My Child Has Four Legs And A Tail
Here she is helping me with my book proofs.
Cheryl K. Chumley writes in The Washington Times that the CDC finds women shunning babies for little lapdogs:
Young women just aren't that crazy about babies any more, shunning the diaper changes and midnight feedings for dubbed-in family members that don't demand as much care: dogs. And not just any type dog -- specifically, those that weigh less than 25 pounds."I'd rather have a dog over a kid," said Sara Foster, 30, the proud owner of a French bulldog named Maddie, the New York Post reported. "It's just less work and, honestly, I have more time to go out. You ... don't have to get a baby sitter."
Her view is being repeated across the nation by women in the 15-to-29-years-old group, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found. New statistics show that big drops in the numbers of babies born to women in this age group coincide with big increases in the numbers of dogs owned by females around the same age range, the business site Quartz reported.
The truth is, some women just have a hunger to have babies. I'm not one of those women. It's allowed to spend all of my time writing. I'm just beginning my next book, which terrifies and excites the hell out of me.
I see this as clickbaiting -- a made-up epidemic that is probably mainly about a few urban women, some of whom may feel differently in time. It's also probably about women -- probably wisely -- waiting to have children until they have something they can do for a living under their belt. Marriages don't always last. To be the secretary or retail clerk who suddenly needs to support children isn't a good situation.
And finally, having a dog makes me a better person -- more compassionate and patient. Having a smaller dog means the poops are the size of Tootsie Rolls, not rollaboards. Having a hairless dog means no fleas and not much to bathe or brush. Having Aida, specifically, is having joy on four little furnished paws. (Her "furnishings" are what the furry bits on a Chinese Crested are called.)
via @mpetrie98
It's also probably about women -- probably wisely -- waiting to have children until they have something they can do for a living under their belt.
I agree that it's wise for a woman to wait to have kids til she's self-supporting, but if she really wants them, waiting longer than that is a bad idea. If she's 35 and makes partner in her law firm (or the equivalent in whatever her field is), and then decides it's time for children, she's less likely to find the right man, more likely to have trouble conceiving, and if she does, the baby is more likely to suffer birth defects.
If a woman does want to focus on her career in her 20's and early 30's, I suggest she do so with the attitude that motherhood will be nice if it happens, but if it doesn't that's OK too. (Or, of course, the attitude that she doesn't want kids ever.)
Rex Litttle at April 13, 2014 12:44 AM
> Marriages don't always last. To be the
> secretary or retail clerk who suddenly
> needs to support children isn't a good
> situation.
Right, but why pretend these events are lightning strikes? There are a lot of thoughtful, courageous, and loving women who select husbands they can (and will) stay married to, guys who are good with kids and who are themselves in it for the long haul. Life isn't a blind roll of dice.
People should talk about those women more than they do.
Also, while I feel compelled to mock Amy's dog as under-furnished, I'm certain she's a loving and sensible dog owner, one who realizes that her own darling heart can never be the only thing her pet needs for a life well-lived.
But people, even Americans, are monsters in the way they treat pets. Far too many, perhaps a majority, either exploit the animal's brutality (under-stimulated guard dogs), or trammel the beast with weird care & rituals from their own psychodramas... Which they glibly describe as "love," taking no heed of irony's dark side.
The human heart is too grand when it works well, and too repellant in the typical condition, to accept the pop psychology of cat-lady-as-brokenhearted-lover at face value.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at April 13, 2014 2:17 AM
" . . . she is helping me with my book proofs"
Yea, cute as a button; but can she collate or remove those paper clips?
P.S., that "ponytail" on her top is just so dashing - gotta love it!
Charles at April 13, 2014 4:49 AM
"the poops are the size of Tootsie Rolls"
With the concomitant possibility of early childhood lessons in not eating things off the sidewalk.
Not saying you don't pick up behind your dog, of course.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at April 13, 2014 5:21 AM
There are a lot of thoughtful, courageous, and loving women who select husbands they can (and will) stay married to, guys who are good with kids and who are themselves in it for the long haul.
Not everybody is very mature in their 20s (mature enough to choose wisely or to even know what they want or should have in a lifetime partner), and this is probably more the case thanks to the coddling that passes for parenting now.
