Marriage-Minded Overcompensating: The Supposed Trend In Pricey, Elaborate Proposals
The NY Post reports on a supposed trend in New York -- of a need for elaborate and costly wedding proposals.
The headline of the Kate Storey piece in The New York Post:
I spent $45,000 on my proposal
Just getting down on bended knee is no longer enough. Popping the question is now a scripted spectacle requiring an elaborate production team of choreographers, cameramen and assistants
An excerpt from her piece:
The sun was setting on the rooftop of the McKittrick Hotel, home of the interactive play "Sleep No More," when Nataliya Lavryshyn and Josh Ogle proclaimed their love for one another last year.Pages from Pablo Neruda's love poems were scattered about, and the pair held hands while Ogle slid a $21,000 diamond ring onto Lavryshyn's left hand, as a small crowd looked on. Afterward, a 1932 Hupmobile whisked them away to the posh restaurant Daniel, where they had dinner in the exclusive skybox, served by executive chef Daniel Boulud.
The next day, the couple jetted off to Greece and France for two weeks, where they stayed in private villas and honeymoon suites.
The whole shebang cost roughly $45,000.
And that was just the wedding proposal.
When it comes to popping the question, New York grooms-to-be are shelling out thousands of dollars to produce elaborate will-you-marry-me? moments. Such over-the-top engagements have even spawned a thriving industry -- proposal planning.
...And what did Lavryshyn -- who said yes, by the way -- think about her guy getting help from a professional?
"Before this whole thing, I didn't know there were proposal planners," says Lavryshyn, who was dating Ogle for several months before he popped the question. "I thought the guy would just have the creativity by himself. But it was all amazing."
She dated him for "several months" before he popped the question?
And she answered yes to spending the rest of her life with a near-stranger? Genius.
But forget their idiotic approach -- what do you think of these elaborate proposals? Ladies? Men?
As my headline notes, I think many these guys may be overcompensating for something. This sort of extravagant proposal sells a guy to a woman for stuff other than the substance of him. Sure, it could be said he wants to delight her -- but if she isn't delighted simply by the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with her (a life which may go on for quite some time, thanks to modern medicine), well, what do you really have?
Essentially, I think wedding proposal extravagance is for weenies. And maybe for people who don't have much of a relationship but are trying to distract from that with a lot of fanfare.
UPDATE: Tell how you proposed or how you were proposed to, or particularly charming proposals you know of (from people you know -- no urban legends!)
Douchebags.
Eric at March 19, 2013 7:55 AM
I think hiring a "proposal" planner shows lack of thought and creativity in the man personally. I am recently engaged. My fiance took me to our favorite sushi place and poured his heart out in the sincerest manner that he wanted to spend his life with me. He presented me with my beautiful vintage ring that was his grandmothers. I feel the same way about big extravagant weddings. Going in to debt and brides losing their minds planning these monster weddings are ridiculous. Its one day in your marriage that is supposed to last a lifetime. At least that is my two cents on it. I would be happy to marry my fiance in a potato sack at city hall.
Lindsey at March 19, 2013 8:05 AM
For me it's unnecessary and a bad allocation of resources and energy.
My husband proposed to me after a nice sushi dinner (one hour away drive since you need to travel a bit out of ruralsville) which is my favorite.
We were planning a nice semi-large but modest wedding when a month later we were pregnant. So then we had a shotgun three months later - immediate family and two friends. About 30 people total including the wedding party and five kids.
The entire wedding from my discounted dress ($50) plus jewelry ($50) to the venue, meal, church and flowers cost no more than about $2,500. And everyone had a great time and afterwards we got a lot of compliments about how it was the perfect size. Everyone ate prime rib, or fish - and there was a two hour open bar.
I get the feeling a lot of what compells people into spending money on these things is for the look good - but after the night is over - is there really any difference? Is their relationship much stronger for blowing it all on one or two days?
Personally, I kinda like not being in debt after the small wedding so I can take some maternity leave and maybe have a little left over to save for a house.
But that might not be for everyone.
Feebie at March 19, 2013 8:10 AM
My boyfriend can just drop to one knee over a dinner at Waffle House with a spider ring and I'd still say yes.
