I don't want to feel huge next to a guy, so short and stocky is ok but short and skinny is hard to get over. Not impossible. But hard.

It's a non-issue as I'm married to a guy who is the perfect height.

I am a 6' woman, who has dated plenty of men shorter than me. Almost every one of them had issues with my height. I have been asked to wear flats on a date. I had one guy who positioned me on the next step down on my porch so he could be taller than me when he kissed me goodnight. I'm sure there are women who only date taller men, but my experience is that it is the guys who have a problem with it.

Being a shorter guy (5'7") I've dated taller women many times, and no woman ever said anything about my height (which, of course, does not mean they weren't bothered by it).

However, when I was dating via Match.com (I'm married now), I noticed a real double standard: many women wrote things to the effect that they wanted to date taller men. But guys could not write that they wanted to date large-breasted women. Maybe a few guys did, but most would never put it in writing -- unlike the significant percentage of women who were explicit about their men being tall.

If it's just pass-by-on-the-street attraction we're talking about, taller guys certainly catch my eye, but a man of average or even shorter height can carry himself well and command a room - in the end that's what does it for me.

And as someone who colors her hair, wears makeup (makes our skin smoother, eyes bigger, etc.) and a pushup bra (in other words, I'm kind of a run of the mill female) it would be laughably hypocritical of me to judge a guy for wearing lifts. So no, if this were a perfect guy it probably would not bother me. Moot point though, since I'm happily married. To a guy who's of perfectly average height.

I've dated guys shorter and around my height before. Actually prefer it because I hate standing on my toes to kiss the guy. Though I do look at tall guys like some guys look at giant breasts.

Let's see, would I wear lifts to satisfy a woman who is taller than I am?

Umm...let me think about that...No. I'm only 5'10", so I'm not particularly tall, or short for that matter.

And from what I've seen of the online dating world, Jim E is spot on. Many women are not shy about saying "he must be taller than 6 foot".

Fortunately, I'm not the type to say "C cup or better"... ;-)

Are you hot for Kim Jong Il? It just wouldn't do for "God" to be standing 5' 3", which is why he has 5" heels and a 3" a three-inch pompadour.

My last serious boyfriend was about 6 inches taller than I am (I'm 5'5"). However, all the other guys I've dated have been around my height or shorter (the shortest was around 5'3" I think -- he never wanted to give me his exact height).

My current boyfriend is just a hair over 5'5" (my height), and, because I wear heels a lot, he is, often, shorter than I am.

Lifts, for me, would be a huge turn-off, and I would never want him to wear them. It would be the equivalent of him asking me to wear extra bra padding. If you're physically attracted to someone, you wouldn't want them to wear lifts. If you're not physically attracted, why, oh why, would you date him in the first place?

But everyone has their limits. Being perfectly honest, I wouldn't date a guy under 5'2", money or no, for the same reason I wouldn't date a blonde guy -- I don't think the physical attraction would be there.

For what it's worth, being roughly the same height as a guy, or taller, makes me feel like a super model, silly as that sounds. Also, if I want to kiss him, I can just grab his face and kiss him, whereas, with my old 6'1" BF, I'd have to pull him down to my height and crane my neck.

Lifts would be a turn off for me, b/c it would show lack of confidence. One of my best friends is really short (like, 5'2" or something?) and he is as cool and confident as they come. And guess what? He's married to a gorgeous 5' 6" gal who apparently has no issues with the height difference--and happens to be about 15 years his jr. And he's not loaded, either--he's a Marine too.

For me, "perfect" is right around my height, just a little taller. Since I myself am "tall" for a woman (5' 9"), that could be limiting if I let it. By for the "right" shorter guy, if I was single and looking, sure! My ex-H was 5-10 and my current is just shy of 6'

@Patrick--LMAO

BF is 5'10", I'm 5'7" so it's not an issue for me. However, I think lifts would be a turn off because, as the other Beth says, it would show a lack of confidence. Kinda like a guy wearing a toupee, especially if it's a bad one. Just shave your head and get on with it! That looks better than a rug or a comb-over any day. Just as being your natural height looks better. Be who you are.

Jim E wrote:

"However, when I was dating via Match.com (I'm married now), I noticed a real double standard: many women wrote things to the effect that they wanted to date taller men. But guys could not write that they wanted to date large-breasted women. Maybe a few guys did, but most would never put it in writing -- unlike the significant percentage of women who were explicit about their men being tall."

When I was internet dating, I noticed that many women had very specific physical specifications in the men they would consider. Must be over 5'10", no facial hair, full head of hair were common and I even saw one woman write "no baldies" in her profile. Can you imagine the shitstorm if a man put "no fatties" on his profile?