Amy Alkon at April 13, 2014 5:58 AM
Well, probably... But I'm against that, too.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at April 13, 2014 6:08 AM
Also, both men and women in that age range are still living with their own parents - in greater numbers than in decades. It's one thing to live in your old bedroom because you can't find a job, or at least one that pays enough for you to get a place of your own. Raising a family at Mom and Dad's, though? Not so much. If you're staring down 30 and your balance sheet consists of an old car, a couple thousand in your checking account, and twenty grand in student loans, you can probably just forget about having kids. And that would be wise.
Pirate Jo at April 13, 2014 7:24 AM
☑ PJ
(Not that I expect anyone to listen to her, just that they should).
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at April 13, 2014 7:36 AM
(Not that I expect anyone to listen to her, just that they should).
We're animals, in the scientific sense. We do what instinct drives us to do and backfill with reason later.
MonicaP at April 13, 2014 8:40 AM
> We do what instinct drives us to do
> and backfill with reason later.
Well, that's true... Instinct or habit. But Amy will never believe it if you say she's anything but 100% rational.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at April 13, 2014 9:09 AM
Not saying you don't pick up behind your dog, of course.
Posted by: Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at April 13, 2014 5:21 AM
___________________
I know someone who said, in almost these exact words, that he'd rather pay a fine than clean up after his dog.
(Even after I pointed out that blind people - and anyone walking at night - will likely have a hard time avoiding stepping in it.)
This attitude of I-refuse-to-do-ANY-dirty-unpaid-work could well be why he's still single.
It reminds me of a passage from Pat Mainardi's classic 1970 article on housework:
Man says: "I hate it more than you. You don't mind it so much."
MEANING: Housework is garbage work. It's the worst crap I've ever done. It's degrading and humiliating for someone of my intelligence to do it. But for someone of YOUR intelligence....
lenona at April 13, 2014 1:33 PM
You need a license to drive a car. You need good credit to finance it. You need permits to build a small storage shed in your backyard. You need approval from the HOA if you want to paint your house a different color. There are rules and regulations for almost everything.
Except having kids. Anyone can crank out children, despite their lack of ability to properly care for them.
Tim at April 13, 2014 1:45 PM
Let's see, more than 50% of the population is now in cities or urban areas (the change from less than half to more than was quite recent). With all the sprawling 1/18ths of acres, many urban dwellers are going to want smaller dogs. This is math. If you have a teensy apartment, most people aren't going to want Marmaduke taking up all of it.
The fact that the dog is small does NOT imply (as the article seems to do) that the women are necessarily using them as substitute babies. Could they seriously NOT think of another reason?
Shannon M. Howell at April 13, 2014 5:32 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/04/13/my_child_has_fo.html#comment-4485794">comment from Shannon M. HowellGreat point, Shannon.
Amy Alkon at April 13, 2014 5:56 PM
When my children are paying SS to support me (and you), what will your pet be doing?
phunctor at April 13, 2014 6:00 PM
I think it is good for children and adults to care for pets, and learn to tend to their well being and their emotional needs.
Having a pet exposes character, or lack of it.
I have a rescue kitty hiding in my closet right now. He was most likely abandoned by an Air Force family who left Japan last summer and decided he was not worth the cost of a hundred dollar ticket and an air crate to take him back to the states on the duty flight.
While I am concerned about his welfare, and wondering if he will ever trust people again, I am more concerned about the lessons whoever owned him are teaching their children.
That is it ok to abandon responsibilities and relationships when they become expensive, annoying or inconvenient?
You want to know how a love interest will treat you? Watch how they treat animals (and waiters)
Values, you either have them, or you don't. You either live by them, or you weasel out of them.
There are many people who make poor choices when they are young. Some people honor their commitments. Others don't.
Isab at April 13, 2014 6:20 PM
"When my children are paying SS to support me (and you), what will your pet be doing?"
Living off the SS support your children pay.
Pirate Jo at April 13, 2014 6:35 PM
"When my children are paying SS to support me (and you), what will your pet be doing?"
Living off the SS support your children pay.
Posted by: Pirate Jo at April 13, 2014 6:35 PM
In another twenty years inflation will have gotten so bad, that the average social security payment will hardly even cover the utilities on a two bedroom apartment..
Anyone actually attempting to live on it will reside in cardboard box under a bridge.
My single best performing long asset right now, is a techie son, with a very good job.
Isab at April 13, 2014 6:47 PM
That is a hope that you have a loving son that is willing to support you in your dotage.
