your neighborhood should suffer your wrath too. It sounds like your neighborhood needs to look in the mirror and take some responsibility too for creating hazards to the local dogs and children.
If the driver was obeying the speed limit of 25 in a Los Angeles residential zone, the driver would not necessarily be at-fault if he hits a kid or dog.
You could have slowed him down by blocking the street forcing him to stop or hit you, as even if a pedestrian is doing something illegal the law in California requires the driver yield to the pedestrian. This does require more guts than yelling though.
Jay J. Hector at September 17, 2009 12:43 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668175">comment from Jay J. HectorJay, it's just an example. We don't have hoards of children and dogs running in the street in my neighborhood, but sometimes, in life, it's going to happen. And sometimes adults cross the street stupidly or a workman drops something in the street and reaches to get it. It's a neighborhood, not a drag strip.
Pedestrians have the right of way, and whether or not you can be excused for hitting somebody, is it really okay to hit and injure somebody as long as you're obeying the law? Pedestrians sometimes behave like total idiots. Oh yeah, and on my way to my writing cafe, a really high guy on a bicycle rode right at my car and nearly grazed the side of it as he passed. I stopped because I'm always expecting idiocy from pedestrians and other drivers, so I'm alert and ready to stop when I drive. Why? Because I don't want to hurt anyone, even if they're a total idiot.
PS If you don't think I say something to parents I see endangering their children in some way, you would be mistaken. I'm a meddling broad.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 12:51 PM
I've been yelled at by people while driving the speed limit (25 in my neighborhhod), too. Earlier this week, some old guy was sitting in a lawn chair in his front yard and started pointing at my car and shaking his fist. At first I thought he was just waving, and started to wave back... before the fist shaking started. I KNOW I was going 25... plus, you can't speed on that particular road, because there are speed bumps.
We do get some reckless idiots trying to haul ass through the neighborhood, because we're right next to a freeway.
The R8 is the super-sporty one, the TT is the little bubble, and the A5 is the new coupe. (That's the one I'd want...)
ahw at September 17, 2009 1:06 PM
Speaking of speeding: My cousin hit someone on a bike and killed them a few years ago. The cousin was going about 5MPH over the limit, and the cyclist was drunk. He fell in front of cousin's truck. Obviously, it was an awful, awful situation.
Even if you're only going 35 in a 25mph zone, that's 10 over the limit, and in some places, they'll arrest you for reckless driving for it.
ahw at September 17, 2009 1:18 PM
The Laws of Physics require that the pedestrian yield to the car...one way or the other.
I don't recommend blocking the street in front of a speeding car.
Conan the Grammarian at September 17, 2009 1:29 PM
So as to save on gas and brakes, I drive like a sedated pussy on city streets. Light foot starting out from a stop sign. Which saved the life of the (older) kid I hit when he flashed out into traffic going the wrong way on his bike. It did break his leg. He got a ticket. I still shudder when I think about what could have happened ... .
On the subject of "c*nt", I wonder if women who get called that ever think to blame "The Vagina Monologues" and good ol' Eve Ensler? They should. A woman's right to protest that epithet has been extinguished -- especially now that the word "prick" and "dickhead" are bandied about so freely by the "ladies."
Oh, well, what's a basic loss of civility going to do to civilization, after all?
Jay R at September 17, 2009 1:34 PM
"The R8 is the super-sporty one, the TT is the little bubble, and the A5 is the new coupe. (That's the one I'd want...)"
A coupe is not a sports car. Even the TT might not be considered a sports car with its rear seat, although an Austin Healey 3000 (with the rear seat) and a Porsche 911, which has a rear seat, are both sports cars as well as others. The Audi was probably an A4 as that's the main choice of Audi jerks in L.A. An A5 is not a sports car.
Amy, I understand your blog post and your reply, and I'm not saying you weren't correct in your actions nor that the driver was correct in his. It's just that there are multiple factors involved in driving safely. Sometimes you can drive 50mph over the speed limit safely, and sometimes you can only drive 3mph with safety regardless of the speed limit. I know the steets where you live, and 10mph is taking a chance of an incident regardless of the 25mph limit.
The Audi driver was taking an awful chance yelling the "C" word when he could have easily been blocked with no escape from you. You should have gotten his plate and made an anonymous call to the CARB reporting the car smoking so he'd have to take it in for a smog check.
http://www.arb.ca.gov/enf/complaints/smoke.htm
Note: all comments I make are strictly hypothetical and/or fictional, and are done on closed roads by a professional driver/mocker.
