Things Your Mother Taught You
A few of the things I've learned from my mother that have taken me far:
1. Talk to strangers.
2. When somebody offers you an opportunity, say yes, and then figure out how to come through.
3. Read.
4. Think, research and ask questions far beyond the point where a "normal" person would have stopped.
And a note on the first one. I learned from the example of my mother to be friendly to everyone, and that the busboy or the train conductor could be an interesting person. Talk to them and find out.
I get into these conversations with strangers everywhere, and doing that has really enriched my life -- both in the amazing friends I've met, and sometimes, in practical ways.
Two weeks ago, I went to Kaiser's 24-hour pharmacy in the middle of the night (best time to go), and was told there was a shortage of Ritalin and there was no way they could give me more than a month's worth (more on that tomorrow).
I asked to talk to the pharmacist. She told me sorry, it was just policy at the moment due to a nationwide shortage and they just couldn't fill my whole prescription. No way, no how. I grumbled, fine, I'd just take what I could get, but I wasn't happy about it.
I thought I caught a French accent from the pharmacist. "Vous etes française?" I asked. I asked her where she was from (Lille, I think it was). I mentioned briefly in my rather lame French that I love going to France, that I go often to Paris, and that I was hoping to go to a science conference in Montpelier this summer.
I didn't do this for any particular reason other than that I like people and like to connect with them, but when my prescription was ready, I was amazed when they brought me six bottles instead of the three they said I could have. They'd filled my entire prescription -- to the pill. Was it because of my conversation with the pharmacist? Well, I can't see why else. (Thanks, Mom!)
Last week, I meandered over to a table and sat down next to this Irish poet, Thomas McCarthy, at LA Times Festival of Books and started talking to him. Fascinating guy, and lots of fun to talk to, and I'm now reading and loving his latest book of poems, The Last Geraldine Officer.
When Gregg came into the green room -- Gregg whose orientation to strangers is rather different -- I laughed because I knew what he was thinking: "Oh no...do you really have to talk to this guy?" And then he sat down, found him fascinating, and found that he had some pretty important insights into tracking Elmore Leonard's genealogy back to Irish soil.
Professort Maurice Harmon writes of McCarthy's book:
The Last Geraldine Officer is a major achievement, varying from playful and sophisticated lyrics to a serious account of the progress of a son of the Big House as he engages with and is changed by the disruptions of the Second World War and its aftermath. W.B. Yeats could commemorate the Protestant Ascendancy, Thomas McCarthy can enter more intimately into the individual life of Sir Gerald Fitzgerald, who tries in vain to fuse his legacy as a member of a privileged aristocracy with that heritage in Irish language and literature that had inspired Dr Douglas Hyde, founder of the Gaelic League, collector and translator of seminal anthologies of folk poetry, and first President of Ireland. Fitzgerald's encounters with events outside of Ireland loosen his attachment to the settled Ascendancy life of Templemaurice. His reading of Máirtίn Ó Direáin confronts him with a poetry of quotidian realities. His own poems of love and war describe an alternative truth. In the long run it is his love-affair that endures. Together he and his beloved 'come to terms' with disruption and dislocation.
What are the best things you've learned from your mother?
That you feel how you act.
I don't recall her ever saying it, but when I think of it, she comes to mind so she must be associated with the concept in my mind.
I learned that if you smile, laugh, and generally behave happily, you become happy.
Annie at May 8, 2011 1:48 AM
When you work for someone learn and be helpful in other departments even if it's not in your job description. I do everything I can to help others no matter how lowly the job. I never complain no matter what I have to do. Boss and others have always thanked me for that. She also taught me to stand up to higher ups, be easy going with everyone, be fair, be kind, and especially get what you are worth. She is an amazing businesswoman. Everything my stepdad and I have material wise is thanks to her. The only woman I know that hussles hard for her money.
Ppen at May 8, 2011 4:14 AM
I was always learned to walk with my head up. Mom always said if you keep your head down it makes you look incompetent and afraid of the world. I make it a point to walk with my head up and look everyone in the eye. It really does give you a look of confidence, even if your faking it. :0)
Jessica at May 8, 2011 5:46 AM
Alibis can be broken, but the lack of a corpse will always mean reasonable doubt
lujlp at May 8, 2011 6:26 AM
"The fight ain't over 'till _I_ say it's over."
"I'm not beaten until _I_ say I'm beaten."
"Always punch above your weight class. NEVER punch below your weight class."
"Start no fights. FINISH all of them."
Mom was, um, strong-minded.
Bill McNutt at May 8, 2011 6:59 AM
Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids.
Jim P. at May 8, 2011 7:17 AM
"Don't you think you ought to start applying to college?" This was 1967, so her timing was pretty good.
Poeple who claim, "I'm a good driver" aren't. Sorry mom, I love you and I miss you, but there's a reason we were offering to walk home and get dad when you got stuck on our street that winter.
"Go outside and play."
MarkD at May 8, 2011 7:40 AM
How to behave in public. That there were grown-up things and kid things, and that you didn't get to do the grown-up things until you could behave properly and were old enough.
