My dad is notorious for his cheapness.

Now, he's giving, generous, & loving. But if you ask him for something (specifically, by name), he invariably returns with the double-coupon generic version of what you asked for in comical quantities.

He was dropping by when my son was sick. I asked for red gatorade (the only thing my son was keeping down). My dad comes over with around 3 gallons of powdered red sports drink he'd mixed himself in used milk-cartons. Saved me $12, apparently.

When I was a young child we did not have money. My parents were going broke putting me through private school because the area we lived had an awful problem with gang violence at the schools and a very unmotivated teaching staff. I was acutely aware that many times my parents went without so I could have the best education possible. This has made me cautious about money as well as brought upon guilt when I do spend money on myself (such as vacations, getting my nails done, ect.) So I can relate to people who appear to be cheap, but its roots are in fear. I also however spent 10 + years in the restaurant industry. Living on tips alone will make you detest cheap people especially those you know for a fact have money. A case in point don't be the "man" who has to pick up the tab with his black Amex and then tip 10%. Dante reserved a special circle in hell just for you. Unfortunately, people who are chronically cheap are actually less giving in all areas of their life. Hence, when men have underpaid waitstaff for no reason on a date I have promptly left a better tip where he was well aware I was doing it and obviously refused a second date!

I stopped being cheap after realizing that I'd wasted $25 in fuel to save three bucks on an electric drill I'd driven all over town to buy at the cheapest price.
And tipping-Lindsey's right on. I was eating with a couple that I'd considered friends: when the check arrived, we agreed to pay for our own food, but the couple saw the tip I left (generous, as usual) and paid just what they had to to settle the bill.
I've never associated with them again.

Lindsey is right, it's fear. We were pretty darned broke for a long time, and we pinched pennies.

Now that we're doing better, we spend money on things (like theater tickets) that we couldn't really afford before. But in the grocery store, we automatically buy stuff off the sale racks. We're not the most generous tippers, not because we mean to be stingy, but because - for years - going out to eat was a rare treat and a stretch. It's a hard habit to break.

On tipping anyway: this is a sick system. I would immensely prefer to go to a restaurant where the staff is paid properly, and tipping is truly optional. Of course the prices would be higher, but the actual cost would presumably be about the same.

I give away my age when I say that I grew up when tipping was 10%. Then it was 15% for a long time. Now it's 20% or even 25%. Somehow this doesn't make any sense! If tips of 10% used to let the wait staff make a living, why does it now take twice that? Note that we are talking percentages, so inflation is already accounted for in the menu prices.

Cheap is a relative term.
I live to close to DC, cheap here, means not spending 3 times what you make.
So to others here, I'm definately cheap.
So I see cheap/frugality as sanity, or the ability to do basic math.

I was like that for awhile when I started the job I still have today. I had been living a pretty marginal existence..anyway, it prompted me to start a serious savings program, so that I could clearly delineate that this money was for my security, and that money I could spend with a free conscience.

It worked, though my frugal voice says I'm pissing away too much money on fun stuff. But I still save a lot.

This can be a complicated question, and it often has cultural issues involved in it.
The 15 to 20 percent is United States standard, in metro areas. It does not necessarily apply in rural areas in the US, and in Japan, and some European countries you don't tip at all.
Often times you can learn a lot about people in how they express their cheapness.

My father grew up during the depression, He bought many things for me and my mother with money that he would not spend on himself.

I would take a man who bought me dinner, and left a 15 percent tip over one who tipped 20 percent but was rude to the waiter.

Cheapness, can be a form of fear, but in the uncertain economic times we live in, I think a lot of that fear is well justified.

I don't care if you're cheap as long as you aren't sneaky... ie, if you don't want to go do something expensive, that's fine, but don't go do something expensive and stick me with the bill, like Wyowander's friends did with the tip.

There are plenty of free activities to do... walking by the lake, hiking, museums some days of the week, hanging out at home and watching TV or just chatting, picnicking, xcountry skiing, etc. So I'm happy to do one.