I'm 5'8", in my 40's, and I started dating a guy who's 5'7" - we've been dating about 6 months now. I've always dated taller guys - I don't think I was specifically looking for a taller guy, but there they were. My new bf is everything a woman could want - thoughtful, generous, upbeat, responsible - I could go on. But the reactions I get from nearly everyone range from a smile when they ask me how tall he is (after they've met him!) to those same statements, "I could NEVER date a guy who's shorter than me." It's been an eye-opening experience. I almost feel like I'm an equal-heights crusader, when all I want is to be happy. It's as though we are defined by his height. That's been weird. But I just let it go...
With all that said, though, there are two things I'm finding. The first is as "sofar" said - I feel like a supermodel when I'm out with him, especially when I wear heels. And the second is - I have been shifting my feet apart so that we're equal height when we kiss, because it feels awkward to me to be above him.

I don't know if if would matter to me so much now in my old age (30), but it did when I was younger. If he was both small-framed/skinny AND short, I don't think I could do that.

I think actual "lifts" are ridiculous, but don't see an issue with a man preferring shoes that give him a LITTLE more height (boots or whatever).

I'm 5'4" and my husband is right at about 6'.

One time on a dating site there was photo of woman whose face was shaded, but whose huge bosoms were prominent. Real whoppers. She wrote in her profile that the first thing men noticed about her was "my eyes." About three-quarters of women respond that way on their dating profiles. Women are not too bright, no?

I responded to this huge honkers-woman, and said I wanted to date her as she had big tits. That went over poorly. Her reply was very testy. Honesty is never the best policy with women. Her response indicated a lack of humor, so I didn't care anyway.

I happen to be 6'2". I guess I am nettled when women say they like me for my height or big dick, but not enough to worry about it.

I'm a short guy - 5'7", 31. I like being this height; it works well for me. Besides, it's part of who I am, and if you don't like it? Get lost. NO WAY would I ever wear lifts.

On the flip side of the coin, I've run into a LOT of women who outright refused my attention due to height. I've even had more than one spin on her heel and briskly walk away. (That makes for an awkward dinner date - table for one instead?)

I see the same things Jim E and Steamer have too. Girls who are 4'10" demanding - not asking, DEMANDING - a 6' guy or taller in their profiles. Hey, thanks for saving me the time, ladies. I don't want anyone that superficial.

this is a toughie, because there is all the difference in the world between what people say they want, and their actions.

If you are an outlier, like the 6' girl, or the 5' guy, there might be more rejection holding everything else equal.

As we know, things are rarely equal... Women might prefer a taller man evolution-wise, but also is looking for an Alpha. I know a 5'5" ex marine, and I swear people sit up straighter in the conferenceroom when he enters it. I also know plenty of 6'3" goofs who can't get a date.

Wearing lifts would prolly be considered bad form for a guy, because we are supposed to be all about what you see is what you get. But? if you wear cowboy boots? If you stand up straight as if you are a very dangerous man... You can throw off the right signals.

Maybe look for a really tall girl... after all, they themselves might be enough of an outlier that they will look beyond looks.

All that said, women definitely have a bigger problem with this than guys, isn't heighth right behind wealth in what women look for? I think that Kima's experience is because she herself is an outlier. Fun to dance with, but still.

Whoever is seeking such advice, should know that finding someone who likes your heighth is no different that finding someone who likes your eyes or prefers dark hair. What will be different is that online dating and it's alphabet soup of requirments may be out. You want to presnt yourself as you are, in order that it not seem like a betrayal later... assuming you're serious about this.

On the bus I ride to work, there's a particularly tall woman (I think 5'10"), who says she doesn't like to be taller than her husband when they go out, so this limits the height of the heels she wears. If I remember, I'll ask her what she would think if her husband wore lifts.

I guess height just never mattered to me. If I found myself attracted to a guy, it was generally not because of his height.
I've always preferred a man just be confident. A man who is confident will naturally seem bigger than he is, just look at Tom Cruise.

I've dated men of all heights (before marriage) and always found that as long as the man is confident, that more than made up for whatever other physical attribute he may be lacking according to other women. A guy who wore lifts in his shoes would actually turn me off a great deal. It just seems so... dishonest. I prefer a confident short guy over a self concious tall guy who doesn't know his own worth.

I love that these random questions bring a lot of new people out to comment :)

Given that I'm 5 foot 11 and 3/4 inches (see how honest I am? damn, I never quite got to six foot) this has never really been a problem for me. I have an old friend though that is the same height, and still wore 3 inch heels. We went on a couple of dates a long time ago - in fact I escorted her to her father's air force mess ball. I loved that she was taller than me in heels - but I think it's been a problem for her with men from time to time. She doesn't have a problem with it though.

I have had the occasional woman say after a date "I didn't realise how tall you were" when they had originally met me at dinner or seated in some way. I thought that seemed a bit of a weird thing to say till I realised they meant it as a compliment.

