Leaping To Assumptions
So many people are imagining so many interesting things about who I am and what I think after reading one 800-word op-ed by me.

Len here is a proud victim!

In a message dated 11/24/09 2:40:52 PM, lcantrow@sbcglobal.net writes:

You're certainly gonna sell some books with that column. I don't have kids either and can't stand them screaming on a plane, so I completely agree it's disturbing. But then I remember I live in a society, which needs the next generation of people, and not ones who were threatened into silence by angry parents. You write: "As a child, I was convinced that I could flap my arms and fly, but the idea that I could ever be loud in a public place that wasn't a playground simply did not exist for me." Is that fear you lived with the reason you need to scream in a public place now?

You may sell some books, but you are a very unenlightened person. Me, I put up with the screaming.

Len

My reply:

My parents, like my neighbors who are parents, didn't "threaten" their children "into silence." They just made clear what behavior was and was not acceptable. Dinner wasn't a silent time -- we sat together as a family and we talked about what we did all day, and other subjects It's loving to give kids boundaries. Because my parents did, I make my deadlines and pay my bills on time. I've had kids work for me who are the products of permissive parenting. They're for the worse for it. And why put up with the screaming? I go talk to a kid and say, "Hi there...I just wanted to tell you that when you're loud like that it hurts my ears, and I think it hurts a lot of other people's ears, too."

-Amy Alkon

Loved this guy, who reforwarded me the same e-mail a bunch of times -- I guess because I didn't reply quite lickety-split enough for him:

From: andrewbaker77@hotmail.com
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:02:24 -0800

Hi Amy

Regarding the rude world swirling around you: You get the world you see. -AB

My reply:

You get the world you put up with. FYI, we were not taken out in public until we behaved well enough to not disturb other people. My parents care a great deal about that, as do I. I have a dog, and she is not allowed to be outside and bark. If she barks even once (and she's trained not to), I run right out and scoop her up. Why? Because my neighbors shouldn't have their thinking or their sleep or their peaceful enjoyment of their apartments disturbed because I choose to have a pet. -Amy Alkon

In a message dated 11/24/09 3:21:59 PM, andrewbaker77@hotmail.com writes:

Yeah, right, you stayed in your house until you were 21. Never a screaming baby were you in public, or a bitching adolescent. No wonder you're so narcissistic. -AB

PS: A suggestion. Before you pen a book about how to change the world, maybe you should go out and see the world.

If you had, you'd realize just how myopic this vision you have of a barklessbabyscreamingless world is that you embrace.

Me again:

Is it bad that I care that I don't interrupt my neighbors' reading? Would the world be a better place if I left my dog outside to bark for hours?

Amy writes, in part: You get the world you put up with. FYI, we were not taken out in public until we behaved well enough to not disturb other people.

Andrewbaker77 replies, in part: Yeah, right, you stayed in your house until you were 21.

I find it very interesting that he seems to think that no one under 21 could possibly go out in public without disturbing someone. I have this image now of 20 year olds having uncontrollable tantrums, kicking and screaming, while their parents look on in stoic embarrassment. "I want a Porsche! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

Patrick at November 25, 2009 12:52 AM

Amy Alkon

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/11/25/leaping_to_assu.html#comment-1678926">comment from Patrick

I find it very interesting that he seems to think that no one under 21 could possibly go out in public without disturbing someone.

I didn't end up putting this in the post, but when I was a teenager, I was social action vice-president of my youth group -- raising money for causes, etc. These days, I have my own program I started for "at-risk" kids. Next speaking date at the high school, December 11. As I write in the book, it's actually in our self-interest, per research, to be generous and kind. It seems you'll be happier, people will like you better (all backed up with data) and you'll have a better life.

Amy Alkon at November 25, 2009 5:55 AM

Wow correct-amundo as the Fonz would say. They are leaping to huge assumptions.

David M. at November 25, 2009 6:43 AM

I am so with you! I have 4 siblings and we stayed home. It was rare that my parents went out without us, but it did happen. They felt there was no way all five of us would be on our best behavior at the same time.

Parents are raising their children with the idea that they can do anything they want. Personally, I think some discipline has a place here, but I'm in the minority. Witness my neighbors, both 20-somethings who can't be bothered to put on clothes to go outside, instead the neighborhood gets to learn what pj's they wear on what days.

Jane at November 25, 2009 1:41 PM

I totally agree with you. We were ten children in my family and nobody was allowed to embarass somebody else. We had to behave or else.
Parents today are too lazy to make the children behave. It's probably too much of an effort on their part to correct the kids and make them behave. I had two boys of my own and we put the effort forth to make sure that they behaved all the time. It does take a lot of work and time but, we never had an ounce of trouble with them.
John M

John at November 25, 2009 7:02 PM

Amy Alkon

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/11/25/leaping_to_assu.html#comment-1679118">comment from John

We were ten children in my family and nobody was allowed to embarass somebody else. We had to behave or else. Parents today are too lazy to make the children behave. It's probably too much of an effort on their part to correct the kids and make them behave. I had two boys of my own and we put the effort forth to make sure that they behaved all the time. It does take a lot of work and time but, we never had an ounce of trouble with them.

John M, who wrote the above, reflects what is good parenting and what was also my upbringing. I once asked my dad if we ever got unruly and he said what John did at the end. We were expected to behave well, and did.

Amy Alkon at November 25, 2009 8:21 PM

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