Oopsy!
Middle-aged woman, Charlotte Cory, is interviewed in the Daily Mail about impulsively ditching her 62-year-old husband, and how he spent months weeping into his pillow:
Five days after I walked out on him, Malcolm moved his new girlfriend into our house. He had met an 18-year-old Eastern European girl in an internet cafe a day or two after I left, and she was now his girlfriend.
You mean "pillows"? well, I'm assuming the 18 year old has two boobs... ;-)
I R A Darth Aggie at February 15, 2012 6:59 AM
Ha! Love it.
Once you both pass 50, he is more likely to find someone new than you are. Women have a lower mortality rate so they increase their numbers relative to men their own age over time, and men prefer young, fit, and pretty women, and divorce means there are plenty around. Women are less picky about age and fitness, and if he cures their boredom and is willing to make good decisions for them, that is all it takes. An older man with any income has way more options than a similar woman.
Every guy I know who got dumped ended up with a younger woman than wife #1. Professor Fred (50 something) who lived across the cul-de-sac had a virtual harem of women half his age.
Old Guy at February 15, 2012 7:03 AM
Please define the problem for me. Wife is rid of him. He's got an upgrade from her, and East Euro Chick is getting English lessons or something out of it. Happy ending for all.
MarkD at February 15, 2012 7:05 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/02/15/oopsy_3.html#comment-2980391">comment from I R A Darth AggieWomen's mate value decreases as they age and men's goes up. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are an example of this.
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2012 7:10 AM
This appears to be a promotion for Cory's dating site, so I'm taking the account with a grain of salt. She calls her first divorce a ghastly mistake, but in the end she says she's happier and it "paid off." Which is it?
If Cory's husband had an 18-year-old Eastern European "girlfriend" five days after she left, then he almost certainly had met her /before/ the split and was not too broken up it. (Who would move a total stranger into his house?) This tells me the relationship was already gasping its last breaths.
Cory's mistake was burning that bridge before she'd convinced herself that the relationship was unsalvageable. Now she'll never have peace of mind. I know several people in this situation. It's a big stick to beat yourself up with every day.
If your partner is male, there's a good chance he will move on with someone a little younger, but...
An 18-year-old Eastern Euro girl and a British bloke of 62? Textbook mail order/sugar daddy scenario. That's a transaction, not a relationship. Hope she makes him happy.
Insufficient Poison at February 15, 2012 7:10 AM
> Once you both pass 50, he is more likely to find someone new than you are.
You misspelled "30".
TJIC at February 15, 2012 7:13 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/02/15/oopsy_3.html#comment-2980403">comment from Insufficient Poison(Who would move a total stranger into his house?)
A man with a working penis.
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2012 7:25 AM
What I'm saying is that I'm sure he met this girl before his wife left.
Are you being facetious? You really think a normal guy with a working penis would have a woman move into his home after knowing her for five days?
Insufficient Poison at February 15, 2012 7:35 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/02/15/oopsy_3.html#comment-2980417">comment from Insufficient PoisonWhat's the cost to him? Plenty of guys do this -- they write to me about it. She's hot, has no place to live...etc. He's not putting her on the title, just maybe...oh, putting her on the kitchen counter, etc., etc.
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2012 7:42 AM
> You really think a normal guy with a working penis would have a woman move into his home after knowing her for five days?
A man who really Really REALLY wanted to stick it to his ex-wife who ditched him with no rhyme nor reason might!
In fact, a guy like that might even hire an out of work actress to putter around the house looking like a live-in-GF for a week or two.
Heck, I sort of like the awesomeness of such a stunt!
TJIC at February 15, 2012 7:42 AM
Amy, I would think the cost would lie in getting rid of her if/when he changed his mind. Not to mention the risk of getting robbed, finding strangers in your house with her, having her go crazy on you with nowhere to send her...
I thought the common story was that a guy tries to avoid cohabitation until he's pretty sure she's it for him.
