I think it's a fear reaction. They see their mothers and realize they're headed for domestication, kids and old age. A big wedding is the last time anyone will pay attention to them.

I'm a male so I cannot comment on this aspect of the Bridezilla psyche, except to say that I'm glad the phenomenon exists because at the first signs of such conduct I would run screaming in the opposite direction.

Cannot help you.
--
As for traditional weddings, you think this scene from The Best Years of Our Lives might offer guidance as to what the expectations of a family of ordinary means actually were ca. 1946?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz9RvmwLk_o

--

I have attended elaborate weddings just twice, the most recent in May of 2008. I asked the stepmother of the groom whether the bride was keeping it cool or was she Bridezilla. The stepmother chuckled: "Bridezilla". The engagement had lasted just shy of two years. They'd been a couple for about a year and a half prior to that. The bride ran off with someone else 28 months after the wedding.

Thanks -- please keep 'em coming!

OK, I'm going to try; after watching a million episodes of Say Yes to the Dress I get it slightly better than before (My wedding #1 was all home-made, and #2 was signing a piece of paper, so none of this is my own cup of tea.)

The wedding has been the bride's dream since she was a little girl in a Cinderella outfit; she gets to be a princess, living her romantic dream for a day (weddings not being the typical guy's dream really, I'd say). It's her fantasy come true to share her forever love with everyone she knows, and that means a beautiful party with her as the Oscar-winning, princess, most beautiful woman ever (in the eyes of her adoring husband).

I think this fairytale-ness has quite a bit of cultural history and meaning re. the male/female relationship. It's supposed to be innocent, not so relevant for today's modern bride really, who has probably already been "corrupted", but she likes to return to it on her wedding day, it's her one-day chance to feel wide-eyed and idealistic again.

The thing is, not only would I not grudge anyone this, I would actually love it if my own daughter did it. If there wasn't the money no problem, but if I suddenly had a million dollars I'd be happy to throw a fair chunk of it that way (as long as there was also a deposit for the house, and a decent holiday already booked, anyway). Just because (hopefully, as long as she doesn't marry a complete numpty) it could be a really special and lovely day for her. Plus, good weddings make you cry, and I would rather cry in a nice place with lots of flowers and then have champagne and excellent music afterwards.

So it's kind of Disney, about showing you are a dream couple in a dream romantic life, which means being beautiful and (apparently, at least) financially all-set enough to have lovely things in your lovely new life of loveliness. Marrying in an old shed just isn't as romantic as looking like the next queen of Monaco, and looking like you're going home to work three bar jobs to pay the mortgage isn't very romantic either.

And then there are the narcissistic egomaniacs who just want to show off and put everyone else down. Although personally I think Kanye West is more of an idiot savant than a sociopath.

Not married myself, but have several friends who got sucked into the MY SPECIAL DAY!! thing. When you get engaged, attending a bunch of bridal expos is a Thing that You Do. And those are full of vendors who try to convince you that you MUST HAVE all sorts of expensive sh*t. I think avoiding these expos will cut the cost of your wedding in half.

Some of it may be cultural/parental pressure too. My boyfriend is Indian, as are most of our friends. Giant, colorful, extravagant weddings are expected in the regions most of their parents hail from. If I marry my boyfriend, I'd prefer a backyard BBQ, and his parents will freak out because they will feel ashamed in front of their community.

Other than that, most of my friends have kept it simple at their weddings. One notable exception was a friend whose dad and brother had died in a car crash two days after she got engaged. She was like "eff it, I'm going to have the biggest wedding ever and give my family a party they won't forget because I'm sick of everyone being sad, and life is short." She had amazing food, amazing alcohol, and a big ol' princess dress, and the whole thing took place on a rooftop overlooking the city (a venue that did not come cheap).

But for serious, I think the REAL reason behind expensive weddings these days is ... PINTEREST. Twee hipster fairy woodland weddings don't come cheap.

