The TSA And Your Mother-In-Law's Crotch
Jeffery Goldberg blogs in The Atlantic that he can definitively say al Qaeda has won. His tiny 79-year-old mother-in-law had a run-in with the TSA recently:
She entered the machine and struck the humiliating pose one is forced to strike -- hands up, as in an armed robbery -- and then walked out, when she was asked by a TSA agent, in a voice loud enough for several people to hear, "Are you wearing a sanitary napkin?"Remember, she's 79.
My mother-in-law answered, "No. Why do you ask?"
The TSA agent responded: "Well, are you wearing anything else down there?"Yes, "down there."
She said no, at which point, the friend with whom she was traveling, also a not-young volunteer library advocate, came over and asked if there was a problem.
The TSA agent said, again, in full voice, "There's an anomaly in the crotch area."
This is, of course, a painful post for me to write. Like most normal American men, I don't want to see the words "my mother-in-law" and "crotch area" in the same paragraph. But let me go on anyway.
My mother-in-law said, "As far as I know I don't have any anomalies in the crotch area."
The TSA agent told her she would have to go through the scanner again. She demurred, saying she didn't like the machine very much. The agent told her she could opt for a pat-down. My mother-in-law refused to be frisked, figuring, correctly, that "they were going to pat-down my crotch area. I mean, there wasn't an anomaly in the chest area."
So she went through the scanner again. Of course, this time -- one minute later -- the TSA found no "anomalies," and she was free to go.
...I asked her if she felt embarrassed by the manner in which the TSA treated her.
"I'm not embarrassed," she said. "I just think they're stupid and their machinery is defective and they should learn to whisper when they're talking about my crotch, or anyone's crotch."
The question is, How did it come to pass that the federal government takes official and invasive interest in the "crotch areas" of 79-year-old grandmothers? Have we just gone crazy?
In more idiocy, Newark Airport was evacuated over a baby that went ungroped.
UPDATE ON MY VAGINA: I am happy to report that it remained unfingered by government workers this morning while I had my Fourth Amendment rights violated in the name of "security."
On a happier note, I'm boarding a plane because I'm being flown to New York this weekend to appear on a national TV show on Monday to talk about I SEE RUDE PEOPLE and rudeness in general. This is a dream show, with a host I love, so I'm pretty thrilled! More about this Monday morning!
How stupid can they get?
Another example occurs daily. I think they are grasping at straws at this point.
Jim P. at April 28, 2012 1:05 AM
The scanners are a joke. I had one in Europe last year show an anomaly in the ankle area... aka my sock was bunched up. The guy had to pat down my leg and ankle though.
Sio at April 28, 2012 4:16 AM
Read the comments at the baby evacuation link; there's some nice snark there. My favorite was by ninabi: "There's more than 3 oz of liquid in that Pamper, folks. The TSA has no choice but to confiscate the baby."
cornerdemon at April 28, 2012 6:36 AM
The takeaway from this is not the TSA nonsense; it's the refusal of this lady to give up her dignity and to remain unembarrassed over something she did not do!
Every time I see someone talk about the "humiliation," I think that maybe the humiliation is emanating from the wrong direction. Ya think?
gharkness at April 28, 2012 7:23 AM
I tend to wear one particular outfit on travel a lot: black tights, a black skirt, a black shirt (all cotton) and a jacket. I am now running at about 90% being flagged for patting down my right thigh just at the hip. There are three layers of cotton there and nothing else yet somehow the machines identify this as a problem area. Maybe aliens gave me a metal hip during the abduction.
Astra at April 28, 2012 9:10 AM
Best part of the Newark story is that once the family couldnt be located and they discovered the flight had taken off they just said 'fuck it' and did nothing to recall the plane
That in and of itself is proof the even the TSA knows they dont really do anything
lujlp at April 28, 2012 12:54 PM
The only "anomaly in the crotch area" I recognize at airports today is on the part of the eunuchs "in charge". What real man would let his neighbors and family be abused in this manner?
By the way - today I passed a poster advertising "a cooperative venture" involving the TSA at a dam on the Savannah River. There's another zit to be popped / boil to be lanced / tumor to be excised.
Radwaste at April 28, 2012 5:04 PM
TSA ripped apart my suitcase when I was on a domestic flight from Arkansas. The velcro on the twin handles wouldn't stick so I closed them with duct tape.
Maybe they wanted a taste of the locally-made pumpkin butter I carefully wrapped inside? The stuff they sell at the airport gift store isn't good enough?
I found their generic TSA calling card inside when I arrived home-- but there was nothing on the card to identify the perp who opened my bag. Why is that?
I was told that the dinky lock I put on the bag wasn't "TSA Approved", which is sort of an oxymoron: They want us to use locks that they can easily open!
bluenorther at April 29, 2012 9:01 AM
I was x-rayed 3 times in Indianapolis because of an anomaly in my jeans pocket. They pulled the pocket out and saw with their eyes that it was empty, and then they sent me back for x-ray #3 to verify that what they saw was true....!
Susan at April 29, 2012 11:13 AM
IMHO, we need the FBI to do a full background on all of these TSA perverts to find out how many of them are actually homosexuals in a perfect job. Where else could they get a job fondling other men and not get called out on it.
davnel at April 29, 2012 6:36 PM
Same goes for the females. How many are actually lesbians? Work doesn't get much better than this.
davnel at April 29, 2012 7:12 PM
I don't see how sexual orientation has any bearing on an individual's interest in fondling strangers for fun.
Sosij at April 30, 2012 1:25 AM
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