Against. You don't air your family's laundry in such a public way.

Also, what's wrong with calling someone a cleaning lady? Why is it an insult? It's a perfectly respectable, honest job.

I think his problem with daughter calling her a cleaning lady was it was someone who cleaned for them in return for services from them. Not a cleaning lady by profession, or paid by them.

I also think if she's going to act like that in public (she posted it to FB, after all) then showing the consequences in public (on FB, he didn't mean for this to go viral) is perfect. Might teach some other kids on there a lesson too.

Also this clearly wasna't the first time they'd had problems with her doing this.

Good for him. I wish he'd been more articulate. And I'm not sure about the gun (think he was playing to his audience of his daughter's FB friends there) but the whiny lazy entitlement needs to end before she's letting the rest of us pay for her lifestyle.

Anyone else notice the "your mom, me, and your stepmom" line? Of course she's a kid of divorce.

My favorite part was when he said she'd have another laptop when she 1) was eventually ungrounded 2) paid for all of it herself and 3) paid him back for the work he'd wasted on that one.

Hit send too soon. I made DD (when she was 6) pay me back for a soccer league I'd paid $100 for her to enter. She decided she didn't want to do it anymore at the first practice. I said it was fine, she didn't HAVE to, but she did have to pay for it since I could not get the money back and she had asked to join. She hasn't done that since. She stuck with karate a year.

It's worth subscribing to his Facebook page - - his name is Tommy Jordan - - just to follow the updates, since he isn't giving MSM interviews. Hundreds of people called the police and Child Protective Services on him, as you might expect. And they came out to his house, and found...a well-adjusted family, typical of rural families all over the country. Imagine that.

Drama queen dad begets drama queen daughter. Go figure.

I love what he did. I have three daughters and my oldest put me through some pretty crazy stuff when she was a teenager. The usual grounding didn't work, and I got creative with her punishment. She was ungrateful for the things she had, she lost nearly all her personal items in her room, she slept on a mattress on the floor and had three changes of clothes that she had to launder herself. She was a door slammer, so she lived without a bedroom door more than she lived with one for a period of time. She would leave her crap all over the house, into a garbage bag it would go. She could "buy" her stuff back with chores or trade something in her possession for something she needed in the garbage bag. If one of my children pulled something like that in a public forum, they would have been embarassed in a public forum.

I saw this story yesterday and the dad posted a Q&A. A reporter sent him the questions and he answered them in a written format...basically, the daughter was busted by the family dog. Before she posted the letter to her parents, she made sure to block family and church friends from seeing it. However, as a joke, the family dog has a facebook page...she forgot to block the dog and when the dad logged into the dog's account her found her letter.

I don't agree that a handgun should be used to make that point. And I am a gun owner! I do agree with the daughter have real and uncomfortable consequences to her actions. Too many kids do not and it shows.

I would never air my family's dirty laundry in public like this man, nor do I think shooting the laptop was the right way to handle it. If I were in a similar situation, I'd confiscate the laptop, and allow the child to earn it back; or perhaps wipe the laptop and donate it to charity.

Loved the message, hated the delivery.

The hardest part of parenting for me so far has been the occasional slips of disrespect. My Dad, a military guy, would never allow us to raise our voice to him. It was unthinkable, and I appreciate his lessons because as a man growing up you have to hold your tongue in many situations. We are raising our boy to discuss things, but he's not quite 8 yet, and his emotions are just forming, so I have to cut him some slack. It's that fine line between sparing the rod and spoiling the child that keeps me awake at night thinking.

PS- This guy makes a real good argument for gun safety training, having been filmed in an emotional moment firing hollow point .45's into an inanimate object. I was actually worried he was going to put the laptop on the chair and fire towards the traffic behind him. Nice gun though.

You're all being soft, clucking at this guy.

Why not join the ranks of people who call the Stasi because - gasp! - he has a gun AND a daughter?

If this guy was a slug, he'd be on Dr. Phil Monday. He's not.