I had a destination wedding in Key West. I wouldn't characterize it as a lavish affair, but it was nice. My husband's family is from Florida/Georgia and normally gets together every 4th of July. Since we were getting married in July, they just postponed it a few weeks and got together the week of the wedding. As for my side, everyone was going to have to travel anyway. I tried to convince my sweetie that we could just elope to Cyprus (we were living in Germany at the time), but he would have none of it.

It was a great time and I am glad we did it that way. It wasn't perfect, but it sure was more than I could've ever hoped.

I personally wouldn't some wedding of the century-type deal -- that is, even if I were interested in getting married, which I'm not.

I think the lady doth protest too loudly.

[/divingforcover]

My best friend's wife wanted a huge wedding. Her parents had the coin, so that's what she got. I can remember the wedding coordinator (yes, that's a thing) at the pre-rehearsal briefing telling everyone that Patti was getting everything she wanted.

The groom's desires, or even his name, never came up. Patti could have been getting married to a cigar store Indian for all he mattered to the proceedings.

My sister got married in Temecula (between Oceanside and Interstate 15). The place was landscaped as a near Garden of Eden, complete with swan strewn pond, and a horse drawn carriage.

Just as with my best friend's wedding, the men intuitively knew to shut up and color.

We had a wonderful wedding on a budget so low I honestly can't even believe it now. There was nothing more we could've asked for. My sister-in-law helped plan the wedding and she was very resourceful when it came to the budget.

I guess one thing that helps is having non-pretentious friends who don't look down their noses at you if anything isn't expensive. So I guess I'd advise 'have non-pretentious friends'.

If I marry my boyfriend, I'd prefer a backyard BBQ, and his parents will freak out because they will feel ashamed in front of their community.

I presume they will be paying in such an event?

Sofar what's it like being a white girl with an Indian guy?
I'm curious because while I see them date outside their race quite a bit they don't like to marry a non-Indian.

Hell I've seen two Indians dating that if one isn't from the right family/religion they act like its as bad as being gay or sumthin'

I've dreamed about a large expensive Catholic wedding. With 100 people, a white Spanish laced veil covering my head as I kneel before the priest and listen to the vows.

Suddenly someone storms into the extravagant church and exposes me as a harpie bent on taking my husbands fortune and murdering him.

Yes that's right- I am the villain in a Spanish language soap opera.

That is my one regret in life.

Since I can't get fake married on a campy television show I might as well never marry at all.

So, I never wore dresses and didn't ever think about my wedding growing up. I had one bridesmaid and told her "please wear something blue, it's my favorite color." My husband's best man was his father.

So, I can't say that I really "get it" myself. However, here is what I have observed...

It seems there is a decent part of social posturing in weddings - in some cases on the part of the families, in most on the part of the bride. The wedding is like the girl equivalent of a 80-inch screen in a man-cave - at least for some.

Now, where I can understand is spending money on a dress that makes you feel pretty (because people are going to STARE at you), getting your hair done nicely, etc. That was 90% of what we paid for in our wedding. Part of that was because my dad insisted upon paying for pretty much everything else (he did not get why I would spend money to have somebody do my makeup, but then, he wasn't be stared at and also has never noticed that I am clueless with makeup).

My dad insisted upon things (like an open bar) that I wouldn't have had or asked for if he didn't want it (he was paying, who was I to argue??). In part, this is because (I realize now) paying for a fancy wedding was part of how he shows his love (he also bought me a large TV to show affection). Another part was, I think, showing off - both me and the party - to his friends. There was a whole table of people neither my husband nor I had ever met (Dad's friends).

To me, the wedding was unnecessarily expensive, and there are costs I'm sure I don't know about (my dad rented a charter bus). It was out-of-town for most people, but that's because we were in school and we had the wedding where we were, since that's where we could easily plan... and it was in the middle for the various relatives.