A man who is confident will naturally seem bigger than he is, just look at Tom Cruise.

Hmmm. The boxes for him to stand on and the trenches they dug for Nicole Kidman to walk in in Days of Thunder tend to work against that. Maybe he just looks taller standing on Oprah's couch :)

The height isn't the dealbreaker -- the lifts are. Insecurity is an amazingly huge turn-off.

Height matters, but confidence matters too. More.

Although ya know, now that I think about it, height doesn't make any difference when you're laying down!

I have dated several men around my height. I am fine with that, and probably would be fine with a few inches shorter than me. I am 5'5' or so.

I was on the fence about the lifts, but the comment that compared them to a push up bra seemed on the mark. So if it gives the man a boost of confidence, why not.

So height isn't a big deal to me.

A man who is confident will naturally seem bigger than he is, just look at Tom Cruise.

Hmmm. The boxes for him to stand on and the trenches they dug for Nicole Kidman to walk in in Days of Thunder tend to work against that. Maybe he just looks taller standing on Oprah's couch :)

True... LOL! Anfdin film it's a little different.
But he does manage to get it on quite well with taller women so in real life so...

I worked with a guy named Jeff who was about 5foot2. He could pick up any woman within 10 minutes. I think he actually had a "hook-up" advantage because most of the women weren't thinking it would get serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5oNb7WZXiw

I was just reading about Cruise being selected to play Jack Reacher in an upcoming movie based on Lee Child's book "One Shot" and he is SO wrong for the part - how do you justify a guy who's 5'6" playing the part of a guy who's described as being 6'5" and ~240 pounds??? Doesn't make any damn sense! I hope they recast the part, I really do. I could see Liam Neeson in that part. He'd just need to gain a little (okay, some) weight!

My ex-husband was 6'4 and a total douche. All the men I dated after my divorce were under 6 feet. I don't know if it was subconscious or not but height is definitely not a deal breaker for me.

And no to the lifts part. That's just weird and would show me he wasn't comfortable with himself. Yes, that's coming from a woman who wears make-up and colors her hair.

Out of everything that I wanted in a husband, the only thing that my husband is not is tall. He's not short either - 5'10", but typically, I was attracted to men over 6' tall. We're married now, so I completely overlooked the height issue. And I would never dream of asking him to wear lifts to satisfy my dream of having a tall man.

I agree with Kristen, I think that would be a turn-off that he wasn't comfortable with himself.

@Flynne

It was probably the same casting director who saw Hugh Jackman (6'4" I believe) and decided he was perfect to play Wolverine (5'3").

Heh, maybe the guy in question should take to cosplaying Wolverine and comic conventions. Do a halfway decent job and the half-clothed anime cat girls will be a-swarming. Wolverine gets all the chicks.
-------

On a more serious note, height doesn't really ping my radar like it does for other women I know. My sister is 5'11" and doesn't want to date anyone shorter than her in flats. But I think it's a self-conscious thing on her part. She feels awkward with shorter men. For my part, it's not such a big deal. My husbad is a half inch taller than me (5'7"). I've gotten serious hots for guys as short as 5'2".

The lifts could be an issue, depending on his attitude about them. If he's casual about them and cofident even without them then that's fine. I'm not a natural blonde after all. But if it's a sign of a larger confidence issue, then it could be a problem.

Sorry to say, but height actually does make a difference when you're laying down, which is the euphemism for "having sex". For instance, one position in particular where a man's thigh length makes a difference... and i'm only 5'7. In the good ole days of having sex, that was one of my favourite positions, and hubby never wanted to go there, since he cannot match my height... ok, you have to picture it. Just sayin'.

At the risk of adding ad hominen remarks which i'm ever-fearful of doing these days, i want to say that there just is no comparison between a woman's breast size and a man's height. That's comparing apples to oranges.

On the bus I ride to work, there's a particularly tall woman (I think 5'10"), who says she doesn't like to be taller than her husband when they go out, so this limits the height of the heels she wears

I'm about 3.5 inches shorter than my husband (I'm average, he's a little on the short side), and for the first while we were dating, I made a conscious effort to avoid heels high enough that I would be taller than him. Then, after a while, I realized that it didn't bother him at all; in fact, he liked it when I wore daring heels. The other day, we walked to a bar, so I wore flats, and he specifically noted that it was odd to see me so short when we go out. So I guess my point is that a lot of men don't care; we just sort of assume that they would.

(As for Amy's question, I don't know, I realize that it's not compariable to things that almost all women routinely do for their appearence, but something about a man who puts in more effort than the basic clean, ironed clothing, combed hair seems like a turn-off to me. I doubt that it would be a deal-breaker (nor would someone shorter than me, I think, though I've never even come close to dating anyone actually shorter than me), but it would be . . . odd.)

