Where do horses stay in a hotel? In the bridle suite.

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm, drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He throws the other end of the rope to the horse, and drives the car forward, rescuing his friend.

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again. The chicken fell into the mud hole. Chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "Don't need to!" He stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

Credit this one to Steven Wright:

I walked into a restaurant. The menu read, "Breakfast any time." So I asked for French Toast during the Renaissance.

New perspective on a classic.

> Credit this one to Steven Wright:

I'm not afraid of heights... But I am afraid of widths.

I can do this, by the way.

> Credit this one to Steven Wright:

I have a map of the world that's actual-size.

The legend reads, "1 m. = 1 m."

Mike Wallace, respected journalist, bites the Big One.

"A man's kind of mildness," he says.

C'mon, wouldn't you pepper-spray these little spuds if you had the chance? If that came at you all shouty and demanded that you pay to give them cheap education?

This is kind of intense. I know, I know... Jus' sayin'.

This is kind of intense.

That wasn't intense. This was intense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VwnC-8fQBI

Wait. This was in tents.

Never mind.

Ever feel like the internet is slowly destroying your perception of reality through an over abundance of information that will never have any effect on your own life? Or is it just me?

The Brady Bunch link-

Today we focus on Mr Brady being a homosexual and Mrs. Brady having relations with Greg. Reality stays the same, but our perceptions are so different.

Awright, everyone born after about 1965, turn off your computer.

OK.

Dear Cohort, I will never understand how Marcia didn't become one of the biggest most enduring celebrities of her generation. Nowhere near the most beautiful, essentially born without talent, but who cares? People had nothing else to watch. Millions and millions of people spent at least five minutes of their life looking at her (maybe in black and white), thinking "She's kinda pretty."

Much better careers have been built on far less. What happened?

That's funny- I always had a thing for Jan, the whole braces and eyeglasses thing, --- OMG! I was about to go somewhere that could sound sick, but when the show was on Jan was WAAAAAAYYYY older than me.

Note-

As I remember, the oldest was Jan, the middle was Marcia (and doesn't that name sound exotic?), and the youngest was Cindy.

Note2-

The secret: Marcia grew up to be Jennifer Aniston.

> Marcia grew up to be Jennifer Aniston.

Ah-HAH! I knew it!

Her or Merle Streep, which seemed less likely.

As I remember, the oldest was Jan, the middle was Marcia (and doesn't that name sound exotic?), and the youngest was Cindy.

Marcia (Maureen McCormick) was the oldest.

Jan was the middle child (starved for attention ... and every other middle child cliche).

Cindy was the youngest.

Her or Merle Streep, which seemed less likely.

Merle Streep?

Your spelling's a bit Haggard there.

Her left eye sees back beyond my immortal soul, past my toilet training and my first steps, past the time when my parents met, back through the mists of human prehistory, back before beasts slithered from the sea, before planets coalesced, before the BB, back when Creation wasn't even a whispered rumor in the punishing loneliness of incompetent, dimensionless causality.

She knows stuff. About me. About you.

She's probably a bitch.

Right?

Amirite?

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right..

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"Bastards won't let me fart."

Best costume since Miss Lichtenstein.