I can easily see somebody who had princess dreams as a girl being carried away by wanting a few nice things (maybe particular flowers) and having a parent pushing other nice things... soon it's a BIG THING and you want it to be perfect. Even our small wedding (we invited about 70 people, with about a quarter of those would never have come and another quarter unlikely, about 35 in the end including us), was one bunch of logistical problems after another.

I think there's also a cultural thing. We keep calling it (movies, TV) "her day" and people take this to heart. It's like an overdone child's birthday - it's the "one day" I get to have MY WAY and, with the entitlement we're developing as a society, many just plain overdo it.

Reality, you get "your way" many days, but marriage isn't about getting "your way," so maybe we should all realize the main points of a wedding are 1.) get married 2.) to the right person 3.) avoid Uncle Joe breaking things while drunk and 4.) look reasonably good doing it that you enjoy any photos.

That is a mish-mosh of my thoughts, but perhaps some is helpful.

My wedding was a destination for my family (in SF, where we were living then). Not for his, they lived there. My family loves to travel, and visited me there often, anyway. We gave them lots of advance notice. Everyone had a blast, sightseeing and seeing each other. We had only close friends and family (under 50 guests). My bridesmaid wore a nice dress out of her closet. My ex and his best man rented a tux. I got my dress at one of the outlets in SSF - designer but under $100 as it was not the current year's line. I didn't even have to alter it! I made my veil for $20 from supplies I got at Michaels.

We spent money on the things that mattered to us (primarily the reception - it was a nice party!) I didn't care about flowers (other than my bouquet and the boutonnieres), and his Mom totally did, so she bought them. Fair enough - they were pretty.

Some might see it as a lavish wedding. The wedding was at the Presidio in one of the historic chapels there. The reception was in a private room at the Cliff House. But everyone who was there counts it as one of the best weddings they've attended. Looking back, it doesn't (and didn't at the time) seem pretentious. I just wanted everyone to have a good time, and to have it be memorable.

I wonder how many Bridezillas actually pay for their own extravaganzas? Some people find it to be far easier to spend someone else's money.

They say girls dream about their wedding day. I was never that girl. The day of the wedding, I told my husband "everyone is going to be staring at me." He laughed. I am not much of an exhibitionist.

We did have a fairly traditional wedding. We were married in the church, which mattered to me at the time, and I wore an ivory dress (that my mother sewed for me). What mattered to us was having friends and family there to share the day. We put money into the other areas that interested us (food, wine) and mostly skipped those that didn't (flowers, music).

The one thing I did do that I now consider a waste of money (and worse, other people's money) was getting matching bridesmaids' dresses. I am trying to remember why I did that and can't. It was just "something you do." They were very pretty but sheesh what a waste.

I'm not a big fan of big weddings, having been in several over the years. For the most part, the brides were tolerable, but then again, I've not ever had the opportunity to be friends with girls from wealthy families with an over-inflated sense of entitlement. (I almost was, once, but when I met her family and her sisters and brother looked down their noses at me, that was all it took. Nice knowin' ya!) I just don't get going into debt to get married, especially when you insist on your parents paying for it all and acting like a spoiled asshole the whole time. A friend of mine is going through this right now, and her daughter is being such an ungrateful bitch, if it were my kid, I'd tell her "fine, do it your way, but YOU pay for it!"

That said, my wedding was a kind of BBQ-thingy. It was in late September, but it was still pretty warm out, and the leaves were turning; the colors were glorious! My bridesmaids were my best friends, one of my brother's girlfriend, and the groom's best friend's girlfriend. Her daughter was the flower girl. My nephew was the ring bearer. The dresses were off-the-rack from Macy's - different lengths, but the same small floral pattern on a black background, and the girls would be able to wear them again, for pretty much any other occasion. Mine was an ivory wedding dress I bought at a consignment shop. I LOVED it! Just below the knee in front, trailed on the floor in the back, sweetheart neckline with short puffy sleeves and lace all over the place. (People thought I spent a fortune on it, but no, it was only $300.)