TJIC, I guess that would be the guy equivalent of sending yourself flowers. To the millionth power. :) That would be such a fun acting gig.
Insufficient Poison at February 15, 2012 7:52 AM
The women I know who've left their husbands because they "just couldn't stand him any more," are still dating, but single. Their former husbands were remarried within 18 months (to women 5-10 years younger than the first wives).
As much as my own husband occasionally irritates me, I have no doubt that he'd have potential replacements lined up pretty quickly if I ever left him. And, while I've taken pretty good care of myself, I wouldn't want to be thrown into the single-thirty something women's dating pool- especially not while living in Austin.
ahw at February 15, 2012 8:14 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/02/15/oopsy_3.html#comment-2980458">comment from Insufficient PoisonInsuff, sure, that's what I would think -- the prudent stuff. But, here's a guy who's probably felt unsatisfied by his marriage for a long time, and wooohoo! (was probably his first thought).
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2012 8:24 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/02/15/oopsy_3.html#comment-2980460">comment from Amy AlkonGuys often write me when they've failed with women over here and tell me they're going to go for an Eastern European mail-order-bride. Genius. Naifs take up with women who've been raised in Eastern bloc, who are not exactly bunnies hopping in the flowers (they grow up on a culture of survival of the connivingest, etc.).
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2012 8:26 AM
@ahv: What's wrong with Austin for singles? Granted, I'm long out of the singles scene, but still.
I don't understand the mail-order bride business. Culture-clash is guaranteed, unless you treat it as just a mail-order call-girl service. Unpleasant either way, and mainly a symptom of a midlife crisis.
a_random_guy at February 15, 2012 9:09 AM
what I was thinkin' reading that whole story?
He was as bored with her, as she with him. He prolly thought her as dull and pretentious as she sounds. Shrug. If children were the problem, why didn't they adopt? Almost sounds like an arranged marriage to begin with.
And? and old song encompassing:
"But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
[Chorus:]
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl"
Cat Stevens
SwissArmyD at February 15, 2012 9:17 AM
Well Played!
nuzltr2 at February 15, 2012 9:52 AM
@a_random_guy: Oh, there's nothing wrong with Austin for singles. Thing is, reasonably attractive, educated women in their late 20's/early 30's are a dime a dozen around here, so it's not like I'd be a hot commodity. I think a lot of women who are disillusioned with their marriages are under the mistaken impression that they're going to leave their husbands and trade up, and that's generally not going to be the case.
ahw at February 15, 2012 9:52 AM
I must be doing it wrong.
Dave B at February 15, 2012 10:05 AM
"Not to mention the risk of getting robbed, finding strangers in your house with her..."
Like her 18-year-old boyfriend?
Lori at February 15, 2012 10:20 AM
Yep.
I was friends with a Ukranian mail-order bride when I lived in England. When she was about to graduate from business school (paid for by her husband), she found herself a non-old guy from the village. She had been to the clubs ONCE, and that's all it took.
Insufficient Poison at February 15, 2012 10:44 AM
"Naifs take up with women who've been raised in Eastern bloc, who are not exactly bunnies hopping in the flowers (they grow up on a culture of survival of the connivingest, etc.)."
Not quite. First most of the Easter European brides are from the back woods in ways Americans just don't grasp. Sand Mountain Georgia and Butler Missouri are practically cosmopolitan compared to parts of the old Eastern bloc. So a beat up old street cleaner just oozes sophistication, until she gets here and sees what civilization actually looks like. Culture shock can embitter them due to what they see as a bait and switch.
Eastern block women have not been immersed in the feminist culture of every aging house wife deserves Brad Pitt. Consequently they will tolerate behavior that would make American women homicidal. The man rules the house is ingrained from birth. Then there are the women from cites which is a bit different.
