Now this is the star wars movie I've always wanted:

http://i43.tinypic.com/jjof1c.gif

This amazing woman walks into the gym and starts exercising. Fascinated by the spectacle, an older man some ways away points her out to his trainer and says, "Wow. I'd really like to impress someone like her. What machine should I use?"

The trainer replies, "Try the ATM in the lobby."

Can't we mock Olbermann a little more? You used to like the guy, Amy.

Kurtz via Instapundit:

Olbermann never came close to the more than 1 million viewers he had averaged at MSNBC, but his Current show was drawing more than 100,000 in the prized 25-to-54 age group last summer—and that gradually dwindled to 30,000.

A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the Pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find 'em?"

The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."

"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer.

"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide."

"Listen here, " argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on them. My wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it.

My wife heard that the odds are better that one would be killed driving to the store to buy lottery tickets than hitting the lottery. That's why she sends me to the store to buy them, I guess.

Around Easter, a farmer drives his truck along the road when his truck suddenly hits something. The farmer stops, gets out of the truck and, to his great horror, sees that he ran over the Easter Bunny, and coloured Easter Eggs are rolling all over the road.

The farmer is desperate because he knows his kids are waiting, eager search and find all those Easter Eggs, etc., and he tries to revive the rabbit, but in vain. Oh, the despair. How should he explain this to his children!

Then an old lady comes driving down the road, stops behind the farmer’s truck, gets out, and looks what happened. Upon seeing the lifeless Easter Bunny, she runs back to her car, takes out her hand bag and runs back to the rabbit.

There she takes a spray can out of her handbag and sprays its contents all over the Easter Bunny.

After a few minutes the Easter Bunny shakes itself, opens its eyes, gets up, runs around and collects all those spilled Easter Eggs back into its basket. When finished, the Easter Bunny begins hopping away, continuing its course to the gardens in order to hide the Easter Eggs for the children.

Every few metres the Easter Bunny stops, turns back to the farmer and the old lady and waves towards them. Hops on, stops, turns back, waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves. Hops on, stops, turns back and waves …

The farmer is speechless, but very happy that, after all, the Easter Bunny is not dead and his children will be able to search Easter Eggs. After a while he asks the old lady what it really was that she did to the Easter Bunny to bring it back to life.

The old lady shows him the spray can … the label says: “Hair Spray - revives your hair, adds permanent wave”.

That's a variation on one of the sweetest insults from my generation, via Wall Street:

"A Donnie Green type wouldn't say hello to you when you tried to sit with him, wouldn't say good-bye when you left, wouldn't look at you while you were there. No trainee ever dared sit next to Dannie Green," says Kronthal. Donnie Green himself had been a trader at Salomon Brothers in the dark ages, when traders had more hair on their chests than on their heads. He is remembered as the man who stopped a callow young salesman on his way out the door to catch a flight from New York to Chicago . Green tossed the salesman a ten-dollar bill. "Hey, takeout some crash insurance for yourself in my name,"he said. "Why?" asked the salesman. "I feel lucky," said Green.

Anti-joke.

http://www.pophangover.com/2012/03/30/meme-of-the-day-anti-joke-chicken/

Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20 percent off!

A mathematician, physicist and engineer have all applied for the same job. The interviewer is perplexed, and ushers them all into his office together.

He says, "Gentlemen, this is tough. You've all been at the top of your class at the same college, with the exact same GPA; you've authored the same number of papers and belong to professional associations of roughly the same merit. So, I have to come up with a test of my own to see who gets the job."

He pulls out a red rubber ball and bounces it off his desk, onto the floor and across the room.

"The first one to describe the path of the ball wins the job."

The mathematician and physicist think for a second, then pull out papers and start furiously scribbling equations, but the engineer just pulled out a book, "Red Rubber Ball Behavior", flipped to the page with the answer, and dropped on the desk. Hired!

What You Email Address Says About You

Here’s what your e-mail address says about your computer skills:

Own domain (e.g., @joesmith.com): You’re skilled and capable.

@gmail.com:When the Internet stops working, you actually try rebooting the router before calling a family member for help.

@hotmail.com:You still think that Myspace is hip.

@yahoo.com:You send e-mail chain letters saying that Bill Gates will eat your hard drive unless you forward this message to everyone you know.

@aol.com: You phone friends to tell them about a neat website, then say into the receiver, “OK, go to … h … t … t … p … colon … slash … w … w … w … dot …”

Stupid aol people, dont even notice there are two slashes

yeah, gmail sucks. I just uise them for throwaway accounts for the spam content you get sent from some sites which 'require' you email for no good reason