We had the ceremony and reception at Three Saints' Park, a really lovely place with a pavilion that had indoor plumbing, and a kitchen. There was a gazebo on the property, where we exchanged vows. There was a basketball court, a volleyball court, and a pond, as well. The invitations said "please bring your kids, your sneakers and a towel". We were properly dressed for the ceremony, but changed clothes right after. It was a catered affair but the food was all picnic stuff, - ribs, hot dogs, burgers, salads, watermelon, ice cream, etc. and I told people if they wanted anything stronger than beer or wine, to bring their own. We had the park for the whole afternoon, and it was a fantastic time!

Total cost (including flowers and catering): $3400.

You really don't have to spend big bucks to have a great time.

I have to admit I don't get it. I can't help but wonder how many of these couples, about a week later after the big party and the honeymoon and the hangovers, wake up and think, "Wait, what, we're married?"

Sofar what's it like being a white girl with an Indian guy? I'm curious because while I see them date outside their race quite a bit they don't like to marry a non-Indian.

@ppen It's a bit different in my guy's case because his family is Catholic. I know they'd much prefer that he marry someone from their region, but their community in the US is so small. His family's most important qualification is that his future wife is Catholic. I'm not. I'm not religious. But I was baptized Catholic, and their son is 31 now (and an atheist), so they've decided they will live with that. His mom cares about the religion/cultural thing way more than his dad does. But even she is absolutely great to me.

My boyfriend doesn't really have any meaningful connection to his parents' culture. Except for the food.

...Also, I covet your Telanova wedding idea.

You need to tell the young that the chances of the hangover lasting longer than the marriage are directly proportional to the size of the wedding party. You are tempting fate if you have a large and elaborate wedding.

Have it in a chapel or a private home, have present some of the friends you will be socializing with as a couple in the years to come, have the father of the bride present unless he's made himself redundant (other family members being optional, especially the mothers), eschew a white dress if you've been cohabiting (that's bad taste and a cheat), limit ornamentation to a boutonniere and a corsage, forget the best man because best man means bridesmaids and you do not want bridesmaids unless they're funnier than Kristan Wiig, eschew music if you've been cohabiting, limit music to plainchant and polyphany or a spot of old and dignified choral music; use the vows in a congregational service book and do not write your own vows. Dinner at a place like this afterward

http://www.symeons.com/

at your own expense unless the father of the bride offers.

Eschew honeymoons, especially if you've been cohabiting.

Very interesting, thanks sofar.

Art Deco - why in the world do you believe cohabitors shouldn't get a honeymoon after they are wedded? They are entering a different phase of the relationship, and it's one that should be celebrated. Alone time is often hard to come by, and a honeymoon to soak in the newness of it all is a treat not to be missed.

Weddings can get complicated. When I was in high school we moved about a thousand miles away from met of our family.

With people traveling that far, my parents felt that we needed to do something for them so we went a little fancier than we would have otherwise gone.

Ido t think that I was bridezilla, but my mom and mother-in-law might have told a different story. I picked out a dress with my mother-in-law but my mother wouldn't look at it, so I made a second choice with my mom who hated it. I went with a third choice. By that time I hardly cared. I just wanted to get something and get the hell out of there.

Every step of the way was met with arguing. The first two florists were too cheap while the third was too expensive. Thank god for the Internet now. I had to try to get everything done in one day (my only Saturday off - I lived several hours away.) probably treated my mother-in-law horribly, but I was trying desperately to keep my mother appeased. My parents paid for everything but wanted high quality, a reasonable budget, and veto power. She refused to make suggestions but kept rejecting my choices. I would have been fine if she had just taken over - it was better than that crap.

Now my son and his fiancée are planning their wedding. My only suggestions have been to think about themselves and do what they want. Don't check with anyone on the location or the date because then people will start giving you input and will be upset when you don't seem to take it into consideration. Inevitably the location or the date will not work for someone. That's life! They planned a destination wedding to keep the numbers down. But even that will be difficult. Friends keep asking to be invited, so things seem to be blowing up despite their best intentions. My mom seems to be doing most of the pushing for invitations. Hmmm. Some things don't change.

