How about sitting down to a nice meal with friends and many people at the table breaking out their smart phones? Not just to see what they missed by driving but totally not engaging with the people at the table. It annoys me quite a bit.

I'm peeved by people who comment on what other people chose to put in their mouths. Not just "Do you know how many calories are in that?" type of comment, which is bad enough. I have one coworker who constantly asks what people are eating or drinking, then makes a face and a retching noise like a stereotypical five-year-old faced with Brussels Sprouts. It's not like people ate eating sauteed tripe at the office, she did this to me once when the answer was, "Coffee."

So... my own personal pet peeve is this notion that got started that one "must bring something" to every event at somebody's house. According to Miss Manners, who I think might be considered at least a decent idea of a person to ask, this is nice but not required.

Apparently, nobody but me has ever read Miss Manners. Now, if I'm going to something big and involved (Seder, Thanksgiving, huge BBQ) I'll ask if I can bring anything. These are events that it's pretty hard to reciprocate (and dinner at somebody's house is supposed to be "thanked" by a similar invitation, not a bottle of wine, especially as some people don't drink). But, the operative word is "ask."

I've had situations where it's gotten to a "thing" to bring gifts to playdates for small children. It's one thing to bring a little toy to share - maybe some crayons or play-doh - if they get restless and there are adults trying to socialize, but beyond that it's excessive.

All these folks who feel they need to "buy" a place at a meal I serve undercut my attempts to serve a nice meal (because now I'm trying to figure out what to do with 3 random bottles of wine and a desert that does not go with the main dish).

And then there's the fact that they expect me to bring wine or something to their houses (I don't drink - at all - so I'm useless at picking out wine. Desrts are worse because somebody will be allergic to nuts & everyone else will be dieting). I tried flowers until somebody was allergic to those!

So, "ACK! Not everything is a pot luck!" is a good summary.

As for restaurants, I really dislike it when I take my kids to a very family-focused place (e.g. Friendly's) and there's somebody there using all sorts of words I don't like my little parrots repeating. I don't take them to fancy restaurants or sports bars, so it bugs me that I have to be careful taking them to anyplace on par with a McPlayPlace. This is also a problem at places like mini golf courses, carousels, parks, and playgrounds, by the way. It's not that I think their precious ears can't handle it or that I want to shelter them, but there are ages at which they don't understand "appropriate" and will just repeat stuff (including racial slurs, etc). It would be really nice if I could relax at the tot lot.

One more thing. Bench seating. I cannot tell you how many places have bench seating where the bench backs only go to about my shoulders. Not a problem until some unobservant ass slams down on the bench on the back of my seat and clocks me in the head... or shoves the whole bench toward my table (if it's not bolted to the floor). Similar issues include people dropping jackets over them - once somebody plopped one right onto my son's head and was incensed that we asked him to move it (my son, for his part, was about two and kinda freaked out that something suddenly enveloped him from above - again, at a family-oriented place).

The last one is punctuality. Now, I have kids and stuff happens... you are about to get into the car and somebody yells, "I have to go potty." OF course, it's winter & it takes time to undo boots, jackets, etc. and get them back on. So, I'm understanding, but perpetual lateness drives me nuts - especially to events FOR kids. If we arrange a playdate at 10, and you aren't there by 10:30, my kid is going to be wondering what's up - and we'll be getting toward snack/nap times. This happens so often I've started adjusting for it, but it's very disappointing for the kids to spend an entire playdate eating lunch! Once in awhile I understand, even perpetually 5-10 minutes off I get, but so many people are perpetually 20-80 minutes late that it's hard to plan anything without blocking out a whole day!

Then there's the "wanderers" at restaurants. Even at family places, I expect kids to spend most of their time in their seat. If mine have issues, they have to go outside and walk. I can't tell you the amount of times random other kids have been walking around, come up and try to talk to us while we're eating or having a family discussion, or just created mayhem.

And people wonder why I tend toward being a hermit & ordering delivery!

I have another beef similar to The Jingoist. If I leave something on my plate because I do not care for it, am full or whatever, don't try to berate or shame me into eating it. Same thing with ordering. If I ask for no tomato and no mustard on my burger, I don't need to be told I am "too fussy" by my companions. I am a grown ass woman. I can eat or not eat as I see fit.

As someone who has started to do some bartending at a relative's tavern, these two groups can FOAD:

1. Wine whiners. See that display behind me? Well those are the wines we serve, about 30 different varieties. There are tens of thousands of different wines out there. Sorry we don't carry the exact one you want. We are a tavern, and like every other tavern on earth we don't have a wine cellar. And I doubt we'll order "your wine" because you would come in, drink one glass, and we'd end up throwing the rest away as you only come in 3 or 4 times a year.

2. Beer bores. We have 20 taps. Six are four national brands (Bud, Miller, Coors, etc.) Fourteen are for micro-brews. And you want to sample one micro after another. I spend ten minutes, ignoring all the other customers in the house, as you try and find the least irritating micro for your refined palette. And then you nurse one $4.00 pounder for three hours.