Jay J. Hector at September 17, 2009 2:43 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668199">comment from Jay J. HectorThe Audi driver was taking an awful chance yelling the "C" word when he could have easily been blocked with no escape from you. You should have gotten his plate and made an anonymous call to the CARB reporting the car smoking so he'd have to take it in for a smog check. http://www.arb.ca.gov/enf/complaints/smoke.htm
Actually, I have pretty strong ethical standards in general and in pranking the rude, so I wouldn't do that sort of thing.
Moreover, I'm a free-speecher -- and I'm not afraid of or intimidated by names people call me. The guy wanted to make me feel bad about scolding him. After he called me a cunt for politely suggesting he take it down a notch I felt good about saying something and bad for any woman in his life.
Chances are, I'll see the guy -- at the local bar and grill or somewhere. I'm always dressed up and wearing high heels, and I'm actually a very friendly person. What I'll do is walk up to him, big smile, when he's with his friends, and say, "Hi, I'm the girl you called the 'hopeless cunt,' and I just wanted to say 'I'm not hopeless.'"
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 2:54 PM
Well, then Jay J, it wasn't a sports car at all, since the R8 doesn't come with a sun roof...since we're nitpicking.
ahw at September 17, 2009 2:58 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668205">comment from ahwLook, I drive a toy car, the Honda Insight. To me, anything that can go 0-60 before a day passes is a sports car.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 3:22 PM
"To me, anything that can go 0-60 before a day passes is a sports car."
Check this site. While primarily shooting bikes, Daryl Cannon shoots a surprising number of fast cars - even prototype supercars show up on the road he covers.
Radwaste at September 17, 2009 3:31 PM
"Well, then Jay J, it wasn't a sports car at all, since the R8 doesn't come with a sun roof...since we're nitpicking."
Tin-tops are sports cars too, as there is no requirement for the sun to burn baldspots . . .
http://www.jaypix.com/pix/lemansv2.jpg
http://www.jaypix.com/pix/frog1.jpg
http://www.jaypix.com/pix14/DSC_0445.jpg
Read on . . .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FIA_Sportscar_Championship
Jay J. Hector at September 17, 2009 3:35 PM
This calls to mind a construction worker who swore at me a few weeks ago. They had cut the lanes down on a side street so there was just room for two way traffic and the row of dump trucks parked down the side of the road. I was only going 30 km/h (the same speed we're supposed to go in "playground zones") and the guy, intent on getting into his truck, simply stepped out from between two trucks into traffic. Fortunately, I had time and space to swerve slightly into the oncoming lane, knocking over a pylon. I'm sure it felt to him like I was racing by, even tho I was 10 km/h less than the posted construction speed. But seriously....didn't his mama ever teach him not to step out from between parked cars!?!
moreta at September 17, 2009 3:51 PM
"What I'll do is walk up to him, big smile, when he's with his friends, and say, "Hi, I'm the girl you called the 'hopeless cunt,' and I just wanted to say 'I'm not hopeless.'"
I would take that as a come-on and rip your dress off.
i-holier-than-thou at September 17, 2009 5:50 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/09/17/the_audi_dude.html#comment-1668232">comment from i-holier-than-thouHe's not man enough for me and I suspect he knows it.
My boyfriend, who's a man's man and a gentleman, would snarl "hopeless cunt" at a woman about as soon as he'd take off running down Wilshire Boulevard in high heels and a bra and matching panties.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2009 6:06 PM
I was pulled over for doing 40 in a school zone.
In my defense, it was 10:30 at night in a small town in Illinois in the middle of nowhere. The ENTIRE town had it's lights off except for the gas station.
I was several miles out of town when I saw the police lights waaay back in my rear-view mirror.
ErikZ at September 17, 2009 9:07 PM
"My boyfriend, who's a man's man and a gentleman, would snarl "hopeless cunt" at a woman about as soon as he'd take off running down Wilshire Boulevard in high heels and a bra and matching panties."
But if the panties are not matching, then it's a go?
i-holier-than-thou at September 17, 2009 9:34 PM
lujlp, my apartment complex did resort to just that and I was glad. Now if they'd only do something about the teenage boys constantly skateboarding in the drive and parking lots. Driving around them's a bitch and they're damned if they move.
muggle at September 18, 2009 3:57 PM
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