I don't understand the 'her day' mind set, where the groom has absolutely no say in anything. He might have a favorite flower, or a color he can't stand,or want input on the menu. The dismissive remarks I've seen online about how guys just better keep out of the planning for 'her day' make me feel sorry for a lot of grooms...

I was going to Japan to live, and with airfares what they were then and DH still being in school, we figured we wouldn't be back and forth much in the first few years. My grandparents were getting on in years and I really liked the idea of spending our day with family at home. We decided to get married in my parish church, and have the reception at our home, in the back yard. Our cousin was a professional caterer, we planned the menu with her (turkey dinner with all the fixings), and then outside of the wedding cake, my mother and I made everything for the dessert table (cookies, small cakes). We had tents set up, a nice band, my sister and brother were MOH and best man.

The Italian bakery we had do the wedding cake forgot to make it or gave our cake to someone else, because my father came back with a really ugly cake with (gasp) gumdrop flowers on it that they slapped on in a hurry, instead of the gorgeous cake that was on the cover of Food and Wine Magazine that my mother had insisted on . Poor Mum, she kept showing everybody at the reception the picture of what the cake was supposed to look like. To add insult to injury someone took home the magazine! She could laugh about it in about 3 years :-D

I wore a white Gunny Sax dress, you know , those over-lacy prom dresses popular then. This one though, was lovely, with a lacework bodice with an embroidered circle in the middle that I saw would just frame my grandmother's cameo perfectly.That was it, 'Here's my dress!' while out walking around Rockport Ma on Sunday. I hate being too hot, and the light cotton was perfect...I couldn't imagine being outside wearing a lot of satin and heavy beading.

The total cost was about $4,000, we had 100 people including the wedding party.

We got married again in Japan, a fancy Japanese wedding replete with two changes of rental clothes and a full course formal meal. My father and my MIL had both recently had laminectomies and neither was up for a 24-hour trip, so we had two weddings. His mother pushed for and arranged the huge blowout. It was beautiful but a bit stressful, with me not understanding much beyond 'konnichiwa' and 'arigatou'.

There seems to be such pressure for 'perfection' these days, from what I see in online wedding articles. For me it would take all the fun out of it.

We had a very reasonable wedding. Total costs under 10k which I paid. Her parents are deceased and I could afford it. This included paying for all required clothes, food, and hotel rooms.

We had some trouble with her sister in law trying to hijack the wedding and go bridezilla on our wedding. The SIL watches a lot of TV drama and if it wasn't the most fashionable/most dramatic/most ... that is just not how it should be. She was really trying to live her dream wedding and get us to pay for it! As best I can tell she was trying to do what the young and the restless or as the world turns showed on TV. That was her concept of normal.

I have a feeling that wedding costs are inversely proportional to marriage length. We have a friend who spent over 100k of her fathers money (which he went into debt for). Her wedding lasted 13 months. And as others have mentioned the groom was not really involved. It could have been anyone.

Personally, I don't feel it's worth it to start a marriage in debt because of the wedding. I think that brides get caught up with the wedding day and worrying about the details of that, rather than focusing on the goal of a wedding which is (supposedly) to marry the love of your life. I've seen my fair share of Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress, and many brides are more worried about their dresses, the venue, the decorations, the food, etc. In Bridezillas, I've seen so many grooms-to-be get treated like chumps and doormats. They are disrespected, told to shut up b/c it doesn't matter what they think, demeaned and insulted. My husband stood and watched one time when it was on TV and told me if I had acted like any of those narcissistic, obnoxious girls, he would never have married me.