I couldn't care less about the setting, I care about the man I'm about to agree to spending my life with. A ring a little less plasticy might be nice though
Jess at March 19, 2013 8:22 AM
Thinking about it, I got a pretty elaborate and pricey proposal.
My husband proposed to me during our yearly trip to our favorite comic convention. He upgraded the tail end of the trip quite a bit (from La Quinta to Animal Kingdom Lodge) and we had a *very* fancy dinner at Victoria and Albert's (probably $500 for the two of us). It was perfect for us. (And I still have no idea how much he spent on the engagement ring because he thinks it would be tacky to tell me and I'm honoring his preference.) Now, it was certainly a pricey proposal trip, but it captured all of our favorite things we share (geekdom, animals, and good food), and he spent a lot of time and effort making it about *us.*
The actual down-on-one-knee part he did in private and the hotel janitor who came to replace the hairdryer was the first one to hear we'd just gotten engaged.
It's the proposing in front of a crowd part that kinda makes me look in askance at the elaborate stunts. (I may be biased because that would have mortified me.) I do understand "wanting the whole world to know" and that for some couples showmanship is a way of life as much as Megacon is for me and my husband. But the big public spectacles just seem like someone mistaking effort and publicity for commitment.
Elle at March 19, 2013 8:35 AM
What do I think of people who have these elaborate marriage proposals?
Idiots.
Personal story: I knew I wanted to marry her, but I also knew that she needed time to come around. So I simply let her know that she could propose when she thought the time was right. Or not. A while later, over a nice bottle of wine, she did...
a_random_guy at March 19, 2013 8:40 AM
While I have enjoyed videos of some very involved proposals, I find they only "work" for me if it is something that is clearly personal and special for the potential bride.
The cutest of these I've seen (although I would never, personally, want this) was a couple that both REALLY liked the Super Mario Brothers. The guy painted a room to look like Mario-land and put the ring in a question-mark box that would open when she bopped it with her head (it was hung from the ceiling).
Obviously, this was time consuming to do, and may have involved help from his friends. BUT, it probably wasn't that expensive and showed creativity and a sense of fun & joy (which, maybe he was trying to highlight to help the odds of a "yes").
As for the very expensive "event" proposals. Well, I think they're more about keeping up appearances and possibly trying to make it too public for her to be comfortable saying "no."
I may be biased though. I college I was harassed by this guy. A bunch of us (probably about 50) were on the light rail there going to an event and, in the middle of the car, he makes his way over to me and very loudly asked me to marry him. He did this just to try to embarrass me, so you know, I might be biased. I don't think it worked so well for him though when I said something to the effect of, "Do I know you?"
Shannon M. Howell at March 19, 2013 8:44 AM
It reminds me of some people I knew years ago, when an idiot decided that he couldn't just ask a girl a simple question, he had to do it in a way that would really brighten her life. After all, the best way to an attention whore's heart is through everyone. It caught on, and next thing I knew I was dodging roving bands of flower delivery guys and trying not to step on glitter bombs. There were suddenly lots of girls following Hershey Kiss trails to flower-filled rooms, where an a capella group sang Boyz 2 Men ballads while the guy dropped to his knee and popped the question: Will you go to prom with me?
The Jingoist at March 19, 2013 8:44 AM
If I were to propose, I'd simply announce "Hey, I've been thinking about it. And we're getting married."
She'd swoon, and I'd save $45k.
TJIC at March 19, 2013 8:47 AM
What? It's an honest expression of eternal love, not a huge production number designed to overwhelm the objections of the target, in public, in the hope she'll be too flustered and/or embarrassed to say 'no'.
Then again, maybe it's the final flourish in the romance of the Young Entitleds:
*Ima buy you now.*
'Okay'.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at March 19, 2013 8:52 AM
I think there's definitely a bit of compensation involved in the list of reasons why people pull these *stunts*. A bit of narcissism and "security", too.
I could imagine that the men that set these things up also hope that the pressure of an over the top, public proposal will prompt her to say "yes" out of some sense of debt. [Which is why it warms my heart when I see some of these women give a "no" and stomp off.]