This is just me because I'm a noise-avoidant extreme introvert, but I detest loud, lively conversation in places normally reserved for peace and quiet, such as the jacuzzi at the gym, nature trail, park bench, etc.

Some might feel that people can certainly talk in these places as they see fit, but I think certain places, by their very nature, are quiet.

Which reminds me, but my college librarian has no concept of "indoor voices," which to me, is mind boggling. What librarian doesn't know how to be quiet.

SNEEZING and COUGHING while not covering their mouth. Especially, adults. Peeves me out!

Pressed for time and will hopefully return to provide less redundant and more useful insights.

That having been said, I find it incredibly depressing that the following problem, the single most enraging phenomenon on my personal list, is prevalent enough for mention:

People who were not sufficiently supervised and addressed by their mothers during toddlerhood to learn to eat with their f*cking mouths closed.

Nothing is quite so caustic to my nerves as someone smashing their food about with a full view of its predigestion and an auditory assault of gurgling and smacking.

It makes me want to forcibly cause them to consume their delicacies with the other end.

Carry on.

Kids in bars. BARS. Colorado has some ridiculous law about bars having a certain amount of sales in food so they can allow kids inside. This means I either have to go to a dive bar or put up with asshat parents and their screaming, running kids in my BAR. Luckily, I have one place I can go where they don't tolerate bad parenting (or drunken idiots, either). The one thing that makes me absolutely, positively MENTAL, is when people belly their kids up to the bar. I'm sitting there to be AWAY from your bratty kids. And yes, they're bratty, or I wouldn't know they were even there. Like Shannon, I hate the feral children that are allowed to run all over the place. I don't blame the kids, I blame bad parenting.

I have a corollary on that with dogs. I love dogs, but, like kids, they don't belong everywhere. Just because someone has a yard, or even a dog, doesn't mean they want yours there. And if you're going to bring your dog to an eatery with a patio (most here are dog friendly), control it. Although I will say most dogs I've met are better behaved than most kids I've met.

And yes, the sneezing/coughing thing. COVER UP! Gross.

Also, if you MUST answer your cell phone at a restaurant, TAKE IT OUTSIDE, especially if the establishment is noisy. I don't want to have to hear you trying to have a conversation where you're screaming to be heard because the bass is loud.

I get really pissed off when I'm at a party and in the middle of a conversation with someone, another person butts in and stands between us, with their back to me and just starts talking to the person I'm talking too. So rude!

oops to (not too)

Haven't read any of this yet, but I might argue there's no social setting that's inappropriate for a well-disciplined child.

> Then there's the "wanderers" at restaurants.

Walkers on airplanes.

> I have another beef similar to The Jingoist. If I
> leave something on my plate because I do not
> care for it, am full or whatever, don't try to berate
> or shame me into eating it.

The mode of human life, historically, is starvation.

The mockery of other people's food, whether for distinctions of heritage or trivial variations in taste, is extremely aggressive.

Every human being deserves to be grateful for food.

"People who were not sufficiently supervised and addressed by their mothers during toddlerhood to learn to eat with their f*cking mouths closed."

ValiantBlue you are my hero! The only thing I can add to that is gum chewing/popping/snapping.

Amy, I hope you touch on co-workers and the need for them to keep their religious views to themselves. Hearing "Have a Blessed Day" after 7 spammy Christian chain emails will some day cause me to assault and batter some idiot. I work with several professional Christians and one professional Wiccan, and I am so so tired and bored with their constant religious references.
They whisper about my mysterious religious beliefs, because I refuse to forward the Praise Jesus emails and fend off the many curious and annoying religion probes. Just stop already.

Six [taps] are four national brands...Fourteen are for micro-brews. And you want to sample one micro after another.

Suggestion: have a sampler combinations, served up in small rocks glasses, maybe 4 oz per and figure out how many samples per combo/amount of beer for a set price.

This solves several problems: you're getting paid, I'm getting to try out your micros, then I can figure out which is best and get a pint of it.

And then you nurse one $4.00 pounder for three hours.

Wait, hold on. Who the hell are you tell me how quickly I need to drink my beer? and will you be bitching at me behind my back when I lay down a 50% tip? you're really going to be fun bartender, especially after someone who's been pounding them down yacks in one of your bathrooms and you get the task of cleaning up the mess.

There, Amy, one of my beefs: uppity bartenders.

My peeve is sort of along the lines of Ruby's.

I'm not a big conversationalist in a crowd. So if I have to go out to dinner with a crowd I try to be on an end and out of the way.

But then you have people insist I sit somewhere in the middle and then want to talk to the person beyond me. Why didn't you just sit next to them in the first fucking place?

As for children in a bar -- just say no. I was a child that was taken to bars for a few years. At the time they had shuttle boards and stuff like that so I wasn't totally bored, but damn close.

I don't go to family restaurants and curse. Don't come to a bar and let your spawn disturb me.

