Best ad for (forceable) birth control ever.

Translation:

"I need a baby-daddy that I can get along with. He-men need not apply. Prefer someone big and beautiful like myself, hopefully with the same shoe-size. Then we can swap clothes! Oh, must like babies and be willing to get up for the 3 a.m. feeding. lol!"

But as for that "yuck" part, I remember going at it with the pregnant wife up until the END of the 9th month. :) It was so nice without the condom!

Disgusting. I need something to get the visual out of my head.

More of that pregnancy-as-natural-disaster thinking.

I'm going to reach through my screen and crack the skull of the next person to use LOL.

Ha. "Lazy, unreliable, slutty, dimwit, crazy cat lady seeks neutered male to sponge off, treat badly, and discard."

Sorry, Monica. I was just trying to convey the sense of juvenile thinking I got from her "profile". It won't happen again (at leaast, not from me).

S'OK, Flynne. I actually meant her. Your intent was clear. I guess I should have said, "the next person who uses it seriously."

Oh, dear.

Wow. At least she's putting it ALL out there on her profile...funny thing is there is probably some dude out there desparate enough to go for it. Wonder what she'll change her handle to afterwards: "JustGaveBirth21" or "BrandNewMom"
or "BreastMilkrocks". You'd think maybe she'd be a little more concerned with getting her life together preparing for motherhood than looking to sponge off some guy and get her freak on...

Sounds like a real winnah!

Always something off-putting about people who reveal way too much of their lives all at once. It's like they're very much into confession, self-justification, or both.

Oh, you no longer do the bar scene? Oh, well, in that case, when can I see you, dear?

lol

I'm with Monica.

My boss actually LOL'ed me via email last week and I made fun of him. Anyone who uses it, over the age of 11, is a fucking tool.

I have a higher tolerance for "omg" when it's in lower case because it's something I'd actually say aloud and the omg is a nice little abbreviation. Whereas I would never say "laugh out loud" during a real conversation.

Sometimes I'll use things like "bffl" for the fun of it, but I don't understand people who are my age and use that shit seriously. LOSAAAAS.

The part that scares me the most is the four cats.

Glad I'm not the only one bothered more by the LOL's than the pregnancy! She may claim to have multiple degrees, but I'm picturing a big, fat, toothless, future welfare-mama in a house covered with cat shit.

Ho.Lee.Cow.

There's so many things wrong there I have a hard time knowing where to start. She's trainwreck material for sure.

And yeah, she's definitely shopping for a wallet - apparently the babydaddy won't be paying child support.

Don't forget emoticons. The next one I use will be my first. If you need an emoticon to help get your point across you're a shitty writer.

Watch. She's going to end up with one of those Neo-pagan crystal-lickers Amy wrote about last week, it'll last about a year, and then he'll sue her - for custody of the cats!

This makes me want to call and check up on how my 'applications for fork-lift driver' are going. Are they 'moving forward?'

50 miles of pedaling yesterday with blue skies, turning leaves, and a tailwind all the way home. No back problems, either, so I'm thinking 60 miles today. By the time I get home, the pork roast will be done, my sweety will be here, and it'll be time to feed each other honeycrisp apples.

Smoke: Weed
Drink: Just pour it

Or I could stay home, get fat, and tune in to Nancy Grade or Breaking Bad.

Are you guys nuts?

This chick will be great for a couple of months. Pregnancy boobs are big. No need for a condom. Pregnant women are really horny and she'll probably let you put it in her pooper and after sex: free steaks!

LOL!

/runs away scared.

So, let's see...She is a fat pregnant woman who is white, but a minority 'in her heart' that wants someone to keep her company until the baby comes and then watch the baby and the four cats so that she can return to the bar scene after birth? Why would anyone want this mess of crazy? Not to mention either she is very fertile, she is hit or miss on the birth control, or she used some guy as a sperm donor to end up in this position. She isn't exactly a marketing major, is she?

-Julie

Don't know about the rest of you, but I smell a joke or a psych experiment.

Hope springs eternal Rex but I have no trouble believing its all too real.

The really frightening part is my taxes will end up helping to support the idiot and her offspring.

Well, parabarbarian, here's to hoping her ad works and we're off the hook, eh?

Best ad for (forceable) birth control ever.

Posted by: momof4 at September 30, 2009 6:55 AM
--------------------------------------
I almost spit up my drink! Thanks for the laugh.

Ha. "Lazy, unreliable, slutty, dimwit, crazy cat lady seeks neutered male to sponge off, treat badly, and discard."

Posted by: Robin at September 30, 2009 7:34 AM
-----------------------------

Good one! You read between the lines too.

"She may claim to have multiple degrees, but I'm picturing a big, fat, toothless, future welfare-mama in a house covered with cat shit." [2]

Sour milk under the couch and rotting baby food between the cushions are underway, as a nice addition to the package.

"Big and Beautiful." That's new. Why doesn't she just say "fat"? Either way, chubby chasers are the only ones who'll give this one a second look. "When I jog, I leave potholes!" "My shadow weighs 47 pounds." "Prefers designer labels, like Goodyear."

Why does she keep writing LOL? Does she always laugh at her own jokes, or does she think everyone who reads her personal is so stupid they need to be told when something's funny?

As one who enjoys reading and deciphering personals myself, I've got the "code" thing pretty much down.

"Open-minded" -- I'll sleep with anything that moves and expect you to join in.

"Professional" -- Not a doctor or lawyer. If they were, they would have said so.

"Great Personality" -- meaning they've got the body of the Michelin Man's twin brother.

"Social drinker" -- lush.

"Enjoys long walks on the beach" -- total nerd that hasn't had a date since Kennedy was President.

"looking for other open-minded" -- has sick fetish that you don't want to know about.

"looking for a professional" -- looking for an ATM.

"enjoys quiet evenings at home, movies" -- nothing that involves physical exertion, please.

"Swimmer's body." Lovely. Shamu or Chumley the Walrus?

"Friends first." -- frigid.

funny lines patrick - I will have to remember that, I don't have a beer belly, it's a swimmers body

Ewww... There is lots of yuck to go around, but one aspect not mentioned: what man is going to want a relationship with a woman while she's pregnant with another man's child? Guys, am I primitive, or does this also make you want to run far, far away?

I had nightmares about this last night. The entry and responses are like a bad car wreck: disgusting, but still one cannot look away.

And one that was missed:
last read:
My idea of reading is research on the Internet. Otherwise I mostly work and sleep! And that is why I'd love to meet someone to spend some quality time with.

Translation: I have never read a book or been inside a library. When I'm not looking at the latest celebrity crap online, I spend the rest of the time surfing (fetish) porn.
EEEWWWWW!!!

As someone who's spent an above-average amount of time meeting women through eHarmony, Match and Craigslist - "Spiritual but not religious" = "You're gonna get laid"

This sounds like a real catch to me!