Don't Fuck Me Pumps
Got this shoe ad emailed to me. Should have had a subject line like "Shoes to keep men from wanting to have sex with you."
Don't Fuck Me Pumps
Got this shoe ad emailed to me. Should have had a subject line like "Shoes to keep men from wanting to have sex with you."
I like flats, and dislike high heels. I know, that's probably weird.
Even so, those are some ugly shoes.
a_random_guy at November 1, 2013 12:03 AM
When I was young, and extremely attractive, I never noticed a man staring at my feet, or ever commenting on my shoes. Usually his eyes were focused on my boobs.
Isab at November 1, 2013 12:16 AM
Isab nailed it. Amy sees the shoes. In my guy brain I'm wondering about her thighs.
JFP at November 1, 2013 12:25 AM
Sure, figure and face are more important. But nice legs and feet are also part of the package.
That said, the outer packaging is sort of a pre-condition; for anything more than a fun flirt, it's the brains and personality that seal the deal.
Back when I was on the market, there was no shortage of physically attractive women. However, too many were vacuous between the ears, or whiners (a cloud around every silver lining), or had other personality quirks that I found disturbing.
For example, I cannot stand girly-girly types, give me a tomboy any day. One example was a woman who wore too much lipstick, spent our first (and only) date talking about her taste in purses, and constantly kissed her white poodle, whose head had turned pink as a result. Gross.
a_random_guy at November 1, 2013 1:09 AM
For me the most important thing about a woman was whether or not she had the poor judgement to sleep with me.
Andrew Hall at November 1, 2013 1:53 AM
I've had plenty of guys love my shoes.
Maybe y'all have shit taste in shoes.
Ppen at November 1, 2013 1:59 AM
They wear shoes?
MarkD at November 1, 2013 5:15 AM
Never once had a man turn down sex because he didn't like my shoes. Never once.
mse at November 1, 2013 5:31 AM
When I was younger, I loved sky-high heels. Even while wearing jeans. Then I hit 50. Not so much the high heels anymore, but a small heel is good. Flats are better, and there are some seriously stylish flats out there. But the shoes in the ad? Wouldn't let you bury me in 'em. Ug-LEE.
(That said, the only time any guy ever said anything about my footwear was when I was wearing my low-(one inch) heeled black slouchy cowboy boots. I lost one of the concho boot chains and he asked where the other one was. I said, I dunno, but if I kick one side of the horse, the other side has to keep up. Right?)
Flynne at November 1, 2013 5:57 AM
Never had a guy even notice my shoes. He's usually too busy staring at my legs. But then, high heels define the leg and give it shape.
Those things? Yuck. Just yuck. I wouldn't wear those things to chase after my dogs.
Blah.
wtf at November 1, 2013 6:10 AM
"Shoes to keep men from wanting to have sex with you."
No so such thing. Well, unless you're wearing steel-toed boots and are attempting to kick the man in question in the nether region.
We look at boobs, ass, legs, and face. Shoes can be taken off, even if they're hideous.
I R A Darth Aggie at November 1, 2013 8:09 AM
I'm not going to fault someone for wearing sensible shoes. If anything (and if I were straight), I'd look at a pair of stiletto heels and think what an idiot that woman is, capitulating to wearing something so obviously unhealthy all to honor an idiotic custom that demands that women have to wear certain things in order to be considered acceptable, let alone attractive.
Seriously, are you going to go a formal cocktail and party and look down your nose at someone who is dressed for the occasion...in some very stylish flats? If you would seriously do such a thing, I hope we're as close as we're going to get, because you're petty to the point of ridiculousness. Attitudes like that are the topic of satire; real-life people don't think that way.
I once worked in a multidisciplinary clinic and a chiropractor wore stiletto heels every day. She was so used to them that flats were uncomfortable for her.
A chiropractor, of all things, going to work in stiletto heels.
As for those shoes, I don't consider them so unattractive. I would only fault the thickness of the strap on those shoes. It makes the shoe look somewhat clunky. I bet a thinner strap would improve it quite a bit.
Patrick at November 1, 2013 8:09 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4022755">comment from PatrickChiropractic is not science and is not based on neurology, anatomy and physiology.
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/science-and-chiropractic/
Amy Alkon at November 1, 2013 8:12 AM
My mom had foot surgery and can't wear heels anymore. A lot of women ruin their feet and have nerve or other problems when they're older, due to poor footwear. They need shoes, too.
NicoleK at November 1, 2013 8:16 AM
I feel the same way about clogs. Nothing says sexless progressive uber-practical likely vegan like a pair of Born clogs.