And don't drop in on me. Call first on that omnipresent cellphone. Or I won't open the door. Really.
One of my "friends" got so outraged after being told he needed to call first that he never came over again. I thought everyone learned this by the 4th grade. Even though I live 20 minutes from the nearest town, people still drop in without warning. I'm never home when they do.

My fiance suggested his major psychotic hatred for the horrible rudeness of blowing one's nose or otherwise slinging bodily fluids in the presence of another's consumption of food. Ack. There's so many things wrong with this, and people who do this insted of excusing themselves to do it in private (such as in a restroom) are also evident of their parents' negligence in correcting them.

Also very sadly, I've encountered the problem of the hygiene-deficient in the general vicinity of my dining. I've had to abandon my meal in favor of my digestive well-being and in the pursuit of olfactory relief. If your mommy didn't teach you how to wash your pits, ask your neighbor. Not only will he teach you, he will be grateful for the opportunity to go unassaulted by your stank.

...and JFP, I totally agree with you. Gum-poppers are a bane upon humanity. There is one that hangs out in the study space at my college that does this rhythmically and without cessation. Tiny little pops chipping away at my frayed nerve matter for hours on end. It makes me want to pull his tongue out through one of his sensory-selective ears.

Re: Bartending

Peeve #1: the intimidator: so many varieties of this particular creature - taking his sweet time pulling out his wallet, treating the employee like personal servants, acting like an alpha male wannabe, etc. Chill, dude!

Peeve #2: the clueless: every bar has its own atmosphere. Some tolerate binge drinking, others do not. Some tolerate loud and obnoxious behavior, other bars prefer a more subdued crowd. Please, if the bar doesn't fit your style, move on to one that you're comfortable in. Don't be a square peg in a round hole.

Peeve #3: the diva: high maintenance and constant attention. I'm working hard to serve everybody with an equal level of good service. And never, ever tap your glass on the bar to get my attention!

Peeve #4: the sneak: "hey, man, I gave you a $5 tip, how 'bout slipping me a free shot?"
Me: "Sure! Are you going to pay my rent when the boss fires my ass for stealing from her?"

So many more peeves, too little time.

JD

JD, on peeve #4 - I'm always bemused by people who go into hysterics about being carded for purchases they *knew* they'd need to bring their ID for.

"You people KNOW me! I wanna see the manager!"

Yeah, buddy - the manager's going to tell you he doesn't want to lose his job and go to jail for YOUR mistake either.

You'd think they'd try to take it as compliment to their appearance.

As an aside to this:

A trainee argued by brother-in-law about his ID for a purchase, flat-out refusing him service because she believed it was a fake ID. He actually had to tell her that this was a situation in which it is appropriate to call her manager. (Naturally, the manager established that the ID was indeed valid and the purchase was successfully completed.)

As someone who's worked in customer service, it's beyond me that this could escape a person with a reasonable desire to retain their employment.

LOUD MUSIC in the dinning area of bistros or clubs. maybe just maybe I'd like to have a nice conversation with my date without having to scream over the "music."

Uninvited pets

Our cats don't want your dog in their house (they barely tolerate us living in it - at least we work for our room and board).

Poorly behaved children

We had one couple and their children over and before we'd finished greeting the couple, the children had every cabinet in the living room open and the girl was chasing the cat trying to get it to eat cat food from her hand.

Crid's mostly right about the well-behaved ones. However, there are certain events that aren't appropriate even for well-behaved children - depending upon the age. I did once attend a party at which the only intelligent conversation my friend and I had was with the host's 14-year-old son.

Cheap wine

I'm not demanding nectar of the gods, but Two Buck Chuck?! Better you had brought nothing.

Plenty of good mid-priced wines that would make an excellent daily glass for me after the party or be a good bottle to open when the last bottle I bought is finished.

Exploding luggage

It's my guest room, not a Motel 6. While I understand your desire to keep your dirties from your cleans, try keeping them separate in the closet or in your luggage, not on the floor of the bedroom.

Jagermeiser

It's a dinner party, not a kegger. Leave the shots fuel at home.

Your mistress

We had one guy who showed up to a cookout with his mistress. We were expecting his wife. He then kept loudly informing her that we had a double bed in the guest room and asking if she wanted to check it out.

Buddy, if you're too cheap to spring for a hotel, you're too cheap to have a mistress.

The IDers. Blame goes on managers, staff and legislation.

I am 40+. I am so sick of being carded that I have put several convenience stores (namely UDF, 7-Eleven, and Speedway) on my total shit list. I walk into, or purchase anything from them when I am in the middle of New Mexico and the next nearest store is 100 miles away.

If I walk into a nice restaurant alone or with other guests in my range and our order for a cocktail is reciprocated by a request for ID, I am going to walk out. Plain and simple. I can't stand stupidity.

SIL/BIL will bring their four sugar fueled children over to my MIL/FIL house without notice everytime my husband and I come to visit (four hours away) for a relaxing weekend and just dump them there and take off without telling anyone they are leaving or just go and run errands (or start doing their own thing at the house not supervising their own kids) or whatever so it's like forced babysitting.