If I was one of these women, I would give a "no" out of principle. Everything about these elaborate, public spectacle-proposals is anti-intimate. Who but a narcissist would want to turn such an intimate moment into a public spectacle?
Jack.Rayner at March 19, 2013 8:56 AM
Depends what you mean by elaborate? I helped some friends in their proposals. One was elaborate but I wouldn't say expensive, except maybe for the ring.
One time, all of us were part of a hiking group, his proposal was a surprise romantic picnic lunch on trail. My part was I and one other friend hiking the trail an hour before and taking up the extra gear he wanted, and doing some prep work, then vanishing and cleanup later.
Another time I was the 'hidden' camera man to film the proposal at a romantic resteraunt. Nothing really elaborate, just wanted it recorded.
Some of it is since the guys pretty much have little say in the wedding it being 'her day' , the proposal is more 'his day'.
My question with the trip and stuff, what do you do if she says no or I have to think about it.
Joe j at March 19, 2013 9:02 AM
I think it's super sad. If you really, reeeally cannot handle simply popping the question and must get creative.. Well get creative, BUYING a premade (or even specifically tailored for you) plan doesn't count. At all. It shows you're creatively bankrupt and simply don't care, as the proposal is simply another problem that can in fact be solved by throwing money at it.
For what it's worth I'm against the dropping on your knee/s bit as well, I find it completely ridiculous looking and utterly embarrassing for everyone involved. I'd be really ticked off at my SO if he chose to propose to me that way, it's a private moment! Personal! I do NOT need everyone turning to look our way and do not enjoy being put in the spotlight just like that.
Runia at March 19, 2013 9:03 AM
I just see it as a waste of resources. Though, I am far from your typical woman.
I don't even understand the actual proposal because I think talk of marriage should be a back and forth discussion. Hubby and I spoke about marriage and our wedding for a number of months...at some point there was a change in situation so we needed to do it sooner rather than later and we said why not this date. (And we married about 1.5 years after we started dating.)
Katrina at March 19, 2013 9:07 AM
Interesting theory: "The Elaborate Proposal As Mate Guarding Behavior"
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/the-elaborate-proposal-as-mate-guarding-behavior/
lsomber at March 19, 2013 9:10 AM
I posted a link early of a double face palm (STNG, Picard, Riker). It applies here. I think you should change your masthead photo to one of you doing a face palm. *sigh* You will never, ever run out of material to work with.
There's a lot I can do with $45K. Hell, you could fly your honey to New Zealand first class, put her up in the swankiest hotel in Christchurch, and pop the question and still have $35K left over.
I R A Darth Aggie at March 19, 2013 9:24 AM
Gog writes:
*Ima buy you now.*
It could be considered a form of a dowry.
And I had thought that marriage as practiced in the USofA was a bad deal for men. Way to go guys, way to make it an even worse of a deal for men.
I R A Darth Aggie at March 19, 2013 9:28 AM
All I want to know is the statistics on how many of the weddings take place after the elaborate proposals and how many make it over the seven year hump, which now seems to be five years. I have a feeling that don't last.
My husband actually proposed twice. The first proposal was in bed after a long day's work. He took out the box and I said yes. Then I realized that I had missed everything that he had to say and told him that I wanted to hear those words he had planned... son on an already scheduled cruise, after dinner, he said all of those words... no extra money at all.
I just remember when I was looking at rings, I had mentioned that I wanted something inexpensive, and a guy standing next to me said something to the effect of "I'm still paying off the ring while I'm paying for the divorce." Sad.
We are six years in and going strong.
NikkiG at March 19, 2013 9:45 AM
Maybe they need the public validation? I mean, every vapid spoiled twerp wants his/her own reality show now.
I don't really care if someone wants to have an eloborate proposal, it's the attention-seeking that I find obnoxious.
Anywho, the Hubs proposed to me- privately- at the restaurant where we had our first date. Then we went to a pool hall.
ahw at March 19, 2013 9:54 AM
"And she answered yes to spending the rest of her life with a near-stranger?"
Versus dating to the point that it's a mere formality of contract law? I like to imagine if I ever get married again it will because of some overwhelming romance, not because her COBRA ran out.