But god they're comfortable.
carol at November 1, 2013 8:16 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4022772">comment from I R A Darth AggieShoes can be taken off, even if they're hideous.
Let's be honest here. Heels raise a woman's ass and make her legs look sexy in a way these hideous flats do not.
Beware of wearing maryjanes unless you are doing it ironically.
Amy Alkon at November 1, 2013 8:18 AM
"I bet a thinner strap would improve it quite a bit."
Remove the strap altogether. Or replace it with a dainty chain maybe. And black. Make it black.
wtf at November 1, 2013 8:28 AM
In general I couldn't care less about women's footwear, but a shiny pair of high heels on a fit naked woman is sooooooooo sexy.
Eric at November 1, 2013 8:38 AM
Claim anything you want, but the more interesting a woman is, the farther the examination extends - tip-of-the-nose-to-tip-of-the-toes. You can do the "flats-vs-heels" comparison yourself at superiorpics.com.
I don't think you can pretend that ugly shoes don't detract from the picture.
Radwaste at November 1, 2013 9:09 AM
They're not my style, either, but paired with skinny jeans, those shoes could look quite cute. My waitress friend actually has a pair that looks similar. Problem is, the model is wearing them with what appears to be shorts or a skirt, and you have to be really careful when pairing those clothing items with a thick, closed-toed flat shoe (makes your legs look stumpy).
I always wear heels to work and fancy occasions, but, when I'm out and about/traveling/exploring a city, shoe choices can be difficult. A sleek sneaker (think pumas or converse) or boots will look great with jeans, but finding a comfortable, durable flat shoe you can walk miles in that looks great with warm-weather clothes (like skirts and dresses) is tough. Reefs, Lucky Brand and even Crocs have some strappy-sandal options that won't make you look like a frump or a tourist.
tl;dr Sometimes you need a flat, comfy shoe, but cute ones are hard to find!
sofar at November 1, 2013 9:34 AM
When I was little, I read a short fictional story in which a shoe salesman says "women always do wear uncomfortable shoes." I got mad, thinking "I would never be so stupid; that has to be a lie. Why would MOST women do such a thing?"
Of course, I learned to use my eyes eventually, but I still never wear heels (outside of important occasions) if I can help it - or anything that hurts or that I can't run long distances in, for that matter. Who wants to have deformed feet in one's middle or old age - like a 40-year-old ballet dancer's, for example? Those feet are UGLY.
lenona at November 1, 2013 9:54 AM
eh, the shoes are just a symptom... looks like she's wearing nylons in the pic too... itsa downward spiral.
wearing patent leather doc marten mary janes with some totally funky socks and slightly ripped jeans, a sweater and jean jacket?
could be a fun afternoon walk in the park watching the leaves turn, and oh, yeah, I know this farmer's cart where he has the best mulled apple cider...
wearing the pictured "sensible shoes" with nylons and a skirt.. oh, a black skirt... er, hello Sister, how're you today?
Took me years to figure out if a woman was trying to tell me anything with what she was wearing, and I canna really understand the language, but there are ways to say "I might", "not only no, but hell, no." or... "we're both... human?"
might've been luckier when I was younger had I been paying attention to such things...
SwissArmyD at November 1, 2013 10:48 AM
Yeah, they're ugly, but not as ugly as bunions and hammer toes.
I wear heels to work, but I always keep flats in my bag.
ahw at November 1, 2013 11:20 AM
Harrison Ford explained all of this in "Six Days and Seven Nights".
Women excite men simply by showing up.
Bob in Texas at November 1, 2013 11:31 AM
I live on a cobblestone street and I take a wee bit of peccant glee seeing women in heels pitch and totter like they're dancing on marbles.
lsomber at November 1, 2013 11:34 AM
The Goddess writes: Chiropractic is not science and is not based on neurology, anatomy and physiology.
Which doesn't change the fact that living in stiletto heels doesn't make you stylish. It makes you a blooming idiot!
Would you feel better if I cited the Orthopedic Research Labs, which references the American Podiatric Medical Association?
Patrick at November 1, 2013 11:49 AM
" if I were straight), I'd look at a pair of stiletto heels and think what an idiot that woman is, capitulating to wearing something so obviously unhealthy all to honor an idiotic custom that demands that women have to wear certain things in order to be considered acceptable, let alone attractive."
No. You wouldn't think that if you were straight, unless you'd been brainwashed to hate yourself for your natural attraction to hot women by decades of anti-sex propaganda from angry feminists.
Those shoes look comfortable. They definitely send the "too busy for sex right now, move along" message.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at November 1, 2013 11:53 AM
In general, I think bad shoes tend be more repellant to women than they are to men. (Or was that a sexist statement?)