They usually do this around dinnertime and never think to help out with the meals or anything so a quick adult dinner followed by some nice after dinner conversation and a little relaxation turns into hours of "who has time to run to the store for string cheese and why is my dog locked in the bathroom with pink lipstick on her forehead"? Love the kids. Not joking. The parents however have massive manners issues. They don't do dishes either (or pick up kids toys etc) - just
pick up and leave.

Oh and here is a good one. They were invited to our wedding and the kids screamed the entire time though the ceremony (I didn't hear it because I was all kinda focus on not tripping in heels). Not once did my SIL take the kids outside to calm them down. But our wedding video memorialized it. And then at the really nice dinner afterwards they ordered a birthday cake for their son who's birthday was the next day!!!!! Song, candles, the entire deal. It was after the dessert we provided but it was just so "them" we really had to laugh. I mean what are you going to do, stop the festivities in front of a five year old with a kazoo. I was just really frustrated because the day after our wedding we had already planned on attending his birthday party.

I meant to ask my dad if they charged it to the bill or not but I know my dad (being a grandpa pushover) wouldn't make a big fuss over it.

Lots of good examples already given.

The sampler for beer works great...a place I used to frequent does that.

The problem I have seen lately is no follow through. When I started my job I met a guy and we seemed like we would be friends. He suggested we do lunch some time. Whenever I suggest it, he can't then or it is too far out so can't commit. He never emails me but if we happen to see each other in the hall way he will suggest again...at one point I finally said something about it seemed like he was too busy. He agreed that he had a lot of lunch meetings and stuff. Maybe we should grab a beer after work. I tried once....nope, wife needs him home. I have found this type of thing to be common -- I have since learned it is usually a blow off.

Tonight an acquaintance failed to show for her own going away party. About half the people I would expect to be there did show up.

Having lunch discussions at big tables...this seems to be a problem for my department head but I see it other places too. Everyone is seated at this long table and conversation is just chaos...Fred needs to talk to Sam who is 4 seats away so there is shouting or people start having to shift around. Tables of 4 or 6 max.

Bartenders who push you to drink more and/or faster.

People who wear perfume or cologne when you are going to be in close quarters. Some of us have allergies.

pet peeve: paying for other's!

It has been mentioned on another post before; but, I do NOT drink and when out with a group I do not wish to "share the bill."

I'll gladly pay for my meal and put down a good tip; but, I do not wish to subsidize other's drinks. And they get all huffy when I opt out of paying for more than "my share."

Actually, this is more than just a "pet peeve" with me.

The last time I did share the bill I ended up paying $50 for a $18 pasta dish (plus water). I gladly put down $30; but I saw that everyone else was "stiffing" the waitress so I put down another $20. Talk about cheap people! And so, there are a lot of people that I no longer wish to eat out with.

THIS! --> "I might argue there's no social setting that's inappropriate for a well-disciplined child."

But for the most part, this parents/non-parents thing... a pox on both their houses.

Parents of kids who are incapable of behaving appropriately (or who themselves are so wedded to rigid schedules and feeding rituals for their fragile little angels) should decline invitations.

But the non-parents who have zero frame of reference and zero tolerance - they're just as bad.

To that end, one of my pet peeves (someone already listed it) is completely inappropriate behavior and language in otherwise family-friendly venues. Chili's is not a frat house. Neither is a professional sporting event. (And yet many franchises now have "family-friendly" sections. This is how far we've fallen as a society?)

So, yeah, crude language or behavior around kids is fantastically rude.

Talking religion or politics to someone else's kids is almost worse, but that's another topic for another time.

More:

Pets. I am wildly allergic to dogs. When I go to a house that has a dog, I sometimes have to step outside simply to stop sneezing and to keep my eyes from running. So here's some advice for dog owners.

1. Don't apologize for your dog. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It just sucks. I'd just as soon not make a big deal out of it.

2. Let me reiterate. This sucks. But people without allergies seem to think "I'm allergic to dogs" is some sort of imagined thing. No, really, I'm allergic to dogs. I will spend the entire evening crying and sneezing.

3. To that end, if possible, could your dog spend the evening in another room? (It's not always possible, I understand.)

4. One final point, and this is not an "if possible" thing, it's a "don't be a rude, horrible human being" thing: Do not let your dog jump on me, crawl on me while I'm sitting on the couch or slobber on me. Just pushing the dog away (which isn't easy to do politely) means I'm off to the bathroom to scrub my hands. And yet I'm always confronted with pet owners who think it's no big deal (and some who think it's downright hilarious) when their dog keeps setting up camp on my lap: "Looks like Fido has a new best friend, ha ha ha!" / "It's almost like he knows who doesn't like him, ha ha ha!" / "Oh, Fido's just friendly. There's nothing really we can do about it."

I am low maintenance. (See points #1 and #3.) But the people who fall under point #2 and behave as described by point #4 lack any sort of empathy.