"That's comparing apples to oranges." Bluejean Baby

It would be if we were comparing physical things, but we are comparing the desire for them. If you want to go with a less obvious, try hip/waist ratio as a sub for endowment. It's just that guys don't key one the hips quite as apparently... it's almost subconscious.

In any case, a guy would get barbequed if he has requirements in his Match.com profile like "must be at least a 44D", which is no different than saying must be at least 6'1" except...

you can't get implants for making you tall, like you can for making you stacked.

I think it's very shallow to choose your partner based on appearances (or worse, finances.) Chemistry and common values should be SO much more important! Fortunately for me, my husband feels the same way.

That being said, I did have a height requirement for dates. I wouldn't have dated anyone more than a foot taller than me. And at just under 4'10", that shuts the door on any guy that would consider himself to be tall or even on the high side of average. It's not personal, it just hurt my neck to crane up all the time to look at or kiss you and I can't keep up with your step!

One thing I remember from when I was single though, is that there were so many men complaining about being judged by their height, but they didn't want to date someone under 5' tall, so they judge too. Even the "short" men wanted someone close to their own height and not someone 6-12" shorter...

I dated two men who were 5'2". Both had a huge napoleon complex. My husband is just under 5'10" and he remembers most women thinking he was too short to be considered dating material (lucky for me!)

Hmm. Ask Carla Bruni.

Then - take a look how it could be...

"If you aren't attracted to short men (or blond women, or people with big noses) is it shallow to avoid being with one of them--or prudent and kind?"

Six of one, half dozen of the other. It's somewhat shallow because by avoiding such people you might miss out on knowing a really great person. But if you really find a particular physical characteristic that off-putting, to the point where you wouldn't be able to overlook it, then it's a kindness to simply avoid those who have that characteristic. I mean, who wants to be with someone who finds them repulsive?

My husband and I are the same height. I would not have gone more than a couple or three inches shorter I don't think.

I think I would find the lifts kind of off-putting - but just because it would feel like he was trying too hard. I guess, like some posters said, if the guy were confident enough and he was just casually wearing lifts it would be fine. The trouble is, I have trouble imagining a casual lift-wearer. It feels like something he would have put effort into because he felt inadequate or something...

I had a girlfriend whose response to just about any one of our circle of girlfriend's Jerry- Seinfield-esque type critiques of their potential suitors(Too short, big nose, hairy back, "girl-hands" - that was mine!!!....) was:

"If he can find your g-spot - it just don't mattah!"

She dated a lot. I get the impression that perhaps she had grown tired of the handsome frat boys who couldn't find certain female parts without the assistance of a big neon arrow.

She always got the really good looking ones too. She seemed to know what she was doing, so we would all stand there with our mouths agape when she sorted it out for us the next day - no matter how good looking, tall, upwardly mobile they were, she just wasn't into armatures. That was her deal breaker.

She found both in one guy, but he was a complete head-case. Intimacy issues. On and off for two years. Mess. She finally moved on.

She is currently in a relationship (she looks a lot like Zeta-Jones btw) with a man who is not only shorter than her (only by a few inches), but isn't really that physically attractive (not ugly though).

People want what they want. It's always interesting to see though, how people's priorities shape their outcome. She seems happy.

(I'm five foot one inch so I can't really answer this question for myself. a few inches shorter than me = dwarf).

I'm average height (5' 10") and women don't seem to notice me, so maybe they just aren't looking low enough.

As far as women who are self-conscious about heels making them taller than their men: forget it. Do you have any idea how those heels make your ass look? And your legs?

If you don't like heels or they hurt or whatever, fine. But if you like them and you can rock a 4", don't let my height stop you.

Putting "must be 44D" on your match.com profile is like a woman putting "must be 8 inches" on hers. Breast size falls into the "private parts" category, just as penis size does. This is why i said, earlier, it's like comparing apples to oranges, saying breast size (women) = height (men). Nope, it doesn't.

If you can tell an approximate measurement from across the room, then the parts ain't that "private".

In the real world, women are attracted to height, and men are attracted to breast size. So, apples and apples.

I'm going to go against the grain here but height matters to me ALOT. I'm 5'3" and anyone that is 5'9" is the shortest I will date.

90% of the men I have dated have been at least 6'3" or above. And no, it's not just me picking them out...most of times I don't even notice them until they ask me out of the blue. (I've mostly dated strangers). Last guy I dated was 6'4. Current guy I'm dating is 6'0"

I'm flexible about race, looks, etc. Everything except height....sorry it's just what I'm attracted to and not going to change. I think however most women don't care about height. Just like most men dont care about breast size.

I agree with Brian. If a woman thinks that wearing heels that make her taller than me is a turn-off, she's wrong. I love the look of a woman's legs in nice heels. BTW, I'm 6' and I have dated girls taller than me.