How to honor your commitments, even when it really sucks to do so.
Daghain at May 8, 2011 7:58 AM
Things I learned from my mother, whether she stated them explicitly or not:
- Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.
- Stay classy. You are responsible for your own behavior.
- Reasons and excuses are not the same thing.
Old RPM Daddy at May 8, 2011 8:10 AM
Without going into too many details, lest I give the game away: Many years ago, my mother did something impulsively that had huge repercussions on the family. Everything got turned upside down. For several years afterward, things settled into a sort of unseasy truce. I have to confess that I considerably disliked my mother during this period.
However, a few years later, the day came when she had to face the full consequences of the choice she had made. When this day came, instead of backing out, she decided to own her choice and commit herself fully to it. The results have been spectacular for her, from both a financial and a relationship standpoint, and that success helped resolve a lot of the lingering family issues.
Lesson learned: Own your actions. Some decisions are not reversible, and you can't move forward if you're always trying to arrange your life to leave escape hatches everywhere.
Cousin Dave at May 8, 2011 8:17 AM
@CousinDave...loved the last part of your post. May I borrow it?
As for what I learned from my mom...I learned to love my children because of their unique personalities, not to punish them for their differences.
sara at May 8, 2011 8:39 AM
On raising children:
1. Tell them you love them everyday
2. Hug them everyday.
3. Guide them down the right path with good advice and teaching.
4. Give them the best education you can afford.
Then turn them loose. They will either make it or they won't.
Nick at May 8, 2011 8:59 AM
How do you talk to strangers if you're an introvert, like me? Most people just don't strike me as that interesting.
When I avail myself of public transportation, I bring along reading material to pass the time, and the last thing I want is for someone to strike up a conversation with me.
"What are you reading?"
"Treasury of American Scandals, by Michael Farquhar."
"Oh. Sounds boring."
"So do you."
End of discussion. What do I care for the tender feelings of an intellectual void who can't appreciate the rich and colorful past of our great country?
Patrick at May 8, 2011 9:01 AM
Everyone has a story, Patrick. One usually doesn't hear it, because the more interesting it is the less likely the person wants to make it public.
As for me, people strike up conversations with me all the time. I must look friendly. I look like a munchkin.
NicoleK at May 8, 2011 12:00 PM
The lessons I learned from my mother...
If you tell your daughter she's fat, surely she'll have a lifelong struggle with weight.
If you tell your daughter she's not good enough, she'll eventually believe it.
If never tell your daughter you love her, she'll never really know.
kristen at May 8, 2011 1:27 PM
Sara, please be my guest. I wasn't sure if I really got the point across with that. My mom was, by her own admission, never really the "motherly" type, and so the lessons I learned from here were not really the traditional motherly-type lessons. Once I became old enough to be able to look at how she grew up and her relationship with her mother, I began to understand. She had to learn a lot of life lessons on her own, and she wasn't quite done with that process when us kids came along. So there were things we were all finding out about as we went.
Mom tried to tell us about a lot of things, but we weren't mature enough to get the message, and at the time she couldn't figure out how to explain it in terms that we could understand. Even now, I occasionally realize that some thing that I've recently run into is something that Mom talked about long ago.
Cousin Dave at May 8, 2011 2:08 PM
A couple of things that spring to mind:
'You can do anything you put your mind to'
'Can't is not a word'
Lobster at May 8, 2011 6:28 PM
Mom taught me to work just as hard at the things I did not like as I did at the things I did like. When I was a kid, that meant doing the best job I could at weeding the garden and cleaning my bathroom - both things I disliked. Now that I'm an adult, I'm glad I learned that lesson because my work ethic has opened a lot of doors for me. You just never know when someone is watching, so you should always be and do the best you can.
UW Girl at May 8, 2011 6:34 PM
You never stop growing up and learning valuable things.
Elle at May 8, 2011 8:31 PM
"Never let up in a schoolyard fight just because she's in a lower grade than you."
But, seriously - that women can think, and do an amazing number of things that won't occur to you if you're just looking at the pretty.
Radwaste at May 9, 2011 2:35 AM
1) sometimes all you can do for your kids is love them and feed them
2) You're going to do ___ right, and if I have to sit here all night making you redo it over and over, I will
momof4 at May 9, 2011 5:46 AM
You have to be able to laugh at yourself. It's important, and if you take yourself to seriously, people will just think you've got a stick up your ass...
Renee at May 9, 2011 9:46 AM
Best thing i've learned from my mother: "Travel."
Best thing i've learned from my father: "Get it in writing."
lsomber at May 9, 2011 11:34 AM
Be kind to others, even if they aren't kind in return.
You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.
And gramma used to say:
Love many
Trust few
Always paddle
your own canoe!
Flynne at May 9, 2011 12:08 PM
how did Ritalin get into this one??
carol at May 9, 2011 12:38 PM
Lesson I learned from my mom. "Nobody ever said life was fair."
Lesson I learned from my dad. He was the wrong place to try and find sympathy. "You want sympathy? It's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis”
I was the only 8 year old who knew what syphilis was. Of course I looked it up…
Jill at May 9, 2011 1:48 PM
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