*****Haven't read any of this yet, but I might argue there's no social setting that's inappropriate for a well-disciplined child.*****

Oh, so the strip club is okay, then? :D

I'd agree with you about 90% of the time, but a bar where adults feel free to drop f-bombs and conversate about adult topics? No.

I don't go into Applebee's, Chilis, or other chain restaurants and swear loudly, even if I'm sitting at the bar, because simply by virtue of the nature of the restaurant, it's littered with kids.

However, my local bar is an adult venue, with a very nice, large dining room on the OTHER side, safe from topics little pitchers with big ears should not hear.Don't bring your kid to the bar side and a) let them act like asshats or b) bitch because you heard someone say fuck.

Daghain:

I'm in full agreement. True "bar" bars are no place for kids. I don't think I'd bring kids into the bar portion of a Chili's.

Nice restaurants, concerts, more formal parties, formal religious services, funerals and wakes, etc. should not be a problem for children, though.

You would be amazed, however, at how often you'll find younger singles who are completely obvlivious to children (and basic societal decency) swearing loudly in public places.

When I was in my twenties, I never noticed it. Now, however, I notice it all the time. (Which kind of makes me wonder how much I was contributing to the problem when I was in my twenties...)

I dunno about 'true bars bars'... This is my neighborhood dive, except it's not all that divey... Well, maybe late on Saturday nights, when the twennysomethings are horny and prowling. Yeah, I'd be disappointed to see a kid in there, but I'm not often enchanted by the adults who show up.

Church, bars, lesser business encounters... If a kid understands that he's going to all these settings to watch and learn, and to (convincingly) pretend to be attentive when he's bored, and that he's not to run around and knock things over, 17 minutes in a bar won't scar him too deeply.

Once.

Five years later, this remains the most poignant opening to a comment this blog has ever seen:

When I was 10 I told my grandparents that I would no longer go to the horse tracks with them. I had been to every one in California, except those most north, and....

Having children present changes the nature of the event. Responsible adults watch their language and alcohol intake when children are around. Conversations tend to center around child-friendly topics, and the child himself. There are times when I want adult-centered conversation where I don't have to worry about what someone's kid is overhearing.

Pet peeves:

People who eat while they are talking on the phone. Listening to the sounds of digestion over the phone is revolting.

Overly Sensitive Slowflakes who respond to things like "Merry Christmas" and "Have a nice day" with "I'm not Christian" or "What's so nice about it?" Sorry, asshat. I hope you have a miserable day and you never get over it.

People who insist on prolonged conversation in public forums where I can't escape, like the train. If I wanted to hear endless ranting about Obama's plan to steal your guns, I'd be online.

People who try to make me feel bad about how good I have it, like their hard lives make them stronger and more worthy. I am good with money and didn't have kids with douchebags. It makes life easier. No apologies.

If a kid understands that he's going to all these settings to watch and learn, and to (convincingly) pretend to be attentive when he's bored, and that he's not to run around and knock things over, 17 minutes in a bar won't scar him too deeply.

I learned young that you can learn amazing things by pretending you're not paying attention.

> There are times when I want adult-centered
> conversation where I don't have to worry
> about what someone's kid is overhearing.

Right. I want kids to have that experience, to realize & feel that it's not all about them, and that adults are being as theatrically patient with the children as the children feel they're being by sitting still.

Yonder:

Naïfs and waifs hate elegance and all the sinful pleasures of adulthood — complexity, sex, conversation and tailoring. Real children long to grow up, and for good reason — so they can drink, smoke, gossip, avoid jury duty and deplete the ozone layer. Childhood is not a utopia but a holding pen; the good stuff comes later, when you're ready, when you've earned it. Children look abysmal in evening clothes and are problematic in theaters, restaurants and concert halls; as a rule, children are useless after 4:00 p.m.

In a column a few years ago, Paglia did the same thing in reverse with some teenage boys who were horsing around with pizza slices in a mall: She figured out how much their clowning meant to them, as they knew they'd soon be settled and saddled with wives & kids & mortages. But she was a middle-aged woman, and they didn't know she was there.

Right. I want kids to have that experience, to realize & feel that it's not all about them, and that adults are being as theatrically patient with the children as the children feel they're being by sitting still. -- Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at March 30, 2013 4:09 PM

Thank you for pointing out how socially inept you are. You are talking past the point, again.

There is the X number of families holding a backyard BBQ where the kids go off and play with a light eye by the parents as they converse.

Then there is the BBQ where a bunch of adults go off to a semi-remote location where there is a bunch of beer and other alcohol, most of censorship drops and the "war" stories come out.

I consider most of the chain restaurants such as Applebee's, O'Charleys in the first class. Your neighborhood bars and private clubs like the Legion are more in the second class. Neither is wrong, but the latter clientele doesn't really appreciate the children.

When dealing with vegan/meat eater conflicts, PLEASE deal with both sides.