I'm also happy to do something cheap like go for coffee.

I'm generally not so into off-brand items, but whatever.

Joe, I didn't know we were neighbors!

So I see this as a multi-leveled thing.

1.)There's being tight with a penny in relative privacy (like clipping coupons, watching for sales, deciding not to buy new clothes until the old wear out, choosing to go to 4 grocery stores to get the best price, etc).

2.) Then there is being more public about it. This involves a little bargaining/negotiating in places it isn't commonly done, clipping (lots) of coupons, politely asking if there's a discount that could be applied to your bill for your car repair.

3.) Then there's being cheap. This is complaining about the cost of things when you have the ability to shop around, being stingy with tips, refusing to go somewhere unless you get a discount (no matter what the price is to begin with). Also, generally just being noisy about the cost of things.

My big issue is when people complain about those who "obviously" have "enough" money. Lots of the time, you don't really know, unless you are that person's accountant. I know folks who look like a million bucks when they go to work, but scrimp and save to do so because they think they'll loose their job/status if they don't.

Now, I do know some people who will spend more on something because they feel they are getting more, even when they truthfully aren't (example: little kids play area. The bigger more expensive one won't be any more entertaining to an 18month old than the smaller one). I also know people who will complain about the cost of things. Mostly, it doesn't bother me.

I DO mind when these sort try to push their values onto me. Like, if there's a restaurant that I like, but they don't find value in, that's fine, but don't get all, "For the amount of food it's overpriced, don't you agree?" on me.

But, some people value quantity - even if they can't actually USE the available quantity (e.g. a $10 buffet when you can get the same thing for $8 someplace else and have enough food).

In short, I don't mind, as long as people don't push it on me! I'm sure some people think I'm cheap and others think I overpay. Probably a mixture of both, depending on the value I place on what I'm paying for.

I'll admit to being fearfully cheap sometimes, because of the times I've lived on an extremely limited budget. But when it comes to tipping, I figure if I can't afford a generous tip, then I can't afford to go out to eat in the first place.

I do think my fear might be genetic, as well. Other members of my family and I all have various struggles with anxiety. Like Carol, I try to live a little more by putting money in a savings account, so I know that what's left over is truly expendable income. As far as big-ticket things like vacations, here's my rationale: money stressing about a vacation becomes a waste of money. How? You are paying for a vacation to have a relaxing break from the stresses of your everyday life. If you're stopping to analyse every little upgrade or dinner out or souvenir, and trying yourself up in knots about it, then you're not getting what you paid for out of your vacation, and the money you've already spent on it is being "wasted," a little. So just like dinner out, where if you can't afford to tip you can't afford to eat out, I think that in a vacation if you can't afford to splurge a little and enjoy it in comfort (and have a little money on the side for extras and goodies you find while there) then maybe you don't have enough saved for a real vacation yet.

It's funny how one can learn when it's beneficial to be cheap. The cats I've had generally won't look twice at the over priced cat toys/habitats. But tear, crumple and throw a piece of paper and they'll play with it for a couple hours.

I'm relatively cheap. I don't appreciate obvious displays of wealth.

I do always try and tip well.

Though, I am more lazy than cheap...coupon cutting doesn't work for me. I used to feel bad about, I've gotten over it.

I do appreciate value and that some high priced items last longer, fit better, etc. And I am learning that it is ok to spend the money in these cases. I still buy mostly cheap clothes, but occasionally buy the higher end stuff that will last longer.

I have bought higher end sheets and bedding as that will make sleep better (and anything that improves my sleep is a good thing).

I probably spend too much time comparing prices when I am doing a major electronic purchase.

I'm in IT and a geek so I do end up getting higher end machines (but never absolute top of the line-I figure the value is in the middle area).

Though I did always dislike when going out as a group with coworkers, I purposely order either a low price entree or an appetizer and no drink and they want to split the bill evenly.

I was always a cheap date too...my first date with my husband was watching rented movies at his apt. I didn't expect anyone to spend on me what I wouldn't spend on me.