As for "gun safety", just look. You can't get a better backstop than the entire Earth. What ARE the rules:

1) All guns are always loaded. Even if they are not, treat them as if they are.
2) Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy. (For those who insist that this particular gun is unloaded, see Rule 1.)
3) Keep your finger off the trigger till your sights are on the target. This is the Golden Rule. Its violation is directly responsible for about 60 percent of inadvertent discharges.
4) Identify your target, and what is behind it. Never shoot at anything that you have not positively identified.

Which did he break? There is no #5, as in "don't shoot things in a way other people might find offensive".

Cue the haters.

Can't watch it right now - possibly indefinitely - where can I find the printed comments that SHE said that got him mad?

But from what little I've heard about the chores, I think ALL American parents should grit their teeth, drop the idea of giving kids allowances, make kids do unpaid chores (I think it's ridiculous that some kids get paid for every chore - who's going to pay them for doing their own dishes later?) AND tell them that if they want any money, they have to do EXTRA chores. If that isn't the real world, what is? If all parents did it, would it seem so radical after a few months?

And speaking of parenting, it reminds me of that new book by Pamela Druckerman on French parenting - and here's a comment from below article Judith Warner's article (Warner said that what little attention is given to teaching manners in the U.S. is pretty superficial):

http://ideas.time.com/2012/02/10/why-american-kids-are-brats/?xid=gonewsedit&google_editors_picks=true

jastdi
"I agree that the French children I have met are polite around adults (I have been living in France for about 17 years). Once in school, however, bullying is endemic and monitors (when and where there are monitors) do virtually nothing about it -- indeed the monitors do not really feel it is their duty to "police" behavior. The press is full of stories on this subject and, since I have lived for the last three years across the street from an elementary school playground and watched the beatings and shakedowns first-hand, I am led to question the premise of the book."

Rad, for me the rule he broke was "Don't use a permanent solution for a temporary problem."

I think he was a little over the top. I would have done an fdisk/format and handed the computer back to her. When she can reload it, on her own, she would have a computer again.

But a $1 per hollow point. I want to sell him bullets.

I like it, but I'm not convinced it was really the kid's laptop. He talks about her being spoiled and having the latest gadgets, but the last time I saw someone with a bulky black box like that was at least 10 years ago.

I thought it was great.

He combined public shaming, the removal of a toy, and taught that actions have consequences all at a pretty low price. You can get a reasonable laptop for about five-hundred bucks, and a teenager should be able to get that much money with a summer job, or babysitting, or some similar thing.

Actions have consequences. Things you say online sometimes matter. Better she learns this with her parents rather than with her employer.

The only gripe I have is that he used a .45. A shotgun loaded with buckshot would have been less expensive and more efficient.

I LOVED this. The only thing that might have been better is if he had given the laptop to some kid who would appreciate it - on camera. That really would really have torqued the daughter off.

Public shaming is a useful tool, IMHO. And the little brat knew what she was doing was wrong, as is evidenced by her trying to hide it. I say that dad wins parent of the year.

Agree with Daghain on this one. And sara, thanks for the ideas - #2 is gonna be might sore when she comes home from school to an (almost) empty room! Maybe now she'll start paying attention!

I'm missing the point where bitching about your parents is a sign of being a "troubled teen" and worthy of a dramatic response.

I think youve nailed it with the divorce thing, he feels guilty about it so reads too much into criticisms. This guy seems a bit unhinged.

My 5th grade diary is full of how much I hate my parents. Of course I loved them!

Wow, people sure do get mad at their kids! I'm awfully glad I don't have any. (I'm equally glad that I am no longer a kid.)

I can't even imagine getting so enraged that I'd blow a bunch of holes in a perfectly good laptop.

Like others, I wouldn't have shot a perfectly good laptop. I'm an IT guy, so if it is capable of booting up, it's still useful. Giving it away to someone less fortunate, or a charity, would have been a good choice.