Things I hate as a vegetarian:

* When people ask me why I'm a veg. I really don't want to get into it, it is deeply personal.
* When people give me lectures about why I shouldn't be a veg, totally unsolicited, when all that happened was I asked the waiter/host/whomever if something was suitable for vegetarians
* When people hear I'm veg, and make a huge show as a result about how great whatever meat they're eating is
* When people hear I'm veg and start asking stupid questions like, "But what about the poor carrots?" and "If you were stranded on a desert island with only a steak, would you eat it?"
* When people hear I'm a veg and get defensive and then immediately switch to offensive, like they're daring me to say I think they're doing something immoral
etc.

AMEN TO THAT, CHARLES!!!!!

This is written in caps to express the sentiment that I am shouting out loud in jubiliation that someone shares this peeves.

The folks who insist on splitting evenly are usually the ones who ordered appetizers, filet mignon, fancy wine and dessert. Fuck those cheapskates who expect me to buy for them.

I am 40+. I am so sick of being carded that I have put several convenience stores (namely UDF, 7-Eleven, and Speedway) on my total shit list.

In college I worked for a grocery store as a cashier. We were informed on day one that the penalty for selling to a minor was 1 year in jail and $1,000 fine - and that the store and its management would not stand behind us if we were caught, even if it was an accident.

I carded everybody (partly to tweak the store's management and partly because spending a year in jail and losing $1,000 was not on my to do list).

As a result, I'm sympathetic to the folks that card me.

Not sure if this is just me, but I always thought it was good manners to introduce your friends to each other if it's their first time meeting. It surprises me how many people don't do this. Say I'm meeting a friend or two at a bar or for a movie, and they have another friend there who I've never met. No introductions are made unless I introduce myself or they introduce themselves. Is that weird?

As a result, I'm sympathetic to the folks that card me. -- Conan the Grammarian at March 31, 2013 10:36 AM

I can deal with it on day one. Day two, maybe. On day 3 at about the same time, the only guy wearing a black cowboy hat within 50 miles comes in and is buying the same order of beer and you card me. I'm nearly face blind and can still recognize the clerk from the day before. So that means you are brain damaged. Or your bosses are brain damaged. Or your whole store and chain is brain damaged. Pick your choice. I chose my job because I don't want to be near the brain damaged or stupid.

On the well-mannered child. Even generally well-behaved kids can totally flake out on occasion. They might be coming down with something (you'll know w/in 36 hours of the meltdown), or even just growing (it makes them cranky - I know when to measure my kids based on their behavior - the last month was rough, both in 3 weeks one grew 3/8 of an inch and the other a full half inch).

I don't mind public nose-blowing unless its somebody who was blessed with a foghorn for a nose. If I can't hear it over a phone ringing, it is fine by me (I've got allergies, so sniffles are part of life, and I'm understanding on that).

I concur with the comment about people commenting on what one orders or chooses to eat/not. Sometimes something looks great but is much spicier than I expect, or I get full, or I see that chocolate cake in the kitchen and want to save room because it looks so good. Other times, the leftover bites is something my kid tried and didn't like (and I don't want to eat what went partially into his/her mouth).

I have to say when Atkins was all the rage it made my life much easier. I cannot stand buns on burgers or dogs, but everyone just assumed I was on Atkins and stopped making a thing out of it. On that note, my dad once had a client over for dinner and grilled up burgers & dogs. I remember the look of relief on his face when one of my parents mentioned that I don't eat buns - turns out he didn't like 'em either! I was probably about 10-12 at the time.

> You are talking past the point, again.

You are using commas, arrhythmically.

I think one reason teenagers have become such assholes over the last generation or three is that we've decided that teenagerdom is a distinct and impenetrable time of life when they're best shuffled out of sight to deal with things on their own, rather than kept within view of adults to continue their socialization.

Two things, from opposite sides of the table:

* Customers who use a gift card to pay for a significant portion of their tab, and then base their tip on the remainder rather than the total bill.

* Wait staff who, when a customer pays cash, just assume that the change is their tip. This is especially annoying when the change is out of proportion to the customary tip; I had a nasty exchange once with a waitress in a chain restaurant who assumed that she wsa free to keep the change after I paid a $7 tab with a twenty. But even if it isn't, the customer always has the option of deciding how much the tip is, unless it falls under the large-party rule. Never ask the customer "Do you want your change back?". Always bring it back unless the customer tells you that they're good. And make sure you bring back some small bills, so the customer isn't embarrassed by having to ask for change in order to leave a tip.

Say I'm meeting a friend or two at a bar or for a movie, and they have another friend there who I've never met. No introductions are made unless I introduce myself or they introduce themselves. Is that weird?

***

My money's on they forgot the other friend's name and are hoping you or the other friend will introduce themselves.

In college I worked for a grocery store as a cashier. We were informed on day one that the penalty for selling to a minor was 1 year in jail and $1,000 fine - and that the store and its management would not stand behind us if we were caught, even if it was an accident.

I carded everybody (partly to tweak the store's management and partly because spending a year in jail and losing $1,000 was not on my to do list).