Our wedding cost us less than $3K. The hall cost $150, the DJ around $400. My dress was $300, found at a thrift shop. I found dresses for my bridal party at a JC Penney Outlet store for $30 and told them they could just wear their own black shoes. I wore Isotoner off-white satin slippers. I was going to be comfortable. LOL My husband and the groomsmen rented their tuxes. We ordered our cake from a grocery store. The biggest expense was the caterer and the cost was $1,600 and change for 88 people, and they did carving stations of roast beef and turkey. They were phenomenal and their food was made fresh and it was fantastic. They asked me to leave my decorations and a note describing how I wanted things and they set it all up for me when they arrived at the hall. For flowers and centerpieces, my uncle's sister made my and my bridal party's bouquets (she's into crafts) as well as our center pieces.

Also, my husband helped me with all of the decisions as well as spent an afternoon printing up our invitations and addressing envelopes. A few things went wrong at the wedding, like me forgetting to have a dance for me and my new father-in-law and my husband with my mother. Someone had the DJ play Outside by Staind which is NOT appropriate for a wedding, but I let it go. The bustle on my gown broke, but I had an emergency kit in a basket in the ladies room that included safety pins and a number of other things me or my guests would need. All in all, it was a success. Everyone had a great time and the remaining guests helped me and my husband clean up the hall at the end of the night. Most importantly, we left the hall married and have been happily married for almost 13 years now. :)

Just re-read Amy's post and wanted to comment from the perspective of being affordable for guests/the wedding party.

If you're a guest and the wedding is just too expensive to attend, don't go. I get that this isn't always possible if the bride/groom is close family, but I've turned down WAY more wedding invites than I've accepted.

It's harder when you're an attendant. I was MoH at a wedding a couple years ago, and the wedding itself was a simple affair. But I easily spent $1,500 on the dress, the hair. And the expense of planning a bachelorette party/shower. I was five states away, otherwise I would have held the shower at my apartment. None of the other bridesmaids or bride's family members were willing to host in their homes, so I had to pay to rent a space. I did talk to the bride about doing the shower and bachelorette party on the same weekend so I could avoid buying two plane tickets, and she agreed to do so.

I went in fully intending NOT to spend too much. But I really did want to make things special for my friend. When you're caught up in the middle of all the wedding stress, it's tough to keep perspective. I'm a frugal person who doesn't care about weddings, I swear, but the guilt of being a failure of a maid of honor got me whipping out the credit card.

Art Deco - why in the world do you believe cohabitors shouldn't get a honeymoon after they are wedded? They are entering a different phase of the relationship, and it's one that should be celebrated. Alone time is often hard to come by, and a honeymoon to soak in the newness of it all is a treat not to be missed.

Not just cohabitors - anyone. No need to 'celebrate' life. Just live it. Alone time is not hard to come by for a childless couple.

A number of years ago I noticed that the Christmas shifts in my office were always taken by the Jehovah's Witness on the staff. They do not celebrate holidays. "We give each other gifts every day". Something to think about.

'Sides. Costs money you don't have if your young.

I think with women in their late 20's and younger, the root of the bridezilla-mindset is based on Facebook and Pinterest competition. These are the same women who are going to have a "gender reveal party" when they get pregnant; the same people who post pictures of all of the food they order, and who were upset that their highschool boyfriends didn't ask them to prom in internet-bragging-friendly manner.

Women over 30, I think, can go crazy because they've "been waiting for this" for such a long time.

I also think that, no matter the bride's age, if the mother of the bride is an uppity bitch, the daughter is more likely to be at least somewhat psycho about her wedding. I know at least one portrait photographer who has said he won't do weddings because of the mothers.

The one woman I knew who was a bridezilla was someone whose parents footed the bill for the whole thing, and who had never had to pay her own bills. And yes, her mom is "very important" in the Texas Panhandle town she lives in.

I don't understand the 'her day' mind set, where the groom has absolutely no say in anything.

Contemporary aspirations for the rest of the marriage as well.