Eric Scheie at November 1, 2013 1:07 PM
Gog, LOL! I love your standards. "You must find attractive what I find attractive or you're a self-hating hater of hot women!"
Seriously, is that what you think of every single straight guy that has ever lived who might find stiletto heels really ugly? That they've been conditioned to hate themselves? And hate their attraction to hot women?
On the contrary, I think women who force themselves into those things and condition themselves to learn to walk in those horrible things must have self-hating issues of their own.
Who the hell ever put themselves into those things for the first time and said, "Wow. These feel so comfortable and natural!"?
No one, that's who!
But they forced themselves to tolerate these repulsive things because they think it makes them attractive.
Yes, willing to torture yourself to attract a man. That's really attractive. NOT!
Patrick at November 1, 2013 1:40 PM
Ya know what I like to see in a woman?
/old joke
jerry at November 1, 2013 2:38 PM
How come all the gay guys I see in LA with makeup or Louboutins (basically $1,000 stripper shoes) don't get the same level of animosity from what I like to call the "Natural Nazis"? Why is it directed towards women?
Oh right because gay guys are being individualists while women are conforming to some societal pressure.
It's like when black women choose to wear weaves, out comes the Natural Hair Nazis. Or when women choose to wear makeup out come the Natural Face Nazis.
I don't understand that nature shit you're into, but I don't outright dismiss it as bullshit. To me it's uncomfortable and boring.
I fucking hate nature, fuck off.
Ppen at November 1, 2013 2:53 PM
"Who the hell ever put themselves into those things for the first time and said, "Wow. These feel so comfortable and natural!"?
No one, that's who!"
Obviously you do not have the insight of a straight woman.
Hell the first time most of us women fuck it neither feels comfortable or natural. You gotta practice that shit ya know? That's when it gets good. Same with shoes.
"But they forced themselves to tolerate these repulsive things because they think it makes them attractive."
We don't think, we know. Plus shoes are a great bonding experience with women.
"Yes, willing to torture yourself to attract a man. That's really attractive. NOT!"
I'll stop waxing my 'stache & legs then.
Ppen at November 1, 2013 3:09 PM
If that's directed to me, Ppen, I'm pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. I like men who look like men. I figure if I wanted a cross-dresser, I wouldn't be gay.
And I'm not into gay guys who view such things as being "individualist." I prefer to think of it as "weird" myself. And actually kind of gross. In fact, I've alienated a few people in gay clubs with my impatience with drag shows. I hate those things. There they are, hogging the dance floor with their ridiculous pageants, when we'd all be having a good time if the drag queens just cleared out and if a good DJ was playing the dance music. I was once told I should be supportive and I said, "What's to support? They're guys doing an impassable job trying to look like women while lip-synching!"
Seriously, and these people have to nerve to consider themselves talented.
But you're right. If gay guys who do such things are "individualist," then a double standard does exist, and it's wrong. And yes, it's still unhealthy.
Sorry to have pissed you off.
Patrick at November 1, 2013 3:11 PM
They're not looking at your shoes:
http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2013/10/29/gaze-tracking-study-apparently-confirms-everyone-really-is-staring-at-your-chest/
Study shows men look at women's chests ... and so do women.
Conan the Grammarian at November 1, 2013 3:12 PM
Ppen: I'll stop waxing my 'stache & legs then.
Go for it. There are plenty of guys, particularly European guys, who would find you much more attractive that way.
Patrick at November 1, 2013 3:13 PM
Patrick, drop the straw man and back away from the shoes.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at November 1, 2013 3:26 PM
Yes, I've met those types of men that like sasquatches.
Sorry not into that shit, I'm not that accepting.
And I went on that rant because I keep hearing people into natural/casual style speak on something they have no interest in with a certain authority. The way you feel about stilettos is how I feel about hiking.
As to the gay guys they do not dress in drag. They dress in t-shirts and pants with expensive high heels and casual makeup. Maybe it's a generational/location/cultural thing.
Ppen at November 1, 2013 3:33 PM
Never once had a man turn down sex because he didn't like my shoes. Never once. - mse
Fair enough. But how many never even hit on you cause the fugly shoes made you look short and frumpy?
lujlp at November 1, 2013 3:55 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4023742">comment from PpenThe notion that European men want women who look like gorillas and the notion that European women look like gorillas is from some bygone era.
Amy Alkon at November 1, 2013 4:47 PM
"Which doesn't change the fact that living in stiletto heels doesn't make you stylish. It makes you a blooming idiot!"
I know exactly one woman who knows how to walk in heels. You won't turn your head when she's stopped, but the instant she moves, wow!