I still have a tough time going to very expensive restaurants.

I do agree vacations are a time to splurge and try to when we can.

We don't vacation a lot, though we have started a tradition where we at least splurge doing local touristy things on Labor day before the kids go back to school. And we are in NYC, lots of local stuff.

I am super cheap. It is fear. The prospect of spending a large amount of money makes me feel nervous, nauseous and shaky. I think it goes hand-in-hand with being a control freak -- your money is something you can control and when people try to convince you to spend it, you feel yourself losing that control. Whatever, I'm working on it.

However, if I am given time to plan, I will part with my money MUCH more easily. For example, if you ask me to go to a pricey restaurant tonight, I will say "no" and not budge. But if you ask me to go next week, I will say "yes", because I can then cut corners throughout the week to prepare for the splurge. However, I will drink water, order the least expensive entree on the menu, and I will not order appetizers.

Same with vacations. "Hey, sofar, wanna go to New Orleans this Friday?" Hell no. "Hey, sofar, wanna go to Europe in the spring?" Yes. And I will monitor price alerts for flights every day between now and then.

I am not wealthy by any means, but my ability to recognize value (as oppossed to being cheap) and find a bargain has actually saved me a lot of money in the long term so that I can have those little luxeries every now and then. My motto is "I never pay full price but I'm never cheap."
I think being "cheap" is more about actions towards others than yourself.

Barganing for a better "value" is fine. Stiffing someone else to save money is not okay. There is a way to be frugal and thrifty without being "cheap"; the problem is most people aren't able to find that balance.

Though I did always dislike when going out as a group with coworkers, I purposely order either a low price entree or an appetizer and no drink and they want to split the bill evenly.

This drives me batty. I always ask the waiter to separate my tab before I order to solve this problem. Only one person has ever called me on it. They are no longer invited to go out with me.

Going out to eat, IMO, is a luxury IMO. You're not just paying for the food but for the experience. It's not okay to be cheap when it comes to tipping the server. IMO, you're paying for that persons time and labor the way you would a repair man, or advice columnist ;), so if you can't do that, you can't afford to go out to eat. It's not a necessity. Learn to cook if you're not willing to tip appropriately.

Food is a necessity, however, I don't believe that food prices are fair. Food perishes. Prices flucuate. I use coupons whenever possible and often buy the store brand on many food items as they are comparable to name brands. Preparation is key most of the time.

Clothes and shoes on the other hand, are a necessity and something worth spending on, IMO. It's a long term investment to buy good clothes, IMO, especially if your job requires you to dress nicely. Dressing cheaply ends up costing you more in the long run as poorly made materials tend to wear out faster. If something is made of sturdy, quality materials, fits well, and is well taken care of by it's owner it will last longer and be much more comfortable to wear. I tend to by classic items at higher cost from labels I trust because I know that I'll get a lot of use out of them and they will look good on me for years (assuming I'm able to maintain my figure as I have for the last 10 years). Notice I said labels I trust, not necassarily namebrand or designer. Sometimes, even a name brand item can be poorly made. (I'm looking at you Abercrombie)I almost always shop during the off the clearance rack or look for a discount coupon though if I can. Trendy items that I'm buying for casual wear or work out clothes, I will buy cheaply as they will be out of style or worn out soon anyway. I don't feel so bad donating them or throwing them out if they get ruined that way. I spend money on good quality skin care products as the long term benefits are worth it, but buy over the counter cosmetics. I balance it out that way.

I buy middle of the range electronics as I dont need all the bells and whistles but need it to work properly.

I do believe that good health, auto, home, and life insurance is ALWAYS worth the cost. Never put a price on your well-being or the safety of your family.

Gifts I believe can be done frugally as long as they are thoughtful. I much prefer a few burned cd's of my favorite music than a concert. The cd's are cheaper, but the time it took to compile them is invaluable, and I hate crowds.

Some people are cheap to the point of being stupid about money.