I think with women in their late 20's and younger, the root of the bridezilla-mindset is based on Facebook and Pinterest competition. These are the same women who are going to have a "gender reveal party" when they get pregnant; the same people who post pictures of all of the food they order, and who were upset that their highschool boyfriends didn't ask them to prom in internet-bragging-friendly manner.

Dunno. The assiduous Facebooking couple of my acquaintance got married on the side of a hill in the hometown of the bride's parents. Everyone sat on wooden folding chairs; simple peace-church-type ceremony. The reception was at some campground w/o booze; I do not even recall the food. The major expenses were the dress and the matching outfits and the travel costs for the party, most of which consisted of the gas and motel bills up and down I-81 (though one of the bridesmaid's said she wanted to bash the bride over the head by the end of it). Amazing how much driving young people can manage in a day. Worked for them; I think they still see the people in the party regularly; their fifth child is due in a few months.

In a past life, I did some wedding photography, but it was all very non-traditional -- mostly beach weddings. Most of them I found refreshingly unpretentious. They were doing it to celebrate their relationship and weren't trying to impress anyone.

They were doing it to celebrate their relationship

Marvelous us us us romantic heroes. That's our problem with the institution of marriage today.

The only truly expensive wedding I attended was a coworker's of my wife. Lavish affair in a huge estate outside of town, tons of people (she invited the entire department from work), etc.

The marriage lasted about 18 months -- she kicked him out the moment she had the kid she wanted. But then, none of us were surprised. Even at the ceremony, bridezilla and douchebro-groom didn't look to have much of a future anyway.

He wore a hip-hop baseball cap with his tux, for f-sake.

Art Deco, I think it's a difference in perspective. I am all for appreciating every ordinary day. But I also love roller coasters and deep sea fishing and a host of other non-ordinary experiences. I don't live for them to the detriment of enjoying the days in between. But I do look forward to doing something out-of-the-ordinary a few times a year. I don't think those are mutually exclusive.

And I didn't have a child till years after my honeymoon. You emphasized childlessness as being a primary factor in not needing alone time, e.g. a honeymoon. I'm not sure why you made that point, in this discussion.

Thank you all SO much for all of this. Really, really helpful.

Suddenly someone storms into the extravagant church and exposes me as a harpie bent on taking my husbands fortune and murdering him.

Yes that's right- I am the villain in a Spanish language soap opera.

That is my one regret in life.

Since I can't get fake married on a campy television show I might as well never marry at all.

PPen, that was hilarious.

Very good points, Shannon Howell:

maybe we should all realize the main points of a wedding are 1.) get married 2.) to the right person 3.) avoid Uncle Joe breaking things while drunk and 4.) look reasonably good doing it that you enjoy any photos.

Flynne, love the way you did it. I just don't really understand why something like that wouldn't be romantic and wonderful (see Shannon point above). But I appreciate all the comments here and I'm trying to see through the point of view of the woman who wants to throw the social event of the century. (To me, that's about who's there, but that's just me.)

Is there something wrong -- in bride wanting a princess wedding terms -- of having just a champagne and cake reception afterward?

" We have a friend who spent over 100k of her fathers money (which he went into debt for). Her wedding lasted 13 months."

" Lavish affair in a huge estate outside of town, tons of people (she invited the entire department from work), etc.
The marriage lasted about 18 months"

From the posts here I'm seeing an inverse relationship between wedding cost and the length of the marriage...hmmmm....are some people trying to convince themselves into going through with it?

Just elope.

One of the best weddings I've ever attended was in Llano, Tx. An Air Force buddy's grandparents lived there. We would go down to visit them every couple of weekends. Their house had at one time been a church. So a friend of theirs was getting married for a second time. She wore jeans and cowboy boots and had a bouquet. He bought a new cowboy hat for the ceremony.

The dais was the kitchen with a counter at the end. That is where the pastor stood. The bride and groom below in front of him. They had about a 20 minute ceremony and then we fired up the grill and did dogs, burgers and ribs. The ice chest for the beer was in the bathtub.