As far as the price and style issues:
a) You're too practically-minded to live in NYC to begin with.
b) It's like engaging in a serious lit-crit of Fifty Shades of Gray.
smurfy at March 19, 2013 9:58 AM
The chief cost for my proposal was for the ring (and that really should be a separate issue, right?) I started planning our Disney World vacation before I decided to propose, and discovered quickly that the first day we were there was Epcot's big Pixar Anniversary celebration (my wife is a huge Pixar fan--she wanted to be a Pixar animator in college. And we watched "Up" on our first date). I didn't want the cliched "proposal in front of the Castle;" I thought it would be more fun to use the Epcot Flower & Garden Festival for a backdrop.
So I didn't spend anything special beyond the vacation and the ring for our proposal...OK, I did spend a few hundred dollars for one of Disney's room decoration packages where they cover the bed with rose petals in a heart shape as a surprise when we got back, but that's it.
What makes the story more amusing is all the confusion and screw-ups that went with it.
1. Before the trip, my then-GF had a pretty good idea I would propose on the trip, but I never confirmed it, to try to keep a surprise. I did tell my mom, expecting that she could keep a secret. But the weekend before, we were with my mom for Mother's Day, and went to a Mexican restaurant. And during the meal, my mom blurts out to me, "So, did you tell the Hoop Dee Doo Revue that you're getting engaged? Maybe they'll do something special for you!" Thanks, Mom.
2. Being clever, I did a great job of hiding the ring box from my GF going through security by subtly hiding it in my shoe when she wasn't looking. Only to put it back in my pocket, and the wrong one, so it was jabbing her throughout the entire flight down.
3. But the surprise would have been screwed up anyways. In arranging the trip, I had in fact marked on all our dinner reservations that we were celebrating our engagement, but specifically told them that I wasn't proposing until I got there, so they should not put the note on our hotel reservation or say anything at check-in. Of course, as soon as we check in, they give us "Happily Ever After" buttons.
4. I wasn't sure how the festival was arranged, so I came up with plans A, B, and C for the proposal. Plan A was to propose in front of the "Up" house, which was there only for the Pixar weekend. But when we got there, the house was only a backdrop for character pictures, with a huge line of people waiting for those pictures. Not actually very romantic. Plan B was to propose in the "Disney couples" garden that was shown on the park map, but it turned out it was just a pair of topiaries lining the main walkway between France and England. Kind of awkward. So Plan C it was--proposing in front of the Beauty and the Beast topiary in France.
The actual proposal went great--I found a random stranger to take our picture, and then surprised her by getting down on one knee. And I found a really good random stranger, because he kept taking pictures the whole time!
5. Anyways, after the proposal and dinner (planned at the French restaurant in Epcot), I needed to keep her at the park until the room decoration was ready. So of course, she gets a terrible migraine and wants to leave the park. I have to drag her onto Spaceship Earth, suffering a killer headache, to delay her. She makes it through, but ends up spending a bit of the, um, magical evening throwing up in the hotel room. Every girl's dream, right?
Brian at March 19, 2013 9:58 AM
I knew about six months in that my now ex-husband was "the one". That opening statement is wonderful isn't it?
I purchased a lovely discount gown and veil at David's Bridal, which I threw in a dumpster a week after the wedding (I'm just not sentimental). I bought a right hand ring (which I later had sized to my left-he said he would never buy jewelry even though he was making six figures...waste of money he said)...band of diamonds because I'm not a solitaire girl AND then I refused to move in with him. He saw the pink garment bag hanging in my room once and asked about it. I told him it was my wedding gown. He asked, "Who are you marrying?" I said, "You, but its a classic style so if you choose misery over happiness and some other lucky guy gets me, the gown will keep". He looked at me like I had three heads but we were married six months later with 8 days notice (his of course)on Pikes Peak with 12 guests at a cost of $1000. It was a beautiful wedding! We had many happy years and four boys and we still like each other very much.
I have worked as an event specialist and the amount of money and stress spent on weddings and proposals and everything that goes along with it cheapens what truly matters and that is the union of two lives.