In my case -- if my mother (retired) said she needed to move in with me I would be feeding her nothing but sugar and carbs. ;-)
As for me -- I don't expect I'm ever going to retire short of hitting a nice lottery jackpot. Luckily I'm in a nice tech job that needs my brain and hands and not the rest of m physicality.
Jim P. at April 13, 2014 7:43 PM
If you believe Hollywood, human extinction will come at the hands of a nuclear winter, invading aliens, asteroids, or the "singularity." However, it takes 2.2 replacement children per couple to maintain a population.
Most of the western world, and China, have birth rates around 1.5 children per couple, and third world birth rates are falling fast. Current predictions are that the Earth's population will crest at around 10 million people the end of this century, and then begin to fall ... and rapidly. If current birth rate trajectories continue, the Earth could be down to 1 billion people in as little as 200-300 years.
So, what's wrong with raising small dogs rather than children? Only the survival of mankind.
AllenS at April 13, 2014 7:45 PM
Sometimes, especially when people are new to typewritten communication, it's hard to know if they're serious.
We really, really don't need to worry too much about what's going on in three hundred years, or whether the people of that time will imagine our little office to be fully staffed.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at April 13, 2014 7:51 PM
"So, what's wrong with raising small dogs rather than children? Only the survival of mankind."
I am that demographic and that sentence made my enjoyment over little dogs and my disdain for little children more passionate.
I spent today asleep with a shaved pekingese who had an itchy butt (razor burn). Yes we do not always get along but he's old, ornery, and I love him in the moments when he deems me worthy enough to scratch his ass.
Ppen at April 13, 2014 10:24 PM
I've got a working theory on how Ppen gets from (presumed) glee that Isab's scion and others will one day support her to (expressed) disdain for those who will one day provide that support.
The disdain may help in looking anywhere but at the free ride. So, reducing cognitive dissonance.
Bludger.
phunctor at April 13, 2014 10:46 PM
Oh phunctor but how will they provide that support when there is barely any to be had now?
And we have yet to experience the tide of the baby boomers.
Personally I'm gambling on robots to wipe my ass in my old age.
Ppen at April 13, 2014 11:54 PM
All I really needed was the bright light of the Internet to shine on me and change my whole worldview.
Social Security is great - it means everyone gets to spend 20 years in retirement, and besides it's a well-run program managed by an honest and morally upright trustee. It would work even better if we had a U.S. population of at least a billion. We've got a good Ponzi scheme going here, and I don't want to mess it up by failing to add to the next generation of lucky participants!
Pirate Jo at April 14, 2014 7:58 AM
When my children are paying SS to support me (and you), what will your pet be doing?
Posted by: phunctor at April 13, 2014 6:00 PM
________________________________
Please remember that while SOME childfree people are financially well off (plenty of childfree and childless people are struggling even with a 60-hour-a-week job), they still get heavily taxed for not having kids and know perfectly well that, in addition, they have to save a ton of money for their own nursing homes.
Also, to those who claim we'll have a shortage of workers in the future, I don't see unemployment going down in the world in general - yet - despite all the robots.
Kat Daley once said (in reply to a Cathy Young article): "Kids are our future? Right now that future is freeways-turned-parking-lots and no affordable housing. And who relies on Social Security existing at all in 30 years? I sure don’t. Labor shortages? Puh-leeze. I’ll just be getting my Egg McMuffin from a vending machine."
And Isab - don't forget that, unfortunately, even the perfect kid can get hit by a car and die before building up a lot of savings to leave to you - assuming the savings aren't all going to the deceased's spouse and kids.
lenona at April 14, 2014 10:20 AM
And Isab - don't forget that, unfortunately, even the perfect kid can get hit by a car and die before building up a lot of savings to leave to you - assuming the savings aren't all going to the deceased's spouse and kids.
Posted by: lenona at April 14, 2014 10:20 AM
I am well aware that shit happens Lenora, more so than most.
Our portfolio is quite diversified with a good mix of insurance, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and real estate.
My husband also has a very good job, but is getting close to retirement where our income, for better or worse will become fixed.
Unfortunately the only asset we have that is keeping up with the 12 percent annual inflation, is my son's earning potential. Everything else is losing value at between 5-7 percent a year.
I don't expect to be remembered in my son's will. If I am unlucky enough to survive him, I will probably have no reason to keep on going.
We operate our finances on a family basis, (foreign to most anglos in this day and age, but more common among Asians)
I am joint owner of all my mother's assets, and my son has his name on most of ours.
Isab at April 14, 2014 1:38 PM
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