"If you aren't attracted to short men (or blonde women, or people with big noses) is it shallow to avoid being with one of them -- or prudent and kind?"

It's a mix of everything. One of my friends is only attracted to small breasts-I think people would congratulate him on that.

Another one of my friends only like big fake breasts, people would tear him apart for that.

You're attracted to what you're attracted to. Be as flexible as you can but also accept that there are some things you just wont like.

In any case, a guy would get barbequed if he has requirements in his Match.com profile like "must be at least a 44D", which is no different than saying must be at least 6'1" except...

Well SwissArmyD guys do discriminate against fat girls. I think there is a choice in which you can select body type. Alot of girls put on fake pictures of themselves as thin, and then when they actually meet the guy they are like 200lbs. It's pretty common. All the guys I know who have dated online say this has happened to them multiple times.

Oh and guys lie about their height too on those sites, maybe saying 5'8" when they are really 5'6"

"Actually, Ppen, studies show that women care very much about one thing, above most others, in terms of looks, and that's whether a man is tall, and taller than they are"

Sorry Amy, you are right! I mean women don't care that a guy is a specific height, just that they are tall enough to whatever their standard is correct?

Thanks alot Amy! Always appreciate it.

Haven't read all the comments, so....

I'm about 5'10"-5'11". But at the same my normal footwear is (are?) cowboy boots, which pretty much give me two inches regardless. I do it for the style, not the height.

But being a guy -- I'll take on about any height -- but if she's too short, I really won't enjoy dancing over a long time.

"It just seems so... dishonest."

Any more dishonest than a woman wearing a push up bra, makeup, or coloring her hair??

Double standards for the sexes are what I find unattractive. I'm 5'3. I've been attracted to men anywhere from 5'5 to 6'5. It's the confidence that essentially attracts me.

And lifts in a man's shoes wouldn't bother me. If I can wear heels, why can't he wear the male version of them?

I love the look of a woman's legs in nice heels.

Brian and ken are right on this point: women wear heels not just to make themselves taller (most of the time), but to make their legs look longer and sleeker and to accentuate the butt and breasts by changing the way they walk. Men wear lifts to make themselves taller, so it's not entirely comparable.

On the dishonesty front, I don't think lifts are any more dishonest than makeup or hair color. But I wouldn't want to date a man who needed to wear lifts, because it shows a lack of confidence. Just like I like to wear makeup and pretty clothes, but I can be confident without them. I'll second (or third) the preference for shoes with a bit of height rather than lifts. Of course, I'm in middle TN and cowboy boots are almost de rigueur, so I'm used to seeing tall shoes on men.

I don't know if I'd be attracted to a guy shorter than me, but as I'm only a smidge over 5'1, it's never come up. I have been attracted to guys on the short side, but they've all still been taller than me.

Side note: for God's sake, guys, don't style your hair to make yourself look taller.

Height

I think a lot of it has to do with perception.

I am 6ft and a smidge like 1/32 or so. Yet many women over the years have said I am too short...that I need to be at least 6ft, yet I am. And a few times I have been accused of lieing about my height one dates of match & eHarmony. I have told by a few women that I "don't look 6ft tall." I guess it because I am not a bean pole. More like a linebacker. A couple of them I had to prove that I was 6ft to...though really I realize in hind sight it didn't matter. What was funny is one of thier friends was coming later. He was 6 foot tall...when he got there, I was taller than him.

I was on a tour a couple of years ago. Ever guy on the tour that was taller than 6'1" hooked up on the tour. One of the two guys at 6'1" hooked up. Only one guy shorter did - a super fit Australian Army guy.

how do you justify a guy who's 5'6" playing the part of a guy who's described as being 6'5" and ~240 pounds???

Because he's the guy who bought the script and is producing the movie. While I think Tom Cruise could do the part acting-wise, and especially since there's not much fighting in One Shot (if I recall correctly), I can't help thinking they'll have to change the nature of the character. Reacher's a guy whose personality is built on being big. He had to learn to fight because the kids who picked on him and his brother assumed he could because he was big. The change may work for that one book, but if it turns into a franchise, I don't know how it will work. I'm disappointed I'm not more excited about this movie, because I adore Lee Child and Jack Reacher. I would love to see Liam Neeson or Liev Schreiber in the film adaptation of my favorite Reacher book, Bad Luck and Trouble. They're both a tad too handsome for the part, but I'd be willing to overlook that.

Apologies for the tangent. Carry on.

Besides, movies don't count, ever.

(If they did, casual students of American history would never forgive the casting of svelte Paul Newman as Leslie Groves in Fat Man and Little Boy. Why make the fuckin' movie if you're gonna do that? Off course it tanked: You left out the drama, guys.)

I mean it. We can't get too upset when coked-out baboons in Bel-Air try to sell tickets to a nicely-photographed stupidity.