Regardless of location of origin life in the US (contrary to the Marxist idiots) is far better for everyone but the super rich. Being the top 1% in US makes you rich in the eastern bloc in makes you a god. So a great many more pragmatic women will simply live happily with what they have. Until mom shows up then the shit hits the fan at high speed but that's the same with most women regardless of origin.
vlad at February 15, 2012 10:56 AM
I've only known one mail-order bride situation, and it wasn't pretty. It fits Amy's call of "most conniving" well. She married, got her citizenship, and was out the door within two years. And because he was a high-sales real estate dude, she took him for every penny he could spare. The divorce was long, drawn-out, and she came out a winner. Came to the marriage with nothing, left with more than half of everything.
cornerdemon at February 15, 2012 12:55 PM
The girl I knew had not one drop of remorse. I don't know if she took anything, but he had bought her a car and paid for college.
The Eastern European women I have known do not seem to feel that "the man rules the house." It's more like "I can't rely on the man to rule the house, so I will do whatever is in my best interest, without apology."
Insufficient Poison at February 15, 2012 2:05 PM
"The divorce was long, drawn-out, and she came out a winner. Came to the marriage with nothing, left with more than half of everything."
So true, except mine waited for 20 years, made my life a living hell for the last eight. She was from Dallas, Texas.
Dave B at February 15, 2012 2:06 PM
I was once in a relationship with a guy where things got boring like that. I decided 34 was too young to be in a platonic, roommate, brother/sister type of relationship. Plus we lived together (I had never tried that before), and I realized I hate living with other people.
So I got my own place. The first night I moved in, I literally danced around, delirious with freedom and happiness.
I didn't end up broke, because I've always lived within my means and paid my own bills. I had lived alone before shacking up with him, so this was nothing new.
I dated around for two and a half years and had more fun than disappointments. My ex-boyfriend met someone else and she moved in with him. He and I had remained friends, and I made friends with her, too.
Then I met my current boyfriend, who I've been with for almost five years now. The great thing is, he also enjoys having a place of his own. He comes over on Friday nights and stays until Monday mornings. We have never gotten bored with each other, or become platonic.
Pirate Jo at February 15, 2012 2:15 PM
Pirate Jo, you're an excellent example of why I don't buy the whole "finding love is sooooo hard after 30" bullshit.
If your entire sense of self is built around being a young, hot 23-year-old, then yes, you're going to have problems once you are no longer a young, hot 23-year-old. But if you know what you want and what you're willing to accept, it's not so hard. (And I'm not making assumptions. You're probably super hot, too.)
So many women find love after 30 on their own terms, and lots of men are looking for more than a hot ass and a willingness to do whatever her man says she should do. I've talked to men around my age and older (30s to 40s), and none of them would turn down a super-hot sex goddess. But they also seem to recognize that relationships that work are based on more than a firm ass.
MonicaP at February 15, 2012 6:27 PM
There is a point where even knowing the worst newbie will still be better than what you have/had.
And if it was a ten+ years marriage/relationship, in most states, he was hosed regardless of a pre-nup or not.
Jim P. at February 15, 2012 7:17 PM
MonicaP, bless your fuzzy heart. But I'm not super hot - reasonably attractive, and certainly not ugly - but I'm no head-turner.
The gal who wrote the article mainly seems to regret leaving her marriage for financial reasons - but it sounds to me like their relationship kind of sucked. It doesn't sound like her husband was very happy with her, either. She even said her friends wondered what took her so long. But who gives a crap about having two houses? It's not like she didn't have a job. She didn't end up homeless for crying out loud.
When I got out of the relationship I was in, I mainly just wanted to be single again. I figured I might find another boyfriend eventually, if/when I ever got around to it. But I wasn't in any big damn hurry. The writer in the article couldn't really look back on her decision as being the "right" one until she was safely ensconced in a relationship again. For some reason she didn't see getting out of a relationship because it was a bad one as being enough of a reason in and of itself. Loony.
Pirate Jo at February 16, 2012 5:45 AM
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