As for airing of dirty laundry, the daughter already did that. That she didn't expect a public rebuke isn't dad's problem.

I think youve nailed it with the divorce thing, he feels guilty about it so reads too much into criticisms. This guy seems a bit unhinged.

That's funny, given that apparently he discussed this beforehand with his wife and his ex. Or did you not actually watch the video, where he says your mom asked me to put a bullet in your laptop for her. *bang* That was for her.

As for dear, darling little daughter, she can go and become emancipated from her family if she thinks she's so put upon. Of course, that means: getting a job, getting an apartment, moving out and showing a judge that you can do these things and still go to school, and most importantly being able to do these by herself with no support from anyone else. Also: cooking, cleaning, laundry, mending clothes, etc. Best of luck, kiddo.

She deserved to have her laptop taken away until she can buy her own. And to lose her internet privileges for a long, long time. Take away her smartphone and other devices too, keep her from seeing her friends and using theirs, just give her a time slot every night on the family computer to do her schoolwork if necessary, and monitor her. And he needed to force her to listen to the exact speech he gave. All good, harsh measures.

However, destroying a valuable piece of equipment doesn't sit right with me either. Even a toy. Should you punish a teenager by smashing their car, or a little kid by ripping up their favorite doll? Deprive yes, but deliberate destruction is too violent, and wasteful besides.

Plus, the public aspect of the punishment is too much "eye for an eye" for me. Parents should hold themselves to a higher standard. The goal of his actions should be discipline, not revenge, and it sure seems like the latter to me. Yes, she bitched and lied about her family in a public forum. But when is it ever appropriate to brazenly humiliate your kid in front of friends and strangers? Whether he meant the video to go viral or not, it has, and in less than a week 14 million people have learned all about his daughter being a brat AND his overreaction.

As an adult, he should be more cautious about the unintended consequences of posting personal material online. I'm afraid he might have just made things worse for everybody.

Well, YTS, one thing is sure: It's a lot more public now.

"My 5th grade diary is full of how much I hate my parents. "

I'm betting you didn't broadcast that to the world. She got a very, very valuable lesson here aside from any discipline-The Internet Is Not Your Diary. That will serve her well in life if she has the brains to head it.

"But when is it ever appropriate to brazenly humiliate your kid in front of friends and strangers?"

I would say, frequently. Much more frequently than anyone gets these days. Shame is underrated for regulating social behavior. I have a diverse group of facebook "friends"-people from college still single and without kids, older relatives, lots of moms, and haven't seen a negative comment about this anywhere it's been posted or commented on among them. He as clear this was not near the first time she'd been blatantly disrespectful.

My point bringing up the divorce wasn't about him, I meant it was not surprising she was acting out. Kids of divorce do that. Not to her level, though. I wish he hadn't let on to her and the world how he found it, though. It would have been more intimidating to her if she didn't know and he was just omnipotent.

"Rad, for me the rule he broke was "Don't use a permanent solution for a temporary problem.""

Well, because of the Internet, the Facebook entry was permanent the minute it was posted.

That was a PC laptop, not a "valuable piece of equipment". They're on sale at Compusa and Newegg right now. New.

Cluck, cluck. We wouldn't be talking about this if fdisk was used - like, no doubt, hundreds of other cases nationwide right now.

This isn't the only spoiled brat in America on Facebook.

By the way...

Lots of .45 ammo is over $1 each.

Sorry. Amazon doesn't sell much ammo. Evidently it's unAmerican.

That was a PC laptop, not a "valuable piece of equipment". They're on sale at Compusa and Newegg right now. New.

Spending a few hundred dollars on something would qualify it as valuable to me. Not to mention whatever photos, music and other material she hadn't backed up.

I have a knee-jerk reaction against drama-queen antics in general. But I'll reserve judgment on how effective this is as discipline. It's not nearly as disturbing as that video of the judge beating his daughter with a belt, and if it makes her a better person, then I guess it was a good idea.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he knows what would be most effective in disciplining his own daughter. If she ends up ramping up her attitude even more, I'll consider it a pointless exercise in dramatic revenge.

