Where else will you be going on your promotion trip?

A repost of a blog I put up the other day. It got lost in the great spanking debate of 2010...but thought it might be fun again today! Before more serious topics pop up!

http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/

You can Google "STFU Marrieds" as well for that blog. It's not as funny but still has some relationship oversharing GEMS in there!

This one can be tough to read - some of the foods you see are just plain gross:

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Dallas is doing something rather neat with arrested hookers, that might be a step on the road to decriminalization:

http://www.statesman.com/news/nation/dallas-police-aim-to-help-not-jail-prostitutes-163348.html

And no I don't know how to tinyurl

Karen, I make an absolute point to not talk my kids to nonparent friends. I read an article about that when I was preggers the first time. When they ask how the kids are, I give a short synapsis, one or two sentences, and move on. Plus, its a break for me to get to talk about something else!

There's a flip side of the coin, too. We (marrieds and parents) don't give a damn about your relationship drama either. Or how drunk you got last night.

And a good article on the sad humor of liberals here:

www.theatlantic.com/doc/200910/satire

Mmmm, karen, now I'm hungry! And not fat. Austin has an awesome bacon n melon martini going around the bars.

momof4 - just to clarify, there is a line between "sharing" with your friends and "oversharing" with them. You sound like a "sharer" rather than an "oversharer". You might post some pics of your kids, tell a few funny stories and stop there.

A "sharer" might post that their child is now potty trained. An "oversharer" will describe the experience in great detail and then post a naked picture of their baby pointing at a piece of shit in their potty.

A "sharer" might post an update saying "my baby girl was born". An "oversharer" will post a picture of the baby crowning and maybe even a good placenta shot after that.

I like people who share...unlike you (unless your "I don't give a damn about your..." comment was really just a bitter, defensive jab at someone you THINK is single and childless). I like to hear my friends baby stories and my friends drunk stories. But you had better be a damn goood friend - not just a FB friend before the really personal details get explained to me!!!

On "Push Presents".

I guess most of the women in my family were given a piece of jewelry by their husbands after they had a baby.

Nothing that the women demanded but more of a "Wow. I'm so glad that I didn't have to do that, and my wife is amazing and gave me this baby and I didn't have to do a fucking thing except put my dick in her for two seconds and my genitals are still intact (THANK YOU GOD) and I'm not a fat, hormonal mess who is bleeding into a diaper-sized pad after hours of the most body-ripping pain possible. Here is something pretty to represent my gratitude that it was you, and not me."

I don't think it's prissy or bratty to want a little appreciation from the husband - and that appreciation can come in all shapes and sizes. Like, 1 carat diamond studs, or being on baby-duty ever evening so the wife can take a nap, go to the gym, or like, take a shit w/o worrying about the baby for two seconds. To demand a gift is presumptuous, as it always is (if you send me a wedding invitation with a note to give you cash you will get NOTHING. Try me.). But showing thanks in a real, tangible way is expected. And again that means different things to different people. Personally, I'd ask for a new vagina but I'd settle for a Star Trek gadget to transport that sucker out.

I really *never* want to be pregnant. If you couldn't tell.

How about another study? This one includes research by those notorious from notorious far right deception-mongers, Duke sociologists. The death penalty not only works (prevents the criminal from killing again), it also prevents other would be killers from killing (it has to be USED, not just on the books): http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6802314.html

Karen writes: This one can be tough to read - some of the foods you see are just plain gross:

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

I'm looking at this stuff and wondering since when is bacon a dessert item?

I agree, a lot of the stuff is disgusting, but I'm enjoying the rather comical names of some of the foods they're assembling.

Such as the aptly named Smortuary: "One layer of marshmallows, a layer of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, another layer of marshmallows sandwiched between two S’more Pop-Tarts topped in chocolate sauce."

The chocolate peanut butter Reese's cake actually sounds good.

I got a push present, with no pushing required by me. Just 3 guttings. A man that can't show a little appreciation to his wife for birthing their child is probably not a keeper. A friend of mine got a sig-sauer (sp?) shotgun. I got a silver charm bracelet. Know your wife, and get her a little something, is all. Just an acknowledgement of that amazing act she just performed.