Julie at March 19, 2013 9:58 AM
Just promise me you'll get married in the spring because I really want an excuse to buy a seersucker suit.
smurfy at March 19, 2013 10:00 AM
If you can afford it why not? I know of exactly 0 people personally who spent that much on a proposal. My bro just proposed to my future SIL on a weekend getaway, though.
But if you have the funds, might as well have fun. ONLY if you can afford it and still have money to retire.
NicoleK at March 19, 2013 10:26 AM
@Brian: "OK, I did spend a few hundred dollars for one of Disney's room decoration packages where they cover the bed with rose petals in a heart shape as a surprise when we got back, but that's it."
At least it was a heart shape; considering the venue, I might have been a little concerned, myself!
Regarding $45,000 on a proposal: I guess if there's a market there, somebody will fill it, and maybe we shouldn't be surprised it's come to this. It's a good thing the gal said yes. If she'd said no, well, we know what they say about a fool and his money. Actually, that's true no matter what she said. It seems to me that $45K spent on a proposal could be better spent on the honeymoon, or socked into a college fund for the kids or something.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at March 19, 2013 10:35 AM
I'm looking at this and thinking the actual explanation is something like: "rich people in new york, whatchagonnado?"
Their ideas of what is normal are entirely different from yours or mine, like as not. I know there is a huge thing about who is 'good enough' for who, and how you PROVE that. Potlatch and conspicuous consumption, donchaknow.
I don't think this is a trend for normal people, except for the part where this pushes up expectations of what dreams should be.
Interestingly, THAT idea pushes on the simple ideas that people have about WHEN they are ready, set, and ready to go, to get married and maybe start having kids.
IF you have to have extra money for some elaborate dream proposal, then wedding and such, you may keep putting marriage off till you are older and have more money, IFF that ever happens.
By raising the bar continually on what marriage entails, people wait, and they live together and have kids together, instead... I wonder how much more they are likely to breakup too, instead of being stable.
Because marriage expectations simply make it too expensive.
SwissArmyD at March 19, 2013 10:45 AM
If you marry me, we won't be able to buy a house or send our children to college, 'cause I'm blowin' 45 grand on this proposal.
And don't hold out much hope for intelligent or creative children, 'cause I had to hire someone to tell me how to propose.
Conan the Grammarian at March 19, 2013 11:13 AM
This just in: News Anchor Proposed To, Live, On-Air!
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/trending-now/news-anchor-proposed-during-live-broadcast-173508507.html
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at March 19, 2013 11:15 AM
@Elle
Now, it was certainly a pricey proposal trip, but it captured all of our favorite things we share (geekdom, animals, and good food), and he spent a lot of time and effort making it about *us.*
OK, yeah. Disney + geekdom. That's my dream proposal right there. Sign me up. Gotta know -- was he in cosplay when he proposed?
sofar at March 19, 2013 11:22 AM
And how is Practical Pig supposed to propose to his girl, now that her best friend's beau gave her a $45,000 Broadway production along with the ring? Inflation, people!
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at March 19, 2013 12:01 PM
"By raising the bar continually on what marriage entails, people wait, and they live together and have kids together, instead"
I'm not 100% sure on that thesis. For upper middle classers it's their parent's money, and it's largely a ceremony FOR their parents anyway. A few years ago my parents received invitations to several of MY friend's weddings that I was not even invited to. When I was married both sets of parents had their own lists of invitees (soroptimists and whatnot). It is, or was, a polite society thing. And if your parents saved for a wedding, it probably isn't coming out of the down payment on the house they have saved as well.
I definitely agree we should hold the line on proposals though. I always thought two month's salary was ridiculous, and certainly a dis-incentive.
All this may change with the end of savings anyhow.
smurfy at March 19, 2013 12:08 PM
"All this may change with the end of savings anyhow."
Though it may take a while. so far the end of savings seems to have led to people making 40k driving 40 thousand dollar cars. I wonder how stacked this guy really is?
smurfy at March 19, 2013 12:13 PM
I agree with NicoleK. I don't care what people do with their money as long as they actually have the money. How is this more frivolous than, say, an expensive vacation? It's another form of entertainment. Not my thing, but whatever. At least other people are getting jobs out of this.