This father doesn't strike me as the type whose teenage daughter would be some kind of prissy, fragile little twit who'd get emotionally traumatized and scarred over something like this. (I wouldn't be surprised if she too is adept with a .45).

Most of the young gals I know... nieces, cousins, little sisters, daughters and granddaughters of family and friends... if their dad did something like this they probably wouldn't like it... might even get embarrassed... but they're perfectly able to deal with it, and learn from it, and keep on living happy lives; and probably laugh their asses off about it when dad cools down a bit. And they might even be a little proud of their old man for making a funny video that got watched by 15 million people.

Congratulations, Sir. You are right and your daughter is wrong. We all know that what drives and motivates a fifteen year old girl is logic. Use that logic against her and she can't possibly react in any way other than to toe the line from here on out. The proper way to deal with a teenaged girl is to out-drama her. She can't possibly think of more dramatic reactions than you are capable of because, after all, she is driven by logic and reason. You have nipped it squarely in the bud and it can't possibly escalate. Thanks to your bold actions, she will have nothing but respect for you -- as do we all.

Fucking idiot.

However, destroying a valuable piece of equipment doesn't sit right with me either. Even a toy. Should you punish a teenager by smashing their car, or a little kid by ripping up their favorite doll? Deprive yes, but deliberate destruction is too violent, and wasteful besides.

A computer is hardly a favorite toy, it is a gateway device, a gateway to things that tens of millions of other devices connect to just as easily - hardly a doll that has been owned for more than a dozen yrs

Plus, the public aspect of the punishment is too much "eye for an eye" for me. Parents should hold themselves to a higher standard.

Nope, parents should do what works to correct the problem. My oldest half brother was a biter, freinds, family, school mates. Boy was he lucky we lived in rural Utah where zero tolerance policies hadnt yet sunk in.

It went on for months, my step mother refused to physically punish him, or take away his stuff, just tried to have a conversation with him and use 'time outs'

Then he bit me - so I bit him back, and he never bit anyone again

"Spending a few hundred dollars on something would qualify it as valuable to me."

Hey, it wasn't a MacBook. Then it would be valuable.

Heh.

But really. You trash your family on Facebook, you've pretty much thrown away any respect of your own, or for what's yours.

A friend at work tried the tantrum thing and threatened to run away when he was 12. When his mother explained that everything he was wearing was hers because she bought them, and his father said, and I approximate, "Boy, you got a roof over your head, a meal in your belly, folks on your side to protect you... all that goes away if you step out"... he changed his mind.

There are a lot of people who think teens are stupid. Nope. But not owning anything, not earning anything means they don't have any values - just like welfare recipients. Yes, you have to be dramatic sometimes to get the point across.

Now. Can any of us cluck more than the CPS people summoned in haste to this man's house?

I suggest not.

I never did any chores growing up. No cooking, no cleaning, no making the bed, no laundry. And if my computer broke I would just get a brand new one from my parents immediately. I also had a cell phone and lots of disposable cash. Plenty of expensive clothing & shoes if I wanted it.

I also had free access to my computer at all times, which ment no supervision ever. I mean it was in my room.

They never looked at my school work anyways so there was no reason to get all these things.

Crazy how I turned out so reasonable.

Figures that the CPS goons were called out. Oh noes, a gun!

I think their are two ways to look at this. Either you see it as a father demanding/teaching his daughter to respect the significant adults in her life or you see it as teaching there are consequences for the daughter's actions. I think those who see it as about respect rightfully think shooting and destroying something to force someone to respect you is wrong. And I think the consequences folks think that is perfectly acceptable.

I am in the second crowd about teaching consequences. I think any teenager who lacks fear of consequences can cause a lot of damage. Assuming she was warned of the consequence, and the video makes that pretty clear, then buh bye laptop.