As a result, I'm sympathetic to the folks that card me.

Posted by: Conan the Grammarian at March 31, 2013 10:36 AM
_________________________________

Funny, *I* was never carded in my 20s that I can remember - and I've looked younger than my years practically since I became an adult.

Of course, that may have to do with my practically ALWAYS buying something that no one drinks from the bottle - such as framboise.

Here's my peeve: People who have no idea that just because a lot of people do something and get away with it, that doesn't make it "polite."

Examples are those who talk (with or without phones) in the library and get mad when others ask them to pipe down.

But the worst is those who charge admission, in effect, to their parties and weddings. Even memorials!

It makes me furious - one reason being that people I know who would probably NOT do that increasingly don't see anything wrong with complying with "hosts" who DO.

As Miss Manners says, over and over:
"If you can't afford champagne, serve punch. If you can't afford punch, serve water. But serve it graciously."

To reiterate:

I don't mind potluck dinners, especially when circumstances mean that the hosts will never visit my house (such as when they are semi-invalids). But there ARE times when potluck isn't really that - it's mooching.

From Amy Dickinson's column, fall of 2006:

Dear Amy: I just received yet another invitation to a "party" to which I am supposed to bring food and drink. I have noticed that over the years this "potluck" trend is increasing.

I think potlucks are fine for impoverished grad students or committee meetings, but it seems to me that two gainfully employed adults who own their home should not expect their guests to provide refreshments for themselves.

If the excuse is that both are working and have no time to prepare, I would argue that the same is true for their guests.

If cash is short, a big pot of soup and some crusty bread make fine fare. My understanding is that hospitality means sharing what you have with your friends, not asking them to pay for your "party."

I have taken to simply declining without explanation invitations that require me to provide refreshments as price of admission. I am wondering if I am the only person who is fed up with this whole thing.
- Tired Of Cooking

Dear Tired: I have also noticed an increase in potlucking and agree with you that, depending on the event, bringing your own food and drink to a dinner party hardly seems like hospitality.

Now that you've thrown down the cassoulet, let's see how others respond.

And here's the best follow-up, from Jan. 2007:

"Those who object to potluck dinners should be aware that there is a difference between a dinner that everyone agrees will be shared -- and one to which guests are invited, only to be asked to supply the hostess's menu. I agree that the latter is inappropriate."

I have to wholeheartedly agree with what Charles posted regarding drinking. I don't drink, either. On more than several occasions, I have found myself paying more than my share for at a group dinner. Nowadays I try to discreetly ask for a separate check when I'm eating out with a large group of people.

This happened to me only once, but it was enough to rank high on my list of peeves. My MIL had a birthday brunch at a restaurant with about 12 adults and 4 children. The youngest child was 10 months old at the time and required a high chair. Her mom sat next to her, balling up shredded cheese and putting it on the restaurant table for her to eat. The child managed to get 1/10 of the cheese into her mouth. The rest was strewn about the table or ended up on the floor of the restaurant - which was carpet.

When it came time to leave, the mom packed up both her kids and made a half-hearted attempt to clean up the cheese on the table. She ignored the cheese on the floor, even stepping on it as she was packing up her kids.

Husband picked up the tab for brunch. When everybody left the restaurant, he ran back in and gave another $30 to the manager and apologized for the mess the mom made at the table we were seated.

I'll never forget how pissed I was at the mom - my SIL. She's a compulsive neat freak and she would never allow that in her house. What made her think that behavior was ok in a place of business??

Thinking about that incident today still gets my feathers ruffled. But it's led me to really dislike parents who don't mind their children in eating establishments. Whether it be letting them run around, stand up on benches/booth seats, or letting them shriek.

Another situation around eating. The same SIL mentioned above, as well as her husband and two kids, stayed with us for 2 nights. They paid for take-out one night and we made dinner the following night.

I prepared a simple dinner for everybody that was challenging in terms of trying to accommodate dietary restrictions. SIL is gluten-free and vegetarian, BIL is vegetarian, nephew wanted chicken nuggets, and husband & I need meat in our diet.

When it came time to eat, my nephew of 5 was served his dinner and proceeded to express disgust in a very loud voice over a vegetable he tried. I get that kids have pronounced food preferences. But I was raised to never criticize food that you were served in someone else's house. I suppose that was a lesson BIL & SIL managed to overlook in teaching our nephew.

I rather like potlucks. Especially since if I am invited I can bring something awesome that I am guaranteed to like. Particularly when compared to other types of parties when I am not expected or encouraged to bring anything. Most of those I will not attend if for the unspoken Miss Manners reason that I am expected to reciprocate in kind. Which I will never do. Ever.

"Funny, *I* was never carded in my 20s that I can remember - and I've looked younger than my years practically since I became an adult."

Many businesses (like Walmart) are defaulting to the policy of carding anyone who doesn't look 40 yet.
It's a ridiculously high threshold to purposely overcompensate and cover themselves.

