Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

They all have phones.

(The phone company used to publish a list with everyone's name on it - unless you paid extra to stay off the list. This was back when phones were attached to the network at all times by wire, or they wouldn't work.)

Minnehaha is the county that contains Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

By the way, if you happen to be travelling through that state, don't refer to the capital as "Pee-air," although it looks as if it should be pronounced that way. It's "Peer." My Mom, who grew up north of there, told me "that's how we tell who the furriners are."

Just thought you all should know that.

Got one from my brother in the electronic mail:

I was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on decoys for duck hunting instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't hunted in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife, Linda."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "That's okay. It's important for Linda to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

http://www.divinecaroline.com/22324/41669-washcloth

I stopped by the Chevrolet dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup.

Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that
new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "CHANGE" lapel pin) sat in
the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest to him.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter
and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling a little frisky and messing with him, I mentioned that this
must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke
up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership to pick up my car . . . the guy had
absolutely no sense of humor .

Woookk-kay, I'm starting to sense that some us compose divergent conceptual frameworks vis-a-vis the quintessential nature of funny. And it's the plenitude of perspectives that makes life in a free country such a compelling project.

But if anyone wants to say this was a bad idea for me to suggest to Amy, I'll take your punch and like it.

Just fr'instance, I liked this today, but it's not been a funny day. And didja see this?

Ok, so....

OK, so here's a question.

How many of you super-stylish people enjoy Ira Glass? How many have an opinion about the Daisey Apple scandal?

Seeing a defense of Glass from Jonah was a real surprise.

I always thought of Glass as being to Joe Frank as the Monkees were to the Beatles.

But that's just my opinion, and I'd really like to fight with you about it.

After years of meddling from softdick busybodies, the mock sincerity of this tweet is cleansing, almost bracingly sentimental.

[Adopting "Father Time" tone of voice now…]

…And it might have been worth it to you. (Y'know, maybe you had thirty years of comfort first.)

Sanchez offers an interesting new rule of thumb.

(Not THAT interesting, but I think this catch-all blog post is a neat feature, and more of Amy's readers ought to use it, so here we are.)

I look at these as the Free Swim posts.

But here is the one that just ticks me off for today:

Expensive sedation during colonoscopy 'a luxury that is not necessary'

"These services are not harming patients. They're basically giving them a luxury that is not strictly necessary," said the study's lead author, Dr. Soeren Mattke, a senior Rand Corp. scientist. That matters at a time when policymakers are trying to rein in rising medical costs, the authors said.

I'm not Katie Couric and I don't want to be awake when you shove a 27 foot fiber cable up my ass.

Hello, Eric? My ol' buddy/blog-sparring-partner, Eric? You still out there? Are you still wondering if it's OK to hate the fuck out of America's execution of its invasion of Iraq?

Well, yes. Yes, it is.

One more for (sarcastic, lefty-style) comedy.

> I don't want to be awake when you shove a…

Dood, 27 feet is all the way through ya and back down to the floor.

,i>Dood, 27 feet is all the way through ya and back down to the floor. -- Crid [CridComment at gmail] at March 20, 2012 9:56 PM

Okay maybe I have an exceptionally long colon. The point still is that I don't want to be awake for a doctor shoving a camera up my ass.

Do you?

And this is coming from Soeren Mattke a German Doctor. I seem to remember issues from many moons ago when we listened to German Doctors.

> Do you?

To avoid a colostomy bag for my sunset years? Yeah, if that's the trade. Here's the deal: From what I've heard, the secret to a good colonoscopy is thoroughness... It's basically the measure of proficiency for that procedure. The more time the person takes, the more likely they are to catch things that can kill or maim. So maybe being awake is the way to go... The way to make sure the guy isn't to eager to hit the links before lunch.

"the secret to a good colonoscopy is thoroughness"

Which is exactly why I prefer to be knocked out, oblivious, and immobile throughout, so that the doc can perform a thorough exsmination at his leisure, with NO distractions. Would you want to have to keep telling your patient to shut up & stop twitching?

Secondly, a colonoscope is more than just a camera. It comes with instruments & attachments that the doctor can use to snip out polyps or anything that looks like it shouldn't be there, or that needs a biopsy. Call me squeamish, but if someone is snipping out parts of me, I'd rather be blissfully unaware of it.

you *really* don't want to be awake for a colonoscopy... or for much of anything else having to do with an invasion of your body.

the chances of you causing a screw up are too large.

Pilgrims, I *get* it... But you guys shouldn't let an affinity for teenage ass jokes cloud your appreciation of the procedure. There are a whole lot of horrible cancers that simply do not happen nowadays because of colonoscopy. That's more wonderful than your jokes are funny.