Cute :)

Was it "don't you worry your pretty little head about it"?

I said that once. The scar will fade someday...

My response, after I picked my jaw up off of the floor and reset it in it's proper place, would be "You know, you're right. It is suddenly so clear to me how much more mature you are, and how much of a chore it must be for you to deal with little ol' me. I can't bear to be such a burden on you any more. I understand that you need to get on with your life."

Hopefully with a totally straight face. I actually did it, once. Asshat deserved it, and it made my day to hand him his waking papers in his own words.

*walking
That's what I get for posting on no sleep and stressed out. Moving is a beeeech, mon.

Kat, sorry to use your comment as an example, but I think the way I responded (as opposed to your response) demonstrates what Gottman says about how deep friendship and positive affect (basically, overwhelming good feelings) for a partner color your interactions with them.

I wasn't angry when he said that. I laughed. And in was in response to my (laughing) protest that, "Hey, that's condescending..." or something said in sort of that way.

We really don't fight. If we disagree, we talk about it, and in a way that reflects that we both care deeply for each other. Gregg teases me all the time, and I love it. I know it's coming from the guy who always has my back, and who comes over and cooks me these wonderful dinners and is always appreciative of the little things I do for him. (Yesterday, he was coming to a cafe where I write before he went to the airport, so I bagged up six days worth of a few of my vitamins and brought them with me to give to him. I love the guy -- gotta keep him alive and healthy.)

I've mentioned one of my favorite Gregg teases a bunch of times (related to my ADHD): "Do I have your divided attention?"

I find that hilarious.

I also love when he catches himself when he is doing some sort of computer support with me over the phone, and says, "Just open a goddamn finder window!...darling."

I don't need a relationship. I wouldn't be in a relationship if I had a relationship where people snapped at each other and had ugliness between them.

There really is nobody more on my side than Gregg.

A sense of humor goes a LONG way in understanding that words have to be taken in context.

Hubby and I say some of the most terrible things to each other...and then giggle like schoolkids (we're early sixties and married >19 years.) I would just hate it if I had to take everything he said seriously. (And yes, I know when he's being serious and when he's not...it comes with knowing - really knowing - each other).

I tease Gregg about his Achilles heel, parking. I am terrible at parallel parking but he is worse. If the space isn't school bus-sized, he looks for another. This is especially hilarious because he is not only from Detroit, he worked on an assembly line at one point.

Very long term friends of my family have almost non-stop domestics in public. I've known them since I was 7 years old (30 years ago - yikes! - their son was my best friend at school, we have Christmas together, etc) and everyone who knows them tries not to laugh when they start up at the dinner table. We all know they couldn't live without each other. I probably couldn't live like that - good natured ribbing is one thing, actual criticism in front of others is another - but they're happy.

I agree Amy. It's even worse when people do it behind their partner's back. My ex used to cop that a lot from some of my ex-friends' gfs and wives - they would get together and bitch about their partners and expect her to join in. She would never dream of airing our dirty laundry to others (and vice versa, not that I ever had anything to complain about) and they got quite annoyed at her for not listing my faults - which admittedly are numerous. They weren't afraid to do it for her though, up to and including telling her they thought I was having an affair (at a dinner party in our own house). Needless to say, the people involved are no longer welcome in my life.

The couple I mentioned above though seem to genuinely enjoy it. It's more a public comedy act than anything else - and a well practiced one. You can tell they're not really angry, and that makes a big difference.

In your situation, with your boyfriend, light humor was the correct response. In mine, with the jerk I was dating, sarcasm with a heavy twist of sarcasm is what kept me from picking up the nearest rock and becoming a Fox News Headline. In some cases, sarcasm is a tool that releases the steam that lines like "I am so smart I have to smoke pot to be able to speak to average people like you." sets off. That was just a small taste before I grew a pair, but I was much younger then, and a lot dumber......

Gregg has been reading Roissy?

Gregg doesn't need to read anyone.

I bet he can read you like a book. And that's a thing you like. :-D

I think any time you've been in a long term relationship you get these little inside jokes and comments that you know aren't meant to be mean, just funny. My boyfriend has one that involves waving your fingers like a cat playing with a toy and saying "Ooh, tinsel!" (It's a long story, but basically messing with my head is as attractive as a cat playing with tinsel). He's not saying I'm stupid, it's just a joke between us.

He's a software engineer, so when he gets with his friends and they start talking shop and making the rest of us wonder what the hell they are saying, I call out "Oh, do you hear that? It's the call of the North American Geek Bird...geek! Geek! Geek!" He gets the message and he knows I'm not saying it to be mean.

Well I'm definitely on the geek side. An ex-gf is also more on the geek side.

I had to get her attention one time when we were out on a recreational trip. Afterwards I could use "Ooh, shiny." with her. She and I got the joke. No one else got what we were talking about.

My ex-hubby used to say "just stand there and look pretty" whenever I offered unwanted help. I was never offended; we both know I have no business with a hammer, crowbar, or any number of other utensils usually attributed to the male gender.