Silly NYT Piece On The Supposed End Of Dating And What's Probably Going On
A silly lamentation on how all the boys want to do anymore is hook up, and all they'll do is text you to come hang with their friends -- no more asking women out on dates. Alex Williams writes in the NYT:
"At 10 p.m., I hadn't heard from him," said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. "Hey, I'm at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?" he wrote, before adding, "I'm here with a bunch of friends from college."
Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. "The word 'date' should almost be stricken from the dictionary," Ms. Silver said. "Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret."
"It's one step below a date, and one step above a high-five," she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called "hookup culture," millennials -- who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down -- are subverting the rules of courtship.
Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other "non-dates" that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend.
"The new date is 'hanging out,' " said Denise Hewett, 24, an associate television producer in Manhattan, who is currently developing a show about this frustrating new romantic landscape. As one male friend recently told her: "I don't like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I'm doing -- going to an event, a concert."
...Hookups may be fine for college students, but what about after, when they start to build an adult life? The problem is that "young people today don't know how to get out of hookup culture," Ms. Freitas said. In interviews with students, many graduating seniors did not know the first thing about the basic mechanics of a traditional date. "They're wondering, 'If you like someone, how would you walk up to them? What would you say? What words would you use?' " Ms. Freitas said.
That may explain why "dates" among 20-somethings resemble college hookups, only without the dorms.
Actually, it doesn't. It explains "dates" amongst 20-somethings in New York.
University of New Mexico evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller (@matingmind) explained on his Facebook page:
Yet another NY Times writer complains that in New York, with a highly female-biased sex ratio among singles, males exert little mating effort. Reminds me what my dad said: "There are only two concepts you really need from economics: supply and demand."
And my thought on it:
The truth is, when men become ready for committed relationships (when they outgrow the hookup phase) they will act accordingly. Men who are looking to get married and have a baby will not text a woman to come hang with the gang at some bar.