I think the growing proportion of hysterical weenie parents have had a big hand in this. They find out their 17-year old baby boy got some smokes and go on a rampage to have every store in a 50-mile radius investigated and fined. I'm not implying that underage sellers shouldn't be held accountable for negligent practices, but an honest mistake is ruinous in the growing entitlist culture where parents find anybody else to blame in order to avoid talking to their kids about their choices.

"I chose my job because I don't want to be near the brain damaged or stupid."

If you have succeeded in procuring adequate distance from the obtuse, you must share your secret. I wasn't aware that this was physically possible anymore. Further, I sincerely congratulate you on having been able to choose your profession. However, retail-clerk is one of the highest-dissatisfaction jobs in existence so it follows by reason that most clerks are, *at least temporarily*, not in that position by choice. Unless you're a daily customer, it can be extraordinarily difficult for a clerk to remember a person they've waited on perhaps twice before, among a sea of hundreds of faces. If they do recognize you AND are good enough to remember that you purchased something for them to card you, but work for a corporate chain, it won't matter anyway because of the aforementioned ass-coverage policies. Barring deliberate rudeness from a clerk, I do my best not to make life more difficult for people who are in already otherwise undesirable work.

"Her mom sat next to her, balling up shredded cheese and putting it on the restaurant table for her to eat. The child managed to get 1/10 of the cheese into her mouth. The rest was strewn about the table or ended up on the floor of the restaurant - which was carpet.

When it came time to leave, the mom packed up both her kids and made a half-hearted attempt to clean up the cheese on the table. She ignored the cheese on the floor, even stepping on it as she was packing up her kids.

Husband picked up the tab for brunch. When everybody left the restaurant, he ran back in and gave another $30 to the manager and apologized for the mess the mom made at the table we were seated."

Good on him for making right, and I share your rage at all parents who do this. They're in the larger category of the slovenly who say,

"Who cares about the mess? These people get paid to clean it up."

Why yes, they do, my mealy-mouthed barbarians... but uncivilized behavior like this makes them want to stick their heads in a garbage disposal and flip the switch... and before you say for them to get into another line of work: you just did to their mind what your nosy, obnoxious, uncooperative coworker at the office does to your mind every day. Yeah. Think about that.

I can deal with it on day one. Day two, maybe. On day 3 at about the same time, the only guy wearing a black cowboy hat within 50 miles comes in and is buying the same order of beer and you card me. I'm nearly face blind and can still recognize the clerk from the day before.

You saw perhaps 3 clerks the day before. The clerk saw, probably, over 100 customers the day before. And, perhaps, 100 before you came in on Day 2.

And, unless you were that cute twenty-something who came in every day after her run and bought a salad, I didn't really pay much attention to you.

If you have succeeded in procuring adequate distance from the obtuse, you must share your secret. I wasn't aware that this was physically possible anymore. Further, I sincerely congratulate you on having been able to choose your profession. However, retail-clerk is one of the highest-dissatisfaction jobs in existence so it follows by reason that most clerks are, *at least temporarily*, not in that position by choice. Unless you're a daily customer, it can be extraordinarily difficult for a clerk to remember a person they've waited on perhaps twice before, among a sea of hundreds of faces. -- ValiantBlue at April 2, 2013 2:00 PM

You saw perhaps 3 clerks the day before. The clerk saw, probably, over 100 customers the day before. And, perhaps, 100 before you came in on Day 2. -- Conan the Grammarian at April 2, 2013 4:30 PM

My normal time is 8PM. I live in Ohio, so a cowboy hat is a standout. The old clerks advise the new clerks that I'm generally a nice guy. I go to that convenience store regularly. For about three weeks I was going to the Speedway™ across the street with a general nice guy attitude and the same clerks. I was carded every day. So that leads to my brain damaged conception. Someone once said repeating an action and expecting a different result is a form of insanity. Repeating a positive action and not getting a different result is therefore a form of stupidity or brain damage.

So you want to absolve the yourself, and the clerks by being an ass, fine. So you can say yes, I saw this person yesterday, I don't need to card him everyday. Or you can blame it on store management. So then if the store management is brain damaged. If I take the time to complain the management, they then have a choice to make a change in policy for their clerks, or blame it on corporate. If they make a change in policy, I can live with it. If they blame it on corporate, then they and corporate is brain damaged. It is not worth patronizing the store unless I am forced to.

I ran into this several years ago. I have a wood pellet stove (burns compressed sawdust). I would get carded to buy bags of pellets at Lowes™. Apparently one of the manufacturers used some kind of preservative that if you took 40 pounds of compressed sawdust and reprocessed you could get about a 1/2 ounce of a precursor to make meth. For some reason Lowes™ gets very little of my business anymore.

I let Lowes™ corporate know my displeasure. Same with Speedway™. Neither gave me a positive response. So now I take my business elsewhere as much as possible. I know I'm one out of 100 million. But I just can't approve of stupidity.

Fair enough, and the meth heads seem to be increasing the range of products that are now more difficult for the rest of us to purchase. I hadn't heard of that particular product being one of them yet.