My husband and I knew we were going to get married months before he proposed. We just never formally got engaged. Then my mother was diagnosed with end-stage cancer. I really wanted to be able to tell her we were engaged, even though we knew she'd never make the wedding. I didn't say so to my husband, because I didn't want to press a proposal out of him, but he knew. Two months before she died, we woke up one morning and he proposed, still in bed. There was no setup because he did it spontaneously. We wiped the crud out of our eyes and made breakfast.
Three weeks later he bought a ring. We went out to dinner at a local Italian place. I was taking care of my mother that night, so we went back to the house and showed her. She wasn't all there, so I think she thought we got married, and she was ecstatic. It was the single bright point of a very dark time.
MonicaP at March 19, 2013 12:34 PM
$45K for a proposal? I didn't even want to pay that much to buy my house (but of course it was more).
The Live Lip-Dub Proposal from a few years back was a little over the top, but he had enough family and friends from both sides to tell him if he was doing it wrong.
Wasting this kind of money just proves that a sucker is born every minute.
Jim P. at March 19, 2013 12:39 PM
I did something elaborate when I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. I had arranged for a limo to take us to her favorite restaurant, which featured a piano player. I was going to go so far as to have the player perform a particular song and have the ring delivered to the table, when I thought, "Hey, why am I going through all this trouble?" I just decided to propose to her in the limo. She did say yes. And we didn't even get to go to the fancy restaurant because we decided to just cruise around in the limo and ate food from Burger King. Not including the cost of the ring, it probably cost about $370. We are still married after more than five years and we're about to have our first baby.
Fayd at March 19, 2013 12:42 PM
We never really did the whole formal proposal thing. It was more we went from talking about him and me to us and we knew we should get married. I would have fell over dead if my hubby made a big deal out of it. Really not his style.
Kima at March 19, 2013 1:20 PM
My wife and I had already decided, in a discussion, to get married. We got the ring made; she picked out a setting, and we bought an antique (mine cut) diamond to set in it. After all this was done, we did the "pop the question" moment in one of our favorite restaurants one night. We did it mainly for the amusement of the other patrons.
Cousin Dave at March 19, 2013 2:07 PM
And she answered yes to spending the rest of her life with a near-stranger? Genius
Maybe not a genius, but smart. After a couple of years she'll get quite the divorce settlement to spend on her trainer botfreind
lujlp at March 19, 2013 2:20 PM
As JimP said, $45k is more than hubby and I are spending on our first house.
If you have the money to blow on the extravagant proposal, the outrageous wedding, it doesn't bother me so much. It's just not something I would have ever wanted. There are better ways to spend that kind of money,IMHO.
My husband and I had dated for almost two years before he proposed, and we had been discussing marriage beforehand, so the engagement wasn't a surprise, although the actual proposal was.
We went for a walk at a local park, and went out on a dirt path, where I had commented about how pretty the arbor was. He did get down on one knee, and I laughed at him, because I thought it was cheesy, but it was also very sweet.
Jazzhands at March 19, 2013 3:17 PM
Oh, Elle! I love your geeked out Disney proposal. Very "me".
And I agree with the commenter who said, "Rich people, whatcha gonna do?" I don't think this is nearly as much of a trend as the reporter wants it to be.
My husband did a great proposal. No idea how much it cost. But he had a friend of ours draw me a picture of my favorite super-hero (Rogue) and her love interest (Gambit) proposing to her. Then he tried to hide it and took me to the park for a picnic. The stars were against him - it was a very windy day and our picnic practically blew away. So he had to give me the picture all in a rush (and we had to put it right back in the car to keep it from blowing away!) and then we gave up, laughing, and went back to his place and had our picnic on the floor of the living room.
I couldn't have wished for a more appropriate proposal.
cornedemon at March 19, 2013 6:08 PM
My husband and I started dating in October, just weeks after meeting during our junior year of college. We were in the same major and had all of our classes together.
We were walking to class together in January, and he said, "What do you think of waiting for a year after we graduate?" and I said, "Waiting a year for what?" and he said, "To get married," and I thought, we're getting married? But we both knew it would and should happen. So I said, "Sounds good."
