A little boy and girl go trick or treating.

They knock on the door of a house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?"

"We're Jack and Jill," the girl replied.

The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"

So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.

They ring the door bell and once again and the man opens the door.

"Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"

"We're Hansel and Gretel," says the little boy.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!"

Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again.

This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.

"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now!?" he asks.

"Chocolate M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts."

----

A father asked his son, Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight.

If you're now telling me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once.

But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

================================
"Do you love me?" asked my wife, with an air of uncertainty.

I said, "Baby, I'd jump in front of a bus for you."

"Really?!"

"Yeah," I answered, "so long as it's not moving."
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My wife hates it when I piss on the seat.

She can't stand sitting in a soggy wheelchair.

Maybe you've heard this verse before...

"O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about."

The San Diego Police Department were investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 11th-story office. His voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.

"After my very first week on the job," she said, "I received a $20 raise. At the end of the 2nd week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said,'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary." "At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost."

"I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for $5, although I was charging all the other boys in the office ten. That's when he jumped out the window."

A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, "All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!"

A man at the front of the bar stands up and says "Hey! I resent that!"

So the first man asks, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

"NO! I'm an asshole!"