When I was managing my father's estate during probate, I got us an insurance policy that covered vacant properties because no one was living in the house. It cost 3 times the original policy. My sister threw a fit because I was wasting money, in her opinion. Never mind that the original policy wouldn't have covered anything because it specifically did not cover vacant properties. In her words, "Who was going to tell them?" Like insurance companies are in the habit of writing checks for tens of thousands of dollars without investigating.

I sold the property two months before Hurricane Sandy, which easily did $60,000 in damage to the house. If we hadn't sold it, the old policy would have been worthless, and we would have lost all that money. People need to play the long game.

Well, after 2008 and the economic nightmare that has ensued, we're all feeling a bit more loss-averse these days.

I'm not cheap, but the fear is certainly there!

It's not about little things like tipping, but more along the lines of, 'If I lose my job again like in 2009, do I have enough money sitting around to live on and not have to take the first temp job I can get three months later, 35 miles away and on a 50% pay cut like last time.'

I keep a lot more cash in savings and that LUCRATIVE 0.75% savings account than I used to. It required finally landing another good job and being frugal and saving up every spare cent for an entire year before I could sleep well at night again.

I grew up when tipping was 10%. Then it was 15% for a long time. Now it's 20% or even 25%. Somehow this doesn't make any sense! If tips of 10% used to let the wait staff make a living, why does it now take twice that? Note that we are talking percentages, so inflation is already accounted for in the menu prices.

I love a fellow math nerd.

So, it's possible that all living waitstaff pooled their vast resources and bribed the Turner networks to launch a propaganda campaign aimed at making themselves even richer.

Or, maybe the corporate-owned restaurants passed inflation on to their customers but NOT to the pay of their waitstaff. Which would still require that we KNOW this before we would be willing to pay double what we were before.

You know, that's a good question. I will try to think of more reasons why this might be so.

I remember watching an episode of "Bar Rescue" where the bar owner had a sign up that said "save the foam" at the tap.

Asked about it, he said that he saved the foam, put it back on tap, and served it because he did not want to waste an ounce.

Unutterably ridiculous penny pinching, or as they say, penny wise and pound foolish.

I'm not a skin flint with cash, I enjoy life and living, I'll shell out a few bucks to eat out at a nice place, and I'll splurge on little treats for the kids.

But even with all that having been said, I have my limits and I abide by certain rules when it comes to money management.

I think a great deal of cheapness comes from similar sets of personal "rules" if you will, intended to keep money at hand when needed, but those rules get misapplied to the tiniest of details to the point where they become an obsession.

"Prepare for the future" becomes "Save every penny at any cost"

Long time ago, I was friends with a guy who was notoriously cheap. A bunch of us went to stay at my parents' seaside apartment at the Gold Coast, for which no one was paying any rent by the way. We went out one night to the local casino. Parking was $3.50. Six people in the car, so the driver asked for 50c from everyone. Of course he claimed we could just park on the nearest street. To which, the driver replied "Ok, get out and walk". Which he did. To save 50C. He had plenty for booze once we were in the nightclub mind you.

The fun part was when we left. We all went back to the car, cheap guy got in, the driver said "what are you doing?" Made him walk out to the point where we could have parked for free, then picked him up. Only about half a mile, but oh how we laughed following him at 5kms/hr.

Such a small amount, he thought he'd get away with refusing and someone else would pay. We'd had it up to here with his behaviour by then though.

I keep a lot more cash in savings and that LUCRATIVE 0.75% savings account than I used to. -- Pirate Jo at February 8, 2013 3:57 PM

When my annual statement on my old 401K came in two years after I was let go and the value was essentially the same amount that I contributed I finally said screw it -- I withdrew it all, took the tax hit and paid off all my credit cards and then bought silver with what was left. I never enrolled in the 401K program in my new company.

I then enrolled in a program that I buy a steady dollar amount of silver every month that is about equivalent to about the 10% of my salary a month. The monthly commitment gets me a $1 off per ounce.

I have on occasion had to sell some silver to make ends meet, but that is my option. I can essentially walk into pawn or coin shop and sell it as needed with no hassle. I have a base that I can always use.