Demanding gifts is always ugly, no matter the occasion.

Karen, it wasn't a bitter jab. It was pointing out that marrieds and parents aren't the only ones who can go on and on ad naseum about personal topics boring to others. Not by a long shot.

Of course an active death penalty works! People with life imprisonment have no reason whatsoever to behave behind bars. Kill a guard? Why not, what're they going to do to you, lock you up after death?

Before reading Hitchens piece: It's my theory, expressed here in earlier days, that liberals are incapable of humor; that it's too important to them to think of themselves as Very Serious People; that even if it weren't, their simplistic approach precludes the appreciation of irony (and humility) whence laughter originates; and that in general they think being funny is only authorized when they're making fun of someone for being mean.

Off to read it....

MO4: "Of course an active death penalty works!"

Yeah, it seems like a matter of common sense, doesn't it? But it also seems like common sense that a good way to prevent planes being blown up is to profile terrorists. And a good way to encourage stable parenting is to refrain from paying girls to have babies. And a good way to create economic growth is to not tax people into oblivion.

Etc. Apparently a lot of people don't pay much attention to common sense.

I looked at that STFUparents site with some trepidation, knowing I talk about my daughter, and indeed my whole extended family, a LOT. But I needn't have worried. Compared to those people, I'm an excellent parent and human being. Too bad I don't believe in relativism.

"marrieds and parents aren't the only ones who can go on and on ad naseum about personal topics boring to others. Not by a long shot."

This is true, and I don't think you came off as bitter. If that means anything.

For me, it's the friends who are making all these insane mistakes with guys and then whine about it that drives me nuts.

As someone in a relationship it's hard to make sure I don't come off as all-knowing or impatient. I don't think I act that way (no, really...) but I cannot sit idle while a friend describes how she is essentially stalking someone into submission, or being a drunken slutty mess at bars/parties and then complains about being alone or wonders why guys aren't into her. Uh, maybe because hanging all over people with your eyes half shut from being drunk and having your left tit hanging out is NOT what most guys look for in a woman.

This creates a bit of distance b/c if I try to gently suggest she move on b/c a guy has shown he isn't interested then it's like I mustn't want her to be happy or something. Or I don't know what it's like b/c I've been with the same guy since I was 20 and my ability to recognize painfully obvious things disappeared.

So. I just listen best I can and don't go out to bars with people I know will embarrass themselves (and me) and need babysitting.

Ahhh, common sense. The funeral was nice, but I sure miss having it around.

Aha! Hitchens gets it, so to speak:

"A liberal joke, at present, is no laughing matter."

Thanks for the link M4, it's nice to start one's day with the reassurance that one's worldview is coherent.

(My favorite passage by which Hitch slips into his conclusion: "Stewart, too, has something of a fat-target problem, and seems partly unaware of this problem’s source in his own need to please an audience that has a limited range of reference.")

Never fear Robin...an oversharing parent isn't one that talks about their kids a lot. I have never actually MET an oversharing parent - thought they were just an urban legend... but some of the people on that site are just incredible! Sometimes the posts are so-so and I don't quite see the "STFU" part...but sometimes I wonder about the sanity of some of those people...

There was one post where the "mom" opened a FB account for her 6 month old and then proceeded to have conversations with her via the status updates! "Hi Mommy - you're pretty" "Thanks daughter, now take your nap" "Hi Mommy, I want cake". People post pictures of their kids first crap, status updates about their daughters first period, placenta eating etc... Some of these things are even ok to chat about in private (I wouldn't cringe if my good friend confided in me about her daughters first period etc...) but to post it on FB?? That's a whole new level.

Momof4 makes a good point too - oversharing is not just for parents. There are other sites for other kinds of oversharing. http://facebookovershare.wordpress.com/ is a general page about FB oversharing and WHOA there are some real nut jobs out there!!

OMG, Gretchen, your puppy is SO CUTE!

Thanks, Angie!! Being at work is TORTURE. I wish being a SAH dog owner was a valid lifestyle choice.

I am slightly partial but she is amazing.