A friend at work says soldiers, as a rule, will forgive anything big in a movie. If you want to make a movie where Iwo Jima is mostly about how three badly-married sisters in a small town in Kansas cared for their aging parents in a season of war and crop failures, that's fine with them... That's the movie you wanted to make, and it's not their problem. But if you bungle details, maybe screw up the ribbons on a uniform, military guys will never forgive you.

> to make their legs look longer and sleeker
> and to accentuate the butt and breasts by
> changing the way they walk.

Too highfalutin'. Here's how it reads to the amphibian brain: She can't run.

A tweet.

Crid.....great pic.

It wouldn't bother me if I was six feet tall, but I'm only 5'6", so that would make him flirting with midget height.

I did date a guy who was the same height as me, and it didn't bother me at all - except that he had such a complex about his height that he couldn't stop bringing it up, obsessing over it, and accusing me of wanting to date someone taller. Which I didn't, I just didn't want to date him anymore.

I don't think height's so much the issue here as confidence. I don't want to date a tall weenie, and I don't want to date a short weenie. I mean, I'm flat-chested, but I imagine most guys aren't going to be bothered by that as much as they would be by me constantly whining about it and demanding they admit their secret desire for a bigger-boobed girl.

@Amy, re: your comment about whether it's prudent or shallow to avoid being with someone you're not attracted to - that's a really good question! I don't have any sort of "type" when it comes to guys (girls, that's another matter) but I always follow that up with "but not blondes!" I don't know why, but I've never been attracted to them, so I've never gotten past the friendly-talking part with a blonde.

As for putting your preferences out there in online dating - I understand why people do it. I mean, if you're online shopping, you pick what you want, right? So I guess it makes sense to throw out all the discriminators that you wouldn't own up to in real life. No one's going to sit on a bar stool and screech "6 feet or taller! $90K per year or more!" because you're probably not going to get anyone that way, but it seems more acceptable online.

That being said, I think it's kind of dumb. Putting that on your profile may mean you miss out on the world's most awesome guy because he's 6 feet and not 6'1", so you're only cheating yourself.

Sorry to say, but height actually does make a difference when you're laying down

I was going to say that and held back...I'm glad someone did. Thanks Bluejean Baby! Although I notice Flynne recanted on that point too :)

The woman I'm (sort of) seeing now is shorter than I'm used to - maybe 5'4"? It's interesting how that changes things...

I'm 5'10" and have always been attracted to the guys 6' or taller. When I was in high school, I was really uncomfortable about being taller than a date.

But my longest relationship to date was with a guy 6 inches shortervthan me, and it just couldn't have worked if either of us was bothered by the height difference.

So I'd have to vote no on lifts.

I wish this had occurred to me when I was in my teens and 20's. I was just perplexed back then as to why I wasn't able to successfully date.
At 5'4" and male, I get overlooked all the time.

I'm done with online dating, as my experience with Match has been that women taller than me are just not interested in dating someone as short as me and only about a third to half of the women shorter than me are interested.

I've asked out women who were taller than me (up to 5' 10") only to be told that they wished I were taller.

I won't wear lifts, won't dye my greying hair and don't care if a woman, shorter or taller, wears heels on a date with me.

One daughter didn't care - her husband is a bit taller than she is.

The other one used to complain to my wife about her boyfriend being short. They eventually broke up (not over his height), but boyfriend#2 is taller (and nicer, smarter and harder working.)

I honestly never thought about height in relationships, at all, until my wife made a comment about someone she worked with being short. I'm a hair under six feet tall, and there weren't that many tall women around when I was young, but I was oblivious to the fact that anyone cared.

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two points..

Online dating seems to bring out the worst in people, so don't judge all women by the ones you see online.

I think that there are different motivations for the height preference. The first is simply that most women don't like being taller than the man that they're with. But the second is that there's a status associated w/ 6'+. This is why you'll get girls who are 5'4 insisting that a man is 6'. From their perspective, they can't tell if he's 5'10. They just associate 6' with high status.

I got roped into helping a nominal friend years ago after one of his groomsmen had to bow out a couple of weeks before the wedding. First thing after I said I'd help, the groom asks me my height. The bridesmaid I was to escort wanted to know my height (5'6) so she'd know what type of heels to wear. IIRC, she was shorter than me by a few inches without the heels. No free booze at the reception either...

I'm 5'8", and my husband is 5'3". He's funny, smart, sweet, a terrific cook, and a great dad. Would I ever trade that for extra height? Not on your life.

I'm just under 6'3" so I dont often run across women taller than me.

And while, as others mentioned, some positions are harder with such a height difference, others are eaiser, like holding a woman upside down by her ankles. Although weight plays into that alot to.