He proposed that summer with a card containing a very short, simple poem that he wrote. He's a terrible writer, so it meant a lot to me. And since I saved the card, I can relive the proposal any time I want.
Our wedding cost $3000 and was paid for with money he saved from his year in Iraq.
Sosij at March 19, 2013 8:38 PM
"Gotta know -- was he in cosplay when he proposed?"
No, just a regular suit. We were actually about five minutes from walking out the door to dinner where I would have been greeted with a "Congratulations on Your Engagement" customized menu.
But if it makes you feel any better the first thing I said was "You sneaky son of a bitch!" (I did officially say yes later).
" a picture of my favorite super-hero (Rogue) and her love interest (Gambit) proposing to her"
It's Squirrel Girl and Hellboy for us. But pairings don't much more classic than Rogue and Gambit.
Elle at March 19, 2013 9:05 PM
How do we know this is even really a trend? Is there even any way to tell if proposal are getting more elaborate or expensive? TheKnot tries to track wedding expenses, but as far as I can tell no one actually tracks elaborateness/expense of proposals. A proposal planner might be able to tell you that she herself is busier, but that only means that her business is a success. Survivorship bias would imply that all new proposal planners would have increased business, since the other ones would fail and not be available for interviews.
From the amount of actual facts available it is quite possible that proposals have on average been getting less elaborate during the recession. There's really no practical way to know one way or the other.
Michael at March 19, 2013 9:41 PM
So,she married him after knowing him "several months". And that's "genius". Well, I married my wife seven months after we met. Our wedding was on Aug 16, 2000. We're still happily together. Certainly not for everyone, but not impossible or necessisarily foolish, either.
Phil at March 19, 2013 10:43 PM
Sorry, I didn't address the topic of the post. We were lying in the Murphy bed in my studio apartment in Chicago and she sid, "so should we get married?" I said, "sure, why not?" Best snap decision I ever made. Didn't cost 45 grand, either.
Phil at March 19, 2013 11:06 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/03/19/marriage-minded.html#comment-3648104">comment from PhilSeven months is better than two but don't sprain anything congratulating yourselves for wisdom; you just got lucky that you ended up being compatible.
Amy Alkon at March 19, 2013 11:29 PM
We were very no frills about getting engaged. We talked about it, he had me pick out my ring, then bought it. He wanted to do a whole proposal that I could have cared less about. We went out to a nice restaurant where he proposed over dinner and we celebrated with a glass of champagne. We were together 7 years at that point. I think people place way too much emphasis on things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
BunnyGirl at March 20, 2013 12:00 AM
Also I just HAVE to comment about one of the posts above, sorry I can't resist!
"The cutest of these I've seen (although I would never, personally, want this) was a couple that both REALLY liked the Super Mario Brothers. The guy painted a room to look like Mario-land and put the ring in a question-mark box that would open when she bopped it with her head (it was hung from the ceiling)"
Either this is an urban legend, or the guy was not a fan of Mario at all. Anyone who's played the games (yes even the oldschool ones) can tell you that Mario bopping the box with his head is a complete misconception, and he actually hits it with his fist. Someone who calls themselves a fan definitely would not have made a mistake like that. Sorry! :P
Runia at March 20, 2013 2:04 AM
"My boyfriend can just drop to one knee over a dinner at Waffle House with a spider ring and I'd still say yes."
The local Waffle Houses actually had Valentine's Day dinner reservations. They turn out the flourescents in favor of candlelight.
I wasn't there, but I understand more than one participant appeared in formal camouflage...
Radwaste at March 20, 2013 3:05 AM
I got engaged last September. My bf and I were approaching our 6 year anniversary together and he told me he had a plan for us for celebrating our anniversary. I came home from school, he swept me in the car and took me to Gloucester, MA to a very cute B&B. We were sitting on the porch attached to our room and talking about our future. He asked me if I wanted to spend my life with him and as he was pulling out the ring from his pocket, he dropped it somewhere on the couch. I stood up, he looked under the couch and presented it to me so he was kneeling. I think it was an accident! Anyway, I said yes, of course and cried ugly tears all over his shirt. It was great, sweet, perfect and I love it. I don't know how much it cost but he likes planning these types of events, and is actually interested in planning the wedding with me!
katie at March 20, 2013 4:36 AM
This isn't a "trend." This is an advertising campaign to guilt the gullible into buying something else that they don't need.
