Not bad advice Amy. Sounds like John Rosemond.

Excellent advice. I understand the pull to give in to a child's wishes but who wants to raise a child who no will like when he or she is older. Do you really want to raise a child that has no friends because they are self absorbed? Thanks for reminding us that being firm but fair is the best gift we can give a child. I have 5 kids and I half jokingly tell others that the best thing I can do for my kids is to tell them "No" quite often.

Yeah, you have to set reasonable expectations for your children. Even toddlers will understand after a few instances that actions have consequences. That being said, there are many tricks to help the process along. For example, when I took my very young kids food shopping I would hand them one or two small toys for sale, and they would play with them until it was time to leave. I then placed the toy back on the shelf "for other kids to play with."

I have a friend who has created not just one, but two of these monsters. Her eldest is 11 and can't get herself to the bus stop in the morning bc she doesn't like to ride the bus. She drags her feet so that my friend "has" to drive her. She has so many tardies that she is about to get detention. She also threw a TWO day tantrum bc she didn't want to participate in the orchestra concert, even though it is a major grade. My friend let her miss school. Finally, she just went up to the younger brother and told him Santa doesn't exist just to be cruel. I am starting to think the kid may be a sociopath.

Great post Amy, especially in terms of timing.

Oh, c'mon, Suri Cruise is going to be just fine, I'm sure.

http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/

"I know it sounds like she is spoiled but I like to get my daughter what she wants, also you don't want to get on the wrong side of her..."

http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/world/archives/2011/12/20111214-112505.html

I know some very bad people made ill use of this, but work really will make you free.

Dear Son,

As long as you live in this house, you will follow the rules. When you have your own, you can make your own rules. In this house we do not have a democracy. I did not campaign to be your father. You did not vote for me. We are father and son by the grace of God, and I accept that privilege and awesome responsibility. In accepting it, I have an obligation to perform the role of a father. I am not your pal. Our ages are too different. We can share many things, but we are not pals. I also am your friend, but we are on entirely different levels. You will do in this house as I say and you must not question me because whatever I ask you to do is motivated by love. This will be hard for you to understand until you have a son of your own. Until then, trust me.

Your father

Ricardo Montalban to his son

I've said it before, but if your kids don't tell you they hate you at least once in a while, you're not being a good parent. You're not there to give them everything they want (although you want to), you're there to teach them how to be a decent human being and how to get along with others without resorting to malicious manipulation. You're also supposed to teach them how to be loving, discerning, caring adults, but if you're not one yourself, that's going to be a most difficult task. And the biggest (and most important) part of the job is teaching them personal responsibility. So many parents abdicate this that it boggles the mind. My girls are now realizing why that don't get everything that they ask for, because I've often told them "most of what I wanted, I had to work for, because that's what you must do in order to be independent from others. The last thing you want is to have to depend on someone else, not only for material things, but for your own happiness. YOU are responsible for your happiness, no one else. Including me. I'm just here to give you the push out of the nest. But before I can do that, I have to make sure you're prepared for it." And as I said to Eldest just yesterday, "When the center of the universe is discovered, a LOT of people are going to be disappointed that it isn't them.

Not disagreeing with the jist of it, but the research is split as to whether cry-it-out or co-sleeping is better.

"research is split as to whether cry-it-out or co-sleeping is better"

There's a middle ground for everything, even these 2 extremes!

Why? Because, especially at first, overindulgence is easy. It's easier to let your kid sleep in the same bed as you. It's easier to feed them or rock them at night instead of listening to them cry, even when they're a year or two old. It's easier not to say "no," and much easier to let your kindergartener stay up late, not take a bath, and leave her homework undone instead of fighting with her (my own kindergarten-age daughter proclaims that all of these things are "boring.") It's also easier to tell your kid that he's special and fantastic and wonderful--partially because that makes you feel like you are all of those things too.
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Rosemond once said that Dr. Spock got an unfair bad rap. My theory is that when Spock said "trust your instincts" he didn't say "trust your STUPID instincts," but too many lazy parents did just that and blamed Spock for the bad results.
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It's in the long run that this type of parenting backfires. That's for two reasons. First, it fails to teach self-control, one of the most essential skills for success (see, for example, Roy Baumeister and John Tierney's book Willpower). A child who gets what she wants and follows whims doesn't learn to delay gratification, to consider the needs of others, or to keep going when a task is difficult.
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Trouble is, too many parents have been brainwashed into thinking that ANYTHING that upsets a toddler or an older kid must somehow be bad! This is why so many cave in - like the mother who won't turn off the TV her daughter's watching because "when I do that, she cries."
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Second, indulgent parenting has the potential to create narcissism. The research on parenting and narcissism is somewhat confusing, but one clear theme is that narcissists often had parents who were overly permissive and put their child on a pedestal. Even if it doesn't lead to narcissism, indulgent parenting causes problems almost the minute the child leaves the house and enters a world where--horrors--she is not the center of the universe anymore.
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Rosemond once said that bullies often have latent bullies for parents - that is, they don't bully their own kid, but they secretly like knowing their kid is one.

And narcissistic parents sometimes raise kids to think the same way, as hinted at in the first paragraph. (Other narcissistic parents can't stand the thought of having to live with another narcissist, so they don't raise them that way - thankfully.)

It's OK to say "you are special to me" so long as you make it clear the kid is not necessarily special to anyone else.