But she doesn't "live" in those heels. Who are you talking about?
"Would you feel better if I cited the Orthopedic Research Labs, which references the American Podiatric Medical Association?"
No. I quite enjoyed your personal insight in your post about the dance floor. This is a subject that lends itself more to personal experience than reference materials, and you make sense when you do that.
Radwaste at November 1, 2013 6:23 PM
I like seeing a lady in heels, in the appropriate situation.
If I see a woman walking in heels at a nice dinner I appreciate the view. If I see the same heels walking down the street in the morning, quitting time or around lunch I appreciate the view.
If I see her in a "casual" museum, flea market, or other "long walk" location at an off time I appreciate the view and think "What a fool you are."
The flats I don't mind, but that particular pair is just ugly.
Jim P. at November 1, 2013 6:48 PM
For what it's worth, I get hit on more when I'm in my running shoes and shorts than I do when I'm in heels and a skirt! And my running shoes look like giant muffins.
Possibly my little running shorts distract from my feet.
Gail at November 1, 2013 7:41 PM
Gail,
I think it's because it makes you more approachable.
It's one of the reasons guys love 'the girl next door' look.
Ppen at November 1, 2013 11:15 PM
High heels look good, yes, but if you can't walk gracefully in them they look stupid.
What annoys me is the happy medium is hard to find. I wanted a pair of low heels that would give me a little lift but that I could still walk around town in, but all I could find was chunky flats or stilletos.
NicoleK at November 2, 2013 2:08 AM
Not sure why you all are so invested in what kind of shoes Patrick likes, though. Who cares if he doesn't like heels?
NicoleK at November 2, 2013 2:26 AM
lujlp, that's not really something one can know, is it? But considering I haven't gone more than a month without sex since I started having it (recovery from childbirth notwithstanding), I'd say it's a moot point.
mse at November 2, 2013 4:47 AM
And to be fair, full disclosure: I'm pretty laid back, and have never been a glamour girl. Little to no makeup, comfortable clothes and shoes, natural hair (head hair--I do take care of body hair, so no Sasquatch pits or anything like that). There are plenty of men of all types who are attracted to minimalism. It may not be the "standard," but it's always worked for me, and I'm frankly not interested in dating someone who equates stiletto heels with sexy. So it's a win/win.
mse at November 2, 2013 5:02 AM
Yes, nobody doubts that there are men into all types. There are men into fatties, fake tits, small tits, big asses, no ass, I know. We know.
But what annoys me to no end is how people into minimalism have to keep drilling how much they are NOT INTO SOMETHING THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND and somehow claim some superiority because of it.
"I don't dress up and I still get hit on."
Well you have a fucking vagina of course you are gonna get hit on. But Bitch I get straight women to talk to me and pay me compliments on my looks/style. And Goddamnit I'm fucking proud of it.
Ppen at November 2, 2013 7:57 AM
I claim zero superiority for my minimalism. It's rooted in my personality, not something I cultivated to lord over anyone. I've never tried to dress to attract men who are obviously into the type of person I'm not--that would be dishonest and pointless. Luckily, I found one who digs my style, and it's never an issue. Nothing to crow over, just how things worked out.
Be proud, that's awesome; somehow, I'm able to live with the fact that most people care more about fashion and shoes and shit like that than I do, and not take it as an insult. I also don't make blanket statements about certain shoes being universal dick repellant. Wear whatever you want, impress whoever you want. Like I said, I'm one of those laid back bitches, and am fine living with a man who doesn't care what I have on my feet, especially when they're behind my head. Isn't that what this whole discussion is really about, anyway?
As for impressing other women? Zero fucks to give. Zero.
mse at November 2, 2013 10:22 AM
Not sure why Ppen cares that mse is so into minimalism, either. Why can't she just not be into make-up? Why do you take it so personally?
NicoleK at November 2, 2013 2:10 PM
"I think it's because it makes you more approachable." --PPen
Agree -- the running outfit/ ponytail look does seem to make a woman more approachable. (Often works even if I've just outrun the guy!) And I think something else goes into it, too -- the running shoes send a message that a woman intends to keep her shape, while a cute running outfit gives the opportunity to show what kind of shape that is. (I would never wear a skirt as short as my running shorts!)
Whereas fugly shoes simply send a message that you have bad taste, so what's the point? I do think there are plenty of reasonably comfortable shoes that are not incredibly ugly. The shoes in the photo are not among them.
Gail at November 2, 2013 2:47 PM
Awwwwwwwww is Amy Alkon 50 now, and no longer have any value to the misogynists...whhaaaa!!!!!!