Oh, and if anyone is bored:
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

Amy - I saw your interview on Canada AM (CTV) this morning. You did a great job. My wife was agreeing with you 100% on the poor parenting bit. Cheers.

Gretchen, I have to admit to thinking the photo of the sleeping baby with the big ole pistol was kind of sweet.

Just caught up with movie watching - Avatar (in Imax 3D, yay!)and - very late, due to the demand on Netflix - Inglourious Basterds.

They are both bloody brilliant, I thought, and I'm usually more the Merchant Ivory type.

Hi Amy- I bought 7 books over the holiday and planned on immersing myself in an orgy of reading about anything that didn't have to do with Calculus or Chemistry. I started with yours, mostly because of the cover, and then sat on my couch for a couple of days chuckling away. I loved it.

I am 47 year old family man living in NY, taking pictures, building websites, taking care of my twins and wife, while school learning to be a math teacher at BMCC. I run into the kind of people you write about all day and you made me laugh about it so thank you.

Chris Brady- the weblicist of manhattan

Having an argument with a freind about the role of 'religious morals' in crafting legislaion

As its free swim I thought Id post it here too

Also vote on the facebook poll I created
http://apps.facebook.com/yoursay/?refer=fd&pid=42034&ref=mf

Seriously, does it not bother anyone that people with a belief in an invisible sky man have so much power over how we live our lives? Especially when their belief is solely based on where and when they were born? Had they been born to a different family, region, or time period they would be just as devout to a different god.

Add to that, there are over 3000 recognized divisions in Christianity, that’s not even counting those who believe and don’t go to a church that has filed non profit status with the government. Not even the Christians can agree that their god truly exists. And they cant all be right. Should the Catholics be right everyone who isn’t a catholic goes to hell as do most of the catholics, should the Jehovah Witnesses be right everyone gets paradise - Manson, Dahmer, Hitler, everyone. Calvinist believe that nothing they do matters and paradise is foreordained, which means even Jesus could wind up in hell if he wasn’t one of those pre chosen from birth. So many versions of the Christian god, and most seem to be so capricious and cruel.

Lets look at the basic back story of the Abramic god. Quite frankly the guy sounds like a total jackass. He sets up Adam and Eve in a paradise. After he only knows how long of Adam and Eve obeying his commandment to stay away from the tree of good and evil he lets the devil into his wildlife reserve.

At this point I’d like to take the time to point out that if you truly believe the devil has power to do anything other then what god lets him do you are worshiping the wrong deity.

So god lets the devil posses a snake to tempt Eve, and Adam like any man does whatever a naked chick tells him to. So after Adam and Eve fail their test, just as god intended and manipulated them to, he kicks them out - and then on top of it he punishes the poor snake who was POSSESSED under gods whim to begin with.

Think on that a moment if you will, the LORD OF ALL directs his flunky the devil to posses some helpless creature and then punishes the creature who had no control over its actions? What the f@ck?

So now Adam and Eve and all their decedents know good from evil, and any evil no matter how small is grounds for eternal confinement in a torturous hell. Lie about an orgasm because your husbands clueless or tell your wife those jeans don't make her look fat and you are cordwood in the fires of hell.

Now in order to "save" us from an eternity in hell, god has to rape a teenager so she can give birth to a child who may or may not be the very being who got her pregnant. Kind of hypocritical of a god who demanded all non virgin women be routinely slaughtered.

Now any straight guy can see the appeal of having sex with a hot teenager, but are you telling me an all powerful being who built the universe and already has experience in creating bodies had no other alternative?

Again if you truly believe that you are worshiping the wrong deity.

Also a quick brain teaser. It is often argued that god “had” to take human form in order to “understand” temptation. How exactly does an ‘all knowing’ being experience something new?

So in order for god to "save" us from the very hell he condemned us to he had to come to earth and die so we could have the pleasure of thanking him for screwing us over in the first place and beg his indulgence and forgiveness in saving us from himself.

Kind of convoluted protection racket, don't you think? Especially given the entire process would have been avoided had god not sent his flunky to outwit a couple of mortals who had the reasoning ability of curdled milk in comparison to an eons old fallen angel.