But if you have an old 401k that is sitting there google "401k gold rollover". They can role it over with no tax hit and you have the gold at home.

I just heard this and while I suspect it was fake I think it rings true: Old Chinese saying, "Even free is too much to pay for something you don't want."

Does this guy want to take a vacation and just isn't will to spend the money -- or does he not really want to go on a vacation?

How do you think the guy got to be well-off? And is he really well off for that matter?

I suspect there are several things in play - up bringing and experience - and I wouldn't be surprised if genetics some how play in there. For example, my grandfather and his cohorts who's early adult life was during the great depression all seem to have gone to the extreme...either can't hardly spend a penny or blow money as fast as they get it.

After getting laid-off a few years ago and talking a long time to get another job I am certainly more frugal than I used to be.

I think the tipping system is ridiculous. If a buy a bottle of bear at the bar why am I expected to tip $1 (per bottle). I could just as easily grab one and open it - and it takes him like 15 seconds to do it.

Oh...I think the only way to change some in this regard is to make them see the value of spending more money.

Jim P., I am interested in your silver-buying program. You save $1 an ounce? That sounds good to me! Can you post the name of the program? I'd like to look into it.

I was raised to live moderately in a neighborhoos where displaying wealth was considered to be extremely rude. We didn't have a lot of money when I was small and I'm sure my parents sacrificed for us kids. However, later in life when they were relatively well to do, they continued to live modestly, but were willing to spend on things that were important to them or that they enjoyed.

Consequently, I always look for value when purchasing things, like buying a quality item of clothing on sale rather than a cheap one at full price. I am willing to spend on things I like and on family (ask the grandkids), but in general would consider myself to be on the thrifty side. Since I work from a home office, I tend to save by ordering from Amazon or other online sources rather than jumping in the car to go get something.

With the economy as it is, I don't go out to eat as often as I once did, but always tip well unless the service was really bad, and very generously when the service is very good. Part of that is due to having worked in restaurants when I was young and knowing how hard people work and how little they are paid aside from tips, and part of is just my nature.

I also refuse to use self checkout lanes at stores because the checker has a job that way and philosophically I believe that it is better for people to work when they are able. I was also raised to believe that all honest work is worthy of respect, as is the person performing it. I was taught to be polite to everyone and exceptionally polite to anyone who could be perceived by themselves or others as of lower status. This has served me well in life.

I'm not sure that coupons actually save much money... they are usually for things I wouldn't have thought of buying to begin with. So they'd actually be making me spend MORE money, not less.

Jim P., I am interested in your silver-buying program. You save $1 an ounce? That sounds good to me! Can you post the name of the program? I'd like to look into it. -- Pirate Jo at February 9, 2013 7:40 AM

It's the Northwest Territorial Mint Monthly Accumulation Program.

You get the deal because they know you are "pre-ordering" a bulk amount over the long haul. It may be only $150, but you are doing it every month.

I prefer the Stagecoach Silver because you can break them down into a 1/4 ounce chunk if you would ever need to bargain in small chunks at some point.

I'm not sure that coupons actually save much money... they are usually for things I wouldn't have thought of buying to begin with. So they'd actually be making me spend MORE money, not less. -- NicoleK at February 9, 2013 11:54 AM

I don't coupons are worth much, even when doubled. I remember numerous times that I would have a coupon for $0.40 cents off the name brand ketchup (or other condiment) that an equivalent store brand was a $1 cheaper to start. But I will admit that there is sometimes a difference between the true generic versus and the store or name brand.

I prefer the Stagecoach Silver because you can break them down into a 1/4 ounce chunk if you would ever need to bargain in small chunks at some point. -- Jim P. at February 9, 2013 6:33 PM

Note that if you ever have to sell, know what the approximate retail price is. I'm a little short this week and wanted to sell a few ounces to make the gap to payday. I went to a new shop to sell. They were buying at less than 50% of retail. The shop I have used in the past has been at about $1.50 from retail. I'm going back to the old shop tomorrow.