FeministversionofAmyAlkon at November 2, 2013 3:31 PM
Fuck what men want...let's talk about what women want
http://www.adweek.com/news/advertising-branding/hunkvertising-objectification-men-advertising-152925
FeministversionofAmyAlkon at November 2, 2013 3:37 PM
NicoleK I rage about everything on here, it's part of my charm.
I'm not taking it as personal attacks. What I do get is annoyed, hence the rants. Like when Patrick stated that women must wear heels out of self-hate or mse that her style is out of the standard (if only by the looks of the average woman-it is the standard).
Ppen at November 2, 2013 4:20 PM
"On the contrary, I think women who force themselves into those things and condition themselves to learn to walk in those horrible things must have self-hating issues of their own."
No, we just know what looks good.
We also know that beauty is very rarely comfortable.
wtf at November 2, 2013 4:26 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4026112">comment from FeministversionofAmyAlkonAmy's 49 and will be 50 in March. Thanks to how she wears sunblock made of feminist's steel-belted tears and also how she never has time to leave the house, she has skin smoother and less wrinkled than your baby's ass.
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2013 5:05 PM
"Like I said, I'm one of those laid back bitches,"
So am I. My idea of daily makeup is eyeliner, mascara, bronzer and gloss. And my preferred outfit is jeans and a shirt.When I do go all out tho, you can't go wrong with a really sexy heel. Preferably black or glitter. (My only problem with heels is I'm already 5'11. Thank GOD hubby is 6'2, but I'm still taller in heels then he is.)
There are times for minimalism, and times when you should dress sexy. No man wants jeans and a shirt every damn day. Even yoga pants and a belly shirt eventually get tiresome if worn every day. You gotta switch it up, glamour some days, minimalism other days.
And I still say those are fugly shoes.
wtf at November 2, 2013 5:12 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4026397">comment from Amy AlkonOh, PS I think the "FeministversionofAmyAlkon" is the person whose email I posted here:
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/10/24/amy_alkon_gende.html
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2013 7:10 PM
Wtf, I'm not at all opposed to heels and dresses if the occasion calls for it, and actually wear skirts very frequently. But I stay home with small children--wearing heels and etc. on a daily basis (like Amy has stated before that she does, for example) isn't practical. When we go all out, it's a different story. Except for makeup. Husband prefers a totally bare face, and I take good care of my skin and have strong features and dark eyebrows and lashes, so I usually just go with sunscreen and lipgloss. And yeah, the shoes pictured are fug. I'm more of a Docs/Dansko/Keens fan, or sandals in the summer. And yoga pants are for yoga class, or sleeping. I wouldn't go to the store in them. Minimalist doesn't have to mean slovenly.
mse at November 2, 2013 8:00 PM
Chiropractic is not science and is not based on neurology, anatomy and physiology.
neither is yoga...until someone finds out that it releases beneficial hormones. Plus even when the benefits are discovered, they only work in say 70% of the cases and not the golden standard of 99.9%.
Redrajesh at November 3, 2013 4:02 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/01/dont_fuck_me_pu_1.html#comment-4027365">comment from RedrajeshRead at the link about why chiropractic is not science. The rest of your comment, sorry to say, Redrajesh, is somewhat incomprehensible and illogical.
To have a person perform chiro-karate on your back and neck is idiocy. Endorphins may be released if you're stabbed but that's not a good reason to do stab yourself.
Amy Alkon at November 3, 2013 4:59 AM
If a hot woman like dena westerfield performs chiro karate, then definitely good hormones will be released even if she is very gentle. And of course, given her muscles, she can even twist things that are not in shape back to their correct shape
Redrajesh at November 3, 2013 6:53 AM
" And yoga pants are for yoga class, or sleeping. I wouldn't go to the store in them. Minimalist doesn't have to mean slovenly."
Well some of the higher-end ones actually look good, especially with runners and a white t or tank top. Hair in a pony tail with a head-band, a little make-up, it's cute look. If you get nice ones and you do it right.
wtf at November 3, 2013 2:52 PM
On the one hand... If you are a tall woman dating a slightly shorter man, there is no need to emphasize the height difference constantly. Makes spur of the moment passionate kisses a little - not awkward - just not conventional. Usually those involve a woman's arms around a man's neck, and a man's hands everywhere else, and if she's much taller, it is a little less fall-into-place natural-feeling.
On the other hand... BF says there is nothing at all wrong with slow dancing with a tall woman in heels.
flbeachmom at November 4, 2013 1:17 PM
Right on cue: Everyday Struggles of A Tall Girl
Radwaste at November 6, 2013 6:55 AM
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