A man goes to his doctor and says, "My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe ..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? JUST one."

"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold ..."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um ... okay."

Our hero expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Our hero, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes: he drops one pill into his own coffee.

His wife returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee, our hero with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I ... need ... a man ..."

His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me ... too ..."

A man enters the US Patent office and waits patiently for an appointment with a patent examiner. Eventually he gets ushered into an office, where the patent examiner introduces himself.

"And what brings you here today?" the examiner asks.

The inventor opens his briefcase and takes out a cookie. "I want to patent this cookie!" he says excitedly.

"Don't be silly, you can't patent a cookie!"

"But this is a special cookie," says the inventor.

"What is so special about it?"

"This cookie tastes like pussy!"

"Oh, come on, you can't make a cookie taste like pussy!" exclaims the examiner.

"Sure I can. Here, take a bite," says the inventor, as he passes the cookie across the desk to the examiner.

The examiner takes a bite, chews for a second, then spits it out. "This tastes like shit!" he yells at the inventor.

"Oh," says, the inventor, reaching across the desk, "that's the wrong side . . . just turn it around!"

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times."One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I came across this old ruined cottage, and it was getting dark, so I decided to stay overnight.I found an old lamp, and as I wiped some of the dirt off it, a Genie appeared, in the form of a beautiful woman.

She said, "You have released me from centuries of misery, I grant you three wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make love with you, right here and right now."

She nodded, the cottage turned into a luxurious bedroom ... We made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, relaxing after our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"