My husband's a tiny bit shorter than I am, and he likes me in heels. I dated a guy who was 6'7" and that was weird.

I'm 5'5" and hubby is a shade over 6'. In my dating years, I found myself going out with guys from about 5'9" to 6'5". The taller ones were awkward to cuddle.

IMHO it wasn't height that was attractive to me, it was strength. I didn't want to feel like I would snap him in half if I hugged him tight. A barrel-chested shorter guy is more attractive than a lanky taller man.

And confidence is key. So no to lifts. I would find that unattractive in the same way a bad combover or obviously poorly applied grecian formula is unattractive. Boots are fine, though.

I remember back when I was a freshman at ASU and my brother and his best friend and I were walking back to the distant parking lot and the discussion was on women that wouldn't give short guys a chance. Brother is 5'9" and his friend was a handful of inches shorter. The friend was remarking that short guys have to work harder to get a gal and work harder to keep her since ladies all wanted taller guys. I found it hypocritical since they were really only looking to go out with gorgeous model-types.

My son is 17 and just over 5'8". We are hoping he gets at least another inch or two since most people associate height with maturity.

@Kima "my experience is that it is the guys who have a problem with it"

Not me. I dated a girl an inch taller than me who didn't want to wear heels on our dates for fear we'd look "wrong" together.

I took her to a kinky shoe shop for a pair of 5" stilettos and that was the end of that nonsense.

Good times. Good times!

@Amy - I didn't mean that you should force yourself to date someone you're not attracted to. I think that's a crappy thing to do and unfair to the other person. I was talking specifically about putting discriminators like height or whatever on your dating site profile.

My point is that by throwing out all these discriminators, you may end up missing out. If you know you're never, never in a zillion years going to be hot for someone under 5'9", then put it on there, fine.

I never thought I'd end up dating a guy who resembles a mountain man, but I have been for several years and adore him. Did I think I'd be attracted to someone with a massive beard and more than a passing resemblance to Paul Bunyan? No, but I am. (And actually, a friend who is doing online dating mentioned that a lot of women have "no facial hair!" on their profiles too, which is interesting).

So there you have it - and anyway, there's a big difference between dating someone you aren't attracted to, and finding an awesome person who is an inch shorter than you normally go for but otherwise rings your bells.

@Amy - that's what the original post was about. I was responding more to the commenters who were talking about people putting discriminators on their online dating profiles (and I don't mean discriminators in a negative sense - if you don't want to date a short, or fat, or flat-chested, or whatever person, by all means, put it up on Ye Olde Dating Site).

As I mentioned before, I've never been attracted to blonde guys, but I don't think I'd put "no blondes!" if I were doing online dating. (All very hypothetical, this, since I've never done it.)

But I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to. And I completely agree with you - I get really sick of hearing people (men OR women) whining about how it's unfaiiiiiiiiir for people not to want to date someone based on the way they look. I think it's more unfair to date someone who doesn't turn you on - or worse, makes you cringe - because you think that if you don't want to date them just because they're unattractive, or you happen not to be attracted to them, you're being shallow or lookist or whatever you want to call it. I get very annoyed when people act as though someone turning down a second date because there's no attraction are horrible people. I'd rather be told up front that there aren't going to be any sparks than have it drag out, personally.

Also, now I'm totally writing my Imaginary Dating Profile in my head, and it's hilarious: "sway-backed tooth-grinder with severe sunlight allergy seeks same..."

wow, great topic. I'm 5'11, fit and long limbed. I guess that's good huh? But as a Mexican American guy I always dated short Latin girls or short Asian ladies. I've always heard being tall would help but never saw the payout. Now I'm single at middle age and I'm very curious if looking tall will help. Can I get back to you'all later on?

I'm not buying the whole confidence thing I hear and see all the time. The term itself is actually a bit subjective. I would be willing to bet thousands of dollars that if women were to view a man on video and be told he was tall he would be described as confident. Show the exact same guy with the exact same demeanor and be told he was short, and most women would immediately say he has a Napoleon complex or short mans disease. Tall and aggressive = confident and sexy. Short and aggressive = mental problems. As a 5'5" male that makes a lot more than the average US income, I don't have shirtless pictures on my profile like women say they hate, no baggage from ex's or children, clearly stated I'm looking for a serious relationship and not just sex, and I usually meet every qualification on those 20+ item lists you see women write on their profiles. With all that I average about one single date per year. When I change my height to average or taller without changing anything written on my profile, my demeanor (i.e confidence or lack of) doesn't change at all, and suddenly women contact me first and describe me as handsome, funny, witty, intelligent, even sexy as hell in one case. I can line up as many as 5 dates per week with very attractive women. The only variable that changes any of this is height. I have done this little experiment multiple times over many years and the results are always the same.

Here are a few direct quotes I can remember from women's dating profiles:

"I can't stand short guys."