Very informal and fun. They probably invested about $250 including the pastor.

But I do look forward to doing something out-of-the-ordinary a few times a year.

Odds are you'll have forty healthy years if you play your cards right.

I'm not sure why you made that point, in this discussion.

You said a honeymoon was advisable because of a deficit of time alone. That's not much of a problem for a childless couple. Of course if you marry your baby daddy (or someone else's baby daddy), this observation does not apply.

maybe we should all realize the main points of a wedding are 1.) get married 2.) to the right person 3.) avoid Uncle Joe breaking things while drunk and 4.) look reasonably good doing it that you enjoy any photos.

No. The point is to get married. Selecting someone you can work with has already been done (or not). Your uncle is unlikely to break things while intoxicated and, in any case, it is not the point of the wedding to monitor him. It is not the point to look good either. You might wish to do that in seeing to the point.

Just elope.

No. Life as a couple is lived socially, among friends crucially but also among family. You promise in front of them. Embarrassment should keep you together in the rough times.

"Life as a couple is lived socially, among friends crucially but also among family."

Eloping worked fine for me. The party afterward is optional. Actually, I should say that eloping worked out fine for both of us. Some family members were a little miffed, but it was about us, not them. Love, commitment & our promise to each other kept us together during the tough times. I chose to spend the money on a down payment for a house instead of wedding expenditures.

There is something very low class and ugly about people putting luxuries on credit. ( or blowing a hefty downpayment on a nice house on a party or a round the world cruise).

It demonstrates poor financial judgement.

Raise your hand, all of you potential spouses. Who wants to be married to a spouse who blows the entire months rent on a Gucci handbag, or tickets to the Super Bowl?.

A hundred thousand dollar wedding is appropriate for multi millionaires, not for a social worker marrying a receptionist.

I think the desire to ape the behavior of the very wealthy is a product of too much media focus on the wedding as social event.

I can't understand why people spend so much on a wedding. You have nothing to show for it later. We went super cheap. We got married under a tree in the parking lot of the county clerk's office. $200 for everything. I know someone who, 10 years later is paying off his wedding still, and he's been divorced for 6 of those years.

but it was about us, not them.

It's not about them, but it is about the position you occupy in the nexus formed by them.

I disagree with the comments that Facebook and Pinterest are the source of the bridezilla thing. I got married in 2003, before either of those... and people were discussing bridezillas then too.

I think those have made it worse for some, but the "my day" mentality is probably the spark for it. My husband turned a lot over to me because he was finishing his PhD, but we did the big things together excluding my dress (space, cake, menu).

I have turned down wedding invitations that weren't destination, but were too expensive for me. With a young family (I started in my mid-20's), spending a few hundred dollars for a plane ticket, then for a hotel, etc isn't in the budget.

I have/had a couple family weddings this year and while all of my immediate family was invited, I was/will be the only one to go since it is my family and they are out of state. At that, my dad got me a hotel on his membership points, which is why one was affordable. These weren't exotic, just far enough that I'd have to take a plane.

To me the super fancy, party of the century, perfect day, going into debt, wedding is simply narcissism for whomever is pushing for it (be it the bride, groom, or parents).

Big in of itself isn't an issue, some people have huge families. Spending money you don't have, expecting members of the bridal party to spend money they don't have, and expecting guests to spend money they don't have doesn't seem to be the best way to start a marriage.

We semi-eloped. We had a couple guests at City Hall. I wore something off the rack from Burlington Coat factory, husband wore a suit he already had.

My husband had children and he lost his job. I could cover everyone with health insurance once we were married. We had already decided to get married and this just hurried it up.

About 2 years later, we did a slightly bigger ceremony (in the church) and had the reception at our apartment.

I wore a prom dress, and had a homemade train and veil added. Homemade flowers, cooked food buffet style. I think the most expensive part was the alcohol. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen.

My only regret is that the Church wedding was planned so last minute that most of my family was not able to come.

We will have been married 14 years this year.