And our reward for running around aimlessly all our lives and begging like a trained dog? And eternity of sitting around and telling him how great he is for doing it?

As I said, the guy sound like a total jackass - why do you people worship such a narcissistic sadist?

Don’t believe your god is a sadist? Re-read the story of Job.

"Re-read the story of Job."

Or view it as told with Legos:

http://www.thebricktestament.com/job/index.html

Again with the anti-God? And Patrick complains about Crid and his gay marriage thing!

Heads up, there, Luj, you can't live ANYWHERE on this planet without religion defining your laws. The US is the best you're gonna get. Do away with the morality lawmakers, and you'll get the open-borders, welfare-for-all people jumping up to take their place.

Amy, Toronto isn't my favourite place in the world but there are some interesting things to see and some very good restaurants too. I hope you enjoy yourself out there but you truly are visiting the wrong part of Canada!!! :-)

It took a few minutes to figure out the CTV URL syntax but you can now all directly watch Amy's segment on CTV here.

Regarding the death penalty, I don't believe in it. But let me add, as long as the law is on the books, and if I were on a jury, I would vote for the death penalty if the law calls for that punishment.

In other words, I hate it, but if we have to have it, then I'm not going to waive it when it is called for.

My only complaint about the death penalty is that the appeals process needs to be expedited. In a study by Duke University, it was discovered that in 1994 the state of North Carolina spent ten million dollars per execution, making capital punishment far more expensive than life in prison.

So, either mend it or end it. Preferably the latter.

Thanks for the link Robert!

Amy, I bet that's the first time anyone's ever told that young man he's beautifully dressed. Are you sure you're not Southern? It sounds like something my Grandmom would have said.

I am new to this blog. Amy, I just wanted to tell you that I just read your book... twice...and I LOVED IT! My hubby bought it for me for Christmas because ironically enough, I have been on my own small mission here in South Florida to rid it of stupidity, hypocracy,injustice and rudeness myself. I have a reputation of "THAT Bitch" (emphasis on "THAT") with those that I have dared to call out on thier crap. I started checking out your blog right after I read it and I gotta tell you, I've never laughed so hard in my life. The best part is, I can relate 100% to your loud cell phone coversation story. I have actually done something similar to an obnoxious, oxygen hogging, self important jerk with a cell phone stuck to his face in Starbucks. Now, normally I would not condone retaliatory rudeness, but I finally snapped that day, and I haven't gone back since.

Mr. Selfimportantblowhard was having a very loud, very private (did I mention very loud?)cell phone conversation at one of the tables, in the middle of the Starbucks. I was sitting at the opposite table studying my script(I am an actress). It was distracting and a bit uncomfortable to say the least. Like I wanted to hear about his viagra usage? EEeewww... I asked him politely to please keep his voice down as it was really distracting. His response was "Who do you think you are?! Why Don't you mind your own business." I told him, (in an attempt to reason with him; I know understand that you can't reason with unreasonable people) "I am sorry but maybe you didn't realize how loud you were being. I know I can get pretty loud when I am excited too. I just thought you would like to know that I can hear every little detail of your conversation. I am sure you don't want everyone to hear all your private information right?" He replied, "It's my RIGHT to talk on my phone wherever, whenever, and however loud I want! I pay my taxes! Why don't you just mind your own damn business little girl!" That "little girl" did something inside of me.*eye twitch*. So,I whipped out my notepad that I was using and started taking notes. For 15 minutes. By the time he realized what I was doing, I had already written down his name, address, medical condition for which he takes the little blue pill and his dosage, his wifes name and phone number, his weight, what he had for dinner last night, his favorite sexual position, his wifes favorite sexual position, his social security number. Anyway, when he saw me he said, "What are you doing?! That is private conversation!"
Me: "Oh don't mind me." and positioned myself, pen at the ready.
Him: "You can't write this down. Are you trying to steal my identity!? STOP WRITING THIS DOWN.Throw that paper away!"
Me: "Clearly your 'private' conversation isn't that private if you are willing to vomit it all over my eardrums. As far as I am concerned, it's fair game."
He left, in a huff. I do recall him calling me a four letter C-word on his way out too.
So, needless to say, I am your new number 1 fan. Thank you for bringing so much justice!