"PLEASE BE LOCAL! Unless you're tall. I'm willing to trade distance for height!"

And one of my favorites (please tell me you can see the incredible fail in logic on this one):

"I'm attracted to tall men who can see me for me."

Another favorite I like to recall on this subject. I once saw an obese, self proclaimed BBW write in an online chat room:

"I'm attracted to tall guys but always get stuck with the ones the same height as me."

I quickly cut and pasted the statement, reversed genders and changed the issue of male height to female weight, and was immediately attacked as if I were a skin head targeting someone for religious reasons, by both MEN and women. The usual reaction anywhere you go, perfectly OK to ridicule a male for being short, but anything else like weight (which is self inflicted) race, gender, sexual orientation...a total no no.

Also, on the subject of confidence, since it's the first thing women always bring up when a guy asks for honest advice on how to improve his chances. I have to yet to find anyone explain how you become confident. Anyone? Is it rooted in genetics? Or in environment? If it's genetic you're kind of SOL. But I know everyone will say that's preposterous and that confidence is something you can build. But how? Really, I'm listening. When women who are shorter than you and outweigh you by 100 pounds or more reject you because "you're just too short for me" (yes this has happened to me) how do you build confidence? And the high heels thing. I could care less what shoes a date wears and if she appears taller than me. But does anyone realize how it makes you feel when most every women considers their shoes a more important item in their life than the prospect of going on a date with you? Again, how do you become confident when faced with this, all the time?

Sorry for the long post, but I don't think people realize just how much this can affect the lives of some men. After all, human companionship could arguably be considered the first basic need right after food, water, and shelter. And when you live for years being constantly reminded that you don't qualify because of the way you were born, it takes quite a toll on your psyche.

I think the idea that women will not date short men is a litle blown out of proportion via the internet. when I see couples walk down the stret I generally don't see beautifual people, I see all kinds, short ,fat , prettty ugly etc.
Although I do concede that women prefer tall men I think the women who are the most vocal about this preference just want to attack a group of people for shits and giggles.

I am a 5'5 man, not a special little man either.
I have no looks or money and i have had sex with alot of women. I never tried internet dating but if what I read is true, the way things work in the real worls is not as bad as it is online.

People get alot of pleasure out of insulting others and short men are an easy target.

Lastly, only a fool would believe that height matters more than money. yeah, some women would not go out with a guy who was 5'5 no matter how much money he makes but trying to figure that out through a survey is impossible.
It is socially accepted and even celebrated for women to denigrate short men (especially if these women are hiding behind computers) but is not acceptable for women to admit that they love men with money.

I don't like women in general sense, especially since I started reading about this height stuff but I can still get laid and the bigger an asshole I am the easier it is. I have no respect for women as a goup and neither should any man, especially if he is short.

Good to see a tenalt at work. I can't match that.

Men are not saying to go for ultra short guys but what men are saying is for short women 5'0 to like 5'6" just quit DEMANDING your 6' guy. Have an OPEN mind and go out with the 5'9" 5'10"ish guy... THAT'S NOT SHORT.Just quit your DEMANDING to ONLY go for 6' but preferably TALLER or MUCH TALLER...

I'm 5'8, my fiance is just at 5'7. I am only comfortable when he wears lifts, especially if Im wearing heels. It may not seem like a big height difference but when he doesnt wear them he feels like my son. Luckily he's not a skinny guy. I know they are uncomfortable and he prefers not to wear them sometimes. Other times, he wont let me see him without them because I'm way more sexually attracted to him. I feel bad that i feel this way because i love him but I admit, his height (or lack of) has been embarrassing to me at times. I prayed that one day my strong love for him will let me ignore this minor "flaw".

Hey, I'm a 30 year old male whom is 5'8".

I only started attempting to date 2 years ago; and until I started approaching women I never even realized I was short. In fact I didn't even know my height until I had to add it to dating profiles!

Now, after spending much time researching what women are attracted to, I realize that being even slightly short is a deal-breaker for many, many women. As such I feel I need to wear elevator shoes or shoe lifts to be on equal footing with average sized men.

Keep in mind my height never bothered me before. I don't care about it at all. The one and only reason I wear lifts is to attract women.

I believe this whole "confidence is sexy" idea is vastly overstated. I am perfectly content being fat, ugly, unemployed, anti-social, etc, etc, etc... Because I simply don't value the same traits in people that others do. I'm not turned downed by (all) women for lack of confidence, but for lack of conforming to general female preferences. What I'm trying to say is that when women say they want a confident man, they really want a man who has the capability to brag about all of his "wonderfulness." I can have all the swagger in the world, but if I can't meet her list of requirements for a suitable mate - it's just me being weird, not confident.

I'm only 5 10 but I got alot more inches where it really counts!! how many women can I get?