As far as posting on Facebook, how is that an escalation? Who opened the door first? The father did not change the settings of who could access her page. He just replied back via an account that had access to see the original posting with the consequence to be seen only by those she shared her rant with originally.

A little poem for the daughter:

Precious snowflake, so pure and dear
I remember how you you used to hug me before you took a nap.
But now you ignored my warning clear,
So into your laptop I bust a cap

Remember little precious snowflake
there's a big world out there
When your own rules you decide to make
Then the consequences can be a bear

So precious snowflake I hate thee naught
I love you with all my heart
See, I know snowflakes can melt when things get too hot
And learning there are consequences is a lesson that you need to start.

I am not anti-gun. I own several guns and hubby owns a bunch. I am an NRA certified rifle instructor.

My concern with the video is that one of the messages sent, by his methods, was that if you get upset/angry/disappointed, you get out your gun to help "make a point" or deliver the message. A gun is a tool. It is a useful tool. I firmly believe it was not the right tool for this job.

That is what makes me squirm. Perhaps that was not the message he wanted to send, but that was one that got delivered all the same.

Here is the thing about this well-meaning and loving parent: It isn't going to work.

This guy is way too wrapped up in being the one who wins the argument.

The goal of parenting is not to win the most arguments as seen by your peers or by strangers on the Internet.

The goal of parenting is to raise a well adjusted, productive, and happy adult.

While I'm a fan of tough love techniques when necessary, this method does nothing to further the ultimate goal. In fact, it does a lot to work against it. I wonder how important was this guy's daughter versus his own ego during his divorce with her mother? I'd bet that his ego won out.

How many of those that are defending this well-intentioned idiot have teenaged daughters? I have two. My nineteen year old is a work in progress, but I'm pretty confident she'll turn out well. She and I get into a lot of arguments and there is a constant bashing of heads. It's not easy. She is out of the house and that makes it a lot more difficult.

This guy should remember how screwed up he was as a kid. He's a smoker, as am I. That's not a smart thing to be. So, he's made mistakes and should allow his daughter to make dumb mistakes as well. That doesn't mean that he isn't deserving of respect from his daughter. His daughter is also deserving of a lot more respect than he is offering.

She won't respond to shit else other than respect and she's probably entitled to a bit of it. Is this guy really surprised that his teenaged daughter will be insolent? Does it shock him when she slams her bedroom door while yelling, "I hate you, Daddy"?

That's what you signed up for, Turbo. Deal with it while displaying a ton more dignity than you have with this childish video.

The good news is that she'll come around, eventually, knowing that you love her enough to stick around and to care enough to do such dumb shit, however flawed. That's a lot more than a lot of dirtbag fathers manage. Kudos for that.

Sorry to submit such a long post. It's something that is very close to my heart. Teenaged daughters are challenging. Really, really, challenging.

This guy, like me, probably remembers when his daughter was his little sidekick. He probably couldn't go anywhere without having her by his side. I know, man. It turns on a dime at that age. It's hard to take. Dial it back a few notches. That'll serve you well. She'll come around. Just pipe up every now and then and let her know that you love her no matter what dumb shit she does.

As for airing of dirty laundry, the daughter already did that. That she didn't expect a public rebuke isn't dad's problem.

***

Yeah... 'cause she's an immature little teenager. Dad isn't. Shouldn't act like one.

And I disagree that if you paid for something you own it. Once you've given it away, it is not yours anymore.

At least I hope so. Otherwise my friends and family can come smash my wedding china if I piss them off!

That was immature and mean spirited. I'm not surprised that his wife left him. No wonder his daughter thought it was ok to air her dirty laundry on facebook; her father didn't seem to have a problem doing the same. I expect that sort of thing from 15 year old girls; grown men should know better.

My 17 yer old son watched the video yesterday and said that they must be an entire family of drama queens.