Awesome clip, Amy! Thanks for that "It's not the kid's fault, it's the parents" inclusion too.

I like this Schneier post about what lessons we should take from the panty bomber. The last bit is something that I think we should take to heart:

Finally, we need to be indomitable. The real security failure on Christmas Day was in our reaction. We're reacting out of fear, wasting money on the story rather than securing ourselves against the threat. Abdulmutallab succeeded in causing terror even though his attack failed.

If we refuse to be terrorized, if we refuse to implement security theater and remember that we can never completely eliminate the risk of terrorism, then the terrorists fail even if their attacks succeed.

Washington state's law that denied felons the right to vote while in prison got overturned because more minorities (at least relative to their percantage in the geneal polluation) are in prison.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/413851_vote05.html

Former banker, there's hope the supreme court will end up knocking that down.

And of course, we can't bring up that more minorities are in prison because more of them commit crimes, now can we? Can't discriminate against the thug gangsta lifestyle now.

I would just like to say thank you to everyone who has posted the very entertaining links this week. Recovering from surgery has been quite dull so having new reading material has been a god-send! I love the stfuparents and the whythefdoyouhaveakid! OMG, I am in entertainment heaven! Thank you, thank you all!

Heads up, there, Luj, you can't live ANYWHERE on this planet without religion defining your laws.
Mores the pity

The US is the best you're gonna get. Do away with the morality lawmakers,
Like our local preists who got the Ugandan government to consider executing people for the 'sin' of homosexuality?

and you'll get the open-borders, welfare-for-all people jumping up to take their place.
Wasnt it Jesus who recomended spending all ones wealth in service to the poor?

Short Crid: Liberals can't be funny or ironic.

I dunno. I think this is funny in just the way liberals are not supposed to be funny.

Liberals are always eager to be put at ease regarding such things.

After all, racism is serious, OK!?!? It's important and it's real, you bigoted jerks!!!!!

(Which was the part that made you laugh out loud?)

Again: Never any liberal humor without close flyby to a pouty, held-tilting moment of compassionate bonding. Fun for fun is a waste. You guys are terribly serious, and it's MURDEROUSLY important to you that everyone understand that.

> Like our local preists who got
> the Ugandan government to consider
> executing people for the 'sin'
> of homosexuality?

Which "locality"? Which "priests"? Name names.

Which was the part that made you laugh out loud?

"Consumed no purple stuff."

By the way, why is it liberals always have to translate the things people say into "short" versions, including none of the original text and even less of the intent? It was only a year ago that I finally seemed to break Tressider of the habit....

"Former banker, there's hope the supreme court will end up knocking that down."

See this red balloon? It keeps the giant anacondas out of Denver. Works like a champ!

By the way, why is it liberals always have to translate the things people say into "short" version

When you say the same thing a bunch of times, a summary is usually sufficient. But if you can distinguish "liberals are incapable of humor" from "Liberals can't be funny", be my guest.

And there's probably not been a ballsier bit of comedy in years than this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qa-4E8ZDj9s

"Which locality? Which priests? Name names"

Luj was referring to this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/04/world/africa/04uganda.html

"...you can't live ANYWHERE on this planet without religion defining your laws"

North Korea is an option.

"Like our local priests who got the Ugandan government to consider executing people for the sin of homosexuality"

When Hutus butchered a million of their fellow Rwandans in 1994, some folks tried to blame that on The White Man too. Africans have been busy persecuting & murdering gays for thousands of years. They don't need any encouragement from imported bible-thumpers.

"Wasn't it Jesus who recommended spending all one's wealth in service to the poor?"

JC also told his disciples "The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me"

That's not quite "Fuck the poor! Pay attention to your family & loved ones before they're gone!". but it's the same sentiment, & I agree whole-heartedly.

OT, but I was really looking forward to the BCS championship game. Colt McCoy getting hurt really killed Texas' chances. Hope he's better soon.