I think my proposal went something along the lines of "Are you going to marry me?" Not sure - I'm not a native speaker and it was a long time ago. To Amy's point, sometimes you get lucky, and sometimes you get way more lucky than you know, or deserve.
MarkD at March 20, 2013 6:54 AM
lots of comments about how much he paid, but he owns a big advertising company and according to his linkedin has had a lot of financial success at a young age (millions)...
$45k to him is probably about as much of an impact as a $2k ring for someone who works a normal $40k/year 9-5, so what's the difference, really? it's all relative
andy hale at March 20, 2013 9:22 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/03/19/marriage-minded.html#comment-3648548">comment from andy haleHis money is his to spend, of course, but marrying somebody you've known for two months is a moron move, unless divorce is no big deal to you.
Amy Alkon at March 20, 2013 9:31 AM
His money is his to spend, of course, but marrying somebody you've known for two months is a moron move, unless divorce is no big deal to you.
At first I wondered if they are from a culture in which family and friends set up potential mates. It wouldn't be unusual, for example, for an Indian-American man to propose after two months. That didn't seem like the case here, so I creeped both of their various social networking sites and found that they're both well-educated, self-employed A-types. So now I think they met through a professional matchmaker.
The Jingoist at March 20, 2013 10:36 AM
We were in bed, talking about the trip we were going to take to Vegas that was my bday present from him, and I said if we're going to Vegas we might as well get married. So we did. 10 years and 4 kids (and now 2 cats and a dog and 2 rabbits and a lizard) later, I think we did alright. Maybe $3k for absolutely everything?
We married in Oct, started dating in may/june. Time isn't the only predictor of success. A good friend of mine is married 11 years, 5 kids, to a man 25 years older than her that she dated 2 months first. They're happy, and did everything "wrong" for a marriage.
momof4 at March 20, 2013 4:11 PM
I can't remember where I read it, but I saw a comment that New York women these days are VERY demanding about their men having plenty of money.
And.. men still get accused of being "superficial"...
jefe at March 20, 2013 9:52 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/03/19/marriage-minded.html#comment-3649034">comment from jefeMen and women are "superficial" in different ways, because they are biologically and psychologically different. How interested are you in dating a fat, unattractive woman with a beautiful personality?
Amy Alkon at March 20, 2013 10:28 PM
Ha Amy! Spot on. Jefe, your anti-women bias gets boring after a while. Who screwed you up this badly?
On topic - my favourite stripper went to the US with her long term (10 years) boyfriend recently, and they surprised everyone with a commitment ceremony in Vegas. KISS themed, of course. I got to watch it live over the internet. Now there's a proposal!
Ltw at March 21, 2013 12:54 AM
We got engaged after 3 months (during which we spent 2 weeks in the same state, but exchanged hundreds of pages of letters), were engaged for 3.5 years (during which we spent about 8 months in the same state and slightly more than a year in the same country), and we've now been married for five kids and nearly 24 years. It takes all kinds, but our way wouldn't fly with everyone. Nor did we have a big, extravagant proposal or wedding or lifestyle. (Not our style.)
I did love the big Jumbotron/halftime public humiliation football game proposal I saw on YouTube once where she said "no." I thought that was great. Too bad, Charlie. Like the lawyers say, never ask a question if you're not 100% sure of the answer.
Grey Ghost at March 21, 2013 9:06 AM
Back in the days before the Internet, when weekly entertainment papers carried personal ads, I answered one.
Six weeks later, on a trip to the beach in the fall, I proposed to him over dinner. We picked up a ring from a tray on the counter at the local variety store.
That was 20 years ago. We're still married.
The ring was $14, and I think I spent a couple of bucks on a legal pad to start making notes on.
Beth at March 22, 2013 5:51 PM
Leave a comment