A friend at work tried the tantrum thing and threatened to run away when he was 12. When his mother explained that everything he was wearing was hers because she bought them, and his father said, and I approximate, "Boy, you got a roof over your head, a meal in your belly, folks on your side to protect you... all that goes away if you step out"... he changed his mind.

There are a lot of people who think teens are stupid. Nope. But not owning anything, not earning anything means they don't have any values - just like welfare recipients. Yes, you have to be dramatic sometimes to get the point across.

Posted by: Radwaste at February 11, 2012 9:22 PM

Reminds me of what the cartoonist Al Capp wrote.

From the March, 1959 issue of Reader's Digest, p. 99-100. Condensed from an article in the New York Herald Tribune by Art Buchwald.
______________________

"When a humorist asks a famous cartoonist about the state of American youth, the answer is likely to be explosive. In this case, the element of truth that underlies all good wit puts a bite into the tongue-in-cheek words of Al Capp, Li'l Abner's creator."
----------
There are many different attitudes on how to treat American youth. One we heard recently comes from Al Capp, the cartoonist, a father of three who was once a boy himself:

"When I was six years old my parents put me in a clean shirt, pointed out the direction of school and told me not to come back for eight years. They never expected to see my teachers and the teachers never expected to see my parents. Each one had a function. My parents were supposed to feed and clothe me; my teacher was supposed to teach me how to read and write.

"My teachers graded me on arithmetic, English, history and geography. But we never were graded for adjustment, emotional stability or 'Does he get along with the other children?' My parents knew I got along with other children just by virtue of the fact I came home every afternoon with a bloody nose or a black eye.

"We didn't worry about emotional stability in those days. All children were emotionally unstable. They were full of hatreds and frustrations. Who wouldn't be if you were half the size of the rest of the world and didn't have a nickel to your name?

"We never heard of words like adjustment, environment, rejection, and 'community of children.' Sure we were unloved. No one paid any attention to us. And we, in turn, didn't pick up our father's shotgun and wipe out the whole family.

"Those parents who concern themselves with their children's problems are crazy. The problems of a nine-year-old kid cannot be solved in any way except by becoming ten. The problems of a 16-year-old will only be solved by turning 17."

Mr. Capp believes that the emphasis on teen-agers has been damaging.

"Teen-agers are repulsive to everybody except each other. We all know that children pass through various stages of insanity, so why try to understand them?"

But aren't teen-agers unhappy?

"Sure they are. Let them stay that way. We've put too much emphasis on security. The teen-agers today have been told they have rights. Why should they have rights?

"In Europe kids have no rights, but in America things have been all switched around. Children used to try to please their parents -- now the parents try to please the children."

What is your solution?

"It is my humble belief that we should make American children feel neglected, insecure, unwanted and unloved. In return we'll get courtesy, obedience, good scholastic records. They'll be so eager to be wanted that they'll do everything in the world to please us."

Is there anything else?

"Yes. Don't be a pal to your son. Be his father. What child needs a 40-year-old man for a friend? And forget about teaching him the facts of life. There is nothing that a boy could discuss with his father that he couldn't discuss much more openly with his guttersnipe friends.

"Keep in mind we owe children nothing. We supply them food, shelter and clothing only because we're gambling that some day these sub-humans will turn into civilized beings and possibly make reasonable and honest citizens."

And, from elsewhere:

"John Steinbeck may have overdone it by calling Capp 'the best writer in the world,' but the comic-strip great.......colored the language as have few creators in any medium. His long- running 'Li'l Abner' strip, about the hillbilly residents of Dogpatch and their encounters with shysters commercial and political, epitomizes the saying 'they just don't make them like that anymore.'......."

Punishment fit the crime. When she was in middle school, I made my stepdaughter stick her tongue out until it was tired and she was drooling. The reason you ask, she got caught sticking her tongue out behind her teachers back, the teacher finally caught her. She begged to get that tongue back in her mouth by the time we were done LoL. Crime/Punishment....it works!