> When you say the same thing a
> bunch of times, a summary is
> usually sufficient

If it had been that many times, you wouldn't have to summarize; more likely you want to fight the demon you hate instead of the one who's available.

> distinguish "liberals are incapable
> of humor" from "Liberals can't be funny"

Oh golly, why bother? I mean, we know liberals want credit for good intentions, but....

> there's probably not been a ballsier
> bit of comedy in years

Without even following the link, I think you've made my point. Liberal "humor" is always, always about other things... Righteousness and "ballsiness" and proving things to people.

Humor isn't really that high on their list.

Oh golly, why bother?

When you criticize my use of summary, I assume it's because I got something wrong in doing so. But I guess not!

Liberal "humor" is always, always about other things.

Don't click. It was very much about making an utter mockery of President Bush, to his face. Which was 1) funny, 2) true, 3) ballsy. Colbert's roast at the correspondents' dinner was a masterpiece.

What I want to know is who or what you think is funny. Are any prominent conservatives other than P.J. O'Rourke even remotely funny?

Steyn; Goldberg; Florence King; any number of Reasonoids; Reynolds; etc

> Which was 1) funny, 2) true, 3) ballsy.

Why does it have to be all three? Why is that so important to you? Why ca't you take the point? You're not humorous, you're into postures. There's nothing criminal about that.

It's just not amusing, thassall.

A few years ago I saw the famously "pioneering" lefty comedian Mort Sahl at this Starbucks in Brentwood. This was not a moving moment. His table did not look like fun. It wasn't as funny as when I got into a pissing match with Jim Belushi for a pump at the gas station down the street... That cracked my shit up.

Never heard of Florence King. Never read anything remotely amusing by any of the rest of them. Though the Reason people are at least worth reading.

I'd have to say there are different definitions of funny going on here.

Jim Belushi

Please tell me you're not holding him up as an example of "funny".

Although more power to you if you pissed him off!

> there are different definitions of funny

Exactly. Exactly. Most people want to laugh, not hear stories of courage and comeuppance. It's a venue thing.

Dog.

Most people want to laugh, not hear stories of courage and comeuppance. It's a venue thing.

Sure. And my guess is most people don't want to hear Reynolds mock torture opponents, or Jonah cracking jokes about Hillary the fascist or Steyn hating on Canadians. But somehow you think they're funny. But Colbert = not funny. My guess is that nobody except people on Jonah's or Glenn's or Mark's side of things thinks they've ever been funny.

But most everyone can be amused when Chris Rock talks about his job as a dad is to keep is daughter off the pole. Some things are universal.

> Some things are universal.

A constant need to be patted on the head for "ballsiness" is not one of them.

Dog.

That poor mistreated animal!

Moar.

Seeing this reminded me that Kinsley is a truly funny liberal. He writes playful, laugh-out-loud things (though this isn't one of them) that aren't about how Cheney taught the little children how to hate.

Kinsley is a truly funny liberal.

We agree on something!

"Wasnt it Jesus who recomended spending all ones wealth in service to the poor?"

This means you agree? Get on it then! Start by selling your computer and buying blankets for the homeless.

>>JC also told his disciples "The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me"
That's not quite "Fuck the poor! Pay attention to your family & loved ones before they're gone!". but it's the same sentiment, & I agree whole-heartedly.

I'm not a Christian, Martin - but your interpretation of the sentiment prompting JC's words there looks a bit wonky!

I'm not either. But listening to some of the misconceptions I constantly hear about Jesus - that he advocated pacifism under any & all circumstances (never mind the moneychangers getting their asses whipped out of the temple), or that his only message concerning the poor was for everyone to abandon their families & loved ones to give out handouts (never mind Mark 14:7, above) - can be frustrating.

...misconceptions I constantly hear about Jesus - that he advocated pacifism under any & all circumstances....

"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." - Bible (KJV)

He only said to turn the other cheek. He didn't say what to do after that if whosoever continues to smite you.

>>He only said to turn the other cheek. He didn't say what to do after that if whosoever continues to smite you.

Exactly, Conan.

After all, it's possible He was going to add..."and in that